[wings.]

finally downloaded allllllll my kyo kara maou episodes and i'm already on season 3.

haha love the show lar. just that even before the show is coming to an end, i'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms. super love the show lar. lol. it's super funny. a bit gay, but it isn't really that gay lar. haha



haha the dragon is super cute.





got B for math exam. hope my CA can bring it up to an A

this week has been so screwed up.... SIGH

and i miss you a lot.

[screwed up bad.]

i'm sad... really sad

and i cannot stop crying

[you can.]

i came home at about 1 or 2, to sleep for 5 hours.

that was totally not in my plan for today. but i slept that long despite waking up countless times just to run away.

i didn't expect my first day of freedom to turn out like this, at all.

i thought i would be with you, just accompanying you even though you had to study. even if i had to study more or just didn't have to do.

i'm afraid to tell you all of it
____________________________________________

i'm waiting, and i'll still wait.



Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait
Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?
'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, now it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself, it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come to those who wait

[40 kinds of sadness.]

ARGH

screwed up my physics paper lar..

super duper difficult.

i wonder if i should still bear your words in mind...

what should i do?

all that happened brings sadness and makes me want to cry.
all i asked for, is what i got.

hey bri, don't cross that line you drew yourself, for yourself
________________________________

awesome song :) the song that's stuck in my head all day, all night.



Two days chasing me around
I go crazy when you're outside of my world
When you're outside of my world
No sounds singing me to sleep

I don't want the room to breathe
Just be with me...
Just be with me!

I feel 40 kinds of sadness when you're gone.
I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone
And i know you're just around the corner
But just around the corner is not enough
It's not enough
My eyes are waiting at the door
Just like every time before
Time flies so slow...
Time flies so slow!

I feel 40 kinds of sadness when you're gone.
I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone
And i know you're just around the corner
But just around the corner is not enough
It's not enough

It's not enough, I don't know why
It's not enough, I miss you all the time
And I know you kinds like it.

I feel.. yea.. 40 kinds of sadness when you're gone.
I feel 40 kinds of sadness when you're gone.
I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone
i know you're just around the corner
But just around the corner is not enough
It's not enough

[cucumber.]

it's almost 2am and i'm super tired.

physics is killing me.

FINALLY, THE LAST PAPER...

thank goodness all the problems only surface when my exams are about to come to an end. problems like my swollen eye due to a lack of sleep...

and i just realised everyone thinks i sleep at 1am every night. life of an ex-owl. sigh.

heard from Savie that some nasty things happened back in sec school. oh man.

i'm gonna sleep sleep sleep on monday like a pig. NEED to catch up on sleep. and then we're gonna go rollerblade next week :D

after the exams, i still have that dreadful econs assignment i have to do and submit by 5th june. still have to settle proposal for fundraising. ask Wilson to help :D

camp aspire is coming soon. hope it won't be another camp expire. last year was terrible, no offence.

meeting the equalites tomorrow, I GUESS. if i can make it there in time after my physics paper (ALSO MY LAST PAPER). kinda scared to go back cause of what Savie said. lol.

gonna catch up on my csi season 7,8 and 9 after exams. as well as csi ny season 1,2,3 and 4 haha. csi marathon :D

and finally, kyou kara maou is picking up speeeeeeed. been waiting for days... haha

the econs paper on tuesday was a TOTAL screw up. i blanked out lar. ROAR.
the math paper on wednesday was much better. could do every sum except apgp. i was real mad at it after the paper.
chem paper today (or rather yesterday) was quite okay. manageable. Chris enlightened me on the last question when we went for mass. ROAR. why didn't i think of it?

hungry :( and it's 2am
GOOD NIGHT!

[exams. exams. exams.]

yesterday is haunting me.

and i'm evading it.

leverage looks real cool. :D

GP paper down, 4 more days to freedom. gosh, can't wait

ij fiesta this friday, go?

bored with no csi to watch at home.

thrash thrash thrash.

kyou kara maou is taking forever, can't wait can't wait :D

and i miss my dearest equalites :(

ugh, i feel so out.
what's gonna happen later?

