[curiosity kills the cat]

gah... what a lazy sunday it was.

i was rudely awaken at 1pm by my disgusting brother who was screaming at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. then received a number smses. yeah... after washing up and everything, i just switch on the computer, chatted with tan xiao, and mixed another song... yeah my 7th one i think.

then stoned for the rest of the afternoon... had dinner and played sims. i have graduated all my students in the birght household of the sim state university and i dont know what to do with them now. so i quit the game... and here i am now.

chiristmas is approaching and i didnt realise it till today. i kept thinking it was still to early for christmas... so yeah. i've yet to buy any presents and have not decided what i want to buy for myself. my mum bought this toy for my cousin... some cat which could give birth to other few kittens. when she first bought it and showed it to me... it was packed so i was just thinking to myself how the heck do you retrieve the kittens? until today, when i say my cousin unwrap the cat, it was then i saw the little pocket hidden underneath the cat. and wow two kittens popped out of the cat. i really dont know how to put the birth of the kittens in words. gah.

lost my appetite at dinner. yeah. oh man, my mum cooked most of my favourite dishes, but for some reason, i was not hungry and didnt really feel like eating. so i just forced the food down my throat so that my mum wouldnt have to wonder why i couldnt eat my meal peacefully or think i'm having some psychological problems.

i'll only have $350 for christmas. but its okay. my mum said she'll buy that taiwanese idol drama for me for christmas. its value is equivalent to my bro's warcraft.

yeap i'm 70% certain i'm morphing into something else. okay... maybe 'something else' would be a much better person, or a very dangerous person who will just hurt anyone with that single touch or sentence. and my bro is constantly looking in this monitor's direction, trying to read what is written all over this window. ah well. after all,this is a blog. so i guess anyone can read it.

as you can see, i havent got any inspiration... my entry is so stale and empty. i have had a very boring life these few days... yeah like nothing to do... i'll find something to do. yeah i will.

---------------------------------------

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

[guess?]

it doesnt feel like a saturday today... at all.

okay i'll tell you something... my brother has vulgarities spiling out of his mouth, and its directed at me, in different languages... uh huh... because he keeps getting disconnected from maple story, and he blames me for it. yeah said i opened too many windows... so i closed a few. i only have like 3 msn windows, 2 internet explorers and 1 wmp. yeah he's still pissed off, and he's more than invisible to me. yeah i cant see him. oh great there comes my mum... argh. i'm not even doing anything besides minding my own business.

argh. forget it. my brother wants to pick on me, go ahead. i 'm not gonna give much to him (as in argue back)

----------------------------------

i rearranged all my links... finally... after a billion years. now i dont have to scroll up and down like mad just to search for one link.

finally, after two horrendous days, i finally succeeded into downloading bleach episode 60 via BITTORRENT which is a really amazing experience. wow. its slow, very slow. gah. can you sense my sarcasm...?

ever since the arc retreat, things changed. not in a good way. well i'm pin-pointing something... that particular 'something'. its not good either.. i hate to think about it, but for some reason, i still make my own way there, unknowingly. haha it's okay... i always find it hard to convey what is kept in here...

i'm gonna cheer myself up: 'YUP YUP'

okay. thats it i'm happy. okay. bye. haha

[is it still here?]

i'm in the "weird mode" now.. after i went on about buying the wang zi bian qing wa ost almost the entire afternoon. i bought it during lunch. and now... i sort of regretted it. gah. because i already downloaded all the songs. well look on the bright side, i have the other STUFF in the ost. haiyoh... what am i doing?

i just grew a little today. yeah. i have been "growing" a lot these few days. gah its weird. well i dont really mean physically but mentally. i guess thats good news. but ever since the arc retreat, i just realised i have started to grow at a rather amazing rate and started to look at stuff at another perspective. its scaring me though... then again... i feel as though i just lost something too important. i have gained a lot but i seemed to have lost something, which is also means a lot to me. i'm starting to absorb many things. starting to think even deeper. i guess it's just weird when it's THIS phase. or maybe i just think that way. well i tend to think this way, but others, and i mean many others think the other way.

msn is irritating. maybe it isnt msn's fault but the stupid internet connection. it's not even stable enough to keep running for at least 1 hour. it's kinda annoying... really.

i feel as though there's this great load on me now. suddenly my parents are too nice, which gives me even more stress, because it's just too sudden. and i'm just thinking too much as to what may happen in future. gah, i'm really very annoyed.

gah theres something in me changing and i dont really like it. what's the matter with me. gah, take one of organs out and i'll probably be okay. something is very wrong now.

