[the birthday song]

what an unlucky birthday it has been. i have dropped my house keys and my $20.50 plain ring during pe. well, it just dropped outta my pocket. yeah. then i guess my mind was just too occupied with the missing house keys during my first ss lesson until i suddenly realised my plain ring was also in my pocket which is not anymore...

bleagh what an unlucky 15th birthday.

haha i didnt really think it was the 6th of january until matilda wished me a happy birthday today. haha ah well, its not really a great thing either.

i'm not having a peaceful birthday though... my mum is nagging in my ear about the sweater... the more i tell her i dont need it. the more effort she puts into talking me into taking it. bleagh. gave in in the end.

my mum changed to digital cable last night and was enjoying it like a little kid enjoying his of her new toy. she was constantly flipping channels like no one's business. but its okay.. i have animax now :) haha more anime to watch.

the second day of school was kinda bleagh. apparently, 2006 didnt really have a good start. it was kinda lousy. not only for me, but for matilda... she was constantly complaining about the misfortunes she had from the moment she awoke in the morning till the time i met up with her to go to school with her. she overslept twice too.... on the first and second day of school. well, things aint looking too good for me too. i'm starting to feel that loneliness and solemn on the first week of year 2006.

yes, today was just like any other unlucky day. kinda ironic though... it has been a rather unlucky 15th birthday. even for a 15 year old's birthday.

i will change my surname to a lim and be diana's sister! haha okay it's kind of a joke... but it isnt so bad having a jie jie like her... she doesnt want me though... awww... but i really really dont mind having a sis like her... haha its just that we were sitting at the void deck at 163 and her friends came along and asked if i was her sister... so i just said yeah.

well here's to myself:

dear briana

happy birthday... although your 15th year had a lousy beginning, well, hope things will look better for you in future... yeap, may you do well in everything that you do and learn to be a much more happy person and dont be so irritating by being irritated over trivial matters. dont be so soft and weak... yeap. learn to be tough and learn to say 'NO!' haha yeah... well wishing you a blissful happy birthday once again and may you be successful in what you have been working and will work for... :)

briana

erm i know it sounds a bit weird or anything, but i'm simply wishing myself a happy birthday... yeah! it may sound as if i have no friends or i'm just psychotic, but i think to me, it's pretty warm and fuzzy inside, although it came from me, myself. yeah feel much better now... i think i shall just find a candle, light it and make a wish. blow it and be happy.. because i dont have a cake and i dont think i need one anyway. not that important. shall go watch ch 56 or animax now! enjoy corrinne may's the birthday song :) i'm dedicating it to everyone and myself too... yeah... haha i'm psychotic... bye
----------------------------

The Birthday Song - Corrinne May

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped to grow
A little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

[the awkwardness]

happy new year. there goes 2005. a year of precious memories shall be shelved. my 14th year on this planet is soon coming to an end too.

17 more days.

this sense of awkwardness is destructive. i dont know what to do. i just forgot or rather dont know how to anymore. i... dont... know... whats... wrong...

[awkward silence]

last day of 2005. in a while, here comes 2006.

not interested in the countdown... since i dont know when, it just did seem interesting each year. yeah, so i doubt it'll be as good.

actually i keep forgetting it's new year's eve today.

. . .

i didnt even know i got cut. what a joke. bleagh

well, nothing much happened today. just awkward silence. very very awkward silence. yeah.... erm... silence... and more silence... more awkward silence...

okay... i'm gonna do my homework. bye.. good night.

happy new year :)

-----------------------

Anthem of Our Dying Day - Story of the Year

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying

[ambiguity - yet again]

feeling bleagh again.

it's coming to the end of 2005. wow, it really passed so quickly.

i had a wonderful breakfast this morning, haha it was really filling and a happy one too. yeap, thanks to the people who made it. haha

compared to last year, i guess this year was a much more eventful one. with so much more happening in a mere one year, i havent got anything to say. it's just a mix of everything. especially the second half of the year. it was definitely six months of exhaustion and euphoric experiences. i think i sorta see a clearer picture of it now. yeah i do... i prefer the me now. at least i havent left behind that me in primary school. refusing to look back. but yet refusing to look ahead.

it has been a very very interesting year. with all that frenzy and stuff, words cant express my feelings towards these. but i'll still welcome 2006 with open arms.

i know i have low confidence.

[we'll be this far apart]

just came home. wanna bathe but i cant find any towels. well, the thing is, the cupboard with the towels is empty. okay i dont know what's going on. my mum has been really psychotic these few days.

so i stink a lot now. gah i want to go bathe and then go to bed. apparently i only have till 12 to use this damned computer.

this entire week has been a disaster. if you read the entries for this week, you'll agree i guess. oh man just three more days to new year. and its hard to even realise christmas has passed. not that it didnt. i know it did, but i still forget there was still christmas.

i see each problem thrown at me, one at a time. maybe i should just dodge it. but it'll just hit me, SOMEHOW.

yes, i want a happy new year, but i doubt i will... it's really sad though. so it's an unhappy new year. oh man why is it that all these have to happen at once. or maybe, look on the bright side, i did have days when i was happier. so i'm just grateful i didnt have to face it ALL YEAR ROUND.

i'm just not in a very good mood after what had happened. i'm trying to... and this time, it isnt pms.

anyway i'm gonna hunt the towels down. and i really want to sleep. i'm gonna be sleeping in class next year. and of course i dont want that to happen. i'm already having this serious lack of sleep. so i shouldnt make it any worse. yeah. block of wood gonna sleep now. good night and bye.

[the christmas nightmare]

christmas was okay. boxing day was terrible. the day after boxing day was worse. and today, it's just as bad.

yes. i have realised my year end could just get any more worse. it has become so terrible it is rather difficult to make it better. so my christmas didnt turn out very merry either. well, i should have got up earlier, much earlier, maybe went to church or something. try to make my day better. or make myself a much happier person now. argh, i'm sick and tired of it.

it's pretty much obvious isnt it? i dont know. i just find it so bleagh. who would be so bleagh to think it should be done that way. it just shouldnt. just very wrong. oh man, you should know after we told you time and time again. geez...

i'm not running away from you. it's just because of some reason that i may seem i am, but i'm trying not to. due to foreseen circumstances, i didnt know what to do for a very long time. i dont have time to really think about it, but just keep quiet. yeah, i'm not running.

i hope the 'you' knows who i'm actually refering to who. gah.. it's very bleagh, very very bleagh. i said its bleagh because i dont know how to describe. i'll just say bleagh when i think of it. so its very BLEAGH to me. yeah funny... gah not.

i'm not a very happy person now. sigh. i envy those who are happy and can lead a normal and simple life, unlike mine, which can be so twisted and ABNORMAL. it's so complicated that even though i should be getting used to it, i'm hating it now.

please do not mind my rambling, i am very tired now. i just hope for things to be better. at least two times better. i'm very tired of being called a bitch everyday, although i very much dont do anything about it, just think its the wind or something. i'm starting to fear coming home, but i have to. why is it that my reaction time had to be this slow? i'm gonna be a block of wood now. i'm gonna be immune to anything evil. and this block of wood is gonna bathe and go to sleep now. bye

[ambiguity - constraint]

gah i'm broke.

shopped for another four hours today, at jurong point. bought two polo shirts, a skirt and a pair of slippers. who knew briana would buy a skirt? geez

shopped with denise and her sis. we didnt shop for the entire day since they had something on. but it was kinda fun. denise had a discount of like $14 for this necklace. bleagh.

visited debby again. yeap, gave her the burnt cds with the ff7ac and the bleach stuff. i spent an hour burning the stuff last night. but yeah... and we were chatting again, lots and lots of topics. yeah...

matilda just told me she found bleach interesting. haha well, it is. and i love the presents debby and denise gave me. they're so cute.

i'm really gonna miss them when they graduate. well they have. although it's like a must for them to go, well, i'm really gonna miss them a lot. yeap...

it's christmas the next day... well, i hope it'll be a peaceful one... yeah... i'll first sleep in till noon. haha what a way to spend my christmas morning. joking... i'll be online i guess, that is if i don't get up at like 12pm... i wouldnt be going for church i guess... cause i'm not catholic... but i'll probably go...

christmas seems like a very new day for me. yeah... it's CHRISTMAS. uh huh, i'll spend my entire day at home on the computer... having parties for my sims... yeah, christmas parties. whee, i'm so nice to them they get to celebrate christmas. haha joking.

i really havent much to say... other than shopping and talking to debby. and chatting with gina on the phone, i havent done anything till now. yeah... my mind's also blank. shall just stone for today... havent stoned for a rather long time.

well, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ENJOY THIS FESTIVE SEASONS!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!

