[not-so-merry christmas.]

haha merry christmas... hahaha how ironic. thats the first thing i say after putting up such a title.

i spent the entire day watching nana. yes jinwei, i'm slow when it comes to anime too haha.

anyway, come to think of it. i've been having this nickname "nana" since i was P5... erm you wouldnt be able to guess who first called me that... it's jiaying... well i admit i didnt like that name at first, but i guess i kinda got used to it when the whole class knew about it and started calling me that. then lyn li had to call me nana-sai. dang. i think nana is nicer. if you break my email address up, you get three words... "nana say haha". i know it's cheesy and stupid, but i guess my mind went blank when i had to think of a new email address. i didnt want to stick to nana_sai2003 in 2005! so i changed it. hahaha yeah... i think thats an easier name than briana right?

going to genting and KL tomorrow. bus leaving at around 7 i think. turtle said it's foggy, so if the bus falls off on the way there and i die, haha, gg sia... at least i died watching anime, HAHA, on my mp3 player.

yeah i finally got my creative zen vision m. yayness. my dad didnt get it for me, my mum did, haha. i've taken up half the space in a day, with all the anime and songs i transferred into it.

i hvnt packed for the trip tomorrow, haha. i better do after blogging. ah well.

i'm having a moody christmas... my christmas last year... cant remember. but yeah, i'm having a moody christmas. so much for MERRY christmas. i need santa to cheer me up, haha just joking. but yeah, strike out the "err" in merry and replace it with "ood"

merry
moody

okay lame.

christmas eve was pretty okay i guess... went out with en chou and asther... to countdown. haha we spent 20 bucks at the arcade... thats cause if you spend 20 bucks, you get another 20 bucks free. so yeah.

haha ah well, back on the 29th... yeah seeya! have fun and merry christmas!

[10 day substitute.]

hahaha i'm sick.

yeah thatnks to the rain. okay i like rain alright? i just got caught in it for three days.

sunday.

newspaper collection. haha it's always fun when you see all sorts of things. haha yeah, there was this unit i went up to and there was this huge mistletoe on the door, blocking the peep-hole. DANG. anyway, i was walking in the rain before i got to macs. and then ran in the ran just to get to the other block.

monday.

vex... jianeng was there. yeah when we were going home, the rain was so heavy and despite standing at the bus stop, we still got wet, because the rain got in and our pinafores were wet, except for where the belt is supposed to be. in the end, we missed the 506 bus and instead of waiting for the next one (which will take another half hour), we took a cab to bishan. it was long ride and i was telling her stories. BLEAGH!!! the fare waws $15.40, cause it was also the peak hour, damn. so suay lar.

tueday.

hahaha vex again. went out for lunch with en chou and james. was caught in the rain on the way back. yeah we ran from the bus stop opposite the school to into the school, which is about 10m??? so anyway, after vex, went to eleos with james, which is all the way at tanjong pagar. he was having an interview with mr kang and stuff so i waited till like 8pm. then we headed to some food centre to eat. getting outta there was the worst part. we got lost. walked in the rain, trying to hail a cab. okay we were in between chinatown and tanjong pagar. well, hailing a cab at chinatown isnt the best idea because the drivers dont give a damn and they either switch to busy the moment they see you flagging their cab or purposely be "on call" and wait in a corner for i dont what either. it was raining of course. so after half an hour of trying to hail a cab, we decided to TRY to find our way to the train station. haha we found our way, or rather james remembered how to get there and yay, we were outta there. it was freezing and it felt like winter. well, at least to me lar. finally got home.

there, three days. i started coughing on tuesday and was down with a little cold on wednesday. ll a little sick at this moment.

i think the real shock was from those cab drivers who totally dont care about passengers in the rain. please lar!!! CHINATOWN... equals to tourists.... equals to singapore's image. dang.

started watching a new anime yesterday. it's called NANA. i can say the story's pretty interesting. it's mostly about two girls of the same age, same name (their names are nana... and nana), same origin and they're both going to tokyo. now they're living together as roomates in a apartment they rented. haha although one's a sweet kinda girl and the other's a rock star (the gothic kind), haha they both get along pretty well. i'm only on the 3rd episode. haha. i see why chrystal keeps urging me to watch NANA.

