[you just might get it all.]

i'm a loser.

i cant get anything right. i regret buying the sunflower, and i regret putting my head on the table.

maybe i shouldnt have come in the first place........

i'm really sad now, so sad i cant study and i cant do anything but crying inside in pain. why am i so stupid? why am i so careless? why am i always clumsy?

can i please be more careful when i do things?

stop turning things over, stop spilling liquids, stop falling over.

i'm just disaster in the making and i dont want to be :(

i'm such a failure. like what my mom said when i forgot to do a simple task. my memory is failing me, it seriously am. my confidence is in this bottomless pit, and it hasnt hit the ground. it's just falling and falling. it has for months, and nothing has been able to allow myself to pick up again.

i ask myself again and again and again, am i even in the right place? am i being the right person? i dont think i am. i'm a failure myself and i'm dragging people down with me.

there are so many things in this world right now that continue to threaten me and instill fear in me. i have the fear of this and i have the fear of that. i have feared almost everything. i'm a pathetic loser who's a scaredy cat.

stop, seriously... just stop.

you have no idea how depressed i'm feeling right now.
i'm crying so badly inside
i'm holding my tears back in my arms and hoping no one sees me
and i'm trying so hard.
help.

[you're the dream i don't want to wake up from.]



yes, it's you.

[love, you're all i ever could need.]

i went to study with marian, again. haha kinda enjoy it lar. i was like super duper later cause i was printing notes at home. studied for like 3 hours before marian said she wanted to go home, and so we went for dinner, or she went for dinner haha. decided to go to the macs at lorong 4 and i studied another 5 hours straight without a break. covered 2 chapters of econs and 1.5 chapters of chem. haha so slow lar.

i shall aim to accomplish more tomorrow, like finish studying econs. and read all my gp statistics.

another 1.5 days. to be more exact, 29 hours. i'm like damn sian you know.

sorry, i was jealous again today.

i bought a new belt today, at $5 from Toa Payoh HDB Hub. it was pretty random. went to print a few photos.

by the time you read this, you'll be back :)

i hope my efforts will not be futile.

Sara Bareilles is great. i like her songs :) pretty and has a great voice. writes good and meaningful songs :)




















i'm so damn tired now. i want to sleep, but i keep sleeping, like a pig. stop pigging briana!

i learnt today that global warming worsens hurricanes. just a few days back, there was this documentary on cyclone nargis, in myanmar. i almost cried watching this particular section where they interview one of the elderly. she said "i will never see my daughter-in-law" and the interviewer said "you mean alive?" and she replied "she's dead, she's dead. i will never see her again. she was pregnant with a child" i almost cried lar. it was so devastating. and i learnt from the documentary about depressions and deep depression leading to cyclones. the earth's rotation is the reason for all these natural disasters and cyclones are categorised according to their speed. there are categories 1 to 5. category 1 is the least dangerous, and not so bad. category 5 is the worst. cyclone nargis is under category 4.

now back to my point, yeah, global warming can actually worsen hurricanes. can turn a category 3 hurricane to a category 4 or 5 hurricane. after reading my gp notes, i feel afraid for the world. and wonder why cant we just stop destroying it. why must US be stubborn and continue to emit more? if they want to die, dont drag the rest of the world with you lar. the states only consist of 4% of the world's population, but they are emitting 25% of the world's carbon dioxide, which is crazy! thats like even more than china, japan and india combined. asking for it only.

i'm gonna shower and sleep already. i just got home and i'm damn freaking tired. good night :)
______________________________________________



We're done but it's not over
We'll start it again
Out to the end of the day
It keeps getting better
Don't be afraid
we'll do it together

Come on
come on
You know
It's your time to move
It's my time move
Come on
Come on
Let go
Leave it all behind
Your past and mind

Gone are the days of summer
We couldn't change it if we tried
Why would we want to
Let's go where we got to
Our paths will cross again in time
It's never the same tomorrow
And tomorrow's never clear
So come on
come on
You know
Our time
Our time is here

We know but we're not certain
How can we be
How can we see what's ahead
The road keeps on turning
And all we can do is travel each day to the next

Come on
come on
You know
It's your time to move
It's my time move
Come on
Come on
Let go
Leave it all behind
Your past and mind

Gone are the days of Summer
We couldn't change it if we tried
Why would we want to
Let's go where we got to
Our paths will cross again in time
It's never the same tomorrow
And tomorrow's never clear
So come on
come on
You know
Our time
Our time is here

Yeah! Yeah!
Come on
Come on
Come on
Our time is here

Gone are the days of summer
We couldn't change it if we tried
So come on
Come on
Come on

Come on
Come on
Come on

So come on
come on
You know
Our time
Our time is here

[still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall.]

haha went to study in the evening with marian. there was this big fat lizard that just grossed us out. it was on the window pane on the outside, damn freaking gross lar.