------------------------------------

There With You - Sylvester Sim

All this time while you're with me I've been in the dark
Didnt think for the life of me You would do me wrong

We had it all but you chose not to know
You always knew my heart was home

Now we know I'm not who you want I should let you go

[Chorus]
I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

All this time while I'm true to you
You turned and looked away
There just wasn't any signs that says
You're only passing through

I'll close my eyes to forget our times
I can't restrain you from my lies

The fear of ever losing you
Was finally coming true

I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

I've loved you with your disguise
You've proven that love is blind
There are no answers I find
To stop my tears from my eyes
Now everything looks black and white
You've taken away clear blue skies
Though it's time to go
I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

I know my heart has always been
And will be there with you

[ambiguity - i suffer]

watched chronicles of narnia during arc outing today. it's nice. although it's like what debby said, a mix of lotr and harry potter, it's still okay. the war was very very lotr. i like aslan's face... although i dont really like the mane, i like his nose... haha and his face is nice to touch.. and i wanna ride on him too!!!

haha i was sitting in between gloria and matilda. when lucy first met that faun guy, he was inviting her to his house for tea. well it's totally innocent, but they did sound like they were flirting. gah... haha which made the faun guy look so perverted. haha although he's the good guy.

before the movie, we were having lunch at yoshinoya. whee, and played that number guess game. the forfeit was to eat the onions from the beef value meal. i love the onions so it was okay for me. haha.. it was kinda fun and the gift exchange was fun too. played air hockey at the arcade and finally watched the movie.

after the movie, we met up with nat at the arcade and she sure is good at the para game. yeap. so then i was hanging out at the heeren with savina and delle because i had nothing to do until my mum was done with her work. i saw that addidas bag. i want the black one. its the sling bag. and it costs $79!!! ah extortion. sniff sniff... i have to wait a while to buy it, unless i'm lucky to buy it at a pasar malam or something, if not, it'll be that 80 bucks.

finally met up with my mum and her bf. had dinner at marche! woo. it has been ages since i last ate there. but my appetite has been rather poor so i couldnt eat much. but i ate fresh oysters for the first time in my life. raw, not cooked. they're rather tasty actually. had three of them, didnt dare take more because i have a weak stomach.... havent really fully recover from the after-effects of food poisoning in p3. had two bowls of mushroom soup, rosti, a sausage, and i think thats all. yeah not a lot. i usually eat like a pig whenever i go to marche.

i'm gonna go shopping with denise and her sis tomorrow! yay looking forward to it, since i didnt go last friday. time to make up for it, but we're kinda broke...

bought another pair of earrings today, quite nice. yeah, very zenith-ish. cause its a star!! hee..

gah tired... very tired... ah well, good night

[ambiguity - kokoro]

bleagh it was such a tiring day for me. i went christmas shopping and bought two items for myself. two pairs of earrings. haha so weird. ah well, then followed denise to this christmas party held at her friend's place. it was quite fun actually. but the forfeit i had to do was very BLAH. never mind... denise rescued me. haha thanks.

orchard is such a big and crowded place. ah well, everyone knows that. besides not even knowing how to get to lucky plaza or tangs from the mrt station, i made lots of guesses as to how to get to diff places. the mrt station was so crowded that i heard the get out of the station message that went:

"the station is too crowded, please leave the station if you are no boarding the trains"

so no one gave a damn about what was happening... they went on laughing and talking on the phone while that message went on over and over again. i found it so amusing. the moment i stepped out of the mrt station, one guy asked me to donate $10, i didnt though (little devil), and some girl approached me to go for some model audition, after standing there negotiating my way out, i managed to reject it. gah, i kept asking her if i could reject on the spot and leave my number with her. blah i dont want any phone calls from anyone telling me to go where and where to audition, who cares about modelling anyway.

i walked around taka many times and yes my feet were already dying by the 4th hour. but i have already spent like $100. some say shopping makes you happy, but i feel worse each time i spend my money. haha couldnt bear to part with it, but i still did. ah well.

the christmas party was fun. yeah, although i didnt know a single person except denise, i guess it was okay. they were really friendly. but i had to do a forfeit which was very BLAH and freaky.... and yes, it's a traumatizing experience. geez... but out of all the forfeits, it was one of the not-so-bad ones. there were forfeits like kissing the girl's leg, sticking socks in their nostrils and taking a photo of it and gulping yoghurt down your throst. my forfeit wasnt that bad... but still bad. gah i wont say. and since it was at bukit batok, it feels like i'm going to the west everyday.

its the arc outing tomorrow. whee. gonna watch king kong. haha, and i'm might go shopping with denise and her sis on saturday. spending it on myself. hehe. looking foward to it. it'll be christmas on sunday and a bbq at trellis towers, my aunt's hosting it. oh yay, it's gonna be fun! then i wanna play pool, havent played it in ages. maybe swim as well. monday, finish my maths homework and do the presentation. yeah maybe play computer games. its boxing day, but i wouldnt have anymore paper to tear apart. yeah haha. i'll probably tear them apart when i either get home or on the spot. haha no lar, but i'll spoil the surprise even before boxing day.

met up with denise for dinner last night. we had prata. well i did, she had murtaka. well i think thats murtaka. but anyway, we visited debby after that. haha her place is awesome. i love it. it's so nice and the condo there has tranquility in the air. yeah, her house is nice too, and squeaky, literally squeaky clean. if you're not wearing socks and you walk in her house the floor will squeak. haha so the three of us were sitting in the living room chatting till 10pm. when they made me return. yeah, so i did, and thats when i realised how quick bus 985 is. it only took me like 10 mins to get from bukit batok to toa payoh. its so quick. quicker than the mrt train. and i didnt fall asleep. if i did, i can say bye to toa payoh.

haha i guess thats a really really long entry i have posted. yeap. it's 12.38am now.... and i think i should stop here... and yay, bleach episode 62 is finally done. my bittorrent has miraculously sped up. wow! haha okay... sarcastic. but yeah it did speed up. well, good night! enjoy your holidays!

[ambuguity / difficult decision]

it hasnt been a wonderful day for me.

i've been having trouble ever since i opened my eyes this morning. lots of fighting and shouting. and people asking me to fuck off. right, doing the right thing for a wrong reason.

then i come home, much to my annoyance, world war X. yeah i'm very annoyed. i'm sick, and tired. much more tired than sick.

i'm looking at things from a very different angle now, and i choose the narrow-minded me to look at it. yes something happened to me, and thats why i decided to temporarily morph into the extremely selfish and irritating me. it's a lonely issue.

blah. i feel so pissed off and irritated and annoyed that i want to smash something on the wall, maybe my own head. i feel like throwing and turning my whole room upside down.

[ambiguity - choice]

i have finished watching 惡魔在身邊 (er mo zai shen bian). just that the last episode was a little surprising... the ending was kinda crappy... but sweet at the same time. the photos i've uploaded are taking 15.16MB of my MSNspace. bleagh... they're screenshots. but anyway the show was nice and different. yeap. love triangles arent common, but the reason why the couple cant be together because their parents are getting married and they are about to be siblings. so they had a secret relationship in which only their friends knew. but ah well, the dad said he wanted all four of them to be happy and all, so he agreed to their relationship and still got married. but yeah, the last episode is a little shocking, even for me. encouraged to watch. rent buy whatever... just encouraged to watch.

ahhhh the collection today was kinda okay, but it was fun! hehe we came across so many funny situations. mag and i were making a fool of ourselves by coming up with this retarded dance and doing that exercise thing for the elderly which was actually stuck onto the notice board next the lift while waiting for the stuff to reach the ground floor via the lift. i was also betrayed by mag. she left me in the lift alone while i was trying to lift the newspapers up and out of the lift. the doors started closing in the process of just picking the newspapers up and the next thing i knew, i was moving, well the lift i mean. gah... all in all, it was an interesting day, and an exhausting one as well.

sorry, i'm not really in a very good mood today. so dont really feel like doing anything. and i'm starting to get addicted to that 惡魔在身邊(er mo zai shen bian) show. yeah, i cant get it out of my head. why only 20 episodes??? and why cant they be like days of our lives, having over 8000 episodes or even more. actually i dont really enjoy days of our lives, i dont find it very interesting. i wonder.... if the cast of days of our lives ever get tired... 8000 episodes.... what a long script. must be like 10 000 pages long or something. but still remarkable.

i received a christmas card from audrey... haha although it's just a card, it has that warm and nice feeling... simple and sweet. haha. its one of the warmest presents i've got so far...

i'm gonna go to bed soon. i suffering from a serious lack of sleep. gah... i feel like a walking zombie now... i am going to be one if i dont sleep. okay, like denise said, i can never catch up on sleep, but at least have some... too much sleep kills, too little sleep kills. bleagh.

ah well.... good night then. have fun this holidays!

[ambiguity]

i dont know what to say... i feel so stuck. i hardly ever felt like this before. how can things go so so wrong.

i dont know what to do, i said yes, that i will. and then i dont know what to do actually. i want to talk to someone about this. but i dont know who... i dont want this to spread to the rest of the world. although i didnt say it, they probably knew. i just hope none of these happened right now. when i'm still not prepared.

i want to be happy-go-lucky too... please... dont strike me with that.

right till the end, i'm still alone.