i was just reminded of why this "10-day substitute" thing even existed. it's a long story. haha

[bus 506.]

i saved an old man from a worm.

i was on the way home no bus 506. this old man boarded the bus and much to my horror, i saw this worm on the collar of his polo tee. i went over and told him. he was a little freaked out too. i took out a piece of tissue paper and "collected" the bug, it crawled onto the tissue paper and i didnt know what to do with it except hold that piece of tissue paper and watch it crawl on it. the old man took the tissue paper and i think he crushed it. BLEAGH.

well, there you have it, the events that keep happening on bus 506, haha.

went shopping with my mum today. it turned out pretty unpleasant at first. look, i'm not the kind who shops. especially clothes. she just wanted to get some clothes for chinese new year. sigh. and becuase my mind was drifting off somewhere, i got scolded.

newspaper collection tomorrow. yay.

i shall make a trip to ikea tomorrow =D

no frs, that's crappy...

[the things we all have to worry about.]

the bus broke down today.

was on the way home after vex, on bus 506, when the bus broke down 2 stops before the stop where i was gonna alight. well i was sleeping, and edmund woke me up when people were starting to alight the bus.

well when the bus uncle wanted to hand us the free ticket to the next bus, his hands were shivering. i could tell he was pretty nervous. come on lar, the bus you just drove broke down leh... i was afraid for him, seeing him like that. come on lar, the poor guy's hands were shivering. so i told him not to be nervous and it's okay, we'll just take the ticket and separate them ourselves.

took the bus 59 instead since i can alight it right in front of school, which is just right across the street from my place.

tiring day. haha not enough sleep lar.

it rained. hahaha yeah. ruixue was caught in the rain. i caused felix to miss his bus, haha that was hilarious. haha mr chong and ms lim were really funny with the cable ties... hahaha hmm...

anyway, late. i've been at this window for 3 and a half hours. it's 1.45am now. no kidding. haha ah well, bye, enjoy your day :)

[the blatant truth - substitution.]

yeah i'm still awake at this hour (5.26am, look at the time this entry was posted). i'm just afraid i wont be able to wake up at 9am later

just got off the phone with dom. i guess our conversation kinda got me thinking about a lot of things.

wow (world of warcraft) is fun. yeah was wowing with dom for like 4 hours? haha yeah, completed a lot of quests in two days.

that was the past. think about the past and present if you dont wanna think of the future. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing by looking into the past and trying hard to figure it out all over again. i guess the sweet memories are much more difficult to remember than the not-so-sweet ones because they're linked, somehow.

thinking of the people who hurt me, made me feel terrible and guilty, i will feel bitter inside that makes me wanna cry. i guess that explains why.

thats the past. thinking back, i would wanna laugh at the silly things i have done. however, there's nothing i can do about it, just live with it. yeah just like all the misfortunes i have met so far, that placed me in a situations leading to who i am now, i'll just live with it.

well, my eyebags are popping out, which means to say i'm really tired. ah well, good night/morning =)

[memory stick.]

a girl just knocked on my door. well i was the one who opened it. she spoke to me in chinese. she told me she was from ********* **** sec sch (i won't disclose the school name) and there are students from her school who are taking their o levels next year but their families have no income, so she wanted me to buy an ice cream. well i declined to but felt super bad once i got back to my room. yeah, i felt like running out of the house, running after her, and buying an ice cream.

well, i'm taking my o levels next year as well and yeah, it is important. in fact, it's important to all of us. i guess my mum would prolly just say she was a fake or something. what would you think of someone going up to your doorstep at 8.30pm at night and asking you to buy an ice cream cause there are people out there who cant take their o levels? would you buy an ice cream? an ice cream sold would mean a lot to them, then why didn't i buy one? regret regret.

and yeah, the story in my previous entry was from an email my mum sent me. when i read it, it got me thinking. we all do have that choice to be that positive person, or to be that negative person. rah, i shall stop thinking so much about this and take each step at a time, keeping in mind that we can all be happy happy people and lead happy happy lives.

it was a hectic day. went to school at noon just to collect some goods and a lot of flyers. i guess it's so much easier when you're living right across the street and it'll only take you at most 5 mins to get to school.

