[this is real.]

hi, i'm back =)

CONGRATS TO SENIORS!

gloria left last night for i think georgia? i think suhui left too. my seniors got scholarships after their A levels. when i was reading their blogs and looking at their photos, just felt really weird. both happy and sad? happy cause after 3 years, they're still together as the brudders and they're stll close. will we, the equalites continue like this for a long time? sad cause one by one, they're leaving, embarking on their own journeys and realising their own dreams individually. i guess thats a good thing? guess the only sad part is that everyone has to go separate ways. however, i'm sure they'll be back together again one day.

met up with mag and gerri on wednesday to buy matilda's present and we came across this BIG tennis ball. LOL



went out with the equalites for the past 2 days. on friday, met up with savie, gerri, matilda and mag before heading to the science centre to go check our juniors out. after that, we went to west mall to have some sakae, to celebrate matilda's birthday which is in a week or so. it was great hanging out with them all over again and laughing at them. although things have changed. like most of the time, we are talking about the weird people in cjc, but it was still funny listening to mag and gerri.

this is our SUCCESSFUL record breaking attempt at the F1 exhibition =DD
















just yesterday, i met up with mag to head to the njrc alumni gathering at the science centre to collect the goodie bags and the other certs. we saw this little boy who was wedged between his mom and sister and he was sleeping. omg so damn cute lar. LOL. mag also told me something shocking and yes, i'm still in shock, haha.

met up with zong at the grand stands after that and well we left before the announcement of the champions. went separate ways at the interchange. finally met up with my dear kor LIANG ZHEN XIAO after so long lar. he literally neglected me for the past few months..... haha

i wonder if we'll go on being EQUALITES for the rest of our lives. i hope we do. cause the only thing i love about ij are them. we've been together for 4 years when we were arcians.

seeing my seniors so successful, i feel really dead.

last week, had our econs alive presentation and took many photos of the bears as well as with vera.



































burst shot of the bears. cute right?










it's exactly 6 now. i shall go study =(

_________________________________

CAMP ROCK IS ON DISNEY CHANNEL TONIGHT! MUST WATCH!

joe jonas is cute =D

and this song is nice



I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Bright inside of me
I'm gonna let it show, it's time
To let you know
To let you know

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you, I gotta find you

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me (this is me)
You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me.

[please be okay.]

had a damn high fever last thursday. got viral infection. i felt like crap.

been so tired lately i keep falling asleep wherever i go. i dont know why. i hate this :(

need to do eom :(

will blog more. i feel so tired now.

song for a friend :) i hope he pulls through this period of time. sometimes i see him in school and i dont know what i can say to make him feel better. i'm sorry :(



We don't have time left to regret (Hold on)
It will take more than common sense (Hold on)
So stop your wondering take a stand (Hold on)
Cause there's more to life than just to live (Hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

One single smile a helping hand (Hold on)
It's not that hard to be a friend (Hold on)
So don't give up stand till the end (Hold on)
Cause there's more to life than just to live (Hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

When it falls apart
And your feeling lost
All your hope is gone
Don't forget to hold on
Hold on

Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Cause an empty room can be so loud
There's too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
When you love someone
And they break your heart
Don't give up on love
Have faith restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

[thank you gravity.]

i left school pretty heartbroken. over something stupid. i sat on the upper deck of 153 on my way home, alone. i just stoned there. didnt even know when i fell asleep cause i was totally oblivious to what was going on around me. i woke up a few stops past mine. realised i missed the stop and took a bus back.

came home, to try to get rid of that heartbroken feeling, i immediately switched on my xbox and jammed on guitar hero. broke all my records, expected. i always do when i'm in a bad mood. in the end i chose to keep it to myself.

had my chem test today. it turned out bad.

there's bowling tomorrow and i dont wanna go. i really dont want to. after last friday, i'm really really demoralised, and lost the motivation.

my good friend jeffery! he unwillingly took this photo with me outside LT5.



was bored and took zilian photos of myself, just like that gaygory! haha








i'm sorry, for hurting you. i didnt mean to. i swear all those names are just for show, for fun. please dont take them seriously.
_________________________________



It was cloudy on that night
There were no stars in sight
Then the planets all aligned
When I saw her eyes
One look that's all it took
To send me to another galaxy
And she said