[all the things she said]

i just returned... and on the way back, i was just reading a few messages. and i was just realised how much it's gonna be difficult to bid farewell.

well fll over, it was sure an enriching experience, but yeah i did have fun. although it was also a very frightening experience for me, i didnt really break down or get too stressed because i had my team who was there to cheer me up and make jokes out of practically everything. because of them, i guess i really had a lot of fun. it was okay even if we didnt win, i was just satisfied we had a lot of fun working together. yeap.

the retreat was really fun. i enjoyed the bbq a lot. the movie marathon was fun too. we watched saw last night and even though it was sick and gory, i made it through. its a psychotic show though, as to how the mastermind just randomly picks a victim and manipulates his or her mind, making them feel helpless and pushing them right till the end when they finally either give up on themselves or just kill themselves to end it once and for all. my whole body aches now and i'm coughing... maybe it's because i have been sleeping on the floor for two nights now.

all in all, it was a great retreat. i'm gonna miss it greatly. it was indeed a very very precious memory.

i'm gonna miss the seniors graduating... for some reason, time has just passed so quickly. i'll be graduating soon, in two years as well. two years went by so quickly. too quickly and it'll be my turn to say goodbye in two years. it's gonna fly. at the speed of light. yeah farewell is gonna be difficult...

there are indeed many things i have learnt after the chalet. i've just been even more clear about how low my self esteem is, and how terribly low my confidence is. i just realised i have even more insecurities than i have expected. i dont know how i can help myself now. i really need to convince myself... i could believe it for once. i dont know now. it's true i hardly could ever tell myself i could accomplish. even now, i still think i keep jeopardizing everything i'm working hard for. i have never told myself i could do something because i always labelled myself a jinx. i have tried so hard to be a much cheerier person that i've just pushed myself into another fantasy of my own. i just skipped across to being happy, and almost totally forgot about myself. forgot how annoying i am now. i've cooped up inside for so long, that i dont even know how to speak my mind. am i supposed to be what i am now? indeed, i have changed for the better, but am i doing it using the wrong method? i was so vulnerable and immature when i entered ij sec. not only that, i was simply too gullible and far too naive. sometimes, i get cheated or taken advantage too easily. i find it so hard now to step out of this confusion.

it has really been a long time since i really thought about this, since i kept trying to push the problem away. i'm running away.

i knew this day would come. and i pretty much know what will happen next. i... wonder... what will i do next. escape. i want to get out of here. i want to so much. i knew i would be left aside finally. thanks for leaving me aside.

----

fll's over. although we didnt win anything, i'm just glad i had a team that was fun and united. thanks. i love effervescence.

[.]

i'm a letdown. blame me.

[no such thing as a real world]

i need lots of money now, at least $1225. yes i need it. so i'm gonna work and work form day to night until i die off just to raise that sum. i'm just getting myself so stressed over this and i'm just killing my mental self. i just need it to prove to my parents. gah.

watched chicken little today, and it was really adorable. i think the characters are just too adorable, i just love the aliens.

went to far east with liz, matilda and stef. found so many bleach and tsubasa manga there. yeah it rocks. and the price isnt that bad. each book costs $5. but its in chinese.

just ironic how we can even watch chicken little... and i'm really financially disabled now.

i'm really stuck in a dilemma... i dont now if i should pursue the matter... sigh.

[Final Fantasy XII Advent Children]

just done watching final fantasy XII advent children. and it's fantastic. i like the animation. cg has always been done so well. i like cloud's motorcycle, just dont know how many swords he puts in there. but the speed is cool.

i'm currently searching for another anime created back in 2003. i dont think i can find it. chances are really slim. but then again, rurouni kenshin (1996) is still all over the net, available for download. but the anime i'm looking for isnt as popular as rurouni kenshin. i dont know either... i didnt really recognize anime when i was in p6. i know i would not be able to find that anime, but i'll still try. i know i watched one or two episodes of it in p6, every sunday at 2.30am, when i stayed up late at night, to either study or complete some project. i think its really difficult to search for it now. sigh. i wonder... when did people start downloading anime from the net? before or after 2003? anyway, 20% of the fansites i have been featuring that anime are in a foreign language... gah... it's either french or something i dont know.

argh.. still searching..