had to meet mag at bugis straight away cause we had some stuff to do. spent half an hour buying her dad's memory stick for her computer. yeah, we got it. it's $57. today was the first time i saw a memory stick.

we bought a lot of food. okay not a lot. i bought chicken balls and ice lemon tea from tori q, spring rolls from old chang kee and soy milk from lavender.

chicken balls + ice lemon tea -> $2.50
spring rolls -> $0.90
soy milk -> $1.30

TOTAL = $4.70

okay i just realised i spent that much on lunch. and i didnt really eat that much, if you look at it again.

hahaha so it was a day out with mag. haha i guess i cant remember when was the last time i went out with mag. hahaha that would have been a real long time ago.

i guess you cant really say it was hectic, cause i came home and i went to sleep, for 2 hours. yeah i sure did.

i packed my room. it looks neater. haha, but it's still messy. i know it's ironic, but you'll get the idea =)

rah, tuition tomorrow. then i gotta go all the way to paya lebar, rah rah.

once again, my bro is off to some chalet. this time, i dont know what chalet it is. i think it's some chalet they organised themselves. hahaha all the rich people. ah well.

[and all my tears will air dry with just a little time.]

spent the entire day playing games with lester. haha yeah. bf2 was a killer. i got killed way too many times. i'm like ranked somewhere near the bottom of the list.

read this. it's a story my mum sent me weeks back.

choices

Jerry is a manager at a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.
When someone asked him how he was doing, he would alwyas reply, "If I were better, I would be twins!"
Many of the waiters quit their jobs when he changed jobs,
so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant
Why?

Because, Jerry was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry would always be there, telling him or her how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him:
"I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied,

"Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it.

Everytime someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not that easy", I protested.

"Yes it is", Jerry said.

"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice.

You choose how to react to situations.

You choose how people will affect our mood.

You choose to be in a good mood.

It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later,
I heard Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the business.
He left the back door of his restaurant open.
And then???
In the morning, he was robbed by three armed men.
They want?
#123*+!@$%&*~
While Jerry tried to open the safe box,
his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.
The robbers panicked and shot him.
Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to hospital.
After 18 hours of surgery,
and weeks of intensive care,
Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of bullets still in his body...
I saw Jerry six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was,
he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but did not ask him what he went through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door", Jerry replied.

"Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared?", I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine." But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well there was this big nurseshouting questions at me", said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

"Yes", I replied.

"The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Bullets!" Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live, please operate on me as though I'm alive, not dead."

Jerry lived, thanks to the skills of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.

I learned from him that everyday you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours - that no one can control or take from you

is your attitude, so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

--------------------------------

yeah, and thats it... sayonara, enjoy your hols =)

[kingdom hearts II.]

upgraded my blogger acc to the new version.. and maybe i like the old one better. haha

finished my chem and emath homework... WHEE yeah man. haha if you realised, i always procrastinate and leave my homework to the last two days of hols... there are three more weeks to school. haha maybe cause chrystal said she finished her homework that made me wanna finish up my homework as well. it isn't a bad thing what. all i have left is

1 amath paper
4 chinese essays
1 chinese compre
1 history project (group work i suppose)
i english book review

re-reading pendragon for my book review. SIAN LAR. elizabeth is still holding to my other three pendragon books. i'm only left with the first book, that is pendragon: the merchant of death. pendragon: the lost city of faar, pendragon: the never war and pendragon: the reality bug is still with her!!! rah... i hvnt read pendragon: black water and hvnt bought the next two books (the rivers of zadaa and the quillan games). haiyah i havent touched pendragon for a long time. i have the rough idea of what the story is like but if you asked me about details, i prolly forgotten half of them.

have been spending my week on vex and homework. hahaha oh yeah, i actually started playing kingdom hearts II again after knowing dom is ahead of me! rah.... if i'm not wrong, he's stuck at the sephiroth part. and you know what? i'm at the revisiting-of-worlds part. rah.

jinwei's in japan now and hahaha nice of him to tag from japan. haha lester still reads my blog and tags from thailand. haiyah, many people leaving for holiday. enchou leaving for malaysia for the whole week next week. kor going to malaysia once enchou returns. oh yeah, jasper's back. zhen xiao's still in taiwan. matilda's in tasmania. gerri's leaving for beijing soon. amanda pai's in malaysia now.

