something amazing... REALLY. please watch this video!
really touching. i cried when i watched this video.. and when she kissed the pianist on the cheek, it really seemed like an angel came to Ye Eun. damn touching lar...
my mom showed this to me cause she cried watching this. and haha i did too, so did a few i showed this too.. only fong wai said "cant you tell thats me in disguise!" lol lame.
connie is really... good lar. okay i know it's like so late of me to say all these.. but i was listening to her songs again... and watching the video of her audition AGAIN and i cried. great voice. so perfect, so flawless, so innocent. the voice of an angel.
training today was preeeeeeety okay. wenhui finally got her ball lar. it's a damn nice watermelon! haha joking lar.. but yes it's a damn ncie ball and wenhui can hook with the ball man!
cat and i shared a lane with the school team. we were then further split into spinners and hook players. hahaha it was really funny lar... lost the heart to play when i got so distracted during the second game... sigh... something was on my mind and it affected me.
i almost hurt my ankle while bowling.. yes, my right ankle... damn scared i sprain it again... sigh..
it was the global classroom experience interview today. i have no confidence in myself haha. the interviewers were mr yong and ms liu, haha great teachers. but i just dont have confidence in myself.
went to chomp chomp for dinner with wenhui, zenda, jon and lijuan! it was super fun! and damn funny lar... i really love them man, great friends haha. so thankful for them ILYAAAAAAA IHYAAAAAA IMYAAAAA!
i love you guys =D
took a bus home with zenda and lijuan and they were nuts lol. funny...
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things are starting to pick up i guess.... but i cant be too sure about it. i dont wanna make the same mistake of assuming too quickly, and falling even deeper into that black hole later on.
it's something that has been on my mind for days. haha in fact, it has been about a month.
i want to smile more. please let me.
sigh, get out of this black hole now briana.
it's a lonely feeling...
sigh.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
[struggle.]
finally got my bowling ball. although it's a polyester, but you know what? i still love it =D
it's a maxim ebonite (turquiose/onyx) =D and there you have the shoes... all that plus the bag for 170 =D
heard there are only two places left in the female school team, and it's down to three people. me, catherine and phoebe... i hope wenhui can make it on the list as soon as she gets her ball. the competition is really really really tough.... there's only one female but dont know how many male teams lar... sigh.
spinning with the new ball today was well, different... and my ball felt really light... it's 10.4 pounds. and well, although it isnt a reactive ball like everyone else's but i'm sure i can still try to do well, jiayou briana! i wont let equipment stop me from trying to get better :)
after school, waited in the library for catherine cause we were gonna get our ball together. studied a bit of econs. went to macs to look for wenhui, jon, zenda and lijuan... they were like playing with the macs sms thing... sending things so that it would be broadcasted to the world to see. haha all the ihy, ily, imy. and dog dog dog. lol funny lar, too free liao
went to the bowling alley without wenhui and jon to get our bowling balls. the uncle was suaning us lar! hahaha cat's ball is like damn pretty lar... reactive and i fell in love with the colour too.
had to train in a separate lane from jon and wenhui cause we had our own equipment already.. so shared a lane with edward, cat and marcus.
after bowling, went to macs to look for zenda and lijuan. studied until i fell asleep for like half an hour?
haha so pig right? anyways woke up and studied more... cause we didnt go bowling in the end :(
it was max's birthday yesterday... went for the dinner thing... but the worst thing happened to me when i was on my way there. the dinner's at hougang plaza and so i had to take 153 all the way to hougang interchange. i fell asleep on the bus. when i woke up, it was dark, quiet and stationary. i was alone. and next thing i knew, i was locked in the damn bus. apparently, no one even bothered to wake me up... and the bus driver didnt see me. for pete's sake, it's a single decked bus lar... so it was like dark (cause it was 7+pm), hot and cramped... and i'm slightly claustrophobic... so i got a little uncomfortable... i called tak kin, and he wished me good luck =.=
i called gwynna and she got scared haha.. cute lar... well there were bus passing but i didnt dare pop my head, didnt wanna scare anyone you see.... so i called the hougang interchange office a dozen times but no one answered... so i was officially stuck. finally i waited until some other bus driver walked past the bus and opened the door, without realising i was inside until i came out and he got a shocked... lol so suay.
max's birthday dinner was quite fun lol. despite being the only girl, i still laughed and laughed and laughed. haha it's great to know max has such wonderful friends.. haha he got cake smashed in his face and some landed on the windscreen of this lorry. lol omg, they had to clean up... after that the usual taupok and all. max got poled lol. poor thing lar. i was watching from afar and it looked damn painful lar.. lol.
well of course our class did taupok him, but didnt see it. i captured this video though... it's just the guys messing around outside LT 1 to 4... and ms woo was there lol! haha she saw what happened and walked over asking us what we were doing LOL.
i'm stuck in a dilemma, not know what to do. why do things keep changing. to and fro, to and fro. it's kinda driving me nuts you know? things are different and not in a good way. it's a bugging problem which i have to stand up against every single day. why do i have to go through this torture?