She was on her way to mars
When she ran into a star
And she fell into my arms
Thank you gravity
Never let her go
I'll hide her UFO
She'll never have to know
She's my space girl
And she's out of this world

We were watching Star Wars
She looked kinda bored
Said she'd seen it all before
Made me wonder even more
Which universe was her's
What galaxy does she call home yeah

She was on her way to mars
When she ran into a star
And she fell into my arms
Thank you gravity
Never let her go
I'll hide her UFO
She'll never have to know
She's my space girl
And she's out of this world

She says the moon is overrated
Jupiter's her favorite
And Pluto can't hang
Like meteor, I'm falling
From the first that I saw her
It was heaven on earth

She was on her way to mars
When she ran into a star
And she fell into my arms
Yeahh
Never let her go
I'll hide her UFO
She'll never have to know
She's my space girl
And she's out of this world

Yeahh

She was on her way to mars
When she ran into a star
And she fell into my arms
Thank you gravity
Never let her go
I'll hide her UFO
She'll never have to know
She's my space girl
And she's out of this world

[another telepathic rendezvous.]

havent touched my com for two days.

on friday, i was really bored during gp. and so i did this. sorry mich! i'll buy a red marker and make one for you too!






























i dont want to talk about bowling. it made me really really really depressed.

had a 2.5 hour math lecture yesterday. it was.... hahaha not exciting. differentiation seriously sucks.

after that, went to MJC with Anthony, Lewis, Magdalene, Benjamin, Sheryl, Wenbin and Nevin for out level 1 rockclimbing course. waited for an hour before we started. and super suay, it rained. so, we started off with theory. the coach is a super cool guy haha. went out to climb after that. it was still raining though, just drizzles. was a belayer for the FIRST time and haha it's actually not that bad though. fell to the ground once cause shuxian didnt catch me in time, but i'm okay :) cant wait for the yangshuo trip :)

and so, we had the course in the rain for the entire afternoon till 5. took 53 from MJC to bishan. it was a 45 min bus ride and i just slept, and slept and slept. went to toa payoh to meet my mom before heading to the gym. was there for an hour and i ran out of energy to continue for another half an hour to an hour because of the really long day i had. went out to buy two pairs of fbts. YAY, green is super duper nice. really. 9.90 for it lar. super worth it can. bought food home before i showered and left the house again to study with Alwin. did my ionic equilibria tutorial and i understand it better now.

home by 12am and i plonked on my bed, falling asleep within minutes . yes, i was dead tired. my arms and legs are hurting like hell.

made a cover page for my PW Written Report. it looks funny hahaha. ah well, better than being the only group without one right? i think my group is kinda catching up... like we are meeting datelines but i hope quality of work actually passes. look, i dont stay up on tuesday and thursday nights for no reason okay? just angry with the fact that i still rush like hell when joe lim said there wont be datelines anymore. RAWR. hope chapter 5 (conclusion) can be done asap so that we can have a FULL wr, and then perfect it. i cant wait for this episode to be over.

was watching the olympics today. handball match today. yeah i keep hearing cat talk about handball but i've got no clue what it is. i was finally enlightened today. it's similar to tchoukball, and you can dribble the ball.

anyways, thats not the main point. main point is, TODAY IS THE LAST DAY. ARGH olympics end TODAY. and i wanted to watch even more lar. i havent had much time to watch. wasted lar.

anyways took a photo of cookie as i was watching the handball match

think she might miss Lester...



4 more weeks to promos, i'm super scared.

things to do.

Chemistry - Ionic Equilibria Tutorial and study Chemical Equilibrium
Math - Vectors III tutorial
GP - Essay
Chinese - Essay (i cant do this cause i forgot to bring my book home! ARGH)
PW - Chapter 5
Econs - DRQ on Tourism
Physics - Work, Energy, Power

gonna play tchoukball this coming tuesday! omg i cant wait lar...

shall go do my econs drq now. then if i have time, i may choose to study for my chem equilibrium lecture test which is this coming tuesday. if possible, i'll start doing the review qns the chem tutors put on aspire to start off my revision for chem =D

anyways this is the first jonas brothers song =D


________________________________________________

nice song =DD



Joe: Dude, they're totally lookin' at me.
Kevin: Joe, they're not lookin' at you.
Joe: She looked over at me again.
Kevin: No, she didn't Joe.
Joe: She just waved at me.
Kevin: No, she didn't.
Nick: Does Joe look obvious staring?
Joe: Why do you think that, dude?
Big Rob: Hey guys, I got a new video shoot for you.
Joe: Oh, awesome.
Nick: Finally.
Kevin: Cool.