[rabbit and hamster]

sorry, i just cant help it... the hamster and rabbit thing is just too funny. haha

this project has sort of changed me. it changed a little of my personality, and my habits. yeah and although it has only been a few days, i learnt a lot. and i still have a month, a month to learn even more. i'm laughing like a brainless git everyday.

this is gonna be more than just a learning experience, but a very precious memory. haha i feel very relaxed just working for this project. yeah, maybe after fll, i have learnt the joy of working.

bleach portal isnt providing any direct downloads for bleach episode 60 and 61. bleagh... so i have to depend on the disgusting bittorrent.

ahhh tired... well good night. bye

[i'm a crab]

what a tiring tuesday it has been. actually i have been like this for the past few days. havent been sleeping well, which resulted in my lost of appetite, my giddiness. and i cant seem to sleep at night, not sure why either. should be worrying about something i guess... even if i am, i dont know what i'm worrying about..

was watching discovery channel when i came home. they happened to have a documentary about embyos and growth, blah that kinda stuff. so i was eating and watching at the same time... of i course i didnt eat much for i lost my appetite due to my lack of sleep. i only ate the egg on my bowl of rice. i think i just had a little rice and didnt feel like eating anymore. maybe from now on i should just drink to feed my hunger.

i think i'm just gonna fall ill.

my mum bought that taiwanese idol drama, er mo zai shen bian (devil beside me) for christmas. yeap... havent watched it yet. i only removed the plastic cover. my brother's playing warcraft and he's annoying me by giving me those faces when i'm not looking in his direction. haha heck him, he's like that... i cant do anything about it either... you cant expect me to suddenly give him a punch out of nowhere right?

ah well, i realised i have other work to do... yeah... well end of entry. bye.

[curiosity kills the cat]

gah... what a lazy sunday it was.

i was rudely awaken at 1pm by my disgusting brother who was screaming at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. then received a number smses. yeah... after washing up and everything, i just switch on the computer, chatted with tan xiao, and mixed another song... yeah my 7th one i think.

then stoned for the rest of the afternoon... had dinner and played sims. i have graduated all my students in the birght household of the sim state university and i dont know what to do with them now. so i quit the game... and here i am now.

chiristmas is approaching and i didnt realise it till today. i kept thinking it was still to early for christmas... so yeah. i've yet to buy any presents and have not decided what i want to buy for myself. my mum bought this toy for my cousin... some cat which could give birth to other few kittens. when she first bought it and showed it to me... it was packed so i was just thinking to myself how the heck do you retrieve the kittens? until today, when i say my cousin unwrap the cat, it was then i saw the little pocket hidden underneath the cat. and wow two kittens popped out of the cat. i really dont know how to put the birth of the kittens in words. gah.

lost my appetite at dinner. yeah. oh man, my mum cooked most of my favourite dishes, but for some reason, i was not hungry and didnt really feel like eating. so i just forced the food down my throat so that my mum wouldnt have to wonder why i couldnt eat my meal peacefully or think i'm having some psychological problems.

i'll only have $350 for christmas. but its okay. my mum said she'll buy that taiwanese idol drama for me for christmas. its value is equivalent to my bro's warcraft.

yeap i'm 70% certain i'm morphing into something else. okay... maybe 'something else' would be a much better person, or a very dangerous person who will just hurt anyone with that single touch or sentence. and my bro is constantly looking in this monitor's direction, trying to read what is written all over this window. ah well. after all,this is a blog. so i guess anyone can read it.

as you can see, i havent got any inspiration... my entry is so stale and empty. i have had a very boring life these few days... yeah like nothing to do... i'll find something to do. yeah i will.

---------------------------------------

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

[guess?]

it doesnt feel like a saturday today... at all.

okay i'll tell you something... my brother has vulgarities spiling out of his mouth, and its directed at me, in different languages... uh huh... because he keeps getting disconnected from maple story, and he blames me for it. yeah said i opened too many windows... so i closed a few. i only have like 3 msn windows, 2 internet explorers and 1 wmp. yeah he's still pissed off, and he's more than invisible to me. yeah i cant see him. oh great there comes my mum... argh. i'm not even doing anything besides minding my own business.

argh. forget it. my brother wants to pick on me, go ahead. i 'm not gonna give much to him (as in argue back)

----------------------------------

i rearranged all my links... finally... after a billion years. now i dont have to scroll up and down like mad just to search for one link.

finally, after two horrendous days, i finally succeeded into downloading bleach episode 60 via BITTORRENT which is a really amazing experience. wow. its slow, very slow. gah. can you sense my sarcasm...?

ever since the arc retreat, things changed. not in a good way. well i'm pin-pointing something... that particular 'something'. its not good either.. i hate to think about it, but for some reason, i still make my own way there, unknowingly. haha it's okay... i always find it hard to convey what is kept in here...

i'm gonna cheer myself up: 'YUP YUP'

okay. thats it i'm happy. okay. bye. haha

[is it still here?]

i'm in the "weird mode" now.. after i went on about buying the wang zi bian qing wa ost almost the entire afternoon. i bought it during lunch. and now... i sort of regretted it. gah. because i already downloaded all the songs. well look on the bright side, i have the other STUFF in the ost. haiyoh... what am i doing?

i just grew a little today. yeah. i have been "growing" a lot these few days. gah its weird. well i dont really mean physically but mentally. i guess thats good news. but ever since the arc retreat, i just realised i have started to grow at a rather amazing rate and started to look at stuff at another perspective. its scaring me though... then again... i feel as though i just lost something too important. i have gained a lot but i seemed to have lost something, which is also means a lot to me. i'm starting to absorb many things. starting to think even deeper. i guess it's just weird when it's THIS phase. or maybe i just think that way. well i tend to think this way, but others, and i mean many others think the other way.

msn is irritating. maybe it isnt msn's fault but the stupid internet connection. it's not even stable enough to keep running for at least 1 hour. it's kinda annoying... really.

i feel as though there's this great load on me now. suddenly my parents are too nice, which gives me even more stress, because it's just too sudden. and i'm just thinking too much as to what may happen in future. gah, i'm really very annoyed.

gah theres something in me changing and i dont really like it. what's the matter with me. gah, take one of organs out and i'll probably be okay. something is very wrong now.

[all the things she said]

i just returned... and on the way back, i was just reading a few messages. and i was just realised how much it's gonna be difficult to bid farewell.

well fll over, it was sure an enriching experience, but yeah i did have fun. although it was also a very frightening experience for me, i didnt really break down or get too stressed because i had my team who was there to cheer me up and make jokes out of practically everything. because of them, i guess i really had a lot of fun. it was okay even if we didnt win, i was just satisfied we had a lot of fun working together. yeap.

the retreat was really fun. i enjoyed the bbq a lot. the movie marathon was fun too. we watched saw last night and even though it was sick and gory, i made it through. its a psychotic show though, as to how the mastermind just randomly picks a victim and manipulates his or her mind, making them feel helpless and pushing them right till the end when they finally either give up on themselves or just kill themselves to end it once and for all. my whole body aches now and i'm coughing... maybe it's because i have been sleeping on the floor for two nights now.

all in all, it was a great retreat. i'm gonna miss it greatly. it was indeed a very very precious memory.

i'm gonna miss the seniors graduating... for some reason, time has just passed so quickly. i'll be graduating soon, in two years as well. two years went by so quickly. too quickly and it'll be my turn to say goodbye in two years. it's gonna fly. at the speed of light. yeah farewell is gonna be difficult...

there are indeed many things i have learnt after the chalet. i've just been even more clear about how low my self esteem is, and how terribly low my confidence is. i just realised i have even more insecurities than i have expected. i dont know how i can help myself now. i really need to convince myself... i could believe it for once. i dont know now. it's true i hardly could ever tell myself i could accomplish. even now, i still think i keep jeopardizing everything i'm working hard for. i have never told myself i could do something because i always labelled myself a jinx. i have tried so hard to be a much cheerier person that i've just pushed myself into another fantasy of my own. i just skipped across to being happy, and almost totally forgot about myself. forgot how annoying i am now. i've cooped up inside for so long, that i dont even know how to speak my mind. am i supposed to be what i am now? indeed, i have changed for the better, but am i doing it using the wrong method? i was so vulnerable and immature when i entered ij sec. not only that, i was simply too gullible and far too naive. sometimes, i get cheated or taken advantage too easily. i find it so hard now to step out of this confusion.

it has really been a long time since i really thought about this, since i kept trying to push the problem away. i'm running away.

i knew this day would come. and i pretty much know what will happen next. i... wonder... what will i do next. escape. i want to get out of here. i want to so much. i knew i would be left aside finally. thanks for leaving me aside.

----

fll's over. although we didnt win anything, i'm just glad i had a team that was fun and united. thanks. i love effervescence.

[.]

i'm a letdown. blame me.

