[hana kimi.]

once again what are we?

yeah the whole school looks down on us, 4/8. is there anyone that believes in us?

mrs kunna scolds us everyday. for being late, for not learning anything, for not being good enough, for not studying enough.

we are late for class because the teachers release us late. we dont go to the canteen for like 5 mins after class then go for the next class... we go straight for the next class. do you know before the homeroom system was abolished, and 4/4 decided to relocate themselves on the first floor for like 6months, while we were on the 4th floor, with the geog class on the first floor, we all had to run like mad from the fourth floor down to the first just to get there before mrs helen tan comes in, so that we wont get punished? she expects punctuality but we dont get that in return, therefore delaying our next class.

do you know that we are always held back by teachers of the previous lessons and that is why we cannot make it to class on time? when we dont, we get into trouble and it's all because we were held back. when we give that reason, the teacher would say "then YOU have the responsibility of reminding the teacher to let you off". did you think we didnt do that? we still end up late because we're being held back. we can only be on time for class only if the teacher releases us a few minutes earlier or releases us on time.

today, we were in the com lab 4 on the first floor and ms chow held us back for a few minutes. we had to rush straight to the third floor for maths and mrs kunna reprimanded us for being late all the time.

she scolded us for not learning anything... in fact, almost all the teachers do... then tell me, is it because we dont give a damn and not wanting to put in any effort the cause? i can say the class IS putting in effort. what have we been doing for the past 10 years if we werent learning anything. mrs T would scold us for not getting our amath right. ms lim will scold us for not doing well.

mrs kunna made it sound like we're the worst class... are we? you know, teachers keep saying we have the spirit and all but what the hell, i think those are just empty words, because whatever things we hear from teachers are putting us down.

just yesterday, all of us had this booklet from singapore poly about their courses and stuff. we had english as our last lesson of the day. so ms jo teo came in, saw a stack of the booklets (the booklets that some people havent taken) and said "all of you have to take because yall arent going to jcs." and she told 4/1 not to take it cause they wont be needing it at all. what is that supposed to mean? that we're really like the worst of the worst? that none of us can make it to poly? WTF? even if it was meant to motivate us to work harder, did she have to go that far? she told 4/1 they didnt need it at all because they're the best class, triple science etc.

it's damn sad the teachers actually look down on us.

not only the teachers are looking down on us. other classes are. 4/3 does... or well at least i know a few people do.. i'm not sure about the rest of them lar... on both occasions, she had to give that kind of attitude as though we're not worth anything. it was as though she was saying "go away lar, you combined science student." we're taking the same subjects except she's taking pure physics pure chem, while i'm taking combined science phy/chem. not only that... chrystal told me as well... people from 4/4 do as well. so what, seriously so what if you're taking pure sciences?! does it mean you beat us at everything? we're still better than yall in certain aspects and will beat yall at the o levels. our class is gonna make all of you regret looking down on us.

those who look down on us, dont deserve our respect, but we still give it to them. not only do the teachers look down on us, our friends, other students too. then Why the f*** are we even going to school, tell me, why? if we never wanted to try, why did we even bother to go to sch? might as well quit right? okay fine, we dont do as well as everyone expects, but does it mean we never tried?

the entire school hates us. these things make me not want to go to school ever.

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term 2 begun. arc had to move. oh yeah, the school prolly hates arc now. looking at how they move us anywhere, i would say yeah, they prolly hate us.

homeroom system abolished. no more moving around...

a lot of work to complete. i'm getting really tired. having to juggle 2 projects at the same time... meaning doing both at the same time simultaneously, it's damn hectic. i cleared one with savie and gerri today, now's left with the other one and it's getting on my nerves.

i'm tired, did not have a good night sleep, didnt have enough sleep, and why's that? not cause i was gaming at night, but completing my work at night. yeah then my mum will say "ask you to sleep early, you dont want. you dont have enough sleep, thats why you have a headache" if i didnt have to complete projects on nights before a school day, you think i would? do i look like the kind who games till 3-4 on a night before a school day? do i? sheesh.

stupid accusations.

mid yrs up in a few weeks. chinese o levels as well. sigh sigh. i'm taking things one at a time.