[Verse 1]
I'm hot
You're cold
You go around
Like you know
Who I am
But you don't
You've got me on my toes

[Chorus]
I'm sinkin' into the lava
And I'm tryin' to keep from going under
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up for you baby

C'mon girl

[Verse 2]
I fell (I fell)
So fast (so fast)
Can't hold myself... back
High heels (high heels)
Red dress (red dress! )
All by yourself
Gotta catch my breath!

[Chorus]
I'm slinkin' into the lava
And I'm tryin' to keep from going under
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up for you baby

[Bridge]
Walk in the room
All I can see is you
Oh, starin' me down
I know you feel it too

[Chorus]
I'm sinkin' into the lava
And I'm tryin' to keep from going under
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up for you baby

[Chorus]
I'm sinkin' into the lava
And I'm tryin' to keep from going under
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up for you baby

[Big Rob]
We're burnin' up in the place tonight
Gonna sing it loud
[JB]
Gonna feel it right
[Big Rob]
Get up and dance don't try and fight it
Big Rob's for real
[JB]
And that's no lie
[Big Rob]
Stop, drop, and roll
[JB]
And touch the floor
[Both]
Keeps on burnin up
[Big Rob]
More and more
[Big Rob]
I got JB with me
[Both]
Layin' it down
[Big Rob]
Now come on boys
Lets bring the chorus around!

[Chorus]
I'm sinkin' into the lava [Big Rob: Yeah]
And I'm tryin to keep from going under [Big Rob: Yeah]
Baby, who turned the temperature hotter[Big Rob: Yeah come on Nick]
'Cause I'm burnin' up
Burnin' up for you baby
Burnin' up for you baby

Nick: Wow!
Kevin: Sounds a little dangerous.
Joe: I can't grow a mustache.

[sewing machine.]

if it's a broken heart, face it.

the heart's so fragile it breaks instantaneously. no warnings, it just comes.

my heart was made of glass today.

disappointment hit me hard today. it was like a hand that swiped the glass off the table for it to fall and break. the glass didnt cry, neither did it scream in pain.

i was really sad and angry, was so sad i fell asleep in chinese. i didnt wanna talk, didnt feel like doing anything. just sat there, and stoned.

i was pretty disappointed in the evening. although i knew it was unintentional, but i just felt that way. i guess i'll stay home then.

screwed up the math test today cause my mind went blank. i dont know if it's because it just went blank or the disappointment just kinda got to me.

right now, i find it rather difficult to even look up. i keep staring at the ground, hoping for it to give me some good advice or to save me from how i feel now. please, help me through this.

briana, just stop being a wimp

many times i have tried to change. i'm petty, i'm selfish and worst of all, i'm super sensitive.

mr tan, our principal was talking to us today, during ct period. he said a lot of things that made a hell lot of sense and it did kinda impact me. i have to work harder, i really got to. and after blogging, i shall work on my pw quickly so that i can study my econs.

i think he has found someone new, if yes, i'm relieved.

i would give anything to stop feeling this way. it's not the past thats haunting me, dont worry :)

sew it back.

on a lighter note, it's my mom's birthday today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

=DDDDDDDDDDDDD

i took many photos of my dearest girlfriend, gwynna ho yesterday. she's an angel with a halo :)


















from under the table (no i didnt take this shot.)



do you see the halo?


random shot in the toilet.















yuxuan, our last third to make up our threesome =DD

cookie decided to take a spot on my bed too...






