[no such thing as a real world]

i need lots of money now, at least $1225. yes i need it. so i'm gonna work and work form day to night until i die off just to raise that sum. i'm just getting myself so stressed over this and i'm just killing my mental self. i just need it to prove to my parents. gah.

watched chicken little today, and it was really adorable. i think the characters are just too adorable, i just love the aliens.

went to far east with liz, matilda and stef. found so many bleach and tsubasa manga there. yeah it rocks. and the price isnt that bad. each book costs $5. but its in chinese.

just ironic how we can even watch chicken little... and i'm really financially disabled now.

i'm really stuck in a dilemma... i dont now if i should pursue the matter... sigh.

[Final Fantasy XII Advent Children]

just done watching final fantasy XII advent children. and it's fantastic. i like the animation. cg has always been done so well. i like cloud's motorcycle, just dont know how many swords he puts in there. but the speed is cool.

i'm currently searching for another anime created back in 2003. i dont think i can find it. chances are really slim. but then again, rurouni kenshin (1996) is still all over the net, available for download. but the anime i'm looking for isnt as popular as rurouni kenshin. i dont know either... i didnt really recognize anime when i was in p6. i know i would not be able to find that anime, but i'll still try. i know i watched one or two episodes of it in p6, every sunday at 2.30am, when i stayed up late at night, to either study or complete some project. i think its really difficult to search for it now. sigh. i wonder... when did people start downloading anime from the net? before or after 2003? anyway, 20% of the fansites i have been featuring that anime are in a foreign language... gah... it's either french or something i dont know.

argh.. still searching..

[christmas shopping]

back from jurong point...

watched exorcism of emily rose with denise this afternoon. i can only say that show just scared the hell outta me but i was okay after the movie. i dont know if i will be tonight. probably not. after that 3am thing, some trinity thing. then the father moore (the priest) said it would be 3pm in the other realm and its like THE time for demons and blah to enter the real world. haiyah, since it's based on a true story, then i guess its real right? haiyah

well then we went to pizza hut for dinner and we talked about a lot of things. cant believe we could squeeze so many topics in just one meal. then we walked about jurong point, browsing shops. we then played jurassic park and completed the entire game, of course spending a sum of money, in order to just complete it.

well i'm home, and gonna sleep earlier tonight. so that i can stop worrying about 3am and replenish my energy, i fall asleep everywhere i go now. almost fell asleep during the movie when emily rose was talking to the virgin mary...

i also bought the 7flower album yesterday. finally bought it. i have been waiting for it to be released since i dont know when. it really does take a long time to fly to singapore. geez... but anyway, its not bad and the reason why i'm not downloading instead because it'll be much more meaningful to buy the original. well it's really not bad and the vcd rocks. yeap. encouraged to buy.

downloaded the bleach manga, and i'm far ahead of the anime, although i still prefer the anime. yeah, many unexpected things happen after rukia was rescued and ichigo returned to the real world. and toushiro such is a weird captain, but he's super adorable because he's a child with a cool hairstyle. he's cool because he achieved bankai and became a captain at such a young age, so i think he's super cool. i've also decided kuchiki byakuya isnt so bad after all, he actually took ichimaru gin's sword right in the stomach to shield rukia. and he almost died, so when he told rukia about his wife/her sister, it was as if he wanted to tell her the truth before he died or something. and he sounded different. he didnt die. haha.

well, i'm just gonna sit and stone here for a while then. tata.

----------------------------------

Houki Boshi (Abandoned Star) - Younha (Bleach Closing Theme 3)

yozora o miage hitori houkiboshi o mita no
isshun de hajikete wa kiete shimatta kedo
anata no koto omou to mune ga itaku naru no
ima sugu aitai yo dakedo sora wa tobenai kara

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
sora kakenuke tonde iku donna
ashita ga kite mo ko no omoi wa tsuyoi
dakara houkiboshi zutto kowarenai yo

ame ga futte iyada to boyaiteita toki ni
anata ga itta koto ima demo oboeteru
ame no ato no yozora wa kirei ni hoshi ga deru
sore o kangaeru to ame mo suki ni nareru yo ne to

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
afureru hikari furasu yo itsumo
kanashii toki yozora miru anata ga
egao ni naru youni motto kagayakitai

anata wa itsumo hitori nanika to tatakatteru
soba ni iru koto shika atashi ni wa dekinai kedo

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
sora kakenuke tonde iku kitto
kanarazu todoku ko no isshun no hikari de
anata no IMA terashi sora o megurou
atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
kitto soba ni ite ageru donna toki mo

[houki boshi]

came back from the confirmation. yeap.

working ot from now till friday. wish me good luck.

i'm gonna watch the last two episodes i have after blogging. theres no one to chat with anyway

i guess thats the only way to cheer myself up. i'm just feeling very sick and tired, and this melancholic feeling inside me is slowly consuming me.

yeah. i am very worried, upset. i really need peace and quiet. i just need the people at home to stop screaming their heads off for no apparent reason and leave me alone. is that a lot? i just dont want to hear anyone thrashing their stuff about, making so much noise, for i already have had a terrible day. i dont want to hear any voices except the music playng from my computer

i had a glimpse of it
whatever that happened
i stood against the wall
and waited...

-----------------------------------

D-tecnoLife - UVERworld (Bleach opening song 2)

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi yo
kesenai kako mo seoi atte ikou ikiru koto wo nage dasanai de

tsunaida kimi no te wo

itsuka ushinatte shimau no kana
usurete iku egao to kimi wo mamoritai kara
hibiku boku wo yobu koe sae kare
toki ni sou kaze ni kaki kesaretatte
kimi wo mitsuke dasu

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
mienai mirai ni okoru koto subete ni imi ga aru kara
ima wa sono mama de ii kitto kizukeru toki ga kuru daro

sabikitta hito no you ni

kasanari au dake ga munashikute
hitori de ikite ikerutte ittta
arifureta yasashisa kotobajya
ima wa mou todokanai hodo ni kimi wa uzukidasu

tsunai da kimi no te wa nanigenai yasashisa wo motome
Do you remember
itami wo shiru koto de hito ni yasashiku nareru kara

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
mienai mirai ni okoru koto subete ni imi ga aru kara
ima wa sono mama de ii kitto kizukeru toki ga kuru daro

How can I see the meaning of life
kieteku you're the only...

kowarenai you ni to hanarete iku kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
ima wa by and by mie nakuttatte subete ni imi ga aru kara
kesenai kako mo seoi attekou ikiru koto wo nagedasanai de

You'd better forget everything. Remember... your different Life?
You'd better forget everything. Remember... modoranai kedo

hizunda kioku no you na toki no naka de itsuka wakari aeru kara

[ichigo]

i love bleach. haha its so funny and cool. i love rukia, haha she's so cute. i love yourichi too, haha shes so funny. i'm so glad liz urged me to watch it. haha. i still have more than 50 epoisodes left. but i can slowly watch them. wahahaha.

http://www.bleachportal.net

ichigo's name is also very cute, because it means strawberry, but its still weird for a death god (Shinigami). and he has a new soul slayer, which looks super cool. its addictive too. i mean the anime.

i finally got my hands on the sims 2. and the other expension packs as well. wheee...

haha i just realised i have practically nothing to post. because i'm still mad at what i heard today. sorry.

----------------------------------------

This song is nice.

Life Is Like a Boat - Rie Fu

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne

[bleach]

streaming results released. not really happy with the outcome, but i was prepared for it. in fact, i expected it. ah well, got over it. and got over the shocking news. but then again, what can happen?

i decided bleach is good anime since liz was urging me to watch it, i've watched only the first 2 episodes, because thats all i have. but its cool. i've also decided DN angel rocks! haha i like dark, he's super dao. daisuke looks really childish, probably because of his weird hairdo and his small figure. but oh wells. liz is coming over tomorrow, so i can watch even more bleach! haha. i think that its really funny because that ichigo person, who is the new death god, has a much larger soul-slayer (sword) than the previous death god.

oh i just finished westside story today. it was tear-jerking right till the end. but it was still exciting. its the second time watching it. i'm gonna watch wang zi bian qing again. the same goes to the rest of my other vcds at home. i might not consider watching meteor garden 1, neither am i considering meteor garden 2. actually, meteor garden 2 is worse than meteor garden 1. hmm.

i'm gonna sleep now. feeling super lethargic, as usual. well, i've been dozing off in school, when i'm doing my stuff. my mum said she found a temp job for me at the ais(australian international school), under the purchase department... maybe its similar to the green shop or the manna store. sounds like fun, but they only need one person, so i'm sorry matilda, for not being able to bring you along. just hope i dont doze off when i cross the road, because i feel like i'm gonna fall asleep even when i'm crossing the road from philips to econs, which is gonna be dangerous for me if i cross the road alone.

ah well, i think the chance of me being run over by a car is pretty slim, but if i really end up sleeping on the road and the driver cant see me, then haha, its the end of briana ang. then again, its just my vivid imagination... its never gonna happen actually...