yeah, christmas up soon. can say i'm not rich enough to buy presents. hahaha unlike last year, i'm not working as temp this year. so no money to go christmas shopping haha.

i shall go play now =) i'll do my homework later larrr. i did chem till 3 last night. haha

[stand up.]

everything's made to be broken.

i hope everything will turn out fine for you guys... stay strong yeah?

this is second time i'm going through this. maybe cause it happened to me before that i kinda understand how it feels when someone else is going through it. it's a real bitter feeling when you see it happening and next thing you know, you just break, just like that. please be okay alright?

fll day 2 today. well, i dont know why but there were some performances. okay. all ballet. NO IDEA WHY. i wonder how you put ballet with robotics... but well, they did it, and it didnt look good =.= it looked extremely weird... even without robotics... yeah.

then went to expo for siteX... stef was there, selling ipods. hahaha. yeah a lot of stuff there...

wahhh many people leaving the country... jinwei, tricia and jasper.

gotta go to e2max tomorrow.

bleagh i dont know what to say. hahaha omg i finished 2/3 of my emath homework... haha but it doesnt mean i still dont have hw...

shall play 1 dota match with mr moh.... and then do my hw hahaha... finish up the remaining 1/3 hahaha...

i'm exhausted man haha... was already pretty sleepy in the morning haha.

have fun people =)

[everything's made to be broken.]

oh man i just realised i didnt update my blog for a week =.= DANG

anyway i shall just talk about whatever that happened over the week.

lester is gonna be away for more than a month. he and dom left for malaysia last friday for a competition in KL and well they were 1st runner ups, yay for them haha. then dom returned on monday. lester flew to thailand and he's in hong kong now. hahaha yeah

just last week, ij participated in robofest, a competition organised by ELPMIS and it was held at the ishop at orchard cineleisure. we sent in two teams (transcend and livewire) and well we came back with an award. my team won the photogenic award. hahaha we just had to look nice on our cert. BLEAGH haha. and velda likes this damai guy lar. his name is kevin. hahaha he is eye candy lar. hahahaha and super pro too. his team won champ =.= hahaha. and yeah got to know the nanhua people. haha they're a cool bunch man... was lanning at e2max (mr kang's treat, heeee) with them along with kelvin and mr david moh. well took a photo with all of them cause we were all volunteers, but the photo's with kelvin and i dont have his contact. when i get the photo, i may post it here. yeahh because of robofest, ticko wouldnt stop calling my brani, because gerri told him people call me that and yes he started calling me that. to be fair, i started calling him ticko, although his real name is tick meng. he doesnt mind though... his email has "ticko" in it. rah. hahaha, yeah it was a great knowing them. robofest was pretty fun, got to know lot of people and stuff. and i was official on the day before the finals. well i was initially there to give my support to revoltage (tricia, jinwei, ben) and meltdown (kor, zul, clovis), but i ended up as an official and got to know almost all of them, even daniel. daniel is this guy who's in sajc now. he graduated from nanhua sec sch and is also in my kor's OG grp haha. hahaha his hello kitty is velda. haha omg lar, it was hilarious. he still doesnt know who's his hello kitty and when the nanhua people were explaining why velda was hello kitty, they said it's cause daniel liked her back view. haha oh man. and she's hello kitty cause daniel's daniel, if you get what i mean. daniel is hello kitty's husband. thinking about the times i spent with them, it just tickles me.

then there was arc camp. hahaha super fun. try captain's ball, or rather captain's chicken. yeah we played with a raw chicken. no, 2 raw chickens.. haha it was hilarious. the bbq was kinda fun and i just found out mr david moh can play the guitar really well. he was playing good riddance by green day on the guitar, the whole song. pretty cool. showered at 1am. since savie and i were the last two to shower and ms lim didnt want us to go down to shower that late cause it may be dangerous, she told us to shower in the staff toilet on the 2nd storey. hahaha since i brought savie's guitar there, savie was playing the guitar. zong and savie taught me a little as well. whee. the time spent there was priceless. haha i love my fellow arcians.

i just went to school this morning. just to start and finish a history essay. it was group work so yeah, clara, deborah, gerri and i were working on it for about an hour. i typed everything out and sent it, yay. blargh. that piece of holiday assignment is due tomorrow and yes finally got it off my mind.

if you hvnt seen jinwei's new blog layout, it's super nice lar. and makes me wanna steal it. RAH.

http://whattheflush.blogspot.com/

yeah togu, can i steal your layout? haha.

prep starts tomorrow. yeah gotta go to the east every weekday and maybe sat from today till mid-jan. haha.