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lester bought me hana kimi... i wanna watch.. i only watched one episode so far... didnt have the free time to watch lately... ah well, one day

sports day tomorrow
no school the following day because of elearning day.
then the weekend
no school on monday because of elearning again haha.

yeah... kbox with jesmine and meagan tomorrow bah. there goes 14 dollars... i need the money for something real important.

[suicide.]

can i kill myself now?

i wreck people's lives. stop me.

it's a bitter feeling. it's the kind of feeling you wish for someone to be there with you right now, at this moment, right next to you, reassuring you, but at the same time hoping no one is there because you're afraid to trouble anyone.

i'm getting a major headache.

[a little world.]

i wonder if i'm thinking too much..... i hope i am.

i cant help but think that it's something else after looking at one thing. okay maybe not just one thing, but many. somehow, it's burning a hole in me and it does hurt, a lot. what to do what to do. when you see somehting with your own eyes, you'll never be able to forget it... even if you can, it's extremely difficult to...

i shouldnt have seen it... why the hell did i choose to... wtf is wrong with me.

[hello blog.]

sorry for the really long long stall.

i walked from outram station to singapore river twice... yes.... and i'm not feeling well. feeling queasy.... RAHRAH

addicted tt 2142. what to do? what to do? this can be bad news because i'm taking my o levels this year. rah rah jiayou jiayou.

since it's the holidays... i should be studying... yes i should. been gaming at night. played like 9 hours of bf2142 on monday night, and lester stayed over in the end because we played till like 3+ at night. i played another 5 hours last night. madness.

came back form e2max. lester and bf.nut having training... yeah.... hahahahaha everything there is razer please.

i bought new headphones today... i needed the mike... RAH. anyways, i bought it... lester chipped in 10 bucks and i paid 22 bucks... rah ex ex ex... but compared to the others... hahahahaha nothign to say...

i want northern strike.... ARGH

oh yeah... the IT show... last week... i was there all four days cause lester had to be there all four days too haha. but there were a lot of cheap cheap stuff. haha cant stand it. didnt buy anything in the end. yes. jinwei spent 1.2k on his new system and his SD cards there... james bought wireless routers, 2! and 512mb ram...

okay i should go start on my homework... HAHA take care people :)

-------------

Rooftops - Lost Prophets

When our time is up
When our lives our done
Will we say we've had our fun

Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your

All the love i've made
I have no regrets
If at all it's now i'm sad
Will we make a mark this time
will we always say we tried

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your

Standing on the rooftops
(Wait until the bombs drop)
This is all we got now
(Scream until your heart stops)
Never gonna regret
(Watching every sunset)
We'll Listen to your heartbeat
(All the love that we found)

Scream your heart out [x4]

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody Scream your..

heartbroken. i'm sorry....

[waited.]

i dont know what to do anymore.

i find myself losing my sanity. i just sit there, waiting for the sky to fall. i can sit in the shoewer, just not doing anything but let all the water rain on me. i guess i just stall too much. but i can feel myself going crazy and just want to go berserk.

what am i to do when i'm hurting someone real bad, with the horrible things i do. what should i do to contain my emotions in a jar with a lid so tight i cant open it easily. i feel like i'm wasting away.

what have i done? just what have i done? i need to do something to rectufy the entire thing, but it's too late to do somehting about the small details. everything accumulates, and the snowball will squash me one day.

my patience is running out. i need it, i really do. i'm taking things for granted.

one moment i was just like this, the next, i was all happy. right now, i'm back to square one.

it brings me back to my sec 1 year. when my ex-ixorians used to tell me how crazy i was in primary school and how much i've changed. i always heard the same thing "what happened to the crazy nana?" yeah i missed her too. but i dont want to be her sometimes because it reminded me of how lonely i used to feel in primary school.

i need to curb this feeling. because i feel neglected right now and the person i really care a lot may be too busy to notice how i am now. sigh sigh. what should i do?

i waited a real long time today. it felt like a real long time, like 10 years, 100 years. i almost went nuts. i dont want to lose my sanity.

someone out there? anyone?

i need to stay strong.

[lost and not found.]

i had a lousy day. i had a bad start to begin with. right till the afternoon, i was still feeling lonely and lost.

there's no one who can rescue me at times like this right now. i'm really pathetic now. i really am

i dont blame you for not being there for me.

i'm replaying savie's song over and over again. i'm hoping it'll turn things around.

i hate myself for making myself and the people around me so miserable.