haha okay... good night :)

---------------------------------------------

No Such Thing - John Mayer

'Welcome to the real world', she said to me
Condescendingly
'Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white'
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take
the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits, maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't
Find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
as long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
As the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait till my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

[dell dimension 5150]

its finally here. haha the new computer has a 19-inch LCD screen. its kinda big and scary. haha.

i hope shes okay... its sounds pretty serious.

finally able to play maple story... haha and i'm mage now. level 8. because i finally have a video card. which means i can play sims 2. but i guess i'll have to wait a long time to buy it, and after buying it, i have to wait a long time before i can actually sit down and play it. haha.

i am extremely hungry and tired. look at the time now. i should be sleeping... haha i will after posting.

i feel kinda bad for not going for the 2/3 outing today... well its just that christine sounded so excited when she was telling me the entire programme for the day. then when i said i couldnt go... she didnt really have anything to say after that. so i feeling guilty for not going... but i dont really regret now. haha i did have fun in school. :D

my bro's not at home. i dont know how he can keep up... he had some leadership camp on monday. and he's off for some chalet now. but heck. i cant even keep awake for one day. i dozed off while setting up the new computer. i was so eager to set it up myself, and my mum did it in the end. gah. but its so empty now. no files, no software. nothing. except a few music files, a few pictures (only 3), gunbound and maple story. then there's msn, ulead and the mcafee virus thing. other than that, its really bare. there are no ms softwares, but there are games. hmmm...

i love the keyboard and the mouse though. they're wireless! and the design is cool. the speakers dont look unique though, but heck.

[confusion]

zong ling:
hey zl! thanks for being shall a cool equalite. thanks for entertaining me when i was bored. haha although i seldom talk to you, but you're still a rare friend. thanks :D

val:
hey spasticated leader! haha sorry for arguing with you for practically the entire year... but still thanks, for teaching me many stuff and helping me when i needed it. i have learnt a lot after the whole experience. thanks val :)
P.S. oh and i dont think j*** has given up yet... haha

julienne:
hey! thanks for cheering me up with that perky personality you have. haha i still cant believe i wrote that in the minutes... but anyway, thanks for being such a wonderful junior. haha i will never ever forget how you almost fell and how you reacted during the presentations. haha. thanks for being such a sunshine and the most hardworking member. most of all, thanks for being a great friend. :D

----------------------------------------

i realised i have forgotten to do something very important... haha actualyl its not THAT important. but oh wells. thats eating. so i guess its important...

???

the dimension 5150 is arriving tomorrow. i dont know if thats late or early. but its one day early. yay.

[thank you]

after reading mag's and julienne's blogs, i decided to do the same as well. :)

------------

elizabeth:
thanks for being such a nice a cute friend for almost 4 years. actually we didnt really know each other for the first two years... so anyway. thanks for being so understanding and calm when it comes to almost anything. i've enjoyed your ramblings about certain issues and it's really fun hanging out with you. well, i'll take this oppurtuinity to apologize for the times i offended you in any way. sorry... thanks for being a wonderful friend. :)

matilda:
heyhey! thanks for always being there to speak your mind. well that amuses me in some way. haha. anyway, i got to know you better last year. haha i still remember back in P6, when we were going home, a woman came up to us. and she mistook matilda for fatimah. dont know if you still remember, but its okay. thanks for giving me advice and helping me out in any way. you're a great equalite. :)

magdalene:
thanks for being there to hear me out when i needed a listening ear. it was really fun being in 2/3 and playing around with the rest of the equalites. you have a bright personality. haha two years felt like 10 years or something. thanks for being a great friend. :)

geraldine:
hey! thanks for able to tolerate my lameness and nonsense. thanks for listening to my problems and i guess that really helped alot. although we've known each other for only two years, i got to know a lot about you. thanks for being a BRIGHT person and thanks for helping me out when i needed ny help. thanks

------------

erm, shall stop for now.

[possession]

i cant trust anyone. i find it so hard now. why is it that they cant just leave me alone? is it that difficult? i dont want to be agitated again and again. i had enough. really.

i'm just feeling very irritated and stressed over this. three days. three days. my 14th year is so darn difficult. what am i to do in the future? i havent got a clue. this is me. always been. i'm not possessed, neither am i greatly influenced by anything. why is it that i have to be treated this way? do i look like i have serious issues? even if i do, why must it be someone else's fault but mine?

[王子變青蛙 // wang zi bian qing wa // the prince who turns into a frog]

watched flightplan last night. you would think it's a great movie if you didnt watch it but know a little about the story. but actually, jodie foster's daughter didnt disappear, she was merely taken away by some terrorist on board. yeah. it isnt that interesting, but it isnt all that bad. although i think it really didnt interest me, i still think it was worth it. maybe it was because i wanted to know what happened to the girl.

finished watching part 3. hehe. bought part three at the vcd shop next to kfc. yeah and it is $2 cheaper. the guy who sold the vcd to me told me maybe ts couldnt get their hands on the vcd yet. if i'm not wrong their supplier is poh kim. well i'm just happy to finally buy part 3 and finished watching it.

part 3 is much more interesting than part 2. part 2 is interesting, but part 3 is more interesting. it's scary, but funny. then you'll realise how adorable this show is. maybe the cutest show you've watched so far. their actions and words are so adorable it'll make you laugh.

after watching this show, i have been thinking about it. almost all the time. it's disturbing. but i think it's the best show i've watched. okay, i know i said stuff about the others being the best, but this show is better. it's making the greatest impact on me so far. haha. i've learnt a lot from watching this show. even the soundtrack rocks.

i very much would like to talk about it here, but go watch it if you can. haha.

----------------------------

閉上眼.默念三遍 - 183 Club & 7 Flower
迷魂計 - 183 Club
真愛 - 183 Club

[independance]

anyone caught the chicken little thingy dancing on tv or before movies? haha i find it so amusing and adocrable. and the song's cute too.

i shant talk about how lousy my results because i dont wanna think about it.

netball carnival next wednesday. love the theme. haha.

part 3 is released next friday or saturday, not today. it was delayed in taiwan. disappointment. argh. waited so long and then tell me its next week??? gah... i bet it'll be sold out by the time i wanna buy it. so i might reserve it, but if its gonna cost more, i might forget about making reservations. well look on the bright side, i wont be broke next week. haiyah. useless.

another miserable day to look forward to. yes the science paper. doomed.

[prince who turns into a frog]

hmmm now i can blog without worrying if i'm gonna be super late for anything...

the last 5 days seemed really long. maybe it's because i hvnt been sleeping. thats why time seemed to have lengthened itself. maybe it's just me. personal opinion.

bought the prince who turns into a frog vcd on saturday. thats the thing matilda made me do. haha. yeah. she was too excited to watch part one since she started watching the show when it entered part 2. well since i only had $5, i paid $5. liz paid about $10 and matilda $12. so i owe them $22. haha great. then i bought part 2 on sunday since i finished part 1 in one night. not bad. 10 disc in a night. but i bought part 2 with this week's allowance. i'm broke. well that shows how bad my financial management is. but i finished part 2 in one night too. 8 disc. waiting for part 3 to be released this thursday. tomorrow's episode will be nothing but a revision to me. i'll still enjoy it as much. i watch the whole of part 2 again last night. so i watched disc 18 at least 4 times. disc 17 at least 3 times. i must be mad and not bored, watching it over and over again. i guess thats the whole point of getting the vcd. to watch it over and over again.

i've decided shan junhao isnt that bad. he's 70% good and 29.5% evil. the last 0.5% percent is just between good and evil. hhaa i know it doesnt make sense. but he's not that cold-blodded anymore. i shant spoil the surprise for those who watch the show. i'm glad this show was rated higher thn meteor garden. really wonder if there'll be a prince who turns into a frog 2.

well that is why i hvnt been sleeping. and i seem very contended watching it over and over again. i dont have both parts with me now. so i'm doing something else to distract myself. i'm pretty sure i'll be really addicted to this show and suffer from withdrawal symptoms again. i am now. sort of. haha.

i'm surprised many people are starting to get hooked onto this show. especially those who i least expect. haha it's still amazing...

it's boring at home. but it isnt so bad. at least i can do the stuff i wanted to do. i shall live life to the fullest. shall play gunbound now. bye.

http://www.settv.com.tw/metro/m095/main.htm
http://www.jungiery.com/183club/
http://www.jungiery.com/7flowers/

[unexpected finale]

haha what a wonderful saturday it was. haha nvm. matilda just made me do something i have never done before. although it doesnt seem a like a big deal, but i have to admit it was really cute and weird at the same time. maniacs. haha.

i decided shan junhao isnt all that bad, he isnt that inhumane after all. haha thats later. you'll know, you'll know. although i told liz and matilda not to breathe a word about this, i'm actually blurting it out. haha nvm if you dont understand what i'm talking about. ah well, its quite vague. well i just think that its getting better and better. thats all. part three is gonna be released this thursday. the finale. wow.

well i gtg soon... i'm late. yeah bye. maybe i'll update my blog again later, when i get home. bye.