RAH my bro bought a razer mouse pad. like WTH! he has the money to buy that but no money to return to me. RAH. it's like he bought a razer diamondback a few weeks back and now he bought a razer mousepad. he only spends everyday making my life difficult and HE HASN'T PAID ME BACK. now he tells me "i only have $1+, pay what back?" wah good lar. DANG. i want my razer ProClick V1.6! preview here! haha speaking of which, i got to use it at robofest, during the finals haha. RAH.

anyways, since i completed a portion of my homework, i shall try to complete another portion tonight. i know i wont have the time this dec. haha. ah well, bye!

[struggling.]

i'm not trying to be rebellious.

i grew up with the freedom you gave me. if you suddenly take it now, i will break down.

in fact, all the threats, the crying and the guilt, really is driving me off the edge. not that i dont want to be good and listen to you or anything. you need to understand my reasons. although i cant tell you now, i hope you understand. will you really listen if i explained and told you?

i am trying. i am trying to compromise everything. maybe i'm not trying hard enough okay? then i'll try even harder. just stop doing this to me. if you think that doing this can change me, i dont think it's possible.

i'm feeling guilty alright?

i want to leave this place. i'm so afraid of losing what i hold dear to me.

things are about to pile on me, and i guess they already are.

i'll just have to learn to bear with it.

---------------------

i was hoping you would be okay after a while. i didnt think you would take it hard. wrong again, like always.

was i supposed to see that and feel extremely guilty about what had happened? you know what? it's working. it does. you chose the right time to put me down, so are you happy now?

i'm trying so hard to avoid it, to not show my weaknesses but you're forcing them outta me with everything you're doing now.

you don't have to tell me, cause i already know. you don't have to announce it to the enture world just for me to see it, i'm not that stupid to the point where i cant take notice of your feelings okay?

i really didnt want all of these to happen. i know it's my fault okay? just stop harping on it.

i'm struggling so much now.

[doing the right thing.]

i'll try to do the right thing today.

i said sorry today.

well, i feel good about it, finally apologising to her. well i just found out i kinda offended her unintentionally 8 months ago. i know sorry isnt enough to make up for anything. she'll prolly still hate me (for other reasons), but ah well, live with that.

dom's brother is adorable haha.

btw, last day of school yesterday -celebrate-

i'll try to fix things by this week. i will this sat. i'm finally getting a lot off my chest ya know?

i know stuff keep piling, but i'll be okay right till the end. haha i did promise i would be okay right? i just needed time, thats all.

want to know what's on my mind at this moment? my o levels. i'm gonna pia, chiong, whatever. target: 8 points. i'm thinking about the competitions and all. shall put in all i have next year... and i shall not let these be empty words.

lester lent me battlefield 2. -grins- and woah bf2142 is pro lar. difficult but still nice. hahha i shall play bf2 first...

my bro got a new laptop. looking on the bright side, he wont have to keep scolding me for stealing his connection, getting him dced from maple... haha i wonder....

next week - hectic. will prolly die haha.

[welcome to the black parade.]

haha this blog layout has been here for almost a year... REALLY. since last year's fll... hahaha i should change it lar... well, soon.

anyway go this off suhui's blog (saw it on debby's blog too)

My earliest memory was a fall on the way to the playground when i was 5. my maid actually praised me for being brave??? (haha i did mention in the previous entry that i'm afraid of pain) yeah i didn't cry, maybe thats why.

At school I stone, play and chat with chrystal, and well, -ahem- sleep

My first relationship was with my teddy bear when i was a small child... well i like to hug stuffed toys. i saw this huge bear at toys 'r' us and i'm simply in love with it haha.