I WANT WORLD OF WARCRAFT: WRATH OF THE LICH KING!

after waiting so DAMN long, like since last year... finally a release date. on the 13 November 2008, it'll be out and i want it.. i wannnnnnnnttttt it.





my hands are itching to play wow lar.... ESPECIALLY after watching the trailer of this awesome new expansion.

new level cap of 80
new hero class, death knight
new continent, northrend
new profession, inscription

i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want i want!!!!! hahahahahaha

this is wow addiction.

it still feels like i just bought my wow battlechest last month when i did last december.

haha omg, stop it, promos are coming lar...

oh wells, after promos then :D

day 7 today..... another few more days. sigh....
















__________________________________________

anyways, great song :)



You know your stunning
Absolutely stunning
And I'm running always running

And now I'm crying
You know only cause I'm caring
And if you were more daring maybe you'd stop staring
And come over and talk to me
And tell me about how you've been waiting patiently
And how you tried but I just turned away
And I'll say, "yeah well you know, I'm shy that way"

Shy that way
Shy that way
Maybe I'm shy that way

You know she's stunning
She's absolutely stunning
But she's always running
But I'll catch up to her...

The way she keeps her distance
Keepin my interest
So I'll keep it consistent

Maybe someday, someway, somehow, sometime
We'll get together and we'll break it down
And I'll ask, "why you gotta be so shy, why you gotta be that way?"
Well maybe, baby, I like it that way

Shy that way
Maybe I, like it shy that way
Maybe I love you so shy that way

Ok, I'm shy that way...

There's always too much talking
And I wanna just keep walking
And I keep staring, baby, keep staring
Though I may not know the right things to say
I'll get it out to you one day

Shy that way
Shy that way

Do you like it? do you like it when I'm shy
Yes I like it, yes I like it, when your shy

Shy that way

[i do it for love, love, love.]

for the past 4 days and today, he's been telling me he's been to where and i feel a bit uncomfortable listening. i'm sorry....

it's just i dont know how to tell him how i feel, you know? that i'm having this negative feeling, like i dont really want to listen. because i'm kinda sad with the fact that i cannot see him, and cannot spend time with him for like a week or more?

then again, gwynna said i should tell him, but i dont want to hurt him. it's like he's trying to share the joy or something, but i'm like not appreciating it? if i told him the truth, wouldnt he feel sad, because he's trying to do something good, but it's like hurting me. sigh, i dont know.

i want to tell him, but i dont want to. maybe it's right to tell him, but i might hurt him, and i dont want to. i dont know. i'm bearing with it now, like i have been for the past few days.

if i were to tell him, then we would have nothing to talk about right? i honestly dont know. i'm in this difficult spot.

if you were me, i know you'll prolly keep quiet like you have the past many times right? so maybe i should just keep quiet and bear with it a little longer. i just hope i can last :(

i know i made a promise not to bottle things up, and to keep things from him. but i dont want to hurt him either. i'm stuck between keeping my promise and hurting him. i think the issue's with me :(

sigh, can he read my mind? i'm sorry for all the one line messages, but i just didnt know what to say, neither could i show the same enthusiasm. i'm really sorry... :( i'm a really terrible person.

__________________________________



I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

There'll be girls across the nation
That will eat this up babe
I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up and
Get down to the heart of it,
No it's my heart you're shit out of your luck
Don't make me tell you again my love love love love.
Love love love love.

I am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts
With her delicate soul
I don't claim to know much except soon as you start
To make room for the parts
That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of
Love love love love
Love Love love love

Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us
Oh,
But sensible sells so could you kindly shut up
And get started
At keeping your part of the bargain aw please
Little darlin'
You're killing me sweetly with love love love love
Love love love love

Only thing I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for Love
Love
Love
Love

Started as a flicker meant to be a flame
Skin has gotten thicker but it burns the same
Still a baby in a cradle got to take my first fall
Baby's getting next to nowhere with her back
Against the wall.
You meant to make me happy make me sad.
Want to make it better better so bad.
But save your resolutions for your never new year
There is only one solution I can see here.

Love you're all I ever could need only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's
Love
Love
Love
Love
I do it for love, love, love, love
Oh, only gonna get get what you give away,
So give love, love
Only gonna get get what you give away
Love.