[the familiar stranger]

exams are over. much better now, at least i dont want to focus so much on it now. and i dont wanna brood over it since its over and no point regretting now. so i'm thankful for being able to get over it.

i almost forgot i even had a blog. although it has only been three days, i have forgotten about this blog. oh the irony.

i'm slacked now. feel like sleeping. haha but i realised i have so much to do since matilda and liz were talking about the end of the world today due to the numerous natural disasters. they're right. it is gonna be the end of the world. live life to the fullest.

liz came over to watch the twins effect earlier. she said it was a bad ending... tyeah true. since edison chen, being a vampire, decides to be a vampire slayer. actually thats killing his own kind. but the way they put, saying he's a sentimental vampire and all, i have nothing else to say. since he doesnt want to kill humans and suck their blood, might as well kill something else... erm, that sounds totally wrong. hm.. well whatever it is, they should at least tell us what happened later... of maybe continue the story in the twins effect 2, but they had to come up with a totally new story that will definitely not interest anyone. maybe that was a little too far, but it did turn out okay~

emotionless now, like a cold-blooded mammal. geez... maybe its the boredom. i'm taking everything for granted. i'm an ingrate. HAHA.

[the twins effect]

i think maths was okay. it seemed okay. i dont know if i'll do well. it's getting from bad to worse.

did i mention my sudden obsession with that chinese movie "the twins effect"? haha okay maybe its cantonese. nvm... as long as i understand it. haha. its a cool movie. and edison chen is playing the good vampire, who would rather starve to death than suck human blood. he's the royal prince vampire, kazaf. his father, the royal king vampire will send blood in bottles to him. apprently the bottles look like wine. then his coffin bed has a plasma screen tv and blue lights. hmmm... haha. so i read reviews and reviews and some who wrote them said it was lousy and disappointing. haha i dont see whats so disappointing. i think that the story is fine, the effects are good. well thats my opinion. the twins effect 2 was the real disappointment. no link to the first one. but i did enjoy it at least. yeah, it was comical, but a little off. haha. the twins effect was the thrilling one. its not scary, well to me, but the vampires do look kinda real. thats why i said the effects were good. even the sword used for slaying vampires was cool. its like a pocket sword. the blade just shoots out like that. haha.

cant wait tillthursday when i'm finally free from the exams. i feel as though i have taken the exams for a year, or rather the exams are everyday for a year. kinda sick of the feeling. well it'll be the last this thursday, then i can finally break free from them for a while.

i'm still have that temptation to go buy the vcd. but i wanna save the money for the movie and i dont want to be watching it through the night during the exams. i'm listening to chinese music to fight the temptation. geez...

was watching a promise for tomorrow last night. although it's a little cliched, but it didnt turn out very badly, at least the story was a little more interesting. it reminded me of many things. yeah. well, i try not to think about it yeah?

argh i shall stop blogging and study. maybe i feel much better studying. bye.

[backflip]

i'm gonna fail chinese. paper two was crazy. i think i hardly understood the passage. frankly speaking, i dont really like the new format. i rather stick to the old format. i think i still prefer studying for the handbook. haiyah never mind... i just think differently.

that prince who turns into a frog show is really addictive. i'm hooked on it. it's like a must-watch and i'm so disgusted. i walked the entire toa payoh central, went to practically all the vcd shops in tp central. none of the shops are selling the three parts as a whole set. even if they do, i have to wait another 4 months. yeah. so each part, cost almost $30, actually it's $29.90, so its equivalent to $30. so i guess even if i walk the entire Singapore, it'll still be the same. maybe they changed their policy (???) haiyah i dont know. there are only 7 discs in each box, which is even more pissing. i can pay $28.40 for one since i was like a total idiot who signed up for the ts vip thing. okay, so it was free then, and i will have a 5% discount. but it's still so expensive. i'll have to save for another 1 moth and 1 week. oh that is if i save half my allowance each week. if its the whole allowance, maybe 3 weeks. gah... then again it shouldnt be so expensive, since it's on channel u now, and i think that viewers would just watch it on tv rather than buy the vcd. see no buusiness for them right? so cut the price. hur... and THE SHOW ISNT STUPID. surprisingly, geraldine, who always likes to insult my love for taiwanese drama, loves this show. its just that she cant watch it due to exams. never mind, i'm starting to notice some people around me, who seem to dislike taiwanese drama start to love this show. haha well, it's nice, funny and it will amuse you again and again. its like on your mind all the time. well for me, it was during the geog exam. i know i shouldnt be thinking about it, but i still did. geez... maybe i'll buy it online, then again, i'm afraid of getting cheated. haha

my dad said he owed me a present. since p6. i dont recall. i have short term memory. so i'm stuck between a notebook or an ipod, or maybe i should ask him to buy my vcd for me. gah... i'll make up my mind, dont worry... hehe =D

----------------------

Anytime You Need A Friend - The Beu Sisters

La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa

When you're sad
When your feeling low
When you're hurt, and don't know where to go
Think of me [think of me ]
There I'll be
Anytime you need a friend

When you're down
And your luck runs out
Or if you're in trouble or in doubt
It's okay [it's okay]
Turn my way
Anytime you need a friend

(Chorus)
When you're scared, I will stay with you
When you feel you've fallen, I'll lift you
When your heart breaks, I'll ease your aches
Whatever it takes, I'm there
Anytime you need a friend

La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa

All our lives
Anywhere we are (Anywhere we are)
Just reach out, I'll never be too far
Come what may
There I'll stay
Anytime you need a friend

(Chorus)
When you're scared, I will stay with you
When you feel you've fallen, I'll lift you
When your heart breaks, I'll ease your aches
Whatever it takes, I'm in (Whatever it takes)
Anytime you need a friend

Oh, oh, oh
When you need a friend
Come what may
There I'll stay
Now until the very end
Anytime, anytime you need a friend

La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime
La, la, la, la, laa
Whatever it takes
La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime
I'll be there
La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime you need a friend

[because of you]

english exam tomorrow. pray i'll make it.

mrs stephen said some nice stuff at the end of the lesson. said she was leaving ij. all the good teachers leaving. sigh... well it's quite sad to see her leave. she was a really good teacher actually, lthough she'll give us tons of homework and scolds us often.

when i was running to the hall for assembly and back from the hall, i think i pulled my thigh muscle because it hurts when i stand up. my right leg has all sorts of weird problems. i can run up the staircase and sudddenly feel this sharp pain in my knee as though it was dislocated or something. haha ah well, i'll just admit that my bones are super fragile and they can break into a million tiny pieces. ahhh...

i think i'll just fail all my exams. yeah including english. then i'll be retained because i failed all my subjects. wow!

oh and not to forget the mess in the classroom. we will not be able to take the exam if we dont clean it up and i'm pretty sure mrs wong was serious. haha of course she is. ah well, i doubt i'll mae it to school on time to help with the clean up, considering my late wake-ups every morning. haha, i'm not saying i'm not helping.

[it won't leave me alone]

after over 10 hours of sleep, i'm still feeling very tired.

i'll try not to mind it. i'll try not to listen to it. yeah i shall tell myself again and again if it happens. the best i can do now is to shut up and listen. i'm not gonna care about what they say, do, whatever. just to keep myself away from all that, i'm ont going to do anything. i don't care if they expect something. i'll tell you in advance. forget it =]

[embrace reality]

exams next week. too tired. very tired. my deprival of sleep is just getting worse.

the past 2 days have been hell. either i have been slacking or something. watching tv, no motivation to study. i still have this little motivation in me now, so i'll probably revise maths, science and geog. then compile all the compo notes and stuff. there are so many of them i can hardly keep track of what we've done.

i speaking in chinese... must be the taiwanese drama influence or something. almost whatever i say is coming out in chinese words. gee... is that bad?

haha i started watching taiwanese dramas when i was p4 or 5. it's amazing how it can still keep up till now, considering how fickle i am. but it's not surprising it comes and go whenever it wants to.

my dolphin bay vcd set is ruined. after it's nice travel around my circle of friends. it has finally broke down and died. yeap, jess said when she tried watching the vcd, it just died. cant function, which is obvious bad news. gah.... that's kinda sad you know... it came out of my ang pao money. so be guilty... those who borowed... haha kidding... i'll probably save up and buy another one to replace the old one... but that will be after buying the other taiwanese dramas i want. haha. who knows if i'll even replace it. i think at the rate of buying and watching, buying and watcing. and even loaning it to other people. i may even consider opening my own taiwanese drama rental and purchase store, at home. yeah... quite sad huh? haha

ah well, shall go study now. good luck for the exams. i dont know when will be the next time i'll blog again, maybe tomorrow. haha... or maybe not. i'll try not to even touch the computer. tata. good luck for the exams!