someone, save me.
what will you do if i disappeared one day? would you regret?
i guess not.
i cry at night, thinking about what i have done, what i said. i still feel so.... stuck, and constrained. really. it's so difficult to stop feeling not okay.
i've been reading a certain someone's blog and it really has enlightened me a little about who i am. about the selfish me, the stupid me. i cried reading his blog.
how am i to get out of this mess. it's like quicksand pulling me deeper and deeper and i dont have a rope or a hand to hold on to.
someone. save me.
i think about it day and night, dream about it in my sleep, and cry about it before i go to bed. it's a struggle i cant get out and i dont know who to seek help from.
i'm trying to be superwoman.
please.........
dont. take. me. for. granted.
i have done all i can and it's becoming a habit for me. i cant stop and i dont know how to. i'm forcing it out, but it's difficult when it keeps coming back.
someone. save me.
:(
i'm having this empty feeling again.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
[when you're young you fall in love] Saturday
overslept, when i was supposed to meet gwynna at 1045am. rushed down to j8 to meet her for lunch before heading to tanjong pagar to meet vera, yuxuan, jinting, marcus and tak kin for the adam khoo seminar. haha she was reading newspapers while waiting for me. i called her and she said she queued from 1130 for the newspaper. lol! funny lar...
the adam khoo seminar was pretty okay bah... but i got pwned by him, TWICE. oh man.
after the seminar, we all bought waffle and left. tak kin, marcus, gwynna and i went to suntec for dinner. we had pepper lunch! it was damn funny cause gwynna is super funny. she's like super suaku and she gets suaned by the three of us in the end.
tak kin, candid shot.
me, gwynna
me, gwynna, marcus
haha dinner was great. gwynna told us about haunted teletubbies and well, telletubby land is haunted. haha yup
after that, tak kin said he wanted to go to the arcade. so weird, he didnt play in the end. we walked past toys r us and we decided to go in. i went to get a teddy bear and well was gonna return it when i heard one of the staff members talk over the walkie talkie about dont what some child. so well, heck. then i went to the entrance to see the three of them. marcus was laughing his ass off. gwynna was like hiding behind the shelves. tak kin was like standing there laughing too. lol. and in the center of them, on the floor was some gooey thing. OMG gwynna, you stepped on something lar! hahahaha it was hiliarious. i scared she'll kill me if i say what she stepped on. hahaha she was like freaking out lar! i accompanied her to the toilet to wash the gooey thing off and marcus was still laughing his ass off. i was too. tak kin stopped laughing. haha. gwynna was like washing off the stuff off her shoe and i was standing there laughing and laughing at her. LOL she's damn funny lar! this is the first time i heard someone step on..... omg crazy man. LOL.
she finally washed it off but marcus and i were still laughing and laughing. marcus laughed so hard he didnt make a noise and was hugging his stomach.
ah well, after that went to the arcade. played tc4 and daytona with gwynna. we spent the last token on the photo hunt game where we failed to beat the high score.
haha it was a great day indeed.
Sunday (Today)
woke up at like 130pm to go see the chinese physio again. after that went to dhoby ghaut. tak kin and i headed to hougang cause i needed to buy some markers. came back to dhoby ghaut, e2max to meet the guys (zheming, clispson, ivan, shox, cloud and alice) since they had a scrim. i finished one mind map while they played and left when they had their debrief.
my nose is leaking like a spoilt tap. it's like water coming out of my nose. dont know if i fell ill of what. but i'm coughing and all too. and i'm having a headache now so i should go sleep soon.
stayed up to catch van helsing... and now it's 1am.. haha should go sleep soon. i shall then. good night! school's still on tomorrow despite the hols... sigh for another 2 weeks... :(
ah well, mid years are approaching, jiayou briana!
good night all, sweet dreams and good bye!
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i was about to go off when i saw this on max's blog lol
Name 20 people you can think of right now . Don't read the questions until you've named the 20 people . At the end of this , choose 5 people to do this . 1. Honghui 2. Gwynna 3. Tak Kin 4. Marian 5. Lester Wong 6. Jon 7. Wenhui 8. Li Juan 9. Zenda 10. Stephanie 11. Jerome 12. Li An 13. Yu Xuan 14. Vera 15. Jin Ting 16. Aaron 17. Jacqueline 18. Marcus 19. Marissa 20. Zi Xiang
How do you meet [14] ? 1S24 =D
What'll you do if you never meet [1] ? haha i wouldnt be meeting such a great person... and doing this thing now lol
What if [9] and [20] are dated ? oh... hahaha well they've known each other for 2 years! if they do, my blessing :)
Will [6] and [17] date ? nope, they dont even know each other
Describe [3] . SUPER DAO. likes to ignore and bully me. violent, fierce, strong, fast runner. sweet guy sometimes, and can be quite funny
When is the last time you spoke to [13] ? just yesterday :)
What is [2] favourite band/singer ? hahaha i dont know... omg sorry gwynna!