[left behind in singapore.]

this is the.... 4th time i'm alone again. sigh. just gotta wait. just didnt think i would have to go through this again, which i am right now.

it's alright, i dont blame you :)

didnt go to school on friday to seriously catch up on some sleep cause i was suffering a serious lack of sleep.

on thursday night, went to the airport to send Alwin off. he's going to Australia, home to the cute kangaroos and koalas. back in like 10 days? sigh.

been trying to study, but keep failing, damn saddening. only a week left and i think i'll just retain. keep getting headaches, keep feeling tired. damn freaking stressed and my support isnt here when i need it, can cry.

woke up this EVENING and my dog was sleeping on my bed, damn cute.





























close up on her face






i dont know why she's always sleeping. all she does at home is nothing, which is kinda sad dont you think? i think i should spend more time with her after my promos.

just like the bummer at home. he's slacking at home. now he wants me out of the room for good. wtf? like what have you actually done to deserve that kind of authority. what makes you think you can call me dog, bitch, slut, when what you have is nothing compared to me. screw off, seriously. like you really think lying is gonna make everyone hate me? i hate you. i seriously do.

i left home for two hours yesterday because i was fed up, so hurt and i just wanted to run away for a while. i just grabbed my books, giving the excuse i was gonna go somewhere to study. there was practically no one i could turn to. because he's not in town, i felt alone, really at my lowest point. i couldnt even call. i was just crying and crying with my school bag. i felt super depressed and i called jon who lives just 2 blocks away. he came and we just chatted. we did for about 2 hours before i went home.

just felt that i did nothing wrong, at all. i merely came home and i immediately receive such treatment. whats worse? he twisted the facts and made it my fault. how f***ing genius. seriously, f- out of my life, just like how you want me to.

___________________________________

i'm waiting for demi lovato's new album, 'Don't Forget' =)

[this is real.]

hi, i'm back =)

CONGRATS TO SENIORS!

gloria left last night for i think georgia? i think suhui left too. my seniors got scholarships after their A levels. when i was reading their blogs and looking at their photos, just felt really weird. both happy and sad? happy cause after 3 years, they're still together as the brudders and they're stll close. will we, the equalites continue like this for a long time? sad cause one by one, they're leaving, embarking on their own journeys and realising their own dreams individually. i guess thats a good thing? guess the only sad part is that everyone has to go separate ways. however, i'm sure they'll be back together again one day.

met up with mag and gerri on wednesday to buy matilda's present and we came across this BIG tennis ball. LOL



went out with the equalites for the past 2 days. on friday, met up with savie, gerri, matilda and mag before heading to the science centre to go check our juniors out. after that, we went to west mall to have some sakae, to celebrate matilda's birthday which is in a week or so. it was great hanging out with them all over again and laughing at them. although things have changed. like most of the time, we are talking about the weird people in cjc, but it was still funny listening to mag and gerri.

this is our SUCCESSFUL record breaking attempt at the F1 exhibition =DD
















just yesterday, i met up with mag to head to the njrc alumni gathering at the science centre to collect the goodie bags and the other certs. we saw this little boy who was wedged between his mom and sister and he was sleeping. omg so damn cute lar. LOL. mag also told me something shocking and yes, i'm still in shock, haha.

met up with zong at the grand stands after that and well we left before the announcement of the champions. went separate ways at the interchange. finally met up with my dear kor LIANG ZHEN XIAO after so long lar. he literally neglected me for the past few months..... haha

i wonder if we'll go on being EQUALITES for the rest of our lives. i hope we do. cause the only thing i love about ij are them. we've been together for 4 years when we were arcians.

seeing my seniors so successful, i feel really dead.

last week, had our econs alive presentation and took many photos of the bears as well as with vera.



































burst shot of the bears. cute right?










it's exactly 6 now. i shall go study =(

_________________________________

CAMP ROCK IS ON DISNEY CHANNEL TONIGHT! MUST WATCH!

joe jonas is cute =D

and this song is nice



I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Bright inside of me
I'm gonna let it show, it's time
To let you know
To let you know

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you, I gotta find you

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me (this is me)
You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me.

[please be okay.]

had a damn high fever last thursday. got viral infection. i felt like crap.

been so tired lately i keep falling asleep wherever i go. i dont know why. i hate this :(

need to do eom :(

will blog more. i feel so tired now.

song for a friend :) i hope he pulls through this period of time. sometimes i see him in school and i dont know what i can say to make him feel better. i'm sorry :(



We don't have time left to regret (Hold on)
It will take more than common sense (Hold on)
So stop your wondering take a stand (Hold on)
Cause there's more to life than just to live (Hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

One single smile a helping hand (Hold on)
It's not that hard to be a friend (Hold on)
So don't give up stand till the end (Hold on)
Cause there's more to life than just to live (Hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

When it falls apart
And your feeling lost
All your hope is gone
Don't forget to hold on
Hold on

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on