I don't like talking about why we should all just die (yes i had that kinda conversation with someone, and she was annoying me... cause she said we lived to die. RAH)

I wish I'd never worn that cheong sum to my P6 chinese teacher's place. omg lar.

My father always told me "take care of your brother" at the start and end of every phone call.

At home I cook what i can find and cook at home... haha but if you wanna know what i usually cook, it's instant noodles.

My last meal would be at kfc with my bro, dom and lester this evening. actually we watched dom eat. not counted right? then it's recess with shar and pf this morning.

My favourite gadget is my phone.

I'm very bad at dota.

When I was a child i would go to the playground at exactly 4pm everyday, go to the beach every weekend (i lived at marine parade, can walk to east coast from my place) and i argued A LOT with my brother, gave my parents big headaches haha.

The book that changed my life is none at the moment.

It's not fashionable, but i still like to fold cranes.

The song I'd like played at my funeral is some final fantasy theme, haha they're nice.

If only I could stop getting so easily affected.

The hardest thing I've ever done was being able to express my thank yous properly.

The last belly laugh I had was today. haha

What I don't find amusing is when you're telling a very very offending joke.

I'm always being asked 'what time did you sleep last night'

Cat or Dog? i would prefer a dog, although i wouldnt mind a cat.

If I were a car i'll love my owner as long as he/she treats me really well.

i often wonder if we all see things differently.. laike maybe it's blue but in your eyes, it's a diff colour

[welcome home.]

back from RICO (Raffles Institution Chinese Orchestra) concert at the Singapore Conference Hall. hahaha zhenxiao was playing the suona. hahaha and zhaojie was percussions. rah zx cut his hair, haha can see despite being at least 10 m away okay! haha but yeah it was pretty good lar...

went to east coast yest. fell. worst fall. scraped elbow real bad. didnt stop bleeding even when i came home. my mum bought a bunch of i dont know what? gauzes (with parafin) and gauzes (without parafin) stuff to stick on my wound to "protect" it. i dont know. my bro just whacked really hard on my wound, damn pain (mind you, i'm afraid of pain so i can cry. i know it's childish but wth?) bruised on the right side of my hip bone and one or two swollen and bruised fingers. yes it was a bad fall.

sigh.

i don't know if i'm doing the right thing now okay?

should i stay or should i go?

if i left, what will happen? really, what will happen?

i brought this upon myself, didnt i?

i can't make the right decisions. i have so much to consider and i still have to listen to what my heart tells me. SHEESH, it's not easy, no one said it was in the first place. knowing how dumb and stupid i am, i still landed myself in this situation. i rather get hurt than hurt anyone. at least i'm happy being the one getting hurt. happy getting hurt, it sounds wrong, but i rather get hurt than hurting anyone else. as long as i have that to remind myself and cheer myself up, does the rest really matter? so please, do something that you know will hurt me.

if i told you i was leaving, can you be like how you are right now? if i stayed, what will happen?

i know i'm wrong, this is wrong. and seriously, it's my fault to begin with. if i had a better idea to clean this up than to pick one and start hurting people, yeah my world will come to a moment of peace. my mind is filled with nothing but my thoughts, my fears and my feelings. i fear too much, i worry too much. the two of you dont have to worry, leave it to me cause i deserve it.

-------------

good song.

Welcome Home (You) - Brian Littrell

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"
But I laid it all down, gave everything
In my head rang the words that my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face.

When I look at you holding my heart
I will give to you all that I have
Son I know there'll be times
You will feel all alone
I will share with you the words my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
You can bet I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

Said I've been waiting for that day
Just to feel your warm embrace
Your love has shown
I will never be alone
You will welcome me home

I'll forever be
You will say to me
Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"

[learning to breathe.]

haha omg... i posted this on the class blog. i was wondering why it didnt appear here.... BLEAGH... this happens when you have too many blogs on your dashboard. haha

haha the phone charger in my room is screwed up.... and it's new =.=

anyway, my two weeks have started. haha i'm starting to like differentiation.

