[it's gonna be true]

gina's sick, with severe gastric. and she's very stressed, thats why shes sick now.. she cant eat in peace. ahhh i dont know what i can do to help her...

was on the phone throughout the entire night, and was watching tv at the same time. did make it past 4.30am though. so i guess its not the entire night.

then slept for 11 hours and woke up at exactly 3pm, well, what are the odds?

was just stoning and.... stoning. yeah. then started on the bg of the ipw presentation and was talking to yi qi about her 'fei wen nan you'. haha it was just funny listening to her.

was kinda appallled with what someone said on her blog. yeah... sigh

---------------------------

It's Gonna Be Love - Mandy Moore

It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be you baby

Time I've been patient for so long
How can I pretend to be so strong?
Looking at you baby
Feeling it too baby
If I'm asking you to hold me tight
then it's gonna be all right

[Chorus]
It's gonna be Love
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be more then I can take
It's gonna be free
It's gonna be real
It's gonna change everything I feel
It's gonna be sad
It's gonna be true
It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be you baby
It's gonna be...Its gonna be Love

Time am I restless or a fool?
How can you pretend to be so cruel?
Maybe it's me baby
Maybe it's true baby
Maybe it's everything were dreaming of
We waited long enough

[Chorus]
It's gonna be Love
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be more then I can take
It's gonna be free
It's gonna be real
It's gonna change everything I feel
It's gonna be sad
It's gonna be true
It's gonna be your the one to do
It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be you baby

[Backup singers] The sooner you let two hearts beat together
The sooner you know this love is forever

[Mandy] It's gonna be love

[Backup Singers] Love needs time now or never

[Mandy] It's gonna be love

[Backup Singers] You really got to believe
[Both] it's gonna be strong enough

[Chorus]
It's gonna be Love
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be more then I can take
It's gonna be free
It's gonna be real
It's gonna change everything I feel
It's gonna be sad
It's gonna be true
It's gonna be your the one to do
It's gonna be hard
It's gonna be tough
It's gonna be more then just enough
It's gonna be LOVE

It's gonna be Love

It's gonna be sad
It's gonna be true
It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be you baby

It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna be you

It's gonna be real

It's gonna be love

[are we ever gonna learn to fly?]

i was finally able to accept it. although it hurts but i did anyway. i didnt think i was that much of an idiot.

i hope i'll feel better after a night's sleep.

yeah it's a little melancholy here and there.

having a bad day okay? sorry if i showed some attitude today.

i hate myself now. i hate myself to the core, i'm sick of living.

------------------------

maybe if you could just stop doing that because it was unnecessary. i'm looking forward to what you will say. is it because i didnt know you well enough? that i was taken aback by what you said and did? if yes, i blame no one but myself. just stop having that fucked up attitude that will just annoy people.

i'm trying to look at it very calmly and carefully okay. its not that i dont want to try. i have a limit. if i didnt live up to expectations, then i'm sorry.

i dont know how to take a step at a time anymore, i cant decide which direction to go okay? you always put me in a difficult position where i had to make a decision. and everything i tried doing is just so wrong to you. i know i'm wrong most of the time, but please let me live in denial just once.

------------------------

Angels Or Devils - Dishwalla

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

[a walk to remember]

a walk to remember rocks. yes. its a real tear jerking movie as well. jaime died. sigh. but it was a really really amazing movie. i would like to thank julienne for urging me to watch the movie. haha! it was a really amazing movie... and mandy moore has an incredible voice.

now i'll just wait to watch the exorcist and the sixth sense. yeah decided to watch them since we were watching clips of them during english. yeap.

a walk to remember is a must watch!



Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure in whatever comes.

quoted from the movie. it was something jaime's dad said at jaime and landon's wedding. it was actually something jaime's mom wrote. and when landon was reading that entire paragraph from jaime's mom's book, i can tell you, you'll be too touched to tears.

--------------------------

mag, matilda and i went 'shopping' today and we met this really nice person. ahh feeling kinda bad. he gave us something, without charging us a cent and he spent so much time on it... but he was really nice. we were insisting to pay for it, and he was telling us to go ahead and take it. so yeah... he was a really nice person, a very generous one indeed.

i love the equalites!!!! haha dont know why i said that but i love them. yay!

--------------------------

Only Hope - Mandy Moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

[the gift]

haha i was told i sound very monotonous when i blog. haha not really that surprised. well, i shall TRY to add some expression into this post!

MAG AND I HAVE MATCHING EARRINGS!!!! WOW! haha its cute. its this fork and spoon thing. yeah she bought it for me, its a LATE birthday present, but nvm! i still love it. yeah

we were 'shopping' today, when mag and i saw a dwp, and we were like 'OMG?' because well, we heard of it, not exactly seen it. HAHA!

i was reading debby's blog yest and the song 'the gift' reminded me that song existed. haha so i hurried to get it! and it's niceeeeeeeeeee! the lyrics are so cute.

well, shall go on with my work. ta! and happy valentine's day!

-----------------------------

yeah i just need to stop all that crap. and just stop it. please find me something that will keep me occupied. talk to me and joke with me. thanks. ARGH

-----------------------------

The Gift - Blue

It's funny how it starts, just how it all begins
You get your sights on dreams,
and man a thousand different things
You are on for yourself,you're chasing cool desire
You get addicted fast,
but man you're playin' with the fire

Then there's a day that comes to you
When you get all you want,
but there's a space inside, thats just still as empty as it was
'Till an angel comes your way and man she's fallin fast
You know she's so in need but she is too afraid to ask

So you hold out your hands and catch her best you can
And in givin' love you feel a better man

And the gift is what you get
by givin' more than you receive
And you're learnin' fast
that maybe this is how you'll be happy
'Cause in takin' everything you lost,
the air you need to breath
But in givin' it away,
you found the precious thing you seek

It's funny how she smiles, how grateful she is now
And that might touches me deep in my heart somehow
Yet the mirror laughs at me when I forget myself
When I complain about, this hand that I got dealt

And if I had know before,
how much she change my life
I'd sure go back in time
and tell that guy ...hey, man
You can do better than this,
you can answer your prays
You can grant your own wish

Just hold out your hands and give the most you can
And I swear to you you'll feel a better man

And the gift is what you get
by givin' more than you receive
And you're learnin' fast
that maybe this is how you'll be happy
'Cause in takin' everything you lost,
the air you need to breath
But in givin' it away,
you found the precious thing you seek

And it's better by far to do what you do now
And leave the rest to love
Just be strong in who you are
Once you start on that road
You're safe in the knowledge
That anyway you go
Will lead you home Lead you home

And the gift is what you get
by givin' more than you receive
And you're learnin' fast
that maybe this is how you'll be happy
'Cause in takin' everything you lost,
the air you need to breath
But in givin' it away,
you found the precious thing you seek

So precious precious precious...
So precious precious precious...
So precious precious precious...
So precious precious precious...

And the gift is what you get
by givin' more than you receive
And you're learnin' fast
that maybe this is how you'll be happy
'Cause in takin' everything you lost,
the air you need to breath
But in givin' it away,
you found the precious thing you seek

[on this unfateful day, i waited for you]

back from the bbq. yeah it was super fun... and we bought this little cake for amelia since her birthday was this monday. yeah... dom and xu chen ended up wearing the same shirt which really really made them look like a couple. haha gina gave me a flower!!! haha its a balloon actually.. and she gave me a note... yeah its a valentine gift. and i gave her a bear and this vcd i created this morning. she loves the disc. yeap.

dr chia was coming up with chinese names for those who had christian names. yeah was kinda funny. then i accidentally pushed dom. dang.. sorry... yeah his arm was like hurting and it was like reddish and all.. gah... yeah we played around a lot today and gina kept saying 'eh, stop flirting around lar' erm....?

well, it was indeed an enjoyable day today... yeap, loved it, was able to meet up with the smart team members and all, it was great. we had lots of fun and i love the team. i miss them now, although i was with them for the entire day. i just miss them now... and although it has only been 7 days ever since we returned, it feels like forever. yeah...

sigh the yahoo group is like kinda stale and all because there arent enough members. well, not that its not enough, but its just that not all the members are a part of it. there are still some people who havent joined the group yet. and why is it that i cant post anything in the inbox???
its like everytime i try sending a message, it sends me an email telling me its virus infected. wth? so i'm gonna scan my computer for any sick disease thats attacking my com, and stopping me. bleagh.

ahhhh well basically, this entire post is just about how fun the bbq was super fun and how much i miss the smart team, which is a lot. ahhh yes, i was just telling henrietta how much i miss them okay.... sigh i shall go now. i have english, maths, history, ss, geog, chem and physics hw to complete, and not to mention the upcoming dreadful cas that are simply haunting me every second. ah well, shall go now. bye and good night.