___________________________________________




Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

[details in the fabric.]

was ultra late for school today.... for the first time today, my ez link card got to bernard tan's hands. had to search for him 4 times today before i actually got it back.. omg.

stayed awake the whole of today, YAY!

had chem prac today. the name tag i had to wear had rust on it and i STILL had to wear it... so my shirt has some rust on it, damn ugh. dont know how i'm gonna wash it off.

anyways...... think i pretty much screwd it up, OH WELLS.

saw mr fernandez earlier.... he was my sec 3 emath teacher and yes my class loved him... when i crossed the road with him, i noticed how much he changed in a few months... i still remember at last year's grad night, his hair was still black... now, his hair's gray and white. wondered if he's just ageing or.... the current sec 4s are just making his life difficult, haha. he stays next door, at oleander towers and seeing him walk away, i realised, yeah he did age A LOT. wondered if it's him or i'm the one not catching up with time.

it's august and my promos are in 5 weeks... what am i doing still slacking? =.=

ear infection is back, ugh. but it's not so serious lar.... =D

tak kin's group did a presentation on time travel today. and well, it's cool. complicating... the whole paradox thing. and yes, it definitely confused me. time travel always seemed much simpler to me, before today.

oh yeah... it's august.... njrc is coming... so is the njrc alumni gathering... i havent met up with the other robotics peeps for a long time.... my di, joseph... my kor, zhenxiao, etc.

i miss my equalites, alot... =(

if it's a broken part, then fix it.
if it's a broken arm, embrace it.
if it's a broken heart, then face it.

i gtg, bye =D cheers

[i'm yours.]

was pretty pissed off earlier cause SOMEONE accused me of lying for the past 2 years. WTH okay, who has the energy to lie for that long, tell me, who? i def dont have it. thanks man, you can go ahead and ask for all the sympathy you NEED and go on turning the world against me, like you already did with my family. THANKS A LOT man.

on a light note, went out to eat with my mom earlier. had botak jones. we both shared a jug of lime margaritas which is actually lime juice mixed with tequila and crushed ice. was slightly drunk for the first time in life and yes i vomitted for the first time from alcohol. guess i had a bit too much to drink haha.











































my mom, haha






i wanna change my email address....

you gotta love jason mraz =D

i heart his new album! haha

i started listening to jason mraz when i heard the song "you and i both" on savie's blog, it was a great song. it's still a great song up to today. i think jason mraz can write super nice songs with super nice lyrics that do make an impact.



Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
I look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

D-d-do do you, do you, d-d-do, do you want to come?
Scooch on over closer dear, I'll whisper in your ear
Oh yes love, love love love love love
Love you love, love you love

I've been spending way too long tricking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Come on and open up your mind and see like me
(I won't hesitate)
Open up your plans and damn you're free
(No more, no more)
I look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
(It cannot wait, I'm sure)

So please don't, there's no need
(There's no need to complicate)
There's no need to complicate
(Our time is short)
'Cause our time is short
(This is our fate)
This is, this is, this is our fate
I'm yours, I'm sayin' I'm yours

[show me forever.]

i didnt sleep last night and i'm in no position to complain right?

anyways i'll prolly not sleep again tonight since i have a LOT of work to do...

sigh. and none of it is revision.. all projects...

was really tired today, especially the end of the day. when i left school with jeffery, my eyebags were popping out and my eyes were red. i looked zombified.

the first things i hear in the morning when i got to school were "ugh... i'm damn sleepy... not enough sleep" or "i slept at 230 last night! damn tired nowwwww"

got pretty ticked off today too..... because people kept saying things like "you dont need sleep"... "you this kind dont sleep one"

it's not that i want it.... and why is it i can still last the day without having any sleep the night before? thats because i've kinda trained myself to do that after having to do it so often back in sec sch when there was ARC. it's annoying to have people say things like that about you you know? yes. i agree that i havent been getting enough sleep to even make me look human. sometimes i really dont have a choice because i'm up doing what i need to do - work. i wished i could talk to savie about this you know? cause she went through the exact same thing i did and she would understand fully how i feel and all too... BUT she's not online today....

sigh... i'm kinda sick of people saying things like these to me. and it kinda occurred to me today that i really am on my own. i found out this morning that there was a physics test TODAY and that was becuase no one even bothered to tell me there was one in the first place when i was absent from school. how genius huh? unlike in ij, there would always be someone there who would help you out when you're absent. it's sad you know, to know that at jc, where people are older than your friends in sec sch, they forget you so easily and dont bother collecting homework for you... sheesh. fortunately, mr ng postponed the test to this thursday...

