[think not.]
i was wondering if i made the wrong decision... but i guess not.
he seems so much happier with his friends...like after the break up, i guess he's much more free and cheerful with his friends. instead of being gloomy with me most of the time.
i called him at 12am earlier, when i was walking home. yes i'm going home at 12am. kinda missed him, so i called... he was with his friends and i felt it was awkward if spoke to him when he's with his friends, like anti social. so i said bye and stuff... but didnt hang up.. i listened to his background, it was full of laughter and jokes as they were queuing outside dbl o (a club)... he didnt hang up luh, so yeah. then i felt so bad cause he's spending his everyday with me, and he prolly would have preferred to spend it with his friends.
i guess it was the right choice for him when i let him go.
these two days have been better i think? been trying to smile and laugh. i guess i did, max said i looked more cheerful and stuff. but i cant help thinking about certain things that make me rather sad. i can try to hide it from everyone else in class, in school. but i wont stop thinking about it, which makes me sad.
my cousin whom i have not met in several years came to talk to me out of the blue. haha yeah, she's from my paternal side of the family. the eldest out of the bunch of us (the cousins). frankly speaking... i dont even talk to my cousins, let alone am close to them. but my cousin's leaving for auckland soon and she wants me to have dinner with her family and stuff (meaning my first aunt, uncle, her bro and herself)... so yeah i'm going. i wonder how my dad will react to that? i guess my mum will be okay? i'm not so sure either... maybe both will react negatively...
i should go shower and all now.. i'm DAMN tired. but i'm still gonna stay up to do my tutorials :D lol work work work
jiayou
i'll prolly update more the next time i blog :D
Monday, April 28, 2008
[the insensitive remarks.]
today was a bad day....
i felt really alone in class today luh.
i started to think and reflect upon my past words and actions. i felt really guilty.... if you were to ask me what i did or said, i honestly cant think of what, but i felt guilty nonetheless. i started to cry on the inside and i felt like i was bleeding inside. i was just extremely sad today. and since i didnt have anyone to talk to today, i felt even worse... sigh
at the end of the day, i heard something damn horrendous and humiliating... i was so sad i cried when i got home. i didnt want to go to school tomorrow because of that. i just didnt think that they would take the joke even further, so far it's really too far. i started to cry as i walked out of school and i cried even more when i got home. the things they said were really insensitive....
i got really upset cause seriously, what they said made things and made me look damn ugly... not outlook but yeah. although it's totally and absolutely untrue, it still reflected very badly and i was crying for an hour because of that. after cooling down, jamming my brains on GH3, and talking to sarah, i felt better... and soon after, i was kinda like my happy self again. i decided i shall go to school happy tomorrow.
i know i've been emoing so often that people are prolly starting to get sick of me... sometimes i get so scared when i confide in people cause i emo so much i'm so afraid they'll start to take flight because of my emoness. then when i keep it in, i feel even more miserable.... i feel so afraid to show my weaknesses but i still do, which seriously sucks.
i hope tomorrow will be a better day. i'm better now... less crying and i guess you can say i've almost gotten over it.
mind you lar, i'm not emoing cause of relationships and such, i have other problems...
i guess the whole class could tell i was in the emo mode, i guess thats why no one wanted to talk to me. this is what i mean by people evading me or taking flight cause of my emoness. SIGH.
i said sorry many times today... and each time i said sorry, i was gonna cry. i did, and all that was left was nothing but an unspeakable sense of guilt. it made me really really sad and lonely today. my mood was really down in the pits today and it sunk so much deeper when i found out about that something which made me cried real bad.
it made me feel like i couldnt trust anyone else and i seriously wanted to quit. it was indeed a lousy day today.
today was a bad day....
i felt really alone in class today luh.
i started to think and reflect upon my past words and actions. i felt really guilty.... if you were to ask me what i did or said, i honestly cant think of what, but i felt guilty nonetheless. i started to cry on the inside and i felt like i was bleeding inside. i was just extremely sad today. and since i didnt have anyone to talk to today, i felt even worse... sigh
at the end of the day, i heard something damn horrendous and humiliating... i was so sad i cried when i got home. i didnt want to go to school tomorrow because of that. i just didnt think that they would take the joke even further, so far it's really too far. i started to cry as i walked out of school and i cried even more when i got home. the things they said were really insensitive....