[i'll ignore it]

the o level results were released today. the seniors did very well. denise had a nice score. yeap. very happy for all of them. well it was great to see them so happy with their results and all and they were just constantly smiling from cheek to cheek. yeah, it was a blissful thing to see them once again.

i finally submitted the hard copy of my zero carbon city project. then, i found out savina's report is 26 pages long. mine's only... 8. and i spent 4 hours on it. according to geraldine, thats slow. well, i guess it is. i slept at 1+am last night. all thats left is to complete the presentation which will be due next wednesday and touch up on the drought presentation. well, we didnt have the presentation today, not sure why.

feeling very down now. was like that in the morning. was laughing away with julienne and liz earlier, and now, i'm back to this solemn state.

i'm tired and cant sleep. well, something just tells me at the back of my head to not go to sleep.

cant wait for the bbq tomorrow.

shall continue with part 4...

day 9+10
okay so well, i'll start right from where we were packing our luggages after we returned from new york. we didnt sleep. so i spent hours packing. we were supposed to be at the lodge at 3.30am. so at about 2.30am, i went over to gina's side and slept there for a while. then amanda woke me up at 3am, telling me it was 3.30am. yeah she bluffed me. it was only 3am, so i went back to sleep. and slept for about 5 mins or so before being asked to go back. so i did. we woke porsi up but she kept saying she wanted to rest her eyes (not sleeping). yeah right, she fell asleep. so she got up, and went to our room to sleep! and said she was resting her eyes. so i was making lots of noise and we were all asking her to get up and all. so she finally did and went back to get the luggage and all. and we dragged everything to the lodge and the guys helped us carry them up the bus and we were just waiting for the 321 people to come since they had to finish all their noodles and all. we took off at about 4am or so. most of all, or we all slept on the bus, since it was gonna be a long ride. i dont know if there were people awake or anything because i was asleep. so we finally arrived at the newark airport and had to check in. it was troublesome. that self check in thing really sucks. some of us had problems, and i was the last to check in. and then we were gathered outside this shop. i bought a book for delle there and after waiting for the rest from ij and tms to finish buying their stuff, we headed off. gina and i had ice cream which was super nice. the vanilla was really good. and then talked to gina for a while before watching bleach 65 on the laptop. so we had to borrow mr tan's psp charger to charge the laptop because the adapter couldnt fit into the power sotch right outside the gate. so dom, shawn, alton and i were just sitting there watching the first half of bleach before the gate was open.

slept for the entire flight from newark to detroit. it was really rushed in detroit. i wanted to buy something there but we had to go straight for the gate to board the plane 1 hour earlier. so i was sitting with diana and jn. was sleeping for a while, i think. yeah i think i did, i missed the part when the plane was taking off. so awoke to find diana sleeping and jn studying. by then, when the both of us looked out of the window, we could see ice. yeah somewhere near the north pole i think. it was just the ocean with large fragments of ice. forgot what they're called. we had either breakfast or lunch. well, i guess your sense of time just goes haywire when you're flying, especially from one continent to another, or halfway round the world. then gina came over to ask me to go over to sit with her and dom because the potato (alton) finally agreed to switch places with me. so i did. and sat right next to the isle. then gina went to the toilet or something, so i moved in, and sat in between the two of them. gina was just really tired and fell asleep. dom and i were just playing and fooling around. we were flying over the pacific ocean. yeah. then all three of us were sleeping. dom fell asleep first but he was shaking his leg. i didnt know how he did it. shaking his leg in his sleep. so i was awaken by gina byecause the air stewardess was gonna serve us dinner or lunch. oh i think it was breakfast because there was a muffin and the meal seemed very much like breakfast. so gina had like half a meal and went back to sleep. i finished everything. dom and i were using the toothpicks to attack the muffin. yeah, he was kinda overboard. the poor muffin was all powdery thanks to him. it was kinda embarrassing because someone else was looking at us, wondering if we were mad or something. haha. so yeah fell asleep again. and woke up, slept again, and when we were soon approaching tokyo, woke up again. gina was still sleeping and dom and i started playing again. the fluff fluff goo goo thing. yeah because of the fluffy clouds and the brains turning to goo. then was sleeping again. woke up when we were about to land and it was kinda smooth. so then we found out porsi's row had a pillow fight till they spoilt the pillow. it had a small torn hole. then was just playing and fooling around with dom and gina.

we had time to shop in tokyo for a while. well, thats why a lot of gifts were from tokyo. sorry... so bought orange soda there, which was nice and ate some curry thing with dom. gina cancelled her order because we were rushing for time and they refused to dao bao for us. so yeah. when we boarded the flight, i was sitting with jn and missed the taking off again. was sleeping on jn, while she studied. yeah... haha so when i awoke, i started to play the games on the lcd screens. i dont know why but for some reason only the flights between tokyo and singapore had the lcd screens. so we were playing the in-flight trivia challenge. shawn was playing at first so i joined in. bleagh he's good at the game because his general knowledge is like wow, just like geraldine, but the thing is, he doesnt have a good sense of direction unlike geraldine. so well, jn joined in too, so both of us were playing side by side. porsi and diana played too. they were sitting in front of us. soon, alvin and alton joined in, but alton left shortly after. so alvin was really good at the game. it was like a total smart team challenge. haha stopeed playing after a while and was watching cheaper by a dozen. yeah touching movie, all about family and all, with 12 children. 14-member family. so then was playing solitaire until dom decided to come look for me because both of us were bored. so we were chatting in that small compartment, like this cross over between the two isles in the plane. amelia joined us and the three of us were just crapping around. we were in there for like 2 hours and the other passengers were just walking past and were starting casual conversations with us too. well, the reason why the three of us were in there is because there werent any empty seats left so yeah. when we were landing soon, we returned to our respective seats and waited.

when we arrived in singapore, we gave our thank you letters to each other and stuff. haha i got something from xu chen. gina said she wanted to buy perfume and liquor so dom and i followed her. finally, we went through the arrival gates. it was about 1am, on the 28th of january. gina sort of disappeared, well, she was with her mum and dom and i, with my parents went to the pick up point since his parents would be picking him up there. so i left first. haha he was just there, waiting. yeah. and well, that was the end of the trip. the end of the programme. well, overall, what i really loved most were the people. i'm gonna miss lisha for all her sarcasm and her jokes. i'm gonna miss gina because she's my very good friend, dom too. i'm gonna miss the rest of the tms people. haha they were really a smart lot, and very funny too! woon chian and his cooking and all. and xu chen's really lame jokes and silly stuff he did like wrapping his scarf around his face to look like a terrorist. henrietta's weird jokes that were really amusing. yeah it was a wonderful trip.

--------------------

thats the end to part 4. yeah end of story. i've been on this entry for an hour... yeah... well, dont know if its bad news or anything. maybe it isnt, haha thanks to all that eye sore huh?

time went by really quickly. well, just today, i remembered my conversation with the equalites about having that 'i'm-still-a-sec-1' feeling. well, what do you know? we're sec 3s now. yeah, too quick. haha the years shall just go by.

well, i'm gonna start on work now... since i dont think i'll be doing any work tomorrow. haha i love this song. obvious - westlife. enjoy it.

--------------------

Obvious - Westlife

[Shane:]
Yeah, ooooh...
We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

[Shane (Westlife):]
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

[Bryan (Westlife):]
I've heard you talk about
(Heard you talk about)
How you want someone just like me (Bryan echo: just like me)
But everytime I ask you out
(Time I ask you out)
We never move pass friendly, no no

And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

[Shane (Westlife):]
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
Yeah...