Would you ever date [4] ? awww dont you know? she's my lesbian partner!!!! hahahahahahaha
Would you ever date [1] ? hahaha never thought about it...
Is [19] single ? nope.
What's [10] last name ? Yeo
Would you ever been in a relationship with [11] ? haha dont think so... he's my good friend man :) jerome, you're a great guy
School of [3] ? Serangoon Junior College.
Where does [6] lives ? Tanah Merah
What is your favourite thing of [5] ? he taught me many things which i will never forget. thank you lester :)
Have you ever seen [2] naked ? haha no! what kind of question is this?
5 people to do this quiz -Jerome -Lester -Li Juan -Marissa -Li An
Saturday, May 24, 2008
[the reason why.]
it was another tiring day. but guess what? last day of term 2 today!
even so, we have supplementary lessons for the next two weeks which is equivalent to another two weeks of school cause school starts at 8 almost every morning or else 9, and can end at 6pm everyday. RAWR.
still havent bought my bowling ball, and still waiting...... and waiting.... and waiting.... SIGH :(
hahaha glad tos ay, i actually did my econs homework. wowness... with jon's help lol. thanks jonny boy.
i thought my brother quit maple, but it seems like he's back into it, just playing on private servers. but still.. omg.
there was no bowling today... cause the entire bowling alley was booked for some bowling league from 5 to 7. haha many of us were quite sad... and some went to bowl on their own accord before 5. i didnt get there in time.
was about to leave school when i saw dsen have rocmoc training. wah he looked like he was struggling lar. he was crawling on his arms and it seemed pretty difficult cause he took about half an hour or more to crawl from the rock wall to the sac, but well done man, he made it and i was really really impressed haha.
my secret got exposed this morning hahahahaha...
bioshock. been wanting to play that game for a damn long time, but didnt buy it nor did i dare to... but they're gonna make it into a movie, which is a must watch! still waiting for the movie trailer... the game trailers are just as good. violent game haha...
i got reminded of what has been happening recently and i feel so terribly sad about it.
things arent gonna improve. i think i already know that... and thats why i said this before...
even if there's everything else is okay between us, things will never be able to go back to the way they were before.
i'm right, arent i?
please enlighten me.
why do i still care when i'm already so hurt and bruised. why do i still keep trying? it's becoming a habit. is it a nasty habit?
Friday, May 23, 2008
[taken for granted.]
am i doing too much? too much it seems really unnecessary? so should i stop doing everything that i'm doing now?
thanks for reminding me, of how stupid i am... no sarcasm intended. but yes, i'm like a fool who keeps trying hard, with no outcome. haha stupid me right? it has always been like that for a super long time.
what would happen if i disappeared one day?
what should i do?
i see YOU crying on the inside, it's heartbreaking. but it seems like i'm becoming so redundant and useless already. you seem to be talking to me just to fulfil your purpose as my friend. what you have said to me have stabbed me hard and i'm still bleeding today. i felt really useless, like all that i said will never change anything.
did i anger you today? why is it that i feel so guilty after that last phone call? the phone call ended in such an unpleasant way.
i've become irritating, haven't i?
Monday, May 19, 2008
[i'm a fool.]
finally received the photos from cheney and mok's bday :D
(from left to right) first row: alan second row: jerome, donavan, cheney, jian, ting third row: jon, mok, zenda, lijuan, wenhui, steph, me.
haha the photos are so dark!!!! rawr.... will take better ones on jon's birthday!
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been feeling so stupid nowadays. really. i keep getting reminded of what i did and sometimes i really regret. i unknowingly hurt people all the time, esp him. i have made a mistake, havent i? and right now i have to bear the pain. well, i deserved it.
it's not that i wanna forget him... it isnt that. it's just that not being able to move on, it's tough for me. i'm not making him a mere memory, i really am not. but given the situation now, you think i can handle it? i dont mean it in a way like i dont care. in fact i still do. just please dont take it that i'm forgetting you once and for all.
useless me. sigh.... i'm sorry, i took things for granted. i dont deserve forgiveness. you always gave in to me, and i took it for granted. it's the greatest lesson i have learnt.
up to today, i still cry thinking about it. i really do. things arent as easy for me too you know. i have to fight this feeling and i havent learnt to let go properly. although i have, but i still have this great sense of guilt. they always say that there's always a first time. and i'll grow from it. i hope i do, because you have no idea how tough it is for me.
I found the phone I must’ve missed your message You got it wrong, It wasn’t what your friend said. I can tell by your tone, I’ve taken it too far again. Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.
Your friends are telling you, You gotta move on. Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again. You turned around so I could tell you what took so long. I don’t know why i ever waited to say. Cuz I’m just dying just to see you again .
Instead of holding you, I was holding out. I should’ve let you in, but I let you down. You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask. Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.
I should've known, took you and I for granted Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded. Tell by your tone, I’ve taken it too far again. Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone. Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again. You turned around so I could tell you what took so long. I don’t know why i ever waited to say. Cuz I’m just dying just to see you again .