i'm compiling drafts 2 of chapter 1 and 2, before i have to do my gp and finally chinese. i can forget about sleeping. i've spent 3 minutes on this post so far and i'm typing at the speed of lightning.

chinese. sigh. lao shi only told us TODAY that we had an oral presentation tomorrow and i have to present tomorrow. how the heck he expects us to prepare everyhting by tomorrow?! because i had so much to do today, i broke down. sigh. i'm sorry.

made a realisation today... jasmine kinda figured my secret behind my fast eating technique. haha i only chew twice and swallow. omg gross. hahahaha

[be a better man.]

i'm talking to some stranger online and this idiot doesnt give respect to girls. really. he thinks girls especially in jc or from an all girls' school are like wild crazy, and do IT. sorry dude, i happen to fall under both categories? and so i'm giving this guy hell by shooting him back in the face. what an arse. and after i told him to stop degrading himself, he decided to shut up and die haha.

no school today and i let my class down by oversleeping this morning... i'm sorry dearies... i didnt mean to.. :(

was watching olympics last night. women's gymnastics. this girl, He Kexin, from the china team fell off the uneven bars after displaying a great stunt in the air with the double somersault and the turn. however, she picked up after that and finished the routine with a perfect landing. even though she cried a lot later, she really did a good job and she got a pretty nice score of 15.475 and was 3rd in the standings for the uneven bars. you know, she was really young... and to have that kind of spirit, was something worth talking about. this kinda gave me a little more motivation and belief to work hard and that i can still do it. thanks He Kexin, hahahahha.

i think i'm slowly picking up the motivation to study... i'm pacing myself now, jiayou briana :)

i finally understood perfect competition because i was sleeping throughout the entire perfect comp lecture. it turned out easier than i thought.

i talked to someone i didnt talk to for 2 weeks yesterday. i could sense this barrier but i cant do much about it. i know things he thinks i dont know and he was just putting up an act, pretending he doesnt know. dont play play, LOL

a lot of assessments lined up for us this weekend. i've done econs and physics... will do pw and chem later. chem is like DAMN rushed... so little time given to finish it. sigh.

[Bf.Nut] clinched the champion for COD4 at WCG, great job guys

ah wells, i shall go pack my room and all. it looks so messy and all and i shall go play a little with cookie since i miss her a lot and do my work! cheers :)

[beyond the game.]

it was the thanksgiving concert yesterday. pretty good, and the chem tutors were really talented. haha mr fong can sing! that was cool. it was a great concert. i learnt something after the concert. the school's great, having a great spirit and all. reminds me a lot of ij, which is pretty rare in a jc you know, considering the short 2 years you spend in a jc. however, at the same time, i learnt how much i have been forgotten. in a way, the world's there for you, but you're still alone. it's contradicting.

i remember once, during gp that mr tan said something. the happy people who laugh and laugh everyday, are the sad people. the sad ones are the clowns. becuase they're so sad, all they can do is smile. i think i kinda know what he means. i've seen it happen. and i know now.

in future, when i'm sad, i'll just smile like i did yesterday. when i'm happy, i'll put the biggest smile on my face.



me, sarah. someone sneaked back in sr today arh...



marcus with michelle's handbag. hahaha. nice lar.















me, zixiang. he's too dark lar. LOL

yeah some photos after the thanksgiving concert.

it's the third day of WCG today. went to suntec to watch the nuts play and yes, they still own. haha they'll def win lar.

played guitar hero III there and someone snapped photos of me playing lar. DONG. anyways, they kinda thrashed the malaysian team E S P today.

hahaha SOMEONE told me it stands for "Eat, Sleep, Play" hahahahaha wth.

i was talking to ivan and he told me, he used to be in the bridge club! LOL wth, got such thing sia, never knew. and he thought i was in st john... omg haha more like i kill people lar.

oh yeah, was watching the olympics earlier. male gymnastics was on. and i was just watching them do the floor exercise, super pro lar... well, if they werent, they wouldnt be in the olympics right? just thought of my days in primary school when i was in gymnastics and i trained really really hard. hahahaha

promos are nearing and i'm scared!