[Mark:]
You are my very first thought in the morning

[Shane:]
And my last at nightfall

[Mark:]
You are the love that came without warning

[Mark & Shane:]
I need you, I want you to know

[Shane (Westlife):]
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

[Westlife:]
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see

[Shane:]
But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

[nothing]

i suddenly had the urge to blog.

too lazy to post part 4, ah well. will soon i guess.

still working on presentations. yeah on zero carbon project. gonna die. actually only the hard copy is due tomorrow i realised. but ah well. i still have to have the soft copy done right? well, if only the hard copy is due tomorrow, then i'll do the hard copy first.

english project presentation tomorrow. yeah, geraldine's doing it. this project isnt so bad, its all about movie appreciation and the movie we picked is constantine. yeap, nice movie.

bleagh i have the other geog presentation to complete. the drought one. well, i thought i completed it at first, but when the other teams presented today, there were so many loopholes and i guess i need to touch up on it.

i feel kinda out. just left out. yeah... thats it.

we had religious education today. well, its just catechism in school, but they decided to name it religious education. so anyway, we're currently at the stress module. yeah and the activity today was like uh. and my results were kinda shocking to ms ratulangi.

draggy day it has been. this is what happens if you have late recess and late day. history was kinda noisy. well, not kinda, but rather. well, the whole class just didnt really care about what mrs krishna was teaching... yeah, and they were either pchatting or pasting post-its everywhere. yeah savina stuck a post-it on herself. that post-it said 'kick me'. smelly and khym pasted it on geraldine and geraldine pasted it on savina, so savina took it and started playing with it.

ah i gtg.... do my zero carbon project... bye

[heaven knows i'm falling]

sigh.... have been working on projects for the past three days. yeah feeling kinda sick. working on the geography project, the one on droughts. just have to do the cursed presentation. well, i'm just glad i finished the english project and i'm now left with the other geography project, on a zero cabon community. i need to piece things together by wednesday. well, i still have to come up witht he speech cards for the the drought presentation.

i finally finished all my maths hw. and i finished my maths hw today, so i can concentrate on the presentation now. sigh. it'll never end. now i'm half dead., just very tired, and trying my very best to complete this presentation. and my case study doesnt have a name!!!!! ahhh. how how how?????? bleagh, maybe i'll just redo the part on the case study and just print and use glue to paste it over, so that it'll look ugly. ahhh, my printer isnt even functioning well. it cant even work although the only cartridge empty is yellow.

ah crap. i'm tired and i'm on the verge of falling sleeping when i need to finish the presentation! and i hvnt really started revising for the a maths ca.

i'm blogging now because i need to rant and complain.

complain
complain
complain
rant
rant
rant
rant
complain
complain
complain
rant
rant
rant

argh..... wish me good luck. bye

[only the three of us]

mag showed me this page of her notebook. go to her blog to view that page cause she scanned it in. click here. yeah i said she would never abide it... haha well, wonder if she has been following it since she even wrote that on her notebook. well, good luck mag.

that pile of homework i have is growing at an astronomical rate. haha maybe i should do the same. haha then mag'll have a chance to say i would never ever abide it. well, true, haha i seriously lack self discipline. so i procrastinate too! hee...

well, shall continue with part 3, up to you if you wanna read it though, or you might choose to click on the 'X' on the top right hand corner of this window.

-----------------------

day 7
woke up really early to get ready for school day 2. yeah, well, not much changed. just that we played volleyball during health and it was kinda fun. in the afternoon, ew had a chance to take a look at the different CCAs they had and all. well, a few of us stayed to look at what the robotics club were doing and all. yeah, their frc robot is like wow. haha, a few of them were playing games and all, and it was kinda cool. they were also building a playing field for themselves. yeap... we returned to the inn and started the iron chef competition. ij won, haha thanks to eliza. yeap, dinner was yummy although i didnt eat much. after that we were told we were going to new york the next day. then we were just going around, watching tv and all. and went to bed.

day 8
sort of our last day in pennsylvania because the next morning, we will be leaving, leaving behind our memories. well, we woke up really early to take the tour bus to new york. it was just that 2 and a half hours ride from pennsylvania to new york. well, the sunrise in america was really nice.



well this is the best photo i took from the bus. yeah i risked destroying my camera lens. dom was going on about how nice the toilet was and i was kinda amused. yeah, so a majority of the people on the bus were sleeping. i only fell asleep when we were 10 mins away from new york. so was just looking at the scenery and looking out for bird nests with dom, since we were 'bored'.

we took a ferry over to the statue of liberty since it was on another island. and it was even more cold in ny. the weather was kinda bad, according to dr chia. so we were sitting right on top and were freezing in the cold. a few of us were sitting there, eating nachos and drinking hot chocolate, but the wind kept blowing so we had to make sure our nachos didnt fly away.

when we got to the statue of liberty, there was this really tight security check. haha shant disclose anything... since yeah, i dont think i should. so anyway, there were a lot of different stuff about the statue of liverty, like the structure of it, there was a replica of its face and one of its foot. well, we could only go as far as the top of the pedestal. there were like rectangles on the floor so we had to stand in it and look up to see the statue of liberty. this was what it looked like from one of the rectangle.



well, when we got to the top of the pedestal, we spent so much time there. we took a whole lot of group photos and had lots of fun. yeap.

the girls...





the guys...



and the teachers.





yeap it was really fun up there... took lots of photos and it was the best time up there.

me (haha), dom (.com), gina (nana)



we spent a lot of time in the gift shop too. gina bought this necklace for me. it has a letter 'B' on it. she bought one for herself and one for sh too. so the three of us would just look like triplets if we wear it and stand together. haha. bought some stuff and a lollipop for my cousin. had lunch in chinatown. had a lot of tea and we kept sampling each other's food. so the food just went in circles and from one table to another. we went to times square to shop. so we first went into hard rock cafe, where i bought this jar of jellybeans for 3/8. well, the shape of the container was unique, it had the shape of a guitar. yeah... dom bought this t shirt which said 'my first hard rock cafe shirt'. it was really cute. it was for his lil bro. the words 'my first' and 't shirt' were like written in this childish handwriting over a hard rock cafe shirt. haha it was perfect for a lil kid. haha yeah. and i wanted to buy this drum bag there that costed 40usd. it was black with a nice blue shade. sigh... we had to head back to the tour bus already but we were allowed to go into the roxy shop for only 15 mins. bought a hoody with gina. mine's black and hers is brown. yeah. and bought many gifts there. there stuff there are like wow. we only got to shop in the two shops because we were running out of time and all. so we did. and was sitting next to dom instead of gina because all the stuff were placed on my seat. so we watched kangaroo jack on the bus and it was super funny. although it was stupid and retarded, it was amusinga and nice. yeah. the kangaroo was simply too adorable. haha. went back to the inn. some people were cooking. dom and i were watching high school musical on disney channel. adeline, tx and gina then joined in in the last part of the movie. separated the robot into smaller pieces and allocated a few people with the stuff to bring back to singapore. then we just went back to pack our luggages. well... we didnt sleep.

-----------------------

haha well, thats part 3 for you. all thats left is day 9 and 10(?), well, thats part 4. i dont know if i'll still clump day 9 and day 10 together because by then, i wouldnt have been clear about the right date and time. so yeah... haha only day 8 has photos. well i have never used the blogger photo upload until now... haha, i never really wanted to explore blogger thats why... haha, well, i've been on this entry for more than hour.... yes i have. its 12.23am now. i think i shall really start on my homework... and revise for the ca next week. ta and good night.

[lots of vegetables]

back from steamboat. went out with dom, gina and sh. tx had to mark papers for his mom, so he couldnt go out. then went to dom's place for steamboat with his place. his bro is super cute. and yeah. we played blackjack, gambled with sweets, which was really funny and exciting. i was kinda lucky today, but since i lost when i placed big bets, i kept losing and winning money. then was watching tv with dom's gf and his lil bro. looked at the ffx2 strategy guide and went back down to play solitaire. then went up to dom's room, where the rest were playing gb. watched for a little while, then went back down to play solitaire. then was reading newspapers on the sofa while dom was going on about how bad a host he is because i was bored. haha i was not. really. then went up to watch them play ps2 since he kept urging me to go up. had dinner and left early since there's school tomorrow.

didnt have enough sleep last night. couldnt sleep for more than 2 hours so i finally went out to watch animax and it didnt turn out as boring.

sigh, i'm very good friends with them, but that doesnt mean i'll tell them everything right? i dont even look at them as just -, but my own friends. is that very wrong? is it very wrong to have friends that are -. i dont see anything wrong. please stop giving that same expression everytime you see us together or have funny and weird ideas up that head of yours. because i'm not gonna disclose anything that isnt supposed to be disclosed and they'll do the same too. so please, stop telling me what to do. i just treasure these friends a lot okay?

sian, very sian. shall go bathe then... sorry i cant give you an eye sore today because i'm too tired to give myself an eye sore too. well, part 3 maybe tomorrow... good night!