Instead of holding you, I was holding out. I should’ve let you in, but I let you down. You were the first to give, I was the first to ask. Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.
My last mistake, putting my friends first. I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse. You were the first to give, I was the first to ask. Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.
What you give is always what you get. There's so much I haven't given yet. (or theres so much i havent given you) it seems so different with(out) a second chance. Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.
My friends are telling me they saw you with someone. Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again. You turned around so I could tell you what took so long. I don’t know why I ever waited to say. Cuz I’m just dying just to see you again .
Instead of holding you, I was holding out. I should’ve let you in, but I let you down. You were the first to give, I was the first to ask. Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.
My last mistake, putting my friends first. I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse. You were the first to give I was the first to ask. Now I’m in second place to get a second chance.
Instead of holding you, I was holding out? (second chance) I should’ve let you in, but I let you down (second chance) You were the first to give, I was the first to ask? (second chance) Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
[tongue tied.]
haha okay, i'm finally doing this thing since max tagged me.
1. When will the Sun not shine and when will the World end? 22 December 2012. watch the documentary on youtube :)
2. What you want the most now? my problems to all stop.
3. Do you believe in afterlife? maybe yes, maybe no? lol
4. Do you hate your friends sometimes? haha yes, but things will be okay over time :)
5. What will u do, if a totally not idealistic opposite gender person confess to you? i will reject him? we can always be friends :)
6.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain? yeah of course. i think it's true.
7. What impossible things u would wish to do? go back to who i was before.
8. Do you believe in eternity love? yeah i do =D
9. Have you broken someone heart that he/she tried to commit suicide? yeah, and i still and will forever feel guilty.
10. What feeling do you love most? happiness and being free
11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half? sweet, caring and understanding
12. What feeling do you hate the most? helplessness when i cant help.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours? i always try to...
14. Is there anything you're looking forward to in the next few weeks? camp ASPIRE. 6/6 =DD (jon's birthday, it's gonna be super fun). tak kin's birthday so that i can bully him LOL
15. Do you believe that friends are more important than family? they're both equally important.
16. Who do you hope to be always there for you? my friends.
17. Do you find life meaningless? nope. everyone has a purpose we live for! love life :D
18. Who do you love the most? my friends.
19. What will you do if your best friend falls in love with the same person as you do? i would give in, but it's ultimately the opposite's decision, isn't it?
20.What's the crazy thing(s) you ever did? hmmm i've done a lot of crazy things... hehe sabo wenhui LOL kiss denise on the cheek. it was a dare on christmas 2005.
Instructions: Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have a blessing from all. here it goes.. and I wanna tag: -Aaron -Li Juan -Jerome -Marissa Low -Maximilian -Gregory -Lester -Marcus
and please change ques 15 into -What is the sweetest thing someone of the opposite gender has done for you?
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Friday
my neck got worse and i felt the pain on both sides. still went for bowling and as i did, all the pain shifted to one side. went to fix my neck at potong pasir after that.. wah, he held my neck and was pulling and twisting. pain lar.. but he said i sprained my neck cause i didnt have enough sleep... he put two plasters on me. one on my back and the other on my neck. my neck and back burned for the rest of the night lar...
went to plaza sing after that cause it was cheney and mok's birthday! hahahaha... it was odd but well, wenhui, steph, zenda and i tagged along. cheney, mok, jon, alan, jerome, nic, jian, donavan, ting and keith were there too. it was the SAS gang and well the girls were there cause jon and jerome asked us to come along haha.
we had dinner at just acia, located at the dhoby ghaut exchange. steph, zenda, wenhui, lijuan and i bought P.osh brownies which were damn cute and expensiveeee.... lol ah well, designer brownies.
from left to right: marshmallow, triple chocolate, M&M, white chocolate, marshmallow
yup, the brownies were pretty tasty. there was like a free flow of drinks and ice cream so we just ate and ate lol. the cake part was pretty funny.
after that, we were playing with the cake, smashing it here and there on each other's faces... LOL jon was the worst man. he had cake in his hair, his face and his ear. LOL he started to eat the cake containing the germs from our hands, cheney's face and mok's face. LOL. lijuan, zenda, wenhui and i stood outside the gents to wait for cheney, jian, ting and jon to come out so that we could keep smashing cake in their faces. after playing around, we tried to clear up the cake and all. lol it was still messy after we left. we decided to go up, outside the station where cheney got taupoked. lol
they tried to taupok mok but mok was damn fierce! jon, who was right on top of him, got whacked on the back by mok who was struggling. in the end he kena whacked by mok lol. the passers-by were like looking lar... and zenda shouted "haha it's nothing! we're just playing!" LOL.
when we wanted to take a group photo, ting ran up to this couple and JUMPED in front of them, like "HI! can you take a photo for us?" lol the couple immediately rejected him LOL. cute lar! hahahahaha.
shall upload the group photos once i get them from cheney or jon. yup.