[christmas shopping]

back from jurong point...

watched exorcism of emily rose with denise this afternoon. i can only say that show just scared the hell outta me but i was okay after the movie. i dont know if i will be tonight. probably not. after that 3am thing, some trinity thing. then the father moore (the priest) said it would be 3pm in the other realm and its like THE time for demons and blah to enter the real world. haiyah, since it's based on a true story, then i guess its real right? haiyah

well then we went to pizza hut for dinner and we talked about a lot of things. cant believe we could squeeze so many topics in just one meal. then we walked about jurong point, browsing shops. we then played jurassic park and completed the entire game, of course spending a sum of money, in order to just complete it.

well i'm home, and gonna sleep earlier tonight. so that i can stop worrying about 3am and replenish my energy, i fall asleep everywhere i go now. almost fell asleep during the movie when emily rose was talking to the virgin mary...

i also bought the 7flower album yesterday. finally bought it. i have been waiting for it to be released since i dont know when. it really does take a long time to fly to singapore. geez... but anyway, its not bad and the reason why i'm not downloading instead because it'll be much more meaningful to buy the original. well it's really not bad and the vcd rocks. yeap. encouraged to buy.

downloaded the bleach manga, and i'm far ahead of the anime, although i still prefer the anime. yeah, many unexpected things happen after rukia was rescued and ichigo returned to the real world. and toushiro such is a weird captain, but he's super adorable because he's a child with a cool hairstyle. he's cool because he achieved bankai and became a captain at such a young age, so i think he's super cool. i've also decided kuchiki byakuya isnt so bad after all, he actually took ichimaru gin's sword right in the stomach to shield rukia. and he almost died, so when he told rukia about his wife/her sister, it was as if he wanted to tell her the truth before he died or something. and he sounded different. he didnt die. haha.

well, i'm just gonna sit and stone here for a while then. tata.

----------------------------------

Houki Boshi (Abandoned Star) - Younha (Bleach Closing Theme 3)

yozora o miage hitori houkiboshi o mita no
isshun de hajikete wa kiete shimatta kedo
anata no koto omou to mune ga itaku naru no
ima sugu aitai yo dakedo sora wa tobenai kara

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
sora kakenuke tonde iku donna
ashita ga kite mo ko no omoi wa tsuyoi
dakara houkiboshi zutto kowarenai yo

ame ga futte iyada to boyaiteita toki ni
anata ga itta koto ima demo oboeteru
ame no ato no yozora wa kirei ni hoshi ga deru
sore o kangaeru to ame mo suki ni nareru yo ne to

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
afureru hikari furasu yo itsumo
kanashii toki yozora miru anata ga
egao ni naru youni motto kagayakitai

anata wa itsumo hitori nanika to tatakatteru
soba ni iru koto shika atashi ni wa dekinai kedo

moshi atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
sora kakenuke tonde iku kitto
kanarazu todoku ko no isshun no hikari de
anata no IMA terashi sora o megurou
atashi ga houkiboshi ni nareta naraba
kitto soba ni ite ageru donna toki mo

[houki boshi]

came back from the confirmation. yeap.

working ot from now till friday. wish me good luck.

i'm gonna watch the last two episodes i have after blogging. theres no one to chat with anyway

i guess thats the only way to cheer myself up. i'm just feeling very sick and tired, and this melancholic feeling inside me is slowly consuming me.

yeah. i am very worried, upset. i really need peace and quiet. i just need the people at home to stop screaming their heads off for no apparent reason and leave me alone. is that a lot? i just dont want to hear anyone thrashing their stuff about, making so much noise, for i already have had a terrible day. i dont want to hear any voices except the music playng from my computer

i had a glimpse of it
whatever that happened
i stood against the wall
and waited...