----------------------

Angel in Disguise - Corrinne May

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and i stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody loves you'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before i get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Dont need to look at paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But i forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out of the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new

[it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you]

day 4
the competition. well we gathered in the lodge super early in the morning. then had a 2 hour bus ride to the university of delaware, where the competition was held. some people were singing and some of us were sleeping. i was among those who were sleeping but was interrupted by the singing and laughing. we finally arrived there. after the 6 seeding matches, we made it to 12th position, so we didnt have a chance to pick our alliance. but we entered the quarter finals because we were selected to alliance with two other teams. our alliance was the only alliance with three teams. we fixed up the robot, removing all the unnecessary stuff and started playing the quarter finals. tx, dom and i were in there throughout the entire thing. we entered the semi finals, playing the most exciting games and finally it came down to the finals. our robot started to collide with another robot, and our motor cable was stuck in one of the opponent's robot. we didnt win that match but we made it to second place. we won the think award too. it was indeed an enjoyable day. we cooked dinner at night. was supposed to cook fried rice but it didnt turn out very successful. the rice was weird, not fully cooked and the vegetables were almost raw. priscilia cooked the rice and dr chia decided to call it stone rice. later, ms lim, diana, dom and i were doing laundry. haha i dont know how many times i did laundry throughout the entire trip.. maybe 3? or 4? we all went to bed and slept like pigs.

day 5
woke up at 11am. well, was awaken by ms lim's voice. and i found SOMEONE sleeping next to me... was just trying to figure out who it was.... guessed it was diana, but it didnt really look like diana. well, it was diana in the end. we were supposed to go out as a big group to buy groceries... so there were a change of plans. we were allowed to stay in for the entire morning, but we had to go out in the end. so we dressed up and all and met up with the rest at the lodge. some werent there because they left early in the morning for service. so we were divided into a number of groups and took many cabs down to the mall (forgot where it is). i was with dr chia and lisha. so waiting for the cab was a bore. we were sitting outside the inn in the cold waiting for the cab. okay maybe it was not as cold then. mr tan's group left first, then ms lim's then dom's, then xu chen's, mr chia's and finally ours. well we waited outside for an hour for the cab. lisha was telling dr chia stuff about china while i stoned there for an hour as everyone left. the cab finally arrived and it costed us 10 usd to get there in 7 mins. we ate there. the japanese food aint so tasty though... very salty. i have teriyaki beef. then went shopping. bleagh i wanted to buy some games but because i couldnt find my wallet that morning, i couldnt buy anything. then mr tan bought a psp there!! and dom bought guild wars (pc game)!!! bleagh was super jealous... ahhh, why did my wallet have to disappear at a time like that. so when we returned, we started to cook for cultural night. our american friends were coming to the inn to eat, so each school was coming up with a dish. ij cooked curry and sweet and sour pork. so diana and i were "arguing" as i was looking for my wallet. i found it under the bed -_-'''. diana and i always argue, practically every night, but we're just arguing for the fun of it. haha. so the curry turned out delicious and we sung for the americans. yeah made quite a number of friends too... yeap, they're really friendly so it was kinda easy to chat with them. after they left, we washed up and went to bed. i decided to sleep outside in the living room with kathleen and amanda because julienne, diana and jn were being really gross, so i moved, haha.

day 6
first day of school. we work up really early like 5.45am. well the toots in the room set the alarm at 5.45am, but they couldnt hear it. instead, the three of us outside heard it. so we got ready and headed off to the lodge. parents and teachers came to pick us up for school yeah, was sms-ing matilda in the car. she didnt reply...bleagh. when we reached the school, it was about 7am and it was still dark. so we headed for the faculty dining where we had our breakfast and paired up with our partners whom we were going to follow around for the entire day. lisha and i paired up with thea. well we had two to one because there were too many of us ninth graders. so both of us followed thea around for class. we first headed for her homeroom where morning announcements would be announced. thats the coolest thing, their morning announcements. they have it through televisions in their classrooms. first they would start off with the pledge, then morning announcements, weather news, sports news, notices and so on. it was like this news broadcast, but its just within the school. and there is this tip of the day thing in which students will decide what the tip of the day would be. social studies was interesting, it was about napoleon and the entire lesson was solely his story. it was a very interesting lesson. then had english. they did a lot of reading, and they get to choose whereever they want to read. they can choose to sit in the corner of the classroom, or with their friend, as long as its within the classroom. we had physics next and we studied thermal energy. we learnt about what thermal energy and temperature. we had maths, or rather geometry and the entire class had revision for interior and exterior angles, it was homework too, and the teacher went through the kite properties and stuff. well its the same as a //gram so yeah. we had french next and lisha and i couldnt do anything because we didnt understand a word of french. so the teacher brought us to the library to use the computers to do something online, some online worksheet. for some reason, the website didnt work, couldnt be accessed. so the entire class was either checking their mail or just playing around. so i sent an email to mag. then the website was working again, so lisha and i attempted to try out the worksheets online. well we didnt understand a word so we made random guesses. i almost passed, just needed one mark. haha. but we most likely to fail. so we only had a few minutes to do the quiz because of all that maintenance. we had lunch after that. had lunch with dom and lisha. okay, so we asked for too much food. dom and i had fries and nuggets. i had cheese steak and he had something.... bleagh sandwich i think. then he combined the nuggets and fries, which made them look like it was a lot. so we couldnt finish it and had to throw away the food. after lunch, it was art. kathleen, amanda, lisha and i were in the same art class. it was thea's first art class so the teacher had lots of introduction to do. she then put us in the gallery where we were looking at all the art work and all, and they're not that bad, in fact, they were superb. then we were standing at the door chatting until class ended. had german next. so lisha and i just sat in there, watching the rest. the whole class were listening to this tape and were studying vocabulary and translating what was in the tape. it was health next. well health is just like pe, except it has the extra health education like h.e. in primary school. so the class was doing so q and a thing while lisha and i just read the extra textbooks in the classroom cupboard. the teacher suddenly came over and told us they were playing volleyball the next day and wanted us to get ready. after school, we gathered in one of those physics labs and then the teachers brought us over to the next room and started to lecture us about something. well yeah, then there was this presentation and we had dinner in the faculty dining. went over to the middle school for this board meeting and then we left. we headed back to the the inn and went to bed.

---------------------

i think thats long enough... day 6 was really long. there's part 2 for you. sorry for giving you an eye sore. the words on this blog is super puny and stuff. haha sorry.

meeting gina, shi hui, tx and dom tomorrow. we're gonna go rollerblading/cycling tomorrow... and i think i'll do both. yeah. i'm gonna sleep soon, since i have to meet them at bedok at 10am tomorrow.

well, thats all! good night and bye!

---------------------

Mr. Beasley - Corrinne May

You don't have to drive a fancy car
Don't have to quote me Shakespeare just to woo me
Yeah I see your nervous laughter when you're trying to crack some joke
Well, you don't fool me
I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away

Just be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you

You don't know this but I see you in the church when you are praying,
You just move me
And my friend Sue she tells me you've been teaching kids for free
Mr. Philanthropy
I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away

Just be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
Be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you (fall in love with you)

I'd like to see your eyes through those goggles that you're wearing
Don't try to hide away

Just be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
Be yourself, Mr. Beasley
I don't need your show of attitude
Coz' it's your soul that makes me fall in love
it's your soul that makes me fall in love
it's your soul that makes me fall in love
it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
yeah

[i met an angel in disguise]

i'm back.

the entire trip was fun, it just made me feel different.

everything happened in a flash. the first time we met mi, then tms, then we started building the robot, and finally the competition.

the competition was a blast. it was one hell of a time in the playing field. surprisingly, it didnt turn out as pressurizing as i thought.