Saturday
wanted to go for econs tutorial in the morning but got a slight fever, rawr. so i stayed home to sleep a little longer, and well the fever subsided when i awoke. seems like my lack of sleep is causing a lot of problems. woke up at 1+ to rush to orchard plaza to visit the chinese physio. he literally pushed my bones into place, and said i had some infection in my back. well my mom took me there cause i slouch and when i want to stand straight nowadays, it's difficult when my bones are in the way. so well, i felt better after he pushed my bones back into place for me. because of the sprain, my back is still swollen up to now sia.. pain.
went to timberland with my mom after that cause she received an sms about getting a 30 dollar voucher just by trying a pair of shoes. well in the end the guy said he can only give the voucher if you're buying the shoes or at least planning to, so that they can fully utilize this campaign. so this pair of shoes caught my eyes. they were damn damn damn nice and super duper comfy. it costs $122.50 after the discounts... my mom said she was willing to buy it for me since timberland shoes are durable. i didnt want to cause i thought they were damn ex.. i cant bear to spend more than a hundred bucks on shoes. anyways i think i'll buy it.. cause the voucher thing is only valid till tomorrow.
went window shopping with my mom at robinsons. they're having a sale. and even after all the discounts, things are still EXPENSIVE. yeah... went home after that and immediately dropped. slept for the next 5 hours.
oh yeah there was a murder at my estate... T.T scary.
Sunday (Today)
did pw today. went to max place, but i think the other three are like angry with me cause they were almost done when i got there. ah well...
did a bit more pw before i played rock band and gh3 with max and mar. haha
had to rush off to yishun to meet my cousin before heading to her parents' place. dinner was good. ate a lot... like 3 tiems i usually eat. lol. came back to toa payoh after that and well here i am.
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i think i'm a really lousy person. i must have said a lot of things that pissed people off. sorry. i'm having that guilty feeling again. just randomly thought about stuff... you know, i think i really have said and done a lot of things that may be hurting and i'm damn bad... i started to think when wenhui said i was damn bad lol.
i've been wondering if things can go back to the way they were. i said before that even if everything's okay, things can never go abck to the way they were. you know what? it's true.. sigh.
i care not think about it, i'm just afraid of placing myself is THAT situation. it's tough, it really is and i know it will be.
so mixed, so confused. i really am confused and i somehow dont wanna untangle that knot. i'm just afraid to.
you may be confused, so am i. i'm tongue tied whenever i try.
i wish i'm not in the way. am i?
Bright cold silver moon Tonight alone in my room You were here just yesterday Slight turn of the head Eyes down when you said I guess I need my life to change Seems like something's just aren't the same What could I say?
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I stare up at the stars I wonder just where you are You feel a million miles away (I wonder just where you are) Was it something I said? Or something I never did? Or was I always in the way? Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit And every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again Again
I need a little more luck than a little bit Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit But every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by
I need a little more help than a little bit Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied I need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end Don't want to be here again And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again What it takes I don't care We're gonna make it I swear And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Thursday, May 15, 2008
i have this feeling it's coming back...
wouldnt be surprised if it happens again. maybe when it does again, i'll still be sad........ again even if i say now that i wouldnt.
bowling yesterday... i used an 11 pound ball, for the first time. it seemed pretty light. i could spin with it too... but then i sprained my neck AGAIN.
the last time i sprained my neck was in sec 3, july 18 2006. why do i remember? i even blogged about it. but yeah. and i sprained it cause of soccer.
and so... i sprained it this time cause of bowling. haha how amusing. so i was meerkat today too, and i still did pe... ran 2 rounds, played tennis and badminton lol.
jon improved a lot... he can spin a lot better now... he started out good, but now he's damn good lar... that idiot got 4 strikes in a row. wah lau, jealous lol.
today has been such a stoned day. i fell asleep like a million times lar... this is so crappy. been so tired recently. it's like deprivation of sleep and i'm gonna fall ill.... AGAIN. RAWR.
sigh so disappointed, once again. why must it be like that.. i was so angry i wanted to cry.
this morning was bad. really bad. i dont wanna go into further details...
i keep jumping like everything i say here isnt in chronological order. my mind is seriously in a mess. haha.
some boring stuff i do when i'm bored...
i wished i could be stronger...
for you, you, and all of you... SIGH.
i'm tired.
it's torturous. why do i still try?
请让我靠近你轻轻对你说 别让我每个夜为你受折磨 是多么不容易才默默放手
为了我就当作这次为了我 别让我因为你被回忆折磨 而空气凝结了我们的脸孔 我别无选择
就算我们之间有什么问题 依然想念着你 虽然被放弃 虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题 黑夜我还想着你 心碎人孤寂 虽然我愿意
再让我靠近你轻轻对你说 当我说我要你从此好好过 是真的否则我怎么肯放手
为了我就当作这次为了我 赐给我你现在幸福的笑容 别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔 请你做选择
就算我们之间有什么问题 依然想念着你 虽然被放弃 虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题 黑夜我还想着你 心碎人孤寂 虽然我愿意
心碎人孤寂 虽然我愿意 就算我们之间有什么问题 依然想念着你 虽然被放弃 虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题 黑夜我还想着你 心碎人孤寂 虽然我愿意 (心还想着你)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
[nothing to you.]