[doubt.]

i feel quite useless... that stupid feeling of being inferior to her.

it's a feeling inside of me i dare not tell anyone because i know i shouldnt even feel this way...

thank you my friends :)

pumpfest today, went to novena with my darling Emeline to see our Rocmoc friends climb :)

hey Momo, dont worry so much lar. i know you did your best :)

i've been dreaming of you lately...
____________________________________

[cute little boy. :D]

been slacking all day. wth.

hahaha yeah. watched like anime and then csi, and then anime, and then csi. then charlie and the chocolate factory! which was quite er? weird lar. only the ending was nice :D

feel so guilty now. tomorrow, i shall finish all the revision papers and i'm gonna do well for mid years :D

haha i hope.

[thunder.]

where so ever you go, go with all your heart.

i asked a question. and the answer i got was a negative one. i dare not ask the next one.

just what exactly are we doing with our lives? or maybe i should be asking myself what i'm doing with my own life.

so many times, i dont know what to do. i feel stuck and have that lost feeling. i want to know what to do.

you can't make someone love you, all you can do is to be someone who can be loved. the rest is up to the person to realise your worth.

and thats what we all want to be, someone who can be loved. i'm a fussy person, because all that i do now, is just for that one particular person to realise my worth.

forever. is another thing.

have you ever thought, that maybe being happy is all i want?

that when i wake up at night nowadays cause of the thunder, i feel scared and the only person i wished was by my side to take my fear away is you.

-----------------------------------------

this was the only song that was playing the entire night

[gotta keep the light on.]

i just can't forgive myself.

it's the same lonely, helpless, lost feeling i feel once again.

and it'l be like this tonight.

[clarity.]

i'm scared. i really need an answer before i go bonkers. roar.

[koala on a tree.]

i had a weird and funny dream last night. haha

[everytime i leave, my heart turns grey.]

and it already is.

i can feel myself breaking into a million pieces.

every part of me just breaking down, because of you.

i wanted to be there because you were sick. i know what i did was silly. i just wanted to accompany you and take care of you, and i didnt get the chance. i waited 3 hours and i left. you wanted me to leave anyway. so i did.

maybe the only song playing in my head is this. and it's the only song that will make me cry now, and everyday.

it sucks to want to do something sweet and at the end of it, you cry and cry and cry. your heart is bruised. you just leave without stopping and you're in tears. i know how much it sucks, and i know it well.

i did something i have never done before, and it ended badly. not only am i disappointed, i'm mad. i'm really hurt this time. i left the same place crying. people stared at me.

even though i said i would take all the blame, you still didnt have any idea how hurt i felt, or feel now.

what i feared really came true. was for you to tell me that i was suffocating you.

this is the third time this week i feel this way. and i'm tired. i wanted to end myself so badly.

i dont want to talk to anyone now. not even you. i just want to sit somewhere in a corner and cry. just when i needed you, you still did not come. you will never know how hurt i feel. whats the point of telling me you feel something, when you showed me something else instead.

you reprimanded me for something i already know. but i chose to do what i did. at the end of it, i dont know if i should regret.

i said i was sorry, and everything was my fault, because i'm just like that when i'm just tired. but in fact, i'm crying and crying and crying in front of the phone. i missed bus after bus, just hoping for that one more chance, but you went the other way instead. i still waited like an idiot.

now, i dont know if you're still pretending that nothing happened or pretending to not be able to tell.

and i should stop thinking about all the things i could do.

i thought you would do something after thursday night. thinking about what happened that night and last night. i dont know what to believe. because to you, i'm merely trying too hard.

to you, i'm just doing too much. maybe i should walk away when you're not looking, and so you'll never notice.

i'm at my worst today, really my worst. and i'm going through it alone, like i have always tried to. maybe it's better that way huh? no point telling you, because we just argue and i end up being unreasonable.

all i asked for was a bit more attention. i did what i could to be in your line of sight, and i feel like crying again.

i have no one to go to. and i'm really really sad now. it's the same helplessness i feel. the feeling of being lonely.

thank you. for teaching me something today, a lesson i will never ever forget.

you won't come.