-----------------------------------

D-tecnoLife - UVERworld (Bleach opening song 2)

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi yo
kesenai kako mo seoi atte ikou ikiru koto wo nage dasanai de

tsunaida kimi no te wo

itsuka ushinatte shimau no kana
usurete iku egao to kimi wo mamoritai kara
hibiku boku wo yobu koe sae kare
toki ni sou kaze ni kaki kesaretatte
kimi wo mitsuke dasu

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
mienai mirai ni okoru koto subete ni imi ga aru kara
ima wa sono mama de ii kitto kizukeru toki ga kuru daro

sabikitta hito no you ni

kasanari au dake ga munashikute
hitori de ikite ikerutte ittta
arifureta yasashisa kotobajya
ima wa mou todokanai hodo ni kimi wa uzukidasu

tsunai da kimi no te wa nanigenai yasashisa wo motome
Do you remember
itami wo shiru koto de hito ni yasashiku nareru kara

ienai itami kanashimi de kizu tsuita kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
mienai mirai ni okoru koto subete ni imi ga aru kara
ima wa sono mama de ii kitto kizukeru toki ga kuru daro

How can I see the meaning of life
kieteku you're the only...

kowarenai you ni to hanarete iku kimi
mou waraenai nante hito girai nante kotoba sou iwanai de
ima wa by and by mie nakuttatte subete ni imi ga aru kara
kesenai kako mo seoi attekou ikiru koto wo nagedasanai de

You'd better forget everything. Remember... your different Life?
You'd better forget everything. Remember... modoranai kedo

hizunda kioku no you na toki no naka de itsuka wakari aeru kara

[ichigo]

i love bleach. haha its so funny and cool. i love rukia, haha she's so cute. i love yourichi too, haha shes so funny. i'm so glad liz urged me to watch it. haha. i still have more than 50 epoisodes left. but i can slowly watch them. wahahaha.

http://www.bleachportal.net

ichigo's name is also very cute, because it means strawberry, but its still weird for a death god (Shinigami). and he has a new soul slayer, which looks super cool. its addictive too. i mean the anime.

i finally got my hands on the sims 2. and the other expension packs as well. wheee...

haha i just realised i have practically nothing to post. because i'm still mad at what i heard today. sorry.

----------------------------------------

This song is nice.

Life Is Like a Boat - Rie Fu

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne

[bleach]

streaming results released. not really happy with the outcome, but i was prepared for it. in fact, i expected it. ah well, got over it. and got over the shocking news. but then again, what can happen?

i decided bleach is good anime since liz was urging me to watch it, i've watched only the first 2 episodes, because thats all i have. but its cool. i've also decided DN angel rocks! haha i like dark, he's super dao. daisuke looks really childish, probably because of his weird hairdo and his small figure. but oh wells. liz is coming over tomorrow, so i can watch even more bleach! haha. i think that its really funny because that ichigo person, who is the new death god, has a much larger soul-slayer (sword) than the previous death god.

oh i just finished westside story today. it was tear-jerking right till the end. but it was still exciting. its the second time watching it. i'm gonna watch wang zi bian qing again. the same goes to the rest of my other vcds at home. i might not consider watching meteor garden 1, neither am i considering meteor garden 2. actually, meteor garden 2 is worse than meteor garden 1. hmm.

i'm gonna sleep now. feeling super lethargic, as usual. well, i've been dozing off in school, when i'm doing my stuff. my mum said she found a temp job for me at the ais(australian international school), under the purchase department... maybe its similar to the green shop or the manna store. sounds like fun, but they only need one person, so i'm sorry matilda, for not being able to bring you along. just hope i dont doze off when i cross the road, because i feel like i'm gonna fall asleep even when i'm crossing the road from philips to econs, which is gonna be dangerous for me if i cross the road alone.

ah well, i think the chance of me being run over by a car is pretty slim, but if i really end up sleeping on the road and the driver cant see me, then haha, its the end of briana ang. then again, its just my vivid imagination... its never gonna happen actually...

haha okay... good night :)

---------------------------------------------

No Such Thing - John Mayer

'Welcome to the real world', she said to me
Condescendingly
'Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white'
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take
the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits, maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't
Find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
as long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing
As the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait till my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

[dell dimension 5150]

its finally here. haha the new computer has a 19-inch LCD screen. its kinda big and scary. haha.

i hope shes okay... its sounds pretty serious.

finally able to play maple story... haha and i'm mage now. level 8. because i finally have a video card. which means i can play sims 2. but i guess i'll have to wait a long time to buy it, and after buying it, i have to wait a long time before i can actually sit down and play it. haha.