day 1
we were gathered at the airport at 4am or earlier. then we departed at 6am or so. yeah 6-7 hours to tokyo, narita. then the long flight to detroit which lasted 11-12 hours. well, jn and i had absolutely nothing to do except stone. well, she was studying electricity and i watched sky high. when we were at detroit, we were grateful that torturous 11hours of boredom had passed. so we stoned in the detroit airport because our flight was cancelled due to bad weather conditions and we had to wait about 7-9 hours for the next flight. it turned out our next flight was at 9.16pm. a few played cards to kill time, some were shopping, some were sleeping. i caught a cold, so i slept like a log. yeah felt better after that. then we boarded at 10pm because there was air traffic and we were really really dying of boredom. for the next 1hr or so, i was either looking up in the sky (had window seat) or crapping with pris and dom. well the stars in us are much much brighter. well yeah, was crapping a lot with pris and dom. then we finally arrived in newark, where a bus was already waiting for us to ferry us to the inn. we reached the inn at about 3am. i didnt get to sleep much either. woke up at 5.15am, because... i had a dream. so i only had about an hour of sleep. waited for the clock to tick at 6.15am. so i was just stoning and watching jn, diana and julienne sleeping.

day 2
breakfast was nice. yeah. the potatoes rock. then we had a briefing, reassembled the robot since it was in pieces so that we could bring it along. was done up soon enough. then halped with the mock playing field. yeah had to figure out how to slant the table and stuff. then played and played with dom and tx. yeah was running everywhere. dom and i were helping with baby bot and i had to search for the engineering notebook. then had lunch and my left arm was frozen for the entire day. the pain was biting into my bones and it was horrible. sent two emails to denise and savie before going over to gina's apartment to eat. apparently i didnt get to eat the lasagne because i was sleeping. then had another briefing and went back to bathe and stuff. went back to 321 where the programmers were busy and was just playing around wih gina, dom and tx. then gina said there was a laundry room. i then realised after dom wears his jacket, it feels really warm. dont know why either. so it was nice hugging something warm and i would always request him to warm the jacket up or something. for some reason, he's the only one who can warm his jacket up. unfair! haha.. so went to do laundry with dom and diana. we had to wait for the dryer to dry our clothes so diana went back to the apartment to 'babysit' those pigs sleeping and i was at the lodge with dom, watching disney channel (american dragon: jake long) and eating cereal at 3am in the morning. psychos. then returned to apartment and went to bed. jn only came back with ms lim at about 4. so she didnt get a lot of sleep.

day 3
we visited the vocational school, which was kinda fun and we went to wissahickon high school at night. had dinner and was working on the robot since they had a playing field there. worked till 1pm before mr ostrow sent us back to the inn. we were there for the entire night. the programmers worked for the entire night without sleep. engineers were sleeping. tx was working on the tray while i slept on the couch. so the programmers only had a few hours sleep for two nights. the vocational school was a really cool place. their labs are clean and the people there are really nice. then we waited outside for the bus to take us to wissahickon high school for more than an hour. so gina, dom and i were taking random photos. dom and i were trying to remove the visitor pass sticker off the lanyard and it was kind of a disaster... haha yeah.. well that was day 3

--------------------------------

shall put a stop here. thats part 1 for you.

i'll just do things my way. i decide how friendly i want to be. why is it that i cant be extra friendly to that particular person if i want to??? not as if it was a sin or anything right? my conscience is very very clear. you may think that i'm being totally selfish, but i dont wanna care anymore. argh. i dont mind being the idiot, the irritating one. i'm very clear of how i feel now.

i'm not angry or anything, just a little annoyed. well, there hasnt been a day when i hvnt been irritated.

sigh, ever sicne i was told i was so disconnected, i have been thinking... of how bad it has been. i was told it was really bad, but i still find it so hard to accept it. i feel like writing about it all over this blog, but its so obvious. it's so difficult to keep it discreet and at the same time, talk a lot about it.

man i find blogging so difficult now.. geez. i shall just stop here before i just go bonkers. bye

[rugby]

bye-ing in a few hours. shall spend the last few hours in this warm and cozy place. yes because for the next ten days, i may not even come back alive. i may have been frozen to death in the dead winter. bleagh. depends on whether i can take it lar... but i still may freeze to death.

had dinner at seoul garden with denise... heee we ate like pigs. i ate a lot of beef... and she ate lots of fish. then we like cracked 4 eggs into the soup base. and the soup was nice too. and she gave me this wonderful pair of earrings for my brithday, haha yeah very zenith-ish. yes, still under the zenith influence.. maybe.

bleagh was on the pone with tx and gina, mainly gina since they decided to call me up and disturb me. so yeah, i dont plan on sleeping tonight. probably watch a lil sky high. then bleach, but mainly bleach. yes. dying to watch now. must must must watch till 63. yes at the ichigo bankai part, which is super cool! and kuchiki byakuya rocks! i love his bankai, its very sakura-ish and just cool. hee bleach madness.

we played rugby for pe today, which was super fun. well not exactly rugby, because we didnt play on the field, but on the bball court. it was super fun cause we were like snatching the ball and stuff, yeah and it was just funny how the ball just gets around.

yeah bleagh shall go watch bleach now..... bye.

[friday the 13th]

yeaps. its friday the 13th today. scream all you want. haha

well i guess it has really been an unlucky day. three people got injured during pe. dont know if that broke the record. two sprained ankles, and a bball went straight for ena's face, and her nose started to bleed. i guess shes okay now... yeah.

esti returned to ij today, with a different look. was kinda shocked to see her. yeah she layered her hair, gelled it. her skirt was short and she just looked really different. took me a while to realise it was her because i was in the canteen after cca and i noticed an unfamiliar uniform lingering in the canteen. well, with that haircut, i hardly recognized her. i didnt know temasek jc's uniform looked like that. but yeah. she looked far older than me now. and since i just turned 15, we're of the same age. she still looks older than me though. she said if her skirt was at her knee, the school would label her as a 'nerd' so it had to be like 3cm above her knee. hur... weird. but i guess she's enjoying herself there...

was going crazy with mag today. or maybe its mag who was dragging me along with her into her craziness. no.1, she screamed 'BRIANA ANG' so loudly the whole canteen would have heard her. and i really mean scream. haha. well, she only wanted to return my freaky friday vcd to me... haha. then we were preparing for tomorrow's orientation, we were laughing hysterically like nobody's business and just being idiots... and then we played the 'mi mi mi re mi fa so' game. no idea what it is, so i just called it the 'mi mi mi re mi fa so' game. finally, we were telling julienne and liz about the weird stuff mrs stephen would say and do in class. well since julienne's english teacher is mrs stephen, and she's really lucky. we didnt want to give her a surprise when mrs stephen suddenly asks for the summary. yeah so mag and i were like imitating her when she asks us to take our summaries or dictionaries out. haha well, that was a really fun trip home. but mrs stephen is a great teacher... her notes are like treasure, never ever throw them away.

grace yow was in the arc room today and she did something so disgusting... haha yeah, she had styrofoam in her mouth after that... bleagh, gross. haha

since i lost my house keys, my mum duplicated another set and kept bugging me to look for a keychain so that she can keep the nemo set. its the nemo set because the keychain is a nemo keychain. ahahaha cute. bought that in p6. so i was finally willing to use the keychain debby gave me for christmas, ichigo's bankai. yeah its really nice... and cool. so i have a bankai with me wherever i go! haha and i was finally willing to hang the toushiro keychain to my handphone. the toushiro keychain was one of the presents denise got for me for christmas. yeah. i would usually not bear to use them, but i will anyway. i love their presents. ichigo's bankai and toushiro stuff! toushiro rocks! (shiro-chan, shiro-chan, hehe)

bleagh the new timetable really gave me a big shock. we have a really late thursday and late recess on thursday. recess at 11.30am and dismissed at 2.25pm. for someone like me, who is not customed to having breakfast before coming to school, because i dont really have the time to, and will starve for the first 5 periods of the day until recess. well i guess i can settle breakfast and lunch at the same time on thursdays. well, we have an early day on friday. dismissed at 1.15pm. geraldine said thats to make up for the late recess. but mag's worse. she has three late days. and my previous and first timetable had only early recesses and no late days. bleagh. and my locker is full because i put in three ring files, two flat files and a stack of books inside.

basically the homeroom system is sort of helping me get my way around school now, i'm starting to adapt to the new school. man 14 classrooms on each level. yeah. getting to the arc room was the easiest because it's close to the canteen.

i'm very very tired. even on the second week of school, i'm feeling extra lethargic. especially today. just getting worse man. i dont think i will collapse soon, but i just feel very very tired and exhausted.

i dont know why my brother can be so argh. he's playing with his friend on maple story with his friend on the same channel at the same place. and he can talk on the phone so loudly at the same time. whats worse is he's talking to the same friend and he put him on loudspeaker and has to speak so loudly. like how the hell am i gonna sleep? he has been on the line for hours i'm telling you. on the mobile phone. he can conference with a few friends and play on the maple network with the same friends. tsk tsk, what a waste of electricity.

i have suddenly been obsessed with rainie yang's li xiang qing ren. haha the video's just as cute. yeap, with mike he jun xiang in it, as a photographer and rainie yang as a ballet dancer. haha just watch it and maybe you'll think the video and the song are just as cute. click here to view video. yeah he's in another one of rainie yang's videos too. not only this one. and they were advertising some disney stuff together... yeah

argh, i'm gonna sleep now. gotta get up early tomorrow. yes. dying to sleep now. good night.