was spending the whole of geog in the lang room cause we didnt have a geog teacher. so it was a free period. chrys, stef, pf, astrid, yiqi and i moved over to the lang room cause our classroom was too noisy and well it was gonna be boring staying in there for one hour doing nothing. some of us started to do some work and haha by 11.50am, we were all fooling around. haha pf, chrys and yiqi drew bubbles (ppg) on the board and started to draw all sorts of stuff on her lar. haha at about 12.30pm, some other people came in and well we stopped playing. stef, yiqi and pf moved to their other lang rooms while chrys, astrid and i stayed back for chinese. i slept for 20 mins =.=

hahaha and we didnt have chinese! yeah. laoshi treated the class to pizza. so we were all sitting in the canteen eating. jaslyn, joy and i left school early and had lunch at mos. i cant say it was exactly lunch for me cause i was just having ichigo bliss and corn soup (had pizza already). i have to say the ichigo bliss tastes really weird. it's really diff from the last time i bought it.

after lunch, met up with kor and we spent the two hours chatting about a lot of things. haha yeah. went home at about 4+, then headed for j8 to collect tickets from zhenxiao. went to the lib to look for stef. haha i was supposed to seduce shunli last night! haha. yeah cause i told stef i was gonna steal her gf. yeah it was all a joke of course. went home with shunli, did i mention she lives just right above me? well, diagonally above me cause she lives above the unit that's just on my left. haha but it's still cool. i get to see her sometimes when i go to school. haha she's really cute lar. it's funny how you can find ONE more person who speaks like stef. and she's crazy over sajc, haha (she wants to go there next year).

i wanna play nfs carbon. DAH.

hahaha not touching blogger for almost a week... it does make a difference to me. haha. it's not as if i didnt do it before...

ah well. i kinda just woke up. haha call me a pig. dont know if i'm gonna go for mass with stef later on. i dont think i'll be going for lynette and melissa's confirmation. i dont know how to get there. HAHA.

anyway this song is nice. :)

-----------------------------

Learning To Breathe - Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies
Yeah, abundant skies, yeah

This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours
This is a way

This a the way that I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Yes I'm dying to breathe in
These abundant skies
These abundant skies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm learning to breathe
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how you doin'?

[chopper.]

try not to fall deeper. really. without a confirmation, the wounds sustained would be even deeper than expected.

i went to jog this morning! with ben. yeah... i got a headache all of a sudden and we ended up at the playground, playing on the swing and just chatting. after that, went to his place to teach him a tune on the piano. he taught me a simple tune on the guitar. haha yeah. his grandma was really sweet and according to him, his dog loves me cause i was constantly scratching its neck and the back of its ears. haha yeah, it's cute but it likes to lick the floor haha.

went home to shower after that and went out again. haha went to play time crisis 4 (i'm starting to love it, really) and lanned at irc (peninsula plaza) for 3 hours. seriously.. the people sitting around us were super crude. there were two people sitting right opposite us, which happened to originate from my bro's school and they were cursing and swearing non stop. we couldnt take it... after they left, they people BEHIND us started cursing and swearing at one another, at the bots, at the game. they were playing dota and i guess it got too exciting for all of them.

yeah ben and i played a lot of diff games in that 3 hours. bf2, nfs, command and conquer, company of heroes and cs. it was really fun.. haha flying the chopper was fun. yeah. haha it was hilarious, but i totally sucked at it larr.

speaking of which, ben lent me his lotr:battle for middle-earth!! haha i know it's like 2 yrs old, but i guess it's still fun? yeah...

my bro's away for chalet today. back on wednesday... yeah... 2 days and 2 nights of peace :)

bye :)

[maybe i just don't give a damn.]

haha it was pretty fun today...

went for mass with stef, ben and marcus today... yeah at holy christ. haha it was extremely quiet.... quieter than risen christ. haha yeah... but it was still enjoyable... ben and i were feeling sleepy cause haha we just didnt have enough sleep last night. he worse lar, only 3 hours of sleep.

after mass, we decided we were broke, skip dinner and went to yio chu kang to pool. pooled for like 2 hours... and just got home.

haha pool was super fun. ben and marcus offended stef so she was giving them the silent treatment. haha yeah... the both of them were worried and apologised a million times but guess stef just wanted her revenge, so yeah haha.

first game was between stef and i. haha i won. then against marcus, i lost. so ben played with marcus. ben won. he played with stef. ben won, again. so he played with marcus again and marcus won. played with ben, and i almost won, RAH. hahahaha but i cant help it lar.. ben and marcus are pros larrr.