i guess right in the end, it's nothing. lol
i'm not thinking about it cause i dare not to. maybe thats why i cant get a answer for myself. sigh. things are so blurry.
haha been noticing a few things and well i'm feeling a little.......... inside. cant help but feel this way. i dont wanna show it. i'm trying to laugh about it though, but i still feel like crap inside. haha i dont know why... is it the habit of being oversensitive again? lol i sure hope so.
i guess i'm just nothing to you. is that.. good? haha maybe it is... i feel like i have put myself in a rather difficult position and i shouldnt have. hahaha stupid me making stupid mistakes again. have i been too naive? lol.
someone. put me out of this misery.
Monday, May 12, 2008
[break the silence with just one word.]
woke up at 530 this morning to go to school earlier just to do my 2.4km. okay i secured a silver. wished i got a gold :(
had a rough morning... sigh. sometimes i really cant take it... that i just wanna give up. it's so blatant, so obvious. but i dont know what to do... i've tried my best and for 2 weeks i've tried to hang on. things havent been looking good and have been looking good at the same time. what am i to do? i'm in this dilemma where i have to chose one path out of the two distinct paths.
there are so many people around me with complicated problems that require complicate solutions to solve them. but you know what? where to find these solutions? so difficult to think of some to help. and it makes me useless. i wanna help my friends.
i wanna be strong for them. if they need a hug, i can give them one. when they need a shoulder or back to cry or lean on, i can lend them mine. when they need a listening ear, i'm there. i know i'm weak and fragile inside, but i really wanna protect my friends as much as i could. thats why i wanna be strong for them.
i wished i could do so much more...
this is a song for a friend.
What's wrong, whats getting you down Is it something I might have said? You're walking around with your head to the ground and your eyes are watery red
I know you've been through rough times Kicked around, thrown to the ground but you've always been the strong one So don't tell me that nobody gets you 'cause I'm standing in your corner Knocking at tour door You don't have to be alone
Just call my name Let me be an answer 'cause it hurts me to see you this way I wanna ease your pain Help me understand Let me be your shelter my friend
We share a bond You and I we belong We're like coffee and morning trains You strip my defenses I catch your pretenses The same blood runs through our veins I swore I'd be your lifeline Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone I'll listen when nobody gets you I'm still standing in your corner Waiting by your door You don't have to be alone
Just call my name Let me be an answer 'cause it hurts me to see you this way I wanna ease your pain Help me understand Let me be your shelter my friend
It was not too long ago You sought to understand You helped me mend Remember when So promise me you'll
Call my name Let me be an answer 'cause it hurts me to see you this way I wanna ease your pain Help me understand Let my be your shelter my friend
Sunday, May 11, 2008
[making a choice can be oh so fun.]
i'm really going for the global classroom experience thing. was discussing with jon jerome where to go. jerome chose japan, yangshuo, chiangmai, in that order. jon's going for yangshuo, chiangmai, lijiang. i had two choices.
and so... i wanted to choose number 2 cause chiangmai has animal conservation... but number 1 cause jon and jerome were trying to psycho me to put yangshuo as first choice. i consulted savie... she said rockclimbing is available in singapore, and i should follow my interest.
this was my conversation with jon and jerome.
briana. says: so i should put ys first? ڵón says: erm ڵón says: yea! ڵón says: :D ڵón says: theres orienteering briana. says: but dont have animal conservation briana. says: and sg have rock climbing :D ڵón says: lol u have animal conservation is sgp ڵón says: ever heard of spca
haha stupid idiot... spca huh... so bad! LOL
chose number 1 in the end cause jon and jerome succeeded in psychoing me and savie said animal conservation may just be talks talks talks.
mother's day today! met up with my pw group, but it was quite unproductive... went to buy my new shoes with my mom after that. i like them :D hahaha they're pretty yeah! yeah cause my track shoes spoilt... the sole came off after i chased kleff across the school carpark. rawr...
had dinner after that... at ding tai feng. wah lau 40 xiao long bao, can die man lol... it was such a sleepy day and right now i have to go chiong my chem assignment haha bye!
i love this song.
Saw you walk into the room Thought I’d try to talk to you Babe am I ever glad you wanted me to It’s been two years to the day Half the time I’ve been away I know I’m not there enough but that’s gonna change Cause I’m coming back To show you that I’m keep the promise I made
When I’m with you I'll make every second count Cause I miss you Whenever you're not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now I'll make every second count when I'm with you
Yeah we've had our ups and down But we've always worked them out Babe am I ever glad we've got this far now Still I'm lying here tonight Wishing I was by your side Cause when I'm not there enough Nothing feels right So I'm coming back to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life
When I'm with you I'll make every second count Cause I miss you When ever you're not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now I'll make every second count When I'm with you Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made When I'm with you I'll make every second count Cause I miss you
When I'm with you I'll make every second count Cause I miss you Whenever you're not around When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now I'll make every second count (Make every second count) When I'm with you When I'm with you When I'm with you When I'm with you Yeah
Saturday, May 10, 2008
[disguise.]