i got really upset cause seriously, what they said made things and made me look damn ugly... not outlook but yeah. although it's totally and absolutely untrue, it still reflected very badly and i was crying for an hour because of that. after cooling down, jamming my brains on GH3, and talking to sarah, i felt better... and soon after, i was kinda like my happy self again. i decided i shall go to school happy tomorrow.
i know i've been emoing so often that people are prolly starting to get sick of me... sometimes i get so scared when i confide in people cause i emo so much i'm so afraid they'll start to take flight because of my emoness. then when i keep it in, i feel even more miserable.... i feel so afraid to show my weaknesses but i still do, which seriously sucks.
i hope tomorrow will be a better day. i'm better now... less crying and i guess you can say i've almost gotten over it.
mind you lar, i'm not emoing cause of relationships and such, i have other problems...
i guess the whole class could tell i was in the emo mode, i guess thats why no one wanted to talk to me. this is what i mean by people evading me or taking flight cause of my emoness. SIGH.
i said sorry many times today... and each time i said sorry, i was gonna cry. i did, and all that was left was nothing but an unspeakable sense of guilt. it made me really really sad and lonely today. my mood was really down in the pits today and it sunk so much deeper when i found out about that something which made me cried real bad.
it made me feel like i couldnt trust anyone else and i seriously wanted to quit. it was indeed a lousy day today.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
[thanks for the memories.]
haha good morning? i kinda just woke up...
was on the phone with sarah for 2 hours last night... from 1+ to about 330. it was really a joy talking to her cause we had so many things in common and we had the same sentiments about many things. at least i know there's someone else who totally and completely knows how i feel in class.
however, it doesnt mean that these problems wont vanish. i want to find a way to solve them. talking it to them would brew more trouble and i'm not thinking too much cause sarah agrees. i really wonder what can be done...
sigh, why?
i really really really miss my PAE class, 1S17. we were always so together. wherever we went, we were a class. all the retarded jokes we cracked in class. the names we gave each other (policewoman, lao da, etc.).. i really miss you 1S17. haha not to forget the SY and YS, as well as the wenhui concert that goes on everyday. times when we pon classes together... haha i miss all of that... although it's all gone, but i'll always remember the times. 1S17 was prolly the reason why i really didnt mind staying in srjc and they made me smile every single day, almost every minute of the day. i was even willing to go to school despite being terribly ill, for them and to enjoy their company.
really thank wenhui, lijuan, jon, mok, jerome, ek, fong wai, aldrich, greg, kelvin, steph, zenda and mel for being such wonderful friends up to now... although zenda and fong wai left for sajc, aldrich, ek, steph, lijuan and kelvin for poly, i wont forget the times we spent together... during PAE and during the first 2 weeks of JAE. they made the start of my jc life a pleasant one.
i love you guys
haha good morning? i kinda just woke up...
was on the phone with sarah for 2 hours last night... from 1+ to about 330. it was really a joy talking to her cause we had so many things in common and we had the same sentiments about many things. at least i know there's someone else who totally and completely knows how i feel in class.
however, it doesnt mean that these problems wont vanish. i want to find a way to solve them. talking it to them would brew more trouble and i'm not thinking too much cause sarah agrees. i really wonder what can be done...
sigh, why?
i really really really miss my PAE class, 1S17. we were always so together. wherever we went, we were a class. all the retarded jokes we cracked in class. the names we gave each other (policewoman, lao da, etc.).. i really miss you 1S17. haha not to forget the SY and YS, as well as the wenhui concert that goes on everyday. times when we pon classes together... haha i miss all of that... although it's all gone, but i'll always remember the times. 1S17 was prolly the reason why i really didnt mind staying in srjc and they made me smile every single day, almost every minute of the day. i was even willing to go to school despite being terribly ill, for them and to enjoy their company.