i will change. to be a better person.

i told myself, to let go of them. and i said it with a smile on my face despite my aching heart.
i will keep telling myself that. i will remind myself to be nice to everyone. to forgive the people who disappointed me like i already have forgiven one. i will stop being a hypocrite and be honest. i shall stop being selfish. i shall stop being childish. i shall stop being so ultra sensitive for nothing. i shall be a nicer person from today. =D

confidence, help me out yeah? thanks =DD

[i heart green.]

it has been a very eventful day today.

i cried today. when someone told me something. i know i dont have the right to be angry, neither do i have the right to get upset. it's like my fault, isnt it? sigh... it was a tough half hour for me. i knew i was gonna cry from the moment i saw that message by the lockers. i was about to head back to class when my legs started to go weak. i struggled back to class only to find them finding another venue to simply hang out. i placed my things in the classroom and i thought about the message again. i was already on the brink of tears and i just took my wallet and phone, told li an i was going for a walk when she asked me if i was crying. i headed to the school gallery steps and sat there, crying for the next half hour to 40 mins. i just cried my heart out, and i was alone. i was rather relieved no one was there to see how horrid i looked when i was crying. i must have looked so weak.

at 2pm, i headed back to class because jinting requested a class meeting. my face was red. i successfully hid it from my classmates by hiding it in my arms on the table. li an asked me if i was okay and i just nodded. matthew was really sweet to call me till he got my attention and me looking at him. he simply said "hi! are you okay?" hahaha thats the first time matthew talked to me like that and i found it really cute. i laughed and he said "yay! i made briana smile" and he had that smile of satisfaction on his face. haha cute fella. i pretty much sulked the rest of the day until gp. i was looking my gp notebook when i found some scribblings on it. they were like the messages tak kin and i exchanged in class, espceially gp. i didnt think i still have them, must have forgotten to erase them. when i read the messages, it occurred to me... we really have drifted apart.... and i really mean apart....

i shared my thoughts with gwynna afterwards and she listened. i told her i'm gonna write a letter, and so i will. i started laughing with marcus, gabriel and aaron after school. we were just making fun of each other and tlaking about each other's cca. yeah the whole "OMG?! you were from choir?" and gabriel said to me "huh? you? robotics? omg, you're a geek!" haha thanks man. boon hao told me mr chen cheeyang was from ncc luh... omg fury from ncc... it's not that it's impossible, just... erm... haha nothing. oh and i dont know why but everyone thinks i'm from netball lar. do i look like a netballer?

had our gp test after that. omg compre lar. with AQ, my VERY VERY VERY FIRST TIME. can die can. i was practically writing 60 words in a minute.... i wrote half a page in like 6 mins. turned out everyone did it wrongly... sigh.

after the test, i could have gone home, but i just didnt want to. so i stayed in school with gwynna to study a lil till jeffrey came along and asked me to teach him chem. and so i did. we left school at 9pm. and i took a bus home with jon. did i mention? jon recently moved to toa payoh! in fact, he's living at the block, right behind the block i'm at right now. cool huh? yeah, and so we took the bus back. he sent me home. haha he's a sweetie, like always. jon's been a great friend since the first day of school. he is by far the longest friend i made in sr. really. he sent me all the way to the lift and left. he lives so close anyways. i think jon could tell something was wrong with me, but he didnt say much throughout the entire bus ride. he did ask once though. thats thoughtful :)



this is a photo of jeffrey ACTING shuai. hahaha should have seent eh way jon was calling him fat, quite funny lar...

have to go to school at 11am, just for a one hour essay test. will be heading to sp afterwards, visit a few friends. I TOTALLY MISS ALDRICH AND EK! hahaha aldrich is my best bud man. he was a really great friend during pae larrr. and ek, i miss him because he's DAMN FUNNY. and he used to suan wenhui every single day and every minute lar...















aldrich =D















ek =D

yeah. the greatest friends i made were during pae.

oh yeah, my uniform was like bigger than usual today lar. dont know if i lost weight or what, but my skirt was extra big today. super loose around the waist. i looked funny today.

sigh, it's been a long day. i cried a few times. and i'm tired...

it still hurts.