he came back on thursday... apparently, he told me he was gonna be back 2 days later and leaving on the 10th after i cried so much for not being able to make it there in time.
i really failed my 2.4km run! i screwed it up bad and i seem to do so much better during pe.... i was kinda late for pe, and i didnt have time to do stretches... when i finished 1/3 of the run, my leg had cramps and i ran with cramps for another 1.6km. sigh.
some videos i took in class, when they do crazy things....
here's part 1
and part 2
yeah this kinda stuff happens everyday lol...
our chinese teacher is gay... he keeps touching the guys in my class... first matthew, then max, then tak kin! omg.. he touches their backs, hands... wah see already also scared!
today, when mrs oh couldnt make it for extra classes today, my class was having some who can open the bottle challenge, some arm wrestling comp and were watching maxy play dj max from the projector lol. tak kin was tightening all the bottle caps and the rest were tryign to open them lar...
after school, had the leadership seminar, which was quite boring... met new people! haha thats cool.. but many people were falling asleep... some copying notes, just to keep them awake! lol...
after that went out with the clique (mok, jon, jerome, steph, zenda, wenhui, lijuan) and tedric. we went to macs to celebrate ben and ivan's birthday... wenhui and zenda sent me on a mission to smash cake into ben's face... since they saw jason, cynthia and lijuan try to smash cake into his face... and so i walked over to the table... but ben saw the cake, and fought back... then i put my serviette down... cynthia handed me another cake... i hid it.. then i took a piece of white chocolate to eat. at that moment, ben let his guard down! and immediately smash the cake into him! he siamed and his hair kena! LOL his beautiful hair kena! hahahahahaha so proud lar... after that it was ivan's turn... so his sat in the corner, against the partition, with his hands covering his face and he was watching us... like a form of defence. jason tried to smash the cake into him, but ivan's hand flew out and smacked the cake away! lol it was scary lar... so wenhui told me "why cannot go the other side?" so i took the cake, sneaked behind ivan and SMASH! in the face. lol it was funny lar... i kena later on, not even my birthday lol.
went to bowl after that... it was like night bowling lar... we bowled until 1150. i was feeling abit 心酸 about something in my phone luh... sigh sigh...
first game was really like shit... my spins were like shit... and of course, my score was like shit... second game, jeffrey, ivan, christopher, jon, jerome, steph and zenda left. wenhui, lijuan, cynthia, ben and i stayed to play one more game. i beat my high score.. and my new high score is 125 :)
finally received the neoprints from steph. the neoprints we took after sr musical =D haha our first clique photo :D okay lar.. we didnt plan what to do.. so it was rather japalang... will take better neoprints the next time haha... but you know... i still like them! they're so nice. mok looks really toot lol! jon looks esp happy.
the girls...
and the guys...
we all had a great time... haha i love you guys... you make me smile everyday :D
great song... but it's been around for a couple of years... and the video is terribly boring
Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside You will never measure up, to those people you Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak Have you ever told someone something That's far from the truth Let them know that you're okay Just to make them stop All the wondering, and questions they may have
I'm okay, I really am now Just needed some time, to figure things out Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you Still we don't know what's yet to come
Have you ever seen your face, In a mirror there's a smile But inside you're just a mess, You feel far from good Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand Have you ever had this wish, of being Somewhere else To let go of your disguise, all your worries too And from that moment, then you see things clear
I'm okay, I really am now Just needed some time, to figure things out Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you Still we don't know what's yet to come
Are you waiting for the day When your pain will disappear When you know that it's not true What they say about you You could not care less about the things Surrounding you Ignoring all the voices from the walls
I'm okay, I really am now Just needed some time, to figure things out Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you Still we don't know what's yet to come I'm okay, I really am now Just needed some time, to figure things out Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you Still we don't know what's yet to come
Still we don't know what's yet to come Still we don't know what's yet to come
Thursday, May 08, 2008
[salvation.]
without wenhui, i really dont know how i can smile everyday...
yes, it's lonely in class, it's lonely in school. so different from pae. so little people i can trust. if i choose to let them go, i would be extremely lonely... i hardly smile anymore.. even though i tried so hard. maybe i do on the outside, but it does hurt and burn inside. i have to hold back tears, because there's hardly anyone to fall back on anymore. i really thought i left that shadow behind when i left ij. it seems i havent.
maybe this is the reason why people leave. they find me too sticky? really, am i? or am i really that easy to forget or am i just easily invisible?
i feel like i may be losing a close friend soon, just maybe. i dont know what to do. he seems rather distant, and difficult to reach. ever since that incident, when i got mad. things took a turning point, and i guess thats where things went wrong? he feels really really distant.
right now, i sit by the window, in a corner of the classroom. i always stare out, hoping to find something to get me out of that loneliness. i dont know who to talk to. it's so difficult to trust them, after what happened.