really thank wenhui, lijuan, jon, mok, jerome, ek, fong wai, aldrich, greg, kelvin, steph, zenda and mel for being such wonderful friends up to now... although zenda and fong wai left for sajc, aldrich, ek, steph, lijuan and kelvin for poly, i wont forget the times we spent together... during PAE and during the first 2 weeks of JAE. they made the start of my jc life a pleasant one.
i love you guys
Saturday, April 26, 2008
friday
this was some video i took in class during our one hour half break.
went to the bowling alley 2 hours after class ended. played like 3 games and spent an hour at the arcade before rushing to get the birthday cake with tak kin. turned out we were like 1 hour late... max, aaron, greg, michelle, weitong and jac were waiting for an hour. PAISEH!
the class dinner was fun and filling. had a lot of pizza... and the cake fight was fun, just that all of us were still in sch u. messed up the place and well, we attempted to clear it up but the staff told us it was okay. apologies to heartland mall's pizza hut!
after dinner and all, we headed downstairs. since tak kin was being an ass at pizza hut earlier, smashing cake into most of our faces, the rest of the class had a plan to have our revenge on him. sarah and i left two cakes with michelle and jac. greg and max ran after tak kin with some cake and well they chased him all the way to kovan hub lar.... they failed but attempt number 2 was more successful. zixiang came from behind. haha. max then managed to chase him again and pinned him down, screaming for greg to help. greg, marcus and zixiang then ran over to help. i ran over too, carrying lots of cake. we smashed it in tak kin's face! when we walked back to heartland mall, there was even more. haha the girls put cake in his face, on his shirt and IN his shirt. lol it was hilarious... then he ran around smashing cake in OUR faces once again. lol bugger lar.
max got taupoked after that and it was damn funny lar...
zixiang being a joker again LOL. stole weitong's bag and carrying it on his back, with his own on the front.
sarah the birthday girl
hahaha the mess... the ground outside heartland mall is damn dirty
the nice birthday gift for sarah. it's a black A2 placard with our photos all pasted on the front and messages on the back. sarah was gonna cry when she saw this.
-------------------------
last night, i felt really....
because of what happened, i felt really really sad and that useless feeling came back again. i cried a little today thinking about it...
am i really that bad?
is this the end?
this was some video i took in class during our one hour half break.
went to the bowling alley 2 hours after class ended. played like 3 games and spent an hour at the arcade before rushing to get the birthday cake with tak kin. turned out we were like 1 hour late... max, aaron, greg, michelle, weitong and jac were waiting for an hour. PAISEH!
the class dinner was fun and filling. had a lot of pizza... and the cake fight was fun, just that all of us were still in sch u. messed up the place and well, we attempted to clear it up but the staff told us it was okay. apologies to heartland mall's pizza hut!
after dinner and all, we headed downstairs. since tak kin was being an ass at pizza hut earlier, smashing cake into most of our faces, the rest of the class had a plan to have our revenge on him. sarah and i left two cakes with michelle and jac. greg and max ran after tak kin with some cake and well they chased him all the way to kovan hub lar.... they failed but attempt number 2 was more successful. zixiang came from behind. haha. max then managed to chase him again and pinned him down, screaming for greg to help. greg, marcus and zixiang then ran over to help. i ran over too, carrying lots of cake. we smashed it in tak kin's face! when we walked back to heartland mall, there was even more. haha the girls put cake in his face, on his shirt and IN his shirt. lol it was hilarious... then he ran around smashing cake in OUR faces once again. lol bugger lar.
max got taupoked after that and it was damn funny lar...
zixiang being a joker again LOL. stole weitong's bag and carrying it on his back, with his own on the front.
sarah the birthday girl
hahaha the mess... the ground outside heartland mall is damn dirty
the nice birthday gift for sarah. it's a black A2 placard with our photos all pasted on the front and messages on the back. sarah was gonna cry when she saw this.
-------------------------
last night, i felt really....
because of what happened, i felt really really sad and that useless feeling came back again. i cried a little today thinking about it...
am i really that bad?
is this the end?