i am extremely hungry and tired. look at the time now. i should be sleeping... haha i will after posting.

i feel kinda bad for not going for the 2/3 outing today... well its just that christine sounded so excited when she was telling me the entire programme for the day. then when i said i couldnt go... she didnt really have anything to say after that. so i feeling guilty for not going... but i dont really regret now. haha i did have fun in school. :D

my bro's not at home. i dont know how he can keep up... he had some leadership camp on monday. and he's off for some chalet now. but heck. i cant even keep awake for one day. i dozed off while setting up the new computer. i was so eager to set it up myself, and my mum did it in the end. gah. but its so empty now. no files, no software. nothing. except a few music files, a few pictures (only 3), gunbound and maple story. then there's msn, ulead and the mcafee virus thing. other than that, its really bare. there are no ms softwares, but there are games. hmmm...

i love the keyboard and the mouse though. they're wireless! and the design is cool. the speakers dont look unique though, but heck.

[confusion]

zong ling:
hey zl! thanks for being shall a cool equalite. thanks for entertaining me when i was bored. haha although i seldom talk to you, but you're still a rare friend. thanks :D

val:
hey spasticated leader! haha sorry for arguing with you for practically the entire year... but still thanks, for teaching me many stuff and helping me when i needed it. i have learnt a lot after the whole experience. thanks val :)
P.S. oh and i dont think j*** has given up yet... haha

julienne:
hey! thanks for cheering me up with that perky personality you have. haha i still cant believe i wrote that in the minutes... but anyway, thanks for being such a wonderful junior. haha i will never ever forget how you almost fell and how you reacted during the presentations. haha. thanks for being such a sunshine and the most hardworking member. most of all, thanks for being a great friend. :D

----------------------------------------

i realised i have forgotten to do something very important... haha actualyl its not THAT important. but oh wells. thats eating. so i guess its important...

???

the dimension 5150 is arriving tomorrow. i dont know if thats late or early. but its one day early. yay.

[thank you]

after reading mag's and julienne's blogs, i decided to do the same as well. :)

------------

elizabeth:
thanks for being such a nice a cute friend for almost 4 years. actually we didnt really know each other for the first two years... so anyway. thanks for being so understanding and calm when it comes to almost anything. i've enjoyed your ramblings about certain issues and it's really fun hanging out with you. well, i'll take this oppurtuinity to apologize for the times i offended you in any way. sorry... thanks for being a wonderful friend. :)

matilda:
heyhey! thanks for always being there to speak your mind. well that amuses me in some way. haha. anyway, i got to know you better last year. haha i still remember back in P6, when we were going home, a woman came up to us. and she mistook matilda for fatimah. dont know if you still remember, but its okay. thanks for giving me advice and helping me out in any way. you're a great equalite. :)

magdalene:
thanks for being there to hear me out when i needed a listening ear. it was really fun being in 2/3 and playing around with the rest of the equalites. you have a bright personality. haha two years felt like 10 years or something. thanks for being a great friend. :)

geraldine:
hey! thanks for able to tolerate my lameness and nonsense. thanks for listening to my problems and i guess that really helped alot. although we've known each other for only two years, i got to know a lot about you. thanks for being a BRIGHT person and thanks for helping me out when i needed ny help. thanks

------------

erm, shall stop for now.

[possession]

i cant trust anyone. i find it so hard now. why is it that they cant just leave me alone? is it that difficult? i dont want to be agitated again and again. i had enough. really.

i'm just feeling very irritated and stressed over this. three days. three days. my 14th year is so darn difficult. what am i to do in the future? i havent got a clue. this is me. always been. i'm not possessed, neither am i greatly influenced by anything. why is it that i have to be treated this way? do i look like i have serious issues? even if i do, why must it be someone else's fault but mine?

