[everything's made to be broken.]

oh man i just realised i didnt update my blog for a week =.= DANG

anyway i shall just talk about whatever that happened over the week.

lester is gonna be away for more than a month. he and dom left for malaysia last friday for a competition in KL and well they were 1st runner ups, yay for them haha. then dom returned on monday. lester flew to thailand and he's in hong kong now. hahaha yeah

just last week, ij participated in robofest, a competition organised by ELPMIS and it was held at the ishop at orchard cineleisure. we sent in two teams (transcend and livewire) and well we came back with an award. my team won the photogenic award. hahaha we just had to look nice on our cert. BLEAGH haha. and velda likes this damai guy lar. his name is kevin. hahaha he is eye candy lar. hahahaha and super pro too. his team won champ =.= hahaha. and yeah got to know the nanhua people. haha they're a cool bunch man... was lanning at e2max (mr kang's treat, heeee) with them along with kelvin and mr david moh. well took a photo with all of them cause we were all volunteers, but the photo's with kelvin and i dont have his contact. when i get the photo, i may post it here. yeahh because of robofest, ticko wouldnt stop calling my brani, because gerri told him people call me that and yes he started calling me that. to be fair, i started calling him ticko, although his real name is tick meng. he doesnt mind though... his email has "ticko" in it. rah. hahaha, yeah it was a great knowing them. robofest was pretty fun, got to know lot of people and stuff. and i was official on the day before the finals. well i was initially there to give my support to revoltage (tricia, jinwei, ben) and meltdown (kor, zul, clovis), but i ended up as an official and got to know almost all of them, even daniel. daniel is this guy who's in sajc now. he graduated from nanhua sec sch and is also in my kor's OG grp haha. hahaha his hello kitty is velda. haha omg lar, it was hilarious. he still doesnt know who's his hello kitty and when the nanhua people were explaining why velda was hello kitty, they said it's cause daniel liked her back view. haha oh man. and she's hello kitty cause daniel's daniel, if you get what i mean. daniel is hello kitty's husband. thinking about the times i spent with them, it just tickles me.

then there was arc camp. hahaha super fun. try captain's ball, or rather captain's chicken. yeah we played with a raw chicken. no, 2 raw chickens.. haha it was hilarious. the bbq was kinda fun and i just found out mr david moh can play the guitar really well. he was playing good riddance by green day on the guitar, the whole song. pretty cool. showered at 1am. since savie and i were the last two to shower and ms lim didnt want us to go down to shower that late cause it may be dangerous, she told us to shower in the staff toilet on the 2nd storey. hahaha since i brought savie's guitar there, savie was playing the guitar. zong and savie taught me a little as well. whee. the time spent there was priceless. haha i love my fellow arcians.

i just went to school this morning. just to start and finish a history essay. it was group work so yeah, clara, deborah, gerri and i were working on it for about an hour. i typed everything out and sent it, yay. blargh. that piece of holiday assignment is due tomorrow and yes finally got it off my mind.

if you hvnt seen jinwei's new blog layout, it's super nice lar. and makes me wanna steal it. RAH.

http://whattheflush.blogspot.com/

yeah togu, can i steal your layout? haha.

prep starts tomorrow. yeah gotta go to the east every weekday and maybe sat from today till mid-jan. haha.

RAH my bro bought a razer mouse pad. like WTH! he has the money to buy that but no money to return to me. RAH. it's like he bought a razer diamondback a few weeks back and now he bought a razer mousepad. he only spends everyday making my life difficult and HE HASN'T PAID ME BACK. now he tells me "i only have $1+, pay what back?" wah good lar. DANG. i want my razer ProClick V1.6! preview here! haha speaking of which, i got to use it at robofest, during the finals haha. RAH.

anyways, since i completed a portion of my homework, i shall try to complete another portion tonight. i know i wont have the time this dec. haha. ah well, bye!

[struggling.]

i'm not trying to be rebellious.

i grew up with the freedom you gave me. if you suddenly take it now, i will break down.

in fact, all the threats, the crying and the guilt, really is driving me off the edge. not that i dont want to be good and listen to you or anything. you need to understand my reasons. although i cant tell you now, i hope you understand. will you really listen if i explained and told you?

i am trying. i am trying to compromise everything. maybe i'm not trying hard enough okay? then i'll try even harder. just stop doing this to me. if you think that doing this can change me, i dont think it's possible.

i'm feeling guilty alright?

i want to leave this place. i'm so afraid of losing what i hold dear to me.

things are about to pile on me, and i guess they already are.

i'll just have to learn to bear with it.