[paper]

today seemed short, so did our fun.

watched red shoes to celebrate the closure of njrc. i can tell you it's freaky... i never watched a horror movie at the cinema... i'm already freaking out at home, let only the cinema right. was sitting next to mr tan and geraldine. mr tan seemed really calm and was laughing at stef quek. i was clinging onto geraldine.... tugging on her jacket. fortunately, her jacket was big enough to hide two heads. then halfway through the movie, geraldine touched stef's head, which kinda gave her a scare, but didnt make her scream. stef was sitting directly in front of geraldine. carmen said stef managed to prolong her scream which was really funny and val and julienne were freaking out as usual... haha. lunch was kinda cool, when savina, matilda and i finished the entire container of cheese. matilda was licking the cheese off the spoon which was kinda disgusting... haha. many thanks to stef for suggesting red shoes, and all of us had to watch it...... i wanted very much to watch the sound of thunder though... but red shoes was kinda okay i guess... the story was a little freaky, like how the wife stuck the heel of the stiletto into the husband's and boyfriend's eye. it really... disgusting...

still had fun... we then went to the lego shop at taka. there were those fake swords and masks and savina looked funny wearing the masks. val and i were like deprived children playing with the large lego pieces which was meant for the little kids to play. went to kino after lego. matilda and i were browsing through the japanese dictionaries since she needed one. other than the fascinating dictionaries, there were many jap books on jap festivals and speeches which were just as interesting... probably much more interesting than our textbooks. japan seems to have a festival every single day. there isnt today, but there was yest and there will be tomorrow. the japanese dictionaries had really cool definitions (hmmm?) and there were cds included. they are better than english dictionaries because they seem more interesting, despite the fact that it was a dictionary.

i shall do an essay tonight... tata for now.

[wed-fri, 7.30pm, channel u]

last day of the week. this week felt like a thousand years. i'm finally getting my long waited sleep. or maybe not. i'll be returning to school tomorrow morning at 8am to finish my video project. it's kinda boring, up till the toilet part and the mask. i'm just gonna include the embarrassing bloopers, i'm not in it, thankfully. since ms koh was really nice to extend the dateline until monday, i shall make full use of the 3 and a half hours tomorrow to finish the video and export it, but i doubt it can export in time. it's still rendering in school, at this very moment. i'm just compiling all the music files i have in my computer, so that i will have a wider range of music to choose from instead of searching for it on the internet when i get to school tomorrow. this will be the last project before i begin my mugging for the finals. i dont feel motivated though... now i dont. but i sort of did a little earlier today. i'm gonna force myself to do two essays this weekend. or maybe more. i'm just really tired now. very very tired. i still have to go to jessica's house to deliver the dolphin bay vcd to her... forgot how to get there. back home again and going to somerset.

that show, "prince who turns into a frog" is on channel u, every wed-fri, at 7.30pm. haha it has a weird storyline. another taiwanese drama serial. haha, i still enjoy it. taiwanese dramas are very stereotypical. there is always someone who dies of leukemia or loses his or her memory. well this story is about this guy who loses his memory after a car accident on his way to his engagement, then a girl takes him home to prevent the police from finding her. well that means she knocked him down right? haha i dont know, the synopsis claims she did. haha i dont know what happens. havent watched it yet. only watched the first two episodes (yest and today) but it's quite funny and i think this show is not bad. i want to buy the vcd. but only volume 1 is available.. so i shall be patient and wait for the entire set to be sold. at the same time, i shall start saving for it. hehe. it's probably as good as 100% senorita. well, watch it if you want. :)

for now, i shall pack up my room, because it is in this big mess and i'll just die if it gets worse. ah well, good bye. good night. it's a full moon tonight.. anyone noticed? haha it's okay.

[the giant plug >> savina]

okay finishing science project now... sigh... very sick of doing presentations till late at night. do you know how much i want to sleep? i dont like sleeping in class, i really dont... i miss out on so much and right till the end, i dont know anything. i pretty much fail everything right? i dont enjoy it... really.. i dont. who would want to anyway... i'm completely destroying myself with all these. i dont like staying up late at night, finishing what's undone. i dont enjoy it, not at all. i really need to sleep. i need it and i want it. i get scolded for looking tired all the time... but i cant help it, i just cant. if they were never concerned, then fine, i'm on my own now.

i... really... need... sleep...

and it isnt funny.

i'll probably sleep at 3am tonight. but who cares?! i dont think anyone would care even if i fail my exams due to my lack of sleep and thus, resulting in my slumber in class. it's only the third day of school. really... and i really need to sleep. i dont care, i want to sleep. but just because i'm trying to save some people's skin that i give up the a basic necessity, that is sleep, other than food. i need sleep too you know? i feel tired 95% of my time. i just envy those who can sleep all they want, but i cant! it's not that i want to do this to myself, but i dont have a choice!

you know what? forget it, i doubt they're even thankful for it right?

[precious memories]

it's finally over. yea. njrc, over. thats 2nd year, gone. shocked to learn that my team won an award. hmm we screwed up... yeah, sorry to say it, but i think we actually did. maybe it's thanks to julienne's embarrassing moments when she tripped that totally amused the judges.

we're probably waiting another ???? months for the next one. and as far as i know, i have to really give it my all for the next one. we'll make better choices next year? i think we're gonna be losing a big part of us. sigh.

well, although it seemed like everything's over, last year's experience seems so close. somehow difficult to let go yeah? but i'm still glad we clinched quite a number this year. it's pretty cool though. the awards that we won... best programming, best journal, best presentation, best learning experience, and best booth. i'm proud of ij. =]

round 1 was a lucky one. if that guy's rcx didnt malfunction, he probably beat me flat. well, lost at round two. it's okay, learn from it then.

i dread school. hmm couldnt finish my homework. that was expected i guess, considering the fact that i'm really slow and stuff.. dont even know why i'm in 2/3... i don't belong there.

lit drama thing tomorrow. everything was done today. probably because we forgot about it and we have been doing things like that for two years yeah? maybe thi time, we'll be 2nd last.

it was amazing how i could stay awake today, when i went to bed at 3am. well, that doesnt matter, was almost late for school. made it in time... that was lucky. and i sort of forgot it was the first day today.

i still wanna go on about njrc... haha for some reason, i have nothing to say... except weebot was really adorable. haha.. although it looked inda weird, it was still adorable. the cactus looked constrained but it was also adorable. haha. the thought of it tickles me. and val and irvin's conversation was hilarious. haha well i still laugh at it until now. i can still picture him saying that. haha, ah well. njrc was really enriching... really... gained lots of experience and learnt a lot. well, all the best for njrc 2006!

ah well, now i have a science project and video in my hands. they're really heavy. and if i dont finish it tonight, i'm gonna faint tomorrow. i'm really tired... today. i slept for 14-15 hours on saturday night, but it does not make up for the amount of sleep i have lost so far. exams are closing in and i'm already on the verge of dying due to lack of sleep. i'm not that hyper, as you can tell. okay.. i have a compre, maths hw, chinese... hmm...

i think i'll try not to make it obvious... not at all. i think trying harder will work even better, really... if i can stop looking so dejected most of the time. good night.

wish me god luck!

briana: briana, good luck!

=]

[all that i've got]

i hate my existence. yeah i just do.

i just suck at everything. i'll probably fail my streaming year for all i care.

oh great, now this blog is for me to vent my frustrations on? argh.

its tomorrow. time to look back. sad though. but thats that.

havent slep for a night, and although i'm very sleepy and tired, and really hope i am sleeping on the bed right now, i cant seem to sleep. some kind of mentality. it's almost sunrise and i'll be gone from here until i dont know when either. havent started on my homework... okay... fine i did like one maths paper earlier. earlier like 5am. but it's horrible. my handwriting was all weird and all over the place. not the sleepy one, but the kind i use when i scribble or doodle. so i may not even understand what the heck i'm writing like ten years later or something.

gonna go off ina very short while. still have other stuff to do. after the holidays, there come the exams, i think it's really... erm... very tough to catch up now right? well shall still try. i'm gonna bring my homework with me now. i cant find my panadol. gah... and i need it, because i'm having this terrible headache now.

gah. okay gtg, bye, enjoy yourself. =]

All That I've Got - The Used

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got

[goodbye]

i'm gonna be away from here for quite a while. don't miss me =]

joking

anyway, i think if they let me into the truth like much earlier, then it wouldnt be so ugly now. then i could get over it or something sooner. it really does hurt now. ouch.

i hate my existence. because it has caused much pain and misery to people i don't even know. maybe they knew of my existence like how i knew of theirs, but maybe they never knew my name. i don't, though...

i didn't want to know the truth, at all. and seriously speaking, it was unnecessary. it was really uneccesary, and i'll feel much better never knowing it. i'm the last to know, right? well, that doesnt matter. as long as i don't know about anything that happened like 15 years ago or something.

i'm wishing for a brainwashing machine for christmas of something. haha, look at how cowardly i am now. running away not wanting to face it. haha, HAHA, go ahead and laugh, because i'll not hear it.

i'll keep it all in here, all of it.