haha all i had today was a few butter cookies and a can of pepsi twist stef treated me to, yeah thats all.

hahaha haiyah if i'm hated, so be it. in fact, i'm starting to adapt to this, starting to get used to this. i think i am. hello. i went through it thrice. it's deja vu all over again. you do know i'm super gullible and it wouldnt take anyone a lot of effort to wanna hurt me, or somehow trick me into doing or saying something. i just gotta watch my own back from now.

ah well, i shall go shower and cook something to eat... i'm starving, but i'm trying hard to control my hunger. hahaha it seems to be working lar, but i know i will faint sooned or later if i really starve the entire night... just like how i did at famine camp. haha bleagh bleagh.. have fun people! bye! good night!

[nachos.]

it's 3.16am in the morning, i'm still awake.. bleagh...

i didnt get what i wanted on thursday, that was my day of peace.

my dad is gonna make me work for him. gee, i dont want to... in fact, he's making me work without my consent, and my bro was the one who told me. so when i said i didnt want to, he said i had to tell my dad myself. well, i didnt, cause it was like 1am in the morning. so yeah... i'm busy tomorrow man....

bleagh i dont wanna work for him becasue of MANY reasons. not cause the pay is low, i dont really care about the pay, but because of a lot of other issues man. and i will seriously go nuts if he starts questioning me like he always does, and just to stop me from answering his silly questions with my silly answers (he will trick me into saying a lot of things).

yeah.. it was the last day of school on thursday... but i have two extra weeks of school, gonna start on sec 4 syllabus... cause our o levels will start earlier... and that means we might not have our 1st three months... so jinwei, dont complain... i have 2 weeks of school.. you have a month, but still have to jiayou!!!

my mum told me to watch 'the hospital'... okay frankly speaking, i didnt wanna watch it, cause jerry yan's in it. however, after i watched the first episode today, i didnt find it too bad. so i went on to watch episode 2 and 3...

yeah on the phone with dom =.= he's erm being random again. haha omg larrrr... haha since when was he NOT random??? ah well. blargh.

have a good weekend people :)

[i'm playing a disappearing act.]

forgive me for my sudden disappearance.

i need to disconnect.

when you find no reason to stay on.

just disappear.

forget the world.

too much happening lately, too much on my mind to compromise. haha i'll be fine. don't worry, i'm always fine.

a series of unexpected and unfortunate events, lead to a long train of thoughts.

i need some time to think.

thanks for the time and effort you have put into this.

haha you dont have to understand what i'm saying.

bye.

[dearly beloved.]

i can tell.

i wonder if you could tell but yeah.

it rained today, but it was not enough to satisfy my need to hear the rain. haha i sound like a psycho, please do not mind me.

just forget about me. really.

i liked my monday... haha it was a great day with zong and savie around. hahaha savie composed a song. yeah a lame song. about zong being the muah chee... i'm pretty curious why she's a muah chee actually haha.

savie changed the guitar strings for me, cause i'm stupid and dont know how to... so anyway the last string was all weird so yeah... she lent me one of her guitars.. haha omg i was practising last night... i still cant switch quick enough... RAH.

watched deathnote AGAIN. this time with dom and lester. hahahaha yeah i understand it even better now... hahaha...

and the kh2 ost rocks.

haha thanks for going through all that with me this afternoon. really appreciated it.

i'm going through deja vu all over again for the third time. it's.... upsetting sometimes... which explains my extremely moodless and expressionless state.

being myself does hurt me sometimes, even when i dont want to. being myself and doing what i can, can sometimes just mean another tragedy for me. right until the end, i lose what i treasure. i'll just try my best to get over it as soon as possible, so that i wouldnt emo in one corner, but it's still difficult to let go of it despite knowing you can never retrieve it ever again.

i cant say i can change the way people look at me, but i can change how i respond to them. and maybe thats where i'm seriously lacking. sometimes i dont give a damn, sometimes i just do. it depends on how much i respect that particular person, or how much importance they hold within me.

this is ridiculous.

forgetting it would be a problem. a really BIG problem.

briana, gambatte