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i was hoping you would be okay after a while. i didnt think you would take it hard. wrong again, like always.

was i supposed to see that and feel extremely guilty about what had happened? you know what? it's working. it does. you chose the right time to put me down, so are you happy now?

i'm trying so hard to avoid it, to not show my weaknesses but you're forcing them outta me with everything you're doing now.

you don't have to tell me, cause i already know. you don't have to announce it to the enture world just for me to see it, i'm not that stupid to the point where i cant take notice of your feelings okay?

i really didnt want all of these to happen. i know it's my fault okay? just stop harping on it.

i'm struggling so much now.

[doing the right thing.]

i'll try to do the right thing today.

i said sorry today.

well, i feel good about it, finally apologising to her. well i just found out i kinda offended her unintentionally 8 months ago. i know sorry isnt enough to make up for anything. she'll prolly still hate me (for other reasons), but ah well, live with that.

dom's brother is adorable haha.

btw, last day of school yesterday -celebrate-

i'll try to fix things by this week. i will this sat. i'm finally getting a lot off my chest ya know?

i know stuff keep piling, but i'll be okay right till the end. haha i did promise i would be okay right? i just needed time, thats all.

want to know what's on my mind at this moment? my o levels. i'm gonna pia, chiong, whatever. target: 8 points. i'm thinking about the competitions and all. shall put in all i have next year... and i shall not let these be empty words.

lester lent me battlefield 2. -grins- and woah bf2142 is pro lar. difficult but still nice. hahha i shall play bf2 first...

my bro got a new laptop. looking on the bright side, he wont have to keep scolding me for stealing his connection, getting him dced from maple... haha i wonder....

next week - hectic. will prolly die haha.

[welcome to the black parade.]

haha this blog layout has been here for almost a year... REALLY. since last year's fll... hahaha i should change it lar... well, soon.

anyway go this off suhui's blog (saw it on debby's blog too)

My earliest memory was a fall on the way to the playground when i was 5. my maid actually praised me for being brave??? (haha i did mention in the previous entry that i'm afraid of pain) yeah i didn't cry, maybe thats why.

At school I stone, play and chat with chrystal, and well, -ahem- sleep

My first relationship was with my teddy bear when i was a small child... well i like to hug stuffed toys. i saw this huge bear at toys 'r' us and i'm simply in love with it haha.

I don't like talking about why we should all just die (yes i had that kinda conversation with someone, and she was annoying me... cause she said we lived to die. RAH)

I wish I'd never worn that cheong sum to my P6 chinese teacher's place. omg lar.

My father always told me "take care of your brother" at the start and end of every phone call.

At home I cook what i can find and cook at home... haha but if you wanna know what i usually cook, it's instant noodles.

My last meal would be at kfc with my bro, dom and lester this evening. actually we watched dom eat. not counted right? then it's recess with shar and pf this morning.

My favourite gadget is my phone.

I'm very bad at dota.

When I was a child i would go to the playground at exactly 4pm everyday, go to the beach every weekend (i lived at marine parade, can walk to east coast from my place) and i argued A LOT with my brother, gave my parents big headaches haha.

The book that changed my life is none at the moment.

It's not fashionable, but i still like to fold cranes.

The song I'd like played at my funeral is some final fantasy theme, haha they're nice.

If only I could stop getting so easily affected.

The hardest thing I've ever done was being able to express my thank yous properly.

The last belly laugh I had was today. haha

What I don't find amusing is when you're telling a very very offending joke.

I'm always being asked 'what time did you sleep last night'

Cat or Dog? i would prefer a dog, although i wouldnt mind a cat.