[burden]

yeah i mean i know... for once i actually did...

sigh. dont know what to do... it was really disastrous today... yeah i mean i can tell how mad you were.... and stuff. so yeah

i have lots of work to do. yeah i'll just leave now. bye.

[runaway]

it has been a very bleagh day. haha nothing special, just nothing happened.

i applied for my ic yest. okay i thought it would take like an hour because my mum said so, but it only took me like half an hour. and in that less than half an hour. i managed to internalize ocean currents (geog hw). so anyway, i remember like the definition of ocean current and the two types of OCs. yeah.

i still have like maths hw. i shall do it after i blog.

i'm very lethargic and sick for the entire day. slept all the way to 1pm or so. then felt really cold even with a jacket on. and cant stop sneezing. dont know if its a flu. well we'll see about tomorrow. and i thnk i had too much sleep, which i doubt so. because too much sleep will make you feel lethargic and you can also die from too much sleep. haha ms champion said too much sleep can kill, when i was in sec 1. but i dont think anyone will have too much sleep right? well too little kills too. so we muct always have the right amount of sleep.

just feeling very stressed now. yeah. and having headaches. not doing anything at home was supposed to help me relax. but i'm just feeling very stressed now.

animax removed ccs last week, and ever since i had animax which was like last week, i hvnt even watched ccs on it yet. they replaced it with twin spica. dont know what it is. and i think that 'midori days' is simply too cute man.

---------------------

i'll run at the sight of you.
and you'll do the same

you'll run at the sight of me
and i'll do the same

sorry, still having this sense of awkwardness. dont like it. and i can tell it's going to get worse. i have this premonition, or rather this intuition, that something really bad is going to happen. well, it's kinda bad to me. thats why i'm really bothered now. i've been having these really bad intuitions. i'm not sure if they're like really accurate or anything. but i just have this really bad feeling about most of everything. so, i run.

we'll all run in different directions
who knows where we'll end up
maybe we will keep running
and somehow end up at where we begun,
or where it'll just end

i... dont know what will happen... i can feel it breaking up. each fragment just dissolving to vanish. and its just that black empty space...

['5 RANDOM things about you' game]

okay so since mag wants to pass this on to me, i shall.... she even decided to come over and give me a gentle reminder.... bleagh. (read tagboard) and besides... she didnt tell me i was tagged!!! so she sort of broke the rules... haha

-----------------------------

Rules of the game. Post 5 weird things or random facts about yourself. Then at the end of the list, 5 names that are in line to do this. Dont forget to leave a comment 'You've been tagged'in their blogs to read yours.

1. I talk too much.
>>just like mag, haha we're typical 2/3.

2. I daydream.
>> maybe many know about that, bleagh but i can daydream and know whats going on in my surroundings okay! well, most of the times of course, not all the time.

3. i'm psychotic
>> in case you dont know, i do very very weird stuff and act weirdly, so people think i'm bian tai or a psycho

4. i cant get over horror movies for a very long while
>>still havent gotten over exorcism of emily rose till now. thats how bad it is...

5. i like anime
>>its random. yeah thats the whole point... but from what i know, or heard, girls are not that customed to like anime, dont know why, i think its very nice.

I pass this on to :
1. Gina
2. Tx
3. Danielle
4. Marissa (Sars)
5. Tiara

[over it]

haha tx, gina and shihui got a cake for me today... which was really sweet. yeah... haha thanks :)

i realised gina and i actually have a lot, and i mean A LOT in common... our lives are almost the same, except her mom makes her go for facial every two months and she gets to eat bird's nest everyday when its the exams... yeah...

sigh i dont know what to do... i'm both mad, and stressed. just troubled over other people's problems... why cant - listen to us.... we're doing it for -'s own good.... i just feel a lil depressed for -. i dont know what i can do to help -, when - doesnt really want to make the right choice... - wants to give up and be tortured. i feel like scolding -. i'm just feeling so fed up that i want to zou -. why cant - think again for what's better for -.

bleagh done with ranting... shall go now. bye.

-------------------------------

Over It - Anneliese Van Der Pol

How could you know
that behind my eyes a sad girl cried
And how could you know
that I hurt so much inside
How could you know
that I'm not the average girl
I'm carrying the weight of the world
Yeah
So can you get me out of here

[Chorus]
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive 'til the gas runs out
and walk so far that we can't
see this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
so I can forget about this mess
If I lighten up a little bit
then I will be over it

I'm playing the role
of the happy girl but no one knows
Inside I'm alone
But I would never let it show
I dread everyday
too much work and not enough play
Over and over it's always the same
Yeah
But you can make everything okay

Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive 'til the gas runs out
and walk so far that we can't
see this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
so I can forget about this mess
If I lighten up a little bit
then I will be over it

Over it
And when the world is closing in
I can leave it all and just walk away
I can always start all over again
I am closer to a better day

Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive 'til the gas runs out
and walk so far that we can't
see this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
so I can forget about this mess
If I lighten up a little bit
then I will be

(Take me away) Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive 'til the gas runs out
and walk so far that we can't
see this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
so I can forget about this mess
If I lighten up a little bit
then I will be

If I lighten up a little bit
then I will be over it
Over it
I am over it

[the birthday song]

what an unlucky birthday it has been. i have dropped my house keys and my $20.50 plain ring during pe. well, it just dropped outta my pocket. yeah. then i guess my mind was just too occupied with the missing house keys during my first ss lesson until i suddenly realised my plain ring was also in my pocket which is not anymore...

bleagh what an unlucky 15th birthday.

haha i didnt really think it was the 6th of january until matilda wished me a happy birthday today. haha ah well, its not really a great thing either.

i'm not having a peaceful birthday though... my mum is nagging in my ear about the sweater... the more i tell her i dont need it. the more effort she puts into talking me into taking it. bleagh. gave in in the end.

my mum changed to digital cable last night and was enjoying it like a little kid enjoying his of her new toy. she was constantly flipping channels like no one's business. but its okay.. i have animax now :) haha more anime to watch.

the second day of school was kinda bleagh. apparently, 2006 didnt really have a good start. it was kinda lousy. not only for me, but for matilda... she was constantly complaining about the misfortunes she had from the moment she awoke in the morning till the time i met up with her to go to school with her. she overslept twice too.... on the first and second day of school. well, things aint looking too good for me too. i'm starting to feel that loneliness and solemn on the first week of year 2006.

yes, today was just like any other unlucky day. kinda ironic though... it has been a rather unlucky 15th birthday. even for a 15 year old's birthday.

i will change my surname to a lim and be diana's sister! haha okay it's kind of a joke... but it isnt so bad having a jie jie like her... she doesnt want me though... awww... but i really really dont mind having a sis like her... haha its just that we were sitting at the void deck at 163 and her friends came along and asked if i was her sister... so i just said yeah.

well here's to myself:

dear briana

happy birthday... although your 15th year had a lousy beginning, well, hope things will look better for you in future... yeap, may you do well in everything that you do and learn to be a much more happy person and dont be so irritating by being irritated over trivial matters. dont be so soft and weak... yeap. learn to be tough and learn to say 'NO!' haha yeah... well wishing you a blissful happy birthday once again and may you be successful in what you have been working and will work for... :)

briana

erm i know it sounds a bit weird or anything, but i'm simply wishing myself a happy birthday... yeah! it may sound as if i have no friends or i'm just psychotic, but i think to me, it's pretty warm and fuzzy inside, although it came from me, myself. yeah feel much better now... i think i shall just find a candle, light it and make a wish. blow it and be happy.. because i dont have a cake and i dont think i need one anyway. not that important. shall go watch ch 56 or animax now! enjoy corrinne may's the birthday song :) i'm dedicating it to everyone and myself too... yeah... haha i'm psychotic... bye
----------------------------

The Birthday Song - Corrinne May

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped to grow
A little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

[the awkwardness]

happy new year. there goes 2005. a year of precious memories shall be shelved. my 14th year on this planet is soon coming to an end too.