[the little things we forget.]
i just woke up.
turned out i fell asleep on my table last night at 12+ and i woke up on my bed this morning at 620. i thought i was late for school. haha.
shall prolly update on friday later.... i'm in the just-woke-up mood.
i felt really..... last night. just a little ticked off by a particular someone. then i just rested my head on the table, thought about a lot of things, and i guess i fell asleep thinking. haha silly.
i just woke up.
turned out i fell asleep on my table last night at 12+ and i woke up on my bed this morning at 620. i thought i was late for school. haha.
shall prolly update on friday later.... i'm in the just-woke-up mood.
i felt really..... last night. just a little ticked off by a particular someone. then i just rested my head on the table, thought about a lot of things, and i guess i fell asleep thinking. haha silly.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
[happy birthday.]
been ages since i've blogged lol. and yes i finally changed my blogskin... i used the bleach skin since end of sec 2 LOL.
been super busy and tired these few days. things have been happening too, sigh. been rather stressed and not being able to smile. sigh sigh. i need to smile more... boon hao likes to tease me about how tired i look. he said i'm on drugs every night LOL
today was gerri's bday. havent seen the equalites in a month. after school, i rushed to novena square to meet them. we had dinner at fish and co. it was DAMN EX but it's still worth it. had dessert at TCC, where we hung around for half an hour, took a few photos and left. haha. it was quite fun, shared a lot of jokes and experiences in school. rjc guys playing pokemon, thats new.
took photos with zong, mag and gerri only... didnt take any with liz and mat LOL.
econs test was okay and not okay... screwed up my last qn sigh.
tomorrow 1S24 outing! we're gonna celebrate sarah's birthday too, haha woo!
nice tiramisu
zong ling =D
liz living up to her name as THE BIRD. matilda, i dont know what she's doing haha
the birthday girl, geraldine. come to think of it, we've been classmates for 4 years.
magdalene =D
the equalites (without savina D:)
been ages since i've blogged lol. and yes i finally changed my blogskin... i used the bleach skin since end of sec 2 LOL.
been super busy and tired these few days. things have been happening too, sigh. been rather stressed and not being able to smile. sigh sigh. i need to smile more... boon hao likes to tease me about how tired i look. he said i'm on drugs every night LOL
today was gerri's bday. havent seen the equalites in a month. after school, i rushed to novena square to meet them. we had dinner at fish and co. it was DAMN EX but it's still worth it. had dessert at TCC, where we hung around for half an hour, took a few photos and left. haha. it was quite fun, shared a lot of jokes and experiences in school. rjc guys playing pokemon, thats new.
took photos with zong, mag and gerri only... didnt take any with liz and mat LOL.
econs test was okay and not okay... screwed up my last qn sigh.
tomorrow 1S24 outing! we're gonna celebrate sarah's birthday too, haha woo!
nice tiramisu
zong ling =D
liz living up to her name as THE BIRD. matilda, i dont know what she's doing haha
the birthday girl, geraldine. come to think of it, we've been classmates for 4 years.
magdalene =D
the equalites (without savina D:)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
[you make me happy.]
hey sorry for the long delay...
15 March 2008
went out with the equalites to celebrate zong's birthday. we had lunch at nydc, wheelock. after taht they wanted to have dessert at swensens! wth such pigs. spent a bomb lar... always end up burning a hole in my pocket each time i go out with them. the last time, they wanted to eat at sushi tei. lucky i had brunch before meeting them. siao lar... they spent a total of over a hundred dollars at sushi tei and all i had was free green tea, heh =D
between nydc and swensens, some sunkist people were asking passers-by to take photos with oranges in their mouths.
after swensens, we went to window shop at heeren. was a pretty short day but yeah, it was okay.
thanks for forgetting mine.