[nakama?]

i'm a happy girl.

exams in 20+ days.

SR olympics yesterday! cetus won! yay! haha... the whale was cute man

tournament is coming up soon. and i pray that the team will do well :) thanks for the past year. the last training was pretty okay. and i really enjyed my last few trainings. haha i started talking to Ianson, haha funny guy lar, great bowling lane partner too, other than Alton.

thanks for everything :)

-------------------------------



Saw you from a distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

In a sea of people
There is only you
I never knew what the song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that's shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hands
Cause if I do it'll all be over, I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah, yeah

[cause your eyes told the tale.]

will it all be the same again?

can you stay strong?
can you go on?

i'm searching for the right song.

[everybody knows.]

hahaha maybe it's much safer now

[i'm not angry.]

only when it's happy, i'll write.

damn i'm retarded. damn i'm useless.

my arms are aching a lot. i dont know why. but it's making me feel really weak.

i feel like i lost it, lost the ability to do something i used to be so good at. i'm still trying, and i havent stopped.

but i just get disappointed over and over again. what used to work doesnt seem to now. and i keep trying to shake it off.

sometimes i'm afraid you'll forget
sometimes i'm scared it'll be gone, just like that

i'll paint myself a perfect picture in my mind.

are you really happy?

[words that don't fit like they did.]

i chanced upon something interesting. but it's more sweet than interesting. kinda reminded me of a lot of things, got my mind off a lot of things. HAHA i'm happy for her, my dear friend.

and i'm right here, thinking about the stupid things i did. all the weird things that happened. what should i say or do to make it any better? roar. i wish wish wish wish wish i knew.

i'm feeling a little lost now. cause i really dont know what to say, or do. i dont know what i'm not doing and maybe what i'm doing.

a million thoughts, a million scenarios running through my mind, i dont know what i should say.

cause i lost my footing.

i should just stop blogging, go sleep and forget everything, haha.

GOOOOOOD NIGHT!

and i'm afraid of being alone.
_________________________________________________

and i just wanted to listen to this song again



Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
(Was it something I did?)
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

stop being such a crazy woman lar.

[your eyes shine like pretty lights.]

ever since the school year started, things have been looking quite bad. maybe for now i'm trying hard to ignore and tell myself it'll all be over, and things will definitely be better. not everything is bad. but sometimes, i just get confused, dont know what to feel.

i think i've been so much more noisy this year. oh gosh, briana, shut up lol.

lectures have been quite boring, especially econs and chem. math and physics are pretty okay for me, since i'm filling up a lot of blanks from last year. gp can get a bit sian, but well, still surviving. oh we watched this video on north korea 2 days ago during our 2 hours gp tutorial. super interesting and enriching. learnt a lot and there was a lot of reflection after which.

to think, up to today, there are still areas in the world who live in communism and north korea has had a lot of stuff going on. i wonder how they'll pull through this economic crisis.

been studying more than i did last year and completed a lot of work. trigonometry is still a bit foggy to me, lol.

parents' night on friday and i had to usher. spent an hour plus at the carpark repeating "good evening, welcome to srjc. the reception for the JC1 parents' night is that way" over and over again to every parent walking past me. man it was tiring. lol my group disappeared after the first 45 mins to slack at the gallery. man the numbers were pretty big. twice the number of parents that came last year!

haha i haven's been online for MANY DAYS. one reason is because i'm damn freaking lazy to. i've been coming home at like 10pm every night and i'm dead tired when i'm home. so i ko at like 11 plus, or 12.

bumped into deborah on wednesday at the bowling alley when i finally went back to bowling after my toe got better. hahaha the 4/8 gathering is nearing.

this week was quite bad. sigh, stuff happened and i didnt take them too well, and i regretted after that.

so what if people are leaving. li an said friendship is like a bus ride. people from anywhere board and alight this bus, and we're constantly moving. yeah she's right. i just didnt expect my close friends to drift off like that. you know, sometimes i think it's something wrong with me. if it really is, i just really hope one of you would tell me straight in the face.

i love my sofa. lol.