[girl, dont cry.]

didnt go to school for two days now. cause i'm down with a flu and had a fever in the morning yestrerday. fever's down and yeah, feeling much better. can go back to school tomorrow.

i guess the two day leave was kinda like a blessing for me. on monday, i cried really badly cause i was really hurt by what a friend said to me. i was so tired and i was already falling ill. i still had to study for my math and econs test. the next day, things got worse, and i had to stay home. i guess it's running away? but then again, i just dont want to see them, at all.

i've taken the fall for her, but yet i have to clean up the mess on my own. i'm also sick of putting in effort all the time and nothing comes out of it. seriously. why why why. i already put everything, even went beyond my limit time and time again for these people, but they dont appreciate it, what right do they have to tell me to do it another time? no, i wont. i wont do it. i'm done hurting myself because of them and i wont let it happen again. i'm sick and tired of all this shit i rather die.

been updating a few stuff and installing a few things in my com. installed bf2 last night. got a new cd key cause i lost my disc =(( haha santa claus gave me a new cd-key :D i can play online now, yay. thanks santa claus. was playing with the bots earlier. owned them with a sniper. i didnt know the sniper in bf2 was that good. haha

re-installing my 2142 now... cause, even after patching, I STILL CANNOT PLAY ONLINE. dang... and i saw like 6 people in easg02! wth, camp gibraltar leh.. like you'll only see people, even a single soul in easg02 once in a thousand years. this is what happens when almost the entire community shifts over to another game. in the past, it was difficult to even enter the server and people were dying to get reserved slots in the game. right now, it's like everyone moved on, to a different game, a different world. sadly, life works that way too and things, as well as people get left behind.

right now, if you enter a COD4 fragnetics server, i guess it's not that difficult... but the other servers like the UO server is packed like hell. or maybe i'm wrong. after all, i havent really been playing games that much. maybe i'm starting to miss it? so what if i do, i cant go back to playing games like how i used to right?

i miss bf2142, like seriously. it was the game that got the whole gaming thing started and yes, i enjoyed collecting dogtags. the trainings were pretty fun you know? and having zheming as my buddy was a really cool thing, although i always tuo lei him. there's this big contrast between the two of us. he's the super pro wonderkid and i'm really some noob. there is still that contrast there up to today. despite so, there were things i didnt like. all the politics and stuff was really annoying and stupid. it was so childish to the point i just felt like shooting those people. but it's all over now haha. i rather play leisurely at my own time and pace and with the people i love and care about - my friends.

this is one of my favourite weapons =DD















and servers used to be as full as this.















haha i just found a screenshot of a dogtag i worked super hard to get. i died millions of times and after a hundred million attempts, i finally got the dogtag. but i wont post it here :)

i hated dota in the past, and maybe i still do now. haha yeah, i still kinda hate dota up to today. however, i never turned my friends down when they ask me to play with them. for some reason, i still enjoyed the game despite hating it because i keep dying. i guess thats what gaming supposed to be, you know? bring people together, and you still get a kick out of it even if you hate the game. dota was the reason why i even got to know some of jon's friends, like cheney, jian, ting, part of the SA gang.

i definitely miss the most expensive game, WoW. clispson and zheming used to criticise wow a lot. when the three of us go to e2max, they would play some soccer games on the xbox and i would choose to play wow on pc. they like to go "wow! rawr! rawr!" hahaha yeah. today, they tell me "stupid game lar! take one hour to fly" and they would imitate flying mounts, yes they look stupid and hilarious but i guess thats the whole point! hahaha. it was fun doing dungeon quests every night, through the night. i used to play with dom, ykl and lester. i finally got my mount in january this year but i had to stop wow cause of school. and i have stopped now.















my favourite nexusred, blood elf mage.















dungeon quest.















right to left: me, lester, dom, ykl

ykl got me into the wow private servers. well yeah i did play once, and right now, after the patch, my wow has some problem. i guess i'll stop visiting the private servers, haha. they're too buggy despite the gay xp you get. this screenshot is an example.
















gonna do some work later. been slacking long enough man. hahaha will update later, if not soon :) cheerios.

you are the greatest present =)