21 March 2008 - 1S24 outing
it was a great day, i really enjoyed it.
met up with tak kin at 3pm cause the rest of class wanted to watch rule no. 1 and we didnt wanna watch the movie, decided to meet them after that instead. we walked around plaza sing for about an hour, it was funny bullying him lol.
met up with the rest of the class after that to have dinner. it was funny lar! lol we were playing 终极密码. the forfeit was some rojak soup zixiang created, it was damn gross. haha lucky i didnt kena. it looked very nauseating lol. still had to drink it in the end cause they said everyone has to drink it. lol i made tak kin drink it for me but i couldnt run either. it was cold, sour, spicy and all sorts. ugh. it was fun though... boon hao kena three times and all three times, he called out the number 500.
went to play pool with them after dinner. just realised a lot of the guys are damn good. zixiang was being commentator, haha! damn noisy, damn funny lar. after pool, tak kin and i waited for boon hai to come back from the washroom. when we came out, the girls all left!!! without me! even greg went off with them. all who were left were zixiang, max, maximillian, boon hao, marcus, aaron, tak kin and myself. they forgot about me lar..... haiyoh. so anyways, we were walking off. suddenly, zixiang, max, maximillian, boon hao, aaron and marcus started to walk faster. tak kin and i knew what they were trying to do so we tried to catch up. wah lau, they ran instead. and because tak kin cant run in those jeans, he said it might drop if he does, we had no choice but to see them disappear in the crowd. lol, those idiots... trying to do something funny. sian. when we got to the cathay, they were really GONE. we called them, and told them we were going for supper, so join us. they kept saying "you two need some alone time mah" diaos.
so tak kin and i sat outside 7-11 at plaza sing, eating cup noodles. lol. and they walked past us! we didnt even see them, wth. went home after that at 1030. it was a fun day lar.. just that they had to ps us like that. lol more photos on aaron's and max's blogs.
i'll upload more photos later =D
hey sorry for the long delay...
15 March 2008
went out with the equalites to celebrate zong's birthday. we had lunch at nydc, wheelock. after taht they wanted to have dessert at swensens! wth such pigs. spent a bomb lar... always end up burning a hole in my pocket each time i go out with them. the last time, they wanted to eat at sushi tei. lucky i had brunch before meeting them. siao lar... they spent a total of over a hundred dollars at sushi tei and all i had was free green tea, heh =D
between nydc and swensens, some sunkist people were asking passers-by to take photos with oranges in their mouths.
after swensens, we went to window shop at heeren. was a pretty short day but yeah, it was okay.
thanks for forgetting mine.
21 March 2008 - 1S24 outing
it was a great day, i really enjoyed it.
met up with tak kin at 3pm cause the rest of class wanted to watch rule no. 1 and we didnt wanna watch the movie, decided to meet them after that instead. we walked around plaza sing for about an hour, it was funny bullying him lol.
met up with the rest of the class after that to have dinner. it was funny lar! lol we were playing 终极密码. the forfeit was some rojak soup zixiang created, it was damn gross. haha lucky i didnt kena. it looked very nauseating lol. still had to drink it in the end cause they said everyone has to drink it. lol i made tak kin drink it for me but i couldnt run either. it was cold, sour, spicy and all sorts. ugh. it was fun though... boon hao kena three times and all three times, he called out the number 500.
went to play pool with them after dinner. just realised a lot of the guys are damn good. zixiang was being commentator, haha! damn noisy, damn funny lar. after pool, tak kin and i waited for boon hai to come back from the washroom. when we came out, the girls all left!!! without me! even greg went off with them. all who were left were zixiang, max, maximillian, boon hao, marcus, aaron, tak kin and myself. they forgot about me lar..... haiyoh. so anyways, we were walking off. suddenly, zixiang, max, maximillian, boon hao, aaron and marcus started to walk faster. tak kin and i knew what they were trying to do so we tried to catch up. wah lau, they ran instead. and because tak kin cant run in those jeans, he said it might drop if he does, we had no choice but to see them disappear in the crowd. lol, those idiots... trying to do something funny. sian. when we got to the cathay, they were really GONE. we called them, and told them we were going for supper, so join us. they kept saying "you two need some alone time mah" diaos.
so tak kin and i sat outside 7-11 at plaza sing, eating cup noodles. lol. and they walked past us! we didnt even see them, wth. went home after that at 1030. it was a fun day lar.. just that they had to ps us like that. lol more photos on aaron's and max's blogs.
i'll upload more photos later =D