17 more days.

this sense of awkwardness is destructive. i dont know what to do. i just forgot or rather dont know how to anymore. i... dont... know... whats... wrong...

[awkward silence]

last day of 2005. in a while, here comes 2006.

not interested in the countdown... since i dont know when, it just did seem interesting each year. yeah, so i doubt it'll be as good.

actually i keep forgetting it's new year's eve today.

. . .

i didnt even know i got cut. what a joke. bleagh

well, nothing much happened today. just awkward silence. very very awkward silence. yeah.... erm... silence... and more silence... more awkward silence...

okay... i'm gonna do my homework. bye.. good night.

happy new year :)

-----------------------

Anthem of Our Dying Day - Story of the Year

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying

[ambiguity - yet again]

feeling bleagh again.

it's coming to the end of 2005. wow, it really passed so quickly.

i had a wonderful breakfast this morning, haha it was really filling and a happy one too. yeap, thanks to the people who made it. haha

compared to last year, i guess this year was a much more eventful one. with so much more happening in a mere one year, i havent got anything to say. it's just a mix of everything. especially the second half of the year. it was definitely six months of exhaustion and euphoric experiences. i think i sorta see a clearer picture of it now. yeah i do... i prefer the me now. at least i havent left behind that me in primary school. refusing to look back. but yet refusing to look ahead.

it has been a very very interesting year. with all that frenzy and stuff, words cant express my feelings towards these. but i'll still welcome 2006 with open arms.

i know i have low confidence.

[we'll be this far apart]

just came home. wanna bathe but i cant find any towels. well, the thing is, the cupboard with the towels is empty. okay i dont know what's going on. my mum has been really psychotic these few days.

so i stink a lot now. gah i want to go bathe and then go to bed. apparently i only have till 12 to use this damned computer.

this entire week has been a disaster. if you read the entries for this week, you'll agree i guess. oh man just three more days to new year. and its hard to even realise christmas has passed. not that it didnt. i know it did, but i still forget there was still christmas.

i see each problem thrown at me, one at a time. maybe i should just dodge it. but it'll just hit me, SOMEHOW.

yes, i want a happy new year, but i doubt i will... it's really sad though. so it's an unhappy new year. oh man why is it that all these have to happen at once. or maybe, look on the bright side, i did have days when i was happier. so i'm just grateful i didnt have to face it ALL YEAR ROUND.

i'm just not in a very good mood after what had happened. i'm trying to... and this time, it isnt pms.

anyway i'm gonna hunt the towels down. and i really want to sleep. i'm gonna be sleeping in class next year. and of course i dont want that to happen. i'm already having this serious lack of sleep. so i shouldnt make it any worse. yeah. block of wood gonna sleep now. good night and bye.

[the christmas nightmare]

christmas was okay. boxing day was terrible. the day after boxing day was worse. and today, it's just as bad.

yes. i have realised my year end could just get any more worse. it has become so terrible it is rather difficult to make it better. so my christmas didnt turn out very merry either. well, i should have got up earlier, much earlier, maybe went to church or something. try to make my day better. or make myself a much happier person now. argh, i'm sick and tired of it.

it's pretty much obvious isnt it? i dont know. i just find it so bleagh. who would be so bleagh to think it should be done that way. it just shouldnt. just very wrong. oh man, you should know after we told you time and time again. geez...

i'm not running away from you. it's just because of some reason that i may seem i am, but i'm trying not to. due to foreseen circumstances, i didnt know what to do for a very long time. i dont have time to really think about it, but just keep quiet. yeah, i'm not running.

i hope the 'you' knows who i'm actually refering to who. gah.. it's very bleagh, very very bleagh. i said its bleagh because i dont know how to describe. i'll just say bleagh when i think of it. so its very BLEAGH to me. yeah funny... gah not.

i'm not a very happy person now. sigh. i envy those who are happy and can lead a normal and simple life, unlike mine, which can be so twisted and ABNORMAL. it's so complicated that even though i should be getting used to it, i'm hating it now.

please do not mind my rambling, i am very tired now. i just hope for things to be better. at least two times better. i'm very tired of being called a bitch everyday, although i very much dont do anything about it, just think its the wind or something. i'm starting to fear coming home, but i have to. why is it that my reaction time had to be this slow? i'm gonna be a block of wood now. i'm gonna be immune to anything evil. and this block of wood is gonna bathe and go to sleep now. bye

[ambiguity - constraint]

gah i'm broke.

shopped for another four hours today, at jurong point. bought two polo shirts, a skirt and a pair of slippers. who knew briana would buy a skirt? geez

shopped with denise and her sis. we didnt shop for the entire day since they had something on. but it was kinda fun. denise had a discount of like $14 for this necklace. bleagh.

visited debby again. yeap, gave her the burnt cds with the ff7ac and the bleach stuff. i spent an hour burning the stuff last night. but yeah... and we were chatting again, lots and lots of topics. yeah...

matilda just told me she found bleach interesting. haha well, it is. and i love the presents debby and denise gave me. they're so cute.

i'm really gonna miss them when they graduate. well they have. although it's like a must for them to go, well, i'm really gonna miss them a lot. yeap...

it's christmas the next day... well, i hope it'll be a peaceful one... yeah... i'll first sleep in till noon. haha what a way to spend my christmas morning. joking... i'll be online i guess, that is if i don't get up at like 12pm... i wouldnt be going for church i guess... cause i'm not catholic... but i'll probably go...

christmas seems like a very new day for me. yeah... it's CHRISTMAS. uh huh, i'll spend my entire day at home on the computer... having parties for my sims... yeah, christmas parties. whee, i'm so nice to them they get to celebrate christmas. haha joking.

i really havent much to say... other than shopping and talking to debby. and chatting with gina on the phone, i havent done anything till now. yeah... my mind's also blank. shall just stone for today... havent stoned for a rather long time.

well, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ENJOY THIS FESTIVE SEASONS!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!

------------------------------------

There With You - Sylvester Sim

All this time while you're with me I've been in the dark
Didnt think for the life of me You would do me wrong

We had it all but you chose not to know
You always knew my heart was home

Now we know I'm not who you want I should let you go

[Chorus]
I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

All this time while I'm true to you
You turned and looked away
There just wasn't any signs that says
You're only passing through

I'll close my eyes to forget our times
I can't restrain you from my lies

The fear of ever losing you
Was finally coming true

I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

[ambiguity - i suffer]

watched chronicles of narnia during arc outing today. it's nice. although it's like what debby said, a mix of lotr and harry potter, it's still okay. the war was very very lotr. i like aslan's face... although i dont really like the mane, i like his nose... haha and his face is nice to touch.. and i wanna ride on him too!!!

haha i was sitting in between gloria and matilda. when lucy first met that faun guy, he was inviting her to his house for tea. well it's totally innocent, but they did sound like they were flirting. gah... haha which made the faun guy look so perverted. haha although he's the good guy.

before the movie, we were having lunch at yoshinoya. whee, and played that number guess game. the forfeit was to eat the onions from the beef value meal. i love the onions so it was okay for me. haha.. it was kinda fun and the gift exchange was fun too. played air hockey at the arcade and finally watched the movie.

after the movie, we met up with nat at the arcade and she sure is good at the para game. yeap. so then i was hanging out at the heeren with savina and delle because i had nothing to do until my mum was done with her work. i saw that addidas bag. i want the black one. its the sling bag. and it costs $79!!! ah extortion. sniff sniff... i have to wait a while to buy it, unless i'm lucky to buy it at a pasar malam or something, if not, it'll be that 80 bucks.

finally met up with my mum and her bf. had dinner at marche! woo. it has been ages since i last ate there. but my appetite has been rather poor so i couldnt eat much. but i ate fresh oysters for the first time in my life. raw, not cooked. they're rather tasty actually. had three of them, didnt dare take more because i have a weak stomach.... havent really fully recover from the after-effects of food poisoning in p3. had two bowls of mushroom soup, rosti, a sausage, and i think thats all. yeah not a lot. i usually eat like a pig whenever i go to marche.

i'm gonna go shopping with denise and her sis tomorrow! yay looking forward to it, since i didnt go last friday. time to make up for it, but we're kinda broke...

bought another pair of earrings today, quite nice. yeah, very zenith-ish. cause its a star!! hee..