[hypocrite]

i don't know whether people ever thought before speaking. or maybe taking advantage of their weaknesses seemed like an oh-so-great thing, whether they felt great after doing so. that why some people are at a loss after realising they shouldnt have done so right froim the beginning. then again, maybe it didn't seem too bad, or at least thats what they thought. doubt so... you'll know when its your turn.

i was wondering if i ever did the right thing. okay, even if i DID think it was right, did it ever made sense to me? it was never right, right? it was very wrong. okay, so i'm really negative about everything, although i try my best not to. it doesnt really work, does it? or maybe it can't be seen at all, no matter how hard you try. yeah sure, but... did it ever crossed my mind? like whether it really went too wrong for it to even pick up again.

see, get what i mean? i may not even understand what this means in future, or maybe i will. did it make any sense? was it worth it? is it worth trusting? i don't know, the situation flips like nothing. it keeps flipping, and i keep trying to adapt. when i finally adapted to it, it flips again. i can never catch up, can i?

it's hard, to talk. i dont know if i ever tried. or maybe when i've decided to, it's too late, right? yeah, it's teenage angst. i want to get over it. i don't think what they said really made sense. it did at first, but later, it didn't. because are they ever gonna put it into actions? or are they just empty vessels? i wonder if the problem lies with me. if it does, please tell me.

you probably didn't understand a word i've said so far, right? but the thing is, i can't tolerate all this thrash about everything. everything does suck, when actually i've tried looking at life in a much more cheerier way. i did try. but i've bottled up inside for too long. i don't know how to tell someone, i don't know if i could really rely on someone. i don't want what i said to hurt anyone, in any way. they don't take it seriously, do they? they probably think it's just another form of entertainment, then kick it aside once they're bored. well, did they ever think? or they did, but don't care at all.

i know when i leave this phase of life, i'll mis it, because it will be a mark in life, reminding me of all the happy and sad stuff. the rotten feelings and the pressure that has been stuck in my throat all this while.

you know what? forget it, i don't think people actually understood, and you know what? i'm too tired to care about it anymore. I GIVE UP!

[sigh]

im sorry. i know i cant sayanything now. sorry wouldnt help, at all. i know. but i still want to say that i'm sorry.

i dont know what say now.the more i think about it, the fear of losing something is growing, constantly growing. i want to tell you, but how to? nono, i'm too afraid to.

i'm afraid of you.

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

[Chorus]

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

[Chorus without last line]

[Chorus]

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

[magdalene lim]

mag was super hyper when we were playing air hockey at cine earlier... we (stef, mag, melissa, matilda, liz, donna and i) watched bewitched instead of charlie and the chocolate factory, because charlie was sold out... it was a good movie.. super funny.. i was practically roaring with laughter when jack wyatt was speaking gibberish... it was simply amusing... the movie was pretty cool. but i still wanna watch charlie.

i lost my phone after the movie... went back to look for it, and i would have considered myself lucky... found it under the seat... must have dropped out of my pocket...

we went to the arcade after that... melissa were playing the daytona racers.. and i almost beat her... we were like colliding with each other at the last leg of the race... and we complete the race stuck together... then played house of the dead 2 with her... she was screaming away.. and i couldnt shoot properly.. game over in the first chapter... then played air hockey with them.. mag started to get really excited and kept screaming and laughing.. she definitely tickled all of us...

i think i had enough fun today... and should start on my homework... 5 critical analysis, 1 essay outline and maths... not so bad... so shall start now...

mag told me she hated me in sec 1... haha, i was really notorious in primary school... believe me... and erm dont dao them... yea... hmmm.. am not gonna put the whole story here, since my blog is already so boring it will put you to sleep. never mind... liz thought i was terrible too... so haha nothing to say.

[how long?]

how long till we all learn? sigh...

i'm also starting to feel like killing someone...

i let so many people down... i'm sorry...

[fireworks]

the countdown last night was great! the fireworks lasted 15 mins... got home at 2am and went to bed at 3am.

i have "forgotten" about this blog ever since i created the 6 ixora blog.. haha. i'm sorry blog. the response is wow... everyone is posting and tagging so quickly it will be difficult to catch up if you didnt go there every day.

national day today... i'm not gonna miss the ndp again... after missing it 3 years in a row...and i rented legally blonde yesterday. watched it earlier and its pretty weird and funny. i only watched the ending last year so i dont know anything about it. but now i do... its a good movie, except for the pink and furry stuff... gross...


besides being deprived of food... because i didnt eat today and last night, i'm pretty slacked now... and having another headache... another annoying headache. i dont like panadol. i think i had one few years back, and i didnt like it. well after all, i'm not suppose to like it.

celine is telling me about harry potter and the goblet of fire being pg-13... okay.....

shall start work... soon... after i return the vcd i rented... okay... shall stop here, since i realised i suddenly have nothing to blog... hmmmm weird...

[utopia]

came back home 20 minutes ago. had fun but really tired now...

haha teachers can actually be quite interesting when they arent teaching... i thinki its such an enjoyment listening to them joke among themselves. i laugh non-stop when i'm really nervous or afraid of something.... its true, so darn true...

mr ng and ms yap were really funny... i think i could laugh till i drop dead. delle was so calm while i was like an idiot laughing.... silently... haha.

honours day was really fun. i'm trying to get over the embarrassment when carmen pulled my belt and it broke in front of so many people... its really disturbing.... i'm pretty okay now... its just that it is really embarrasing to have your belt pulled out LIKE THAT. clare finally knows how to tie a tie... haha and shes not too bad... so i can retire from the job of doing the tie for her... haha. jessica's mother was there too, and she still remembers the rabbit sweet thing last year... haha... clare and danielle were really weird and for clare, who gets excited easily... i think it was a better idea if i didnt tell her, haha.

my mum made me eat that guilinggao when i got home... it's really bitter without the syrup but i think its still pretty okay. i hated it when i first tasted it. they were giving that away like a few years ago, when my mum brough my brother and i to that navy exhibition. i had to admit the exhibition was super cool, and i got to shoot, with a gun! i think it was shot gun, but there werent bullets, only pellets. haha. they were like exhibits of tanks and a helicopter. i dont remmber every detail so vividly, but i kinda remember what roughly happened. i'm eating it now... and i'm trying to eat it with more syrup, so that i dont get that bitter taste.

6 ixora 2003 blog is finally up. really happy... i created it last night, or rather the night before. its a real plain layout, but it's simple and nice. orange background and a black marble.

i think i better go sleep now... cip tomorrow and i think i should go sleep before i'm really down with a fever... having a bad flu now... constantly sneezing and coughing today. with headaches too... i'm really fatigued now... just too tired.... if i have the time tomorrow, i'm gonna have a good breakfast at macs before i leave for cip. but i doubt i'll have that kind of time. ah well... good night and bye!

[the sky]

bad things happened... i shant say anything, but it is really bad. i suddenly wanted to cry. i had this very depressing thing inside me. although it is slowly starting to fade away now, i'm still worried...

i'm suddenly "obsessed" with guang liang and pin guan's songs... not obsessed, but just like a lot. they have good vocals and although their songs are like i dont know how long ago, they still sound pretty good. too bad they split up... although they look like homosexuals (actually not), they sounded great together... so its too bad they splited up 5 years ago... maybe there'll be a chance they'll reconcile and start singing together, again. well i hope they do... but they still sound as good een after they splitted up. 5 years ago... my chinese sucked, so i was reading the chinese newspaper, and i think i misread it, because i thought one of them died, so end of the two. haha okay, that was really stupid....

it was a real funny day today. mrs stephen was going through all the silly grammar mistakes we made in our essay and it was simply amusing. i think the whole class had loads of fun even when mrs stephen was lecturing us for our horrible writing and terrible grammar. then after school, when sharlene told mrs wong about her basketball being confiscated by ms teo because a 2/9er threw the ball down the building and almost hit the security guard, and her stolen money. sigh... thieves of st. gabs, stop stealing! so mrs wong was taklign about how she kept her money... (haha mrs wong, now we know where you keep some of your money) there were only a bunch of us there, some waiting for chen lao shi to come in for the oral, while the rest were waiting for sharlene. mrs wong was going on about spoilt children these days, and we pretty much enjoyed it, and laughing at her really cute jokes and comments. she was talkig and laughing with us for half an hour. haha. i think its a really nice day.

speaking of oral, i think i'm just gonna flunk it..... it was rather difficult and although i did prepare for it, i think i'm just gonna die. the tension was getting the best of me and i screwed up.

as you have noticed, i changed the tagboard... because tagboard.com keeps malfunctioning. i changed it and i miss my previous tag board... it seems to be working now... it probably doesnt like me.... haha

did i mention my mum eing in a bad mood nowadays? okay... so she is... blasting at my brother and i once in a while. shes still nicer to my brother, but that doesnt mean anything to me, so i try not to pay any attention to it neither do i do anything when she screams.