i did a lot of things for him. they may be small, but it's not nothing. maybe i done so much that it's really unnecessary? i really wonder if it is really unnecessary? not a word of thanks or any form of gratitude was received. why is it that i end up giving......
i cant even smile and laugh properly in school. the only time i can do all that is when i'm with wenhui. other than meeting up before school, i hardly meet up with her and jon after school cause of stuff.
i changed so much from pae. i really have. things look so bad for me now... i'm being left with emotional scars almost everyday. i keep crying because of what the class does and is sometimes. i hold my tears in school, cause i'm so afraid of showing more of my weaknesses just to stop my friends from avoiding me.
should i even try to salvage this friendship? if i were to let it go, i might really lose a really really close friend. thinking of the past, i feel really sad...
sigh.
on a lighter note, bowling training was good today. jon and i tried out spinning, and it didnt go too bad.... more practice would be good. i got 2 strikes spinning the ball today, pretty cool.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
[the corner.]
got my first A in JC when i received my second chem lecture test. i was really really shocked. and i needed one mark to top the class. rawr. haha oh wells.
today, we had our 5 napfa items for pe. i got straight As, and was surprised.... A for inclined pull ups and shuttle run. i just hope i dont fail my 2.4km run cause if i do, then my 5As would be wasted.
today, after school, i rushed to the airport, but i couldnt make it in time. he had to enter the gate and i was still trying to get there. i spent 16 bucks on cab fare from kovan to tampines. when i reached tanah merah, he called me to tell me that he cant wait for me anymore. i cried. i cried on the platform, all the way to when i sat on the floors of the viewing mall, watching HIS plane fly off. i couldnt stop crying. i had something important to give him today, but i didnt. i couldnt make it. i cried for an hour.
i felt so terrible inside, so tired from crying and i felt like i lost it. it was really a very sad feeling. i guess i felt better after sleeping on the train home. i was just so tired. but thinking about it now, makes me..... all over again
so many things to worry nowadays and i almost blew today. i get hurt so many times by the same people because of the same cause, betrayal of trust. even so, i still chose to believe. can i please stop being stubborn?
i argued with my "brother". in fact.. i dont know if he still is... he's changed so much. and it does break my heart to see the people i care a lot change so much, negatively. i dont know what to do about it, how to help him, how to give him a solution to all his problems... i feel so useless. like i always am.
my first photo with jerome. sr musical.
Monday, May 05, 2008
[i can't say.]
i slept a lot today... woke up at 2pm.. and fell asleep at 4pm cause i wasnt feeling well.
finished my physics assignment.
did half of math tutorial 10..
and chan tak kin has to show off to me, just cause he finished the whole thing. rawr.
what an unproductive day....
and it's 2.06am now. i should sleep soon right?
thinking about some thigns that happened earlier. jon, sarah, the class....
i'm still standing strong and i wish i would find a solution to these problems... haha i'm fine :)
Sunday, May 04, 2008
[i'll make every second count.]
many photos and videos to upload.
i'll start off with wednesday. we had our very first bowling meeting! joanna's the captain, christopher the vice and kleff's the secretary. congrats guys... and girl :) yup. we all had "training" actually it's more like a fun game that cost 12 bucks! omg. haha. played one more game and took even more photos. i hurt my hand when i tried playing with the ball 10 for one game.
steph, me after that, we had dinner at kfc. lol mok bought the shrooms burger (i think) and well, it was puny and he was complaining. he said he could finish it in 4 bites, turned out he finished it in 3! this is the proof!
1S24 outing. it was sentosa at first, then movie at vivocity! we watched iron man and it was damn good, damn cool. the visuals rock man.
at sentosa, since it was zixiang's bday, they tried to throw zixiang into the sea, almost made it haha.
haha i'm too lazy and sleepy to upload all the photos here
today, sr musical! it was pretty good. met up with max, tak kin, maxy, marcus, zixiang, jinting, li an, xueer, bernice, jasmine, michelle, jacqueline and weitong before heading to republic poly
only person i took a photo with was li an. tak kin and max didnt want to take with me :(
after that, met up with jon, jerome, steph, zenda, lijuan and wenhui for dinner. we had dinner at pastamania and caught a movie after that. we watched Dance of the Dragon. it was a rather boring.. yeah acting was good, but the movie was like a bit dead lar... good storyline, and good acting, just that it was boring overall. and it was a terribly sad movie.
after the movie, wenhui, lijuan, steph and i were like switching our shoes around haha... cause wenhui's feet were dying! and she wanted my shoes... so i lent them to her... i wore steph's and lijuan wore her extra pair of shoes... after walking for 10 metres, we switched back... cause lol i was dying in steph's shoes lol.
went to starbucks to celebrate lijuan's bday with a slice of cake and gave her our hand made present... she liked it and most credit goes to zenda cause she designed the present and did most of the work haha.
zenda forcing the cake on lijuan haha.
here are pics of some of the pages i took from lijuan's present
i'm gonna stay home and finish most of my work haha.
and my mum bought new mattresses! so i wanna go sleep! lol good night! out.