gah tired... very tired... ah well, good night

[ambiguity - kokoro]

bleagh it was such a tiring day for me. i went christmas shopping and bought two items for myself. two pairs of earrings. haha so weird. ah well, then followed denise to this christmas party held at her friend's place. it was quite fun actually. but the forfeit i had to do was very BLAH. never mind... denise rescued me. haha thanks.

orchard is such a big and crowded place. ah well, everyone knows that. besides not even knowing how to get to lucky plaza or tangs from the mrt station, i made lots of guesses as to how to get to diff places. the mrt station was so crowded that i heard the get out of the station message that went:

"the station is too crowded, please leave the station if you are no boarding the trains"

so no one gave a damn about what was happening... they went on laughing and talking on the phone while that message went on over and over again. i found it so amusing. the moment i stepped out of the mrt station, one guy asked me to donate $10, i didnt though (little devil), and some girl approached me to go for some model audition, after standing there negotiating my way out, i managed to reject it. gah, i kept asking her if i could reject on the spot and leave my number with her. blah i dont want any phone calls from anyone telling me to go where and where to audition, who cares about modelling anyway.

i walked around taka many times and yes my feet were already dying by the 4th hour. but i have already spent like $100. some say shopping makes you happy, but i feel worse each time i spend my money. haha couldnt bear to part with it, but i still did. ah well.

the christmas party was fun. yeah, although i didnt know a single person except denise, i guess it was okay. they were really friendly. but i had to do a forfeit which was very BLAH and freaky.... and yes, it's a traumatizing experience. geez... but out of all the forfeits, it was one of the not-so-bad ones. there were forfeits like kissing the girl's leg, sticking socks in their nostrils and taking a photo of it and gulping yoghurt down your throst. my forfeit wasnt that bad... but still bad. gah i wont say. and since it was at bukit batok, it feels like i'm going to the west everyday.

its the arc outing tomorrow. whee. gonna watch king kong. haha, and i'm might go shopping with denise and her sis on saturday. spending it on myself. hehe. looking foward to it. it'll be christmas on sunday and a bbq at trellis towers, my aunt's hosting it. oh yay, it's gonna be fun! then i wanna play pool, havent played it in ages. maybe swim as well. monday, finish my maths homework and do the presentation. yeah maybe play computer games. its boxing day, but i wouldnt have anymore paper to tear apart. yeah haha. i'll probably tear them apart when i either get home or on the spot. haha no lar, but i'll spoil the surprise even before boxing day.

met up with denise for dinner last night. we had prata. well i did, she had murtaka. well i think thats murtaka. but anyway, we visited debby after that. haha her place is awesome. i love it. it's so nice and the condo there has tranquility in the air. yeah, her house is nice too, and squeaky, literally squeaky clean. if you're not wearing socks and you walk in her house the floor will squeak. haha so the three of us were sitting in the living room chatting till 10pm. when they made me return. yeah, so i did, and thats when i realised how quick bus 985 is. it only took me like 10 mins to get from bukit batok to toa payoh. its so quick. quicker than the mrt train. and i didnt fall asleep. if i did, i can say bye to toa payoh.

haha i guess thats a really really long entry i have posted. yeap. it's 12.38am now.... and i think i should stop here... and yay, bleach episode 62 is finally done. my bittorrent has miraculously sped up. wow! haha okay... sarcastic. but yeah it did speed up. well, good night! enjoy your holidays!

[ambuguity / difficult decision]

it hasnt been a wonderful day for me.

i've been having trouble ever since i opened my eyes this morning. lots of fighting and shouting. and people asking me to fuck off. right, doing the right thing for a wrong reason.

then i come home, much to my annoyance, world war X. yeah i'm very annoyed. i'm sick, and tired. much more tired than sick.

i'm looking at things from a very different angle now, and i choose the narrow-minded me to look at it. yes something happened to me, and thats why i decided to temporarily morph into the extremely selfish and irritating me. it's a lonely issue.

blah. i feel so pissed off and irritated and annoyed that i want to smash something on the wall, maybe my own head. i feel like throwing and turning my whole room upside down.

[ambiguity - choice]

i have finished watching 惡魔在身邊 (er mo zai shen bian). just that the last episode was a little surprising... the ending was kinda crappy... but sweet at the same time. the photos i've uploaded are taking 15.16MB of my MSNspace. bleagh... they're screenshots. but anyway the show was nice and different. yeap. love triangles arent common, but the reason why the couple cant be together because their parents are getting married and they are about to be siblings. so they had a secret relationship in which only their friends knew. but ah well, the dad said he wanted all four of them to be happy and all, so he agreed to their relationship and still got married. but yeah, the last episode is a little shocking, even for me. encouraged to watch. rent buy whatever... just encouraged to watch.

ahhhh the collection today was kinda okay, but it was fun! hehe we came across so many funny situations. mag and i were making a fool of ourselves by coming up with this retarded dance and doing that exercise thing for the elderly which was actually stuck onto the notice board next the lift while waiting for the stuff to reach the ground floor via the lift. i was also betrayed by mag. she left me in the lift alone while i was trying to lift the newspapers up and out of the lift. the doors started closing in the process of just picking the newspapers up and the next thing i knew, i was moving, well the lift i mean. gah... all in all, it was an interesting day, and an exhausting one as well.

sorry, i'm not really in a very good mood today. so dont really feel like doing anything. and i'm starting to get addicted to that 惡魔在身邊(er mo zai shen bian) show. yeah, i cant get it out of my head. why only 20 episodes??? and why cant they be like days of our lives, having over 8000 episodes or even more. actually i dont really enjoy days of our lives, i dont find it very interesting. i wonder.... if the cast of days of our lives ever get tired... 8000 episodes.... what a long script. must be like 10 000 pages long or something. but still remarkable.

i received a christmas card from audrey... haha although it's just a card, it has that warm and nice feeling... simple and sweet. haha. its one of the warmest presents i've got so far...

i'm gonna go to bed soon. i suffering from a serious lack of sleep. gah... i feel like a walking zombie now... i am going to be one if i dont sleep. okay, like denise said, i can never catch up on sleep, but at least have some... too much sleep kills, too little sleep kills. bleagh.

ah well.... good night then. have fun this holidays!

[ambiguity]

i dont know what to say... i feel so stuck. i hardly ever felt like this before. how can things go so so wrong.

i dont know what to do, i said yes, that i will. and then i dont know what to do actually. i want to talk to someone about this. but i dont know who... i dont want this to spread to the rest of the world. although i didnt say it, they probably knew. i just hope none of these happened right now. when i'm still not prepared.

i want to be happy-go-lucky too... please... dont strike me with that.

right till the end, i'm still alone.

[rabbit and hamster]

sorry, i just cant help it... the hamster and rabbit thing is just too funny. haha

this project has sort of changed me. it changed a little of my personality, and my habits. yeah and although it has only been a few days, i learnt a lot. and i still have a month, a month to learn even more. i'm laughing like a brainless git everyday.

this is gonna be more than just a learning experience, but a very precious memory. haha i feel very relaxed just working for this project. yeah, maybe after fll, i have learnt the joy of working.

bleach portal isnt providing any direct downloads for bleach episode 60 and 61. bleagh... so i have to depend on the disgusting bittorrent.

ahhh tired... well good night. bye

[i'm a crab]

what a tiring tuesday it has been. actually i have been like this for the past few days. havent been sleeping well, which resulted in my lost of appetite, my giddiness. and i cant seem to sleep at night, not sure why either. should be worrying about something i guess... even if i am, i dont know what i'm worrying about..

was watching discovery channel when i came home. they happened to have a documentary about embyos and growth, blah that kinda stuff. so i was eating and watching at the same time... of i course i didnt eat much for i lost my appetite due to my lack of sleep. i only ate the egg on my bowl of rice. i think i just had a little rice and didnt feel like eating anymore. maybe from now on i should just drink to feed my hunger.

i think i'm just gonna fall ill.

my mum bought that taiwanese idol drama, er mo zai shen bian (devil beside me) for christmas. yeap... havent watched it yet. i only removed the plastic cover. my brother's playing warcraft and he's annoying me by giving me those faces when i'm not looking in his direction. haha heck him, he's like that... i cant do anything about it either... you cant expect me to suddenly give him a punch out of nowhere right?

ah well, i realised i have other work to do... yeah... well end of entry. bye.