If I were a car i'll love my owner as long as he/she treats me really well.

i often wonder if we all see things differently.. laike maybe it's blue but in your eyes, it's a diff colour

[welcome home.]

back from RICO (Raffles Institution Chinese Orchestra) concert at the Singapore Conference Hall. hahaha zhenxiao was playing the suona. hahaha and zhaojie was percussions. rah zx cut his hair, haha can see despite being at least 10 m away okay! haha but yeah it was pretty good lar...

went to east coast yest. fell. worst fall. scraped elbow real bad. didnt stop bleeding even when i came home. my mum bought a bunch of i dont know what? gauzes (with parafin) and gauzes (without parafin) stuff to stick on my wound to "protect" it. i dont know. my bro just whacked really hard on my wound, damn pain (mind you, i'm afraid of pain so i can cry. i know it's childish but wth?) bruised on the right side of my hip bone and one or two swollen and bruised fingers. yes it was a bad fall.

sigh.

i don't know if i'm doing the right thing now okay?

should i stay or should i go?

if i left, what will happen? really, what will happen?

i brought this upon myself, didnt i?

i can't make the right decisions. i have so much to consider and i still have to listen to what my heart tells me. SHEESH, it's not easy, no one said it was in the first place. knowing how dumb and stupid i am, i still landed myself in this situation. i rather get hurt than hurt anyone. at least i'm happy being the one getting hurt. happy getting hurt, it sounds wrong, but i rather get hurt than hurting anyone else. as long as i have that to remind myself and cheer myself up, does the rest really matter? so please, do something that you know will hurt me.

if i told you i was leaving, can you be like how you are right now? if i stayed, what will happen?

i know i'm wrong, this is wrong. and seriously, it's my fault to begin with. if i had a better idea to clean this up than to pick one and start hurting people, yeah my world will come to a moment of peace. my mind is filled with nothing but my thoughts, my fears and my feelings. i fear too much, i worry too much. the two of you dont have to worry, leave it to me cause i deserve it.

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good song.

Welcome Home (You) - Brian Littrell

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"
But I laid it all down, gave everything
In my head rang the words that my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face.

When I look at you holding my heart
I will give to you all that I have
Son I know there'll be times
You will feel all alone
I will share with you the words my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
You can bet I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

Said I've been waiting for that day
Just to feel your warm embrace
Your love has shown
I will never be alone
You will welcome me home

I'll forever be
You will say to me
Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"

[learning to breathe.]

haha omg... i posted this on the class blog. i was wondering why it didnt appear here.... BLEAGH... this happens when you have too many blogs on your dashboard. haha

haha the phone charger in my room is screwed up.... and it's new =.=

anyway, my two weeks have started. haha i'm starting to like differentiation.

was spending the whole of geog in the lang room cause we didnt have a geog teacher. so it was a free period. chrys, stef, pf, astrid, yiqi and i moved over to the lang room cause our classroom was too noisy and well it was gonna be boring staying in there for one hour doing nothing. some of us started to do some work and haha by 11.50am, we were all fooling around. haha pf, chrys and yiqi drew bubbles (ppg) on the board and started to draw all sorts of stuff on her lar. haha at about 12.30pm, some other people came in and well we stopped playing. stef, yiqi and pf moved to their other lang rooms while chrys, astrid and i stayed back for chinese. i slept for 20 mins =.=

hahaha and we didnt have chinese! yeah. laoshi treated the class to pizza. so we were all sitting in the canteen eating. jaslyn, joy and i left school early and had lunch at mos. i cant say it was exactly lunch for me cause i was just having ichigo bliss and corn soup (had pizza already). i have to say the ichigo bliss tastes really weird. it's really diff from the last time i bought it.

after lunch, met up with kor and we spent the two hours chatting about a lot of things. haha yeah. went home at about 4+, then headed for j8 to collect tickets from zhenxiao. went to the lib to look for stef. haha i was supposed to seduce shunli last night! haha. yeah cause i told stef i was gonna steal her gf. yeah it was all a joke of course. went home with shunli, did i mention she lives just right above me? well, diagonally above me cause she lives above the unit that's just on my left. haha but it's still cool. i get to see her sometimes when i go to school. haha she's really cute lar. it's funny how you can find ONE more person who speaks like stef. and she's crazy over sajc, haha (she wants to go there next year).

i wanna play nfs carbon. DAH.

hahaha not touching blogger for almost a week... it does make a difference to me. haha. it's not as if i didnt do it before...

ah well. i kinda just woke up. haha call me a pig. dont know if i'm gonna go for mass with stef later on. i dont think i'll be going for lynette and melissa's confirmation. i dont know how to get there. HAHA.

anyway this song is nice. :)

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Learning To Breathe - Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies
Yeah, abundant skies, yeah

This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours
This is a way

This a the way that I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Yes I'm dying to breathe in
These abundant skies
These abundant skies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm learning to breathe
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how you doin'?