[王子變青蛙 // wang zi bian qing wa // the prince who turns into a frog]

watched flightplan last night. you would think it's a great movie if you didnt watch it but know a little about the story. but actually, jodie foster's daughter didnt disappear, she was merely taken away by some terrorist on board. yeah. it isnt that interesting, but it isnt all that bad. although i think it really didnt interest me, i still think it was worth it. maybe it was because i wanted to know what happened to the girl.

finished watching part 3. hehe. bought part three at the vcd shop next to kfc. yeah and it is $2 cheaper. the guy who sold the vcd to me told me maybe ts couldnt get their hands on the vcd yet. if i'm not wrong their supplier is poh kim. well i'm just happy to finally buy part 3 and finished watching it.

part 3 is much more interesting than part 2. part 2 is interesting, but part 3 is more interesting. it's scary, but funny. then you'll realise how adorable this show is. maybe the cutest show you've watched so far. their actions and words are so adorable it'll make you laugh.

after watching this show, i have been thinking about it. almost all the time. it's disturbing. but i think it's the best show i've watched. okay, i know i said stuff about the others being the best, but this show is better. it's making the greatest impact on me so far. haha. i've learnt a lot from watching this show. even the soundtrack rocks.

i very much would like to talk about it here, but go watch it if you can. haha.

----------------------------

閉上眼.默念三遍 - 183 Club & 7 Flower
迷魂計 - 183 Club
真愛 - 183 Club

[independance]

anyone caught the chicken little thingy dancing on tv or before movies? haha i find it so amusing and adocrable. and the song's cute too.

i shant talk about how lousy my results because i dont wanna think about it.

netball carnival next wednesday. love the theme. haha.

part 3 is released next friday or saturday, not today. it was delayed in taiwan. disappointment. argh. waited so long and then tell me its next week??? gah... i bet it'll be sold out by the time i wanna buy it. so i might reserve it, but if its gonna cost more, i might forget about making reservations. well look on the bright side, i wont be broke next week. haiyah. useless.

another miserable day to look forward to. yes the science paper. doomed.

[prince who turns into a frog]

hmmm now i can blog without worrying if i'm gonna be super late for anything...

the last 5 days seemed really long. maybe it's because i hvnt been sleeping. thats why time seemed to have lengthened itself. maybe it's just me. personal opinion.

bought the prince who turns into a frog vcd on saturday. thats the thing matilda made me do. haha. yeah. she was too excited to watch part one since she started watching the show when it entered part 2. well since i only had $5, i paid $5. liz paid about $10 and matilda $12. so i owe them $22. haha great. then i bought part 2 on sunday since i finished part 1 in one night. not bad. 10 disc in a night. but i bought part 2 with this week's allowance. i'm broke. well that shows how bad my financial management is. but i finished part 2 in one night too. 8 disc. waiting for part 3 to be released this thursday. tomorrow's episode will be nothing but a revision to me. i'll still enjoy it as much. i watch the whole of part 2 again last night. so i watched disc 18 at least 4 times. disc 17 at least 3 times. i must be mad and not bored, watching it over and over again. i guess thats the whole point of getting the vcd. to watch it over and over again.

i've decided shan junhao isnt that bad. he's 70% good and 29.5% evil. the last 0.5% percent is just between good and evil. hhaa i know it doesnt make sense. but he's not that cold-blodded anymore. i shant spoil the surprise for those who watch the show. i'm glad this show was rated higher thn meteor garden. really wonder if there'll be a prince who turns into a frog 2.

well that is why i hvnt been sleeping. and i seem very contended watching it over and over again. i dont have both parts with me now. so i'm doing something else to distract myself. i'm pretty sure i'll be really addicted to this show and suffer from withdrawal symptoms again. i am now. sort of. haha.

i'm surprised many people are starting to get hooked onto this show. especially those who i least expect. haha it's still amazing...

it's boring at home. but it isnt so bad. at least i can do the stuff i wanted to do. i shall live life to the fullest. shall play gunbound now. bye.

http://www.settv.com.tw/metro/m095/main.htm
http://www.jungiery.com/183club/
http://www.jungiery.com/7flowers/

[unexpected finale]

haha what a wonderful saturday it was. haha nvm. matilda just made me do something i have never done before. although it doesnt seem a like a big deal, but i have to admit it was really cute and weird at the same time. maniacs. haha.

i decided shan junhao isnt all that bad, he isnt that inhumane after all. haha thats later. you'll know, you'll know. although i told liz and matilda not to breathe a word about this, i'm actually blurting it out. haha nvm if you dont understand what i'm talking about. ah well, its quite vague. well i just think that its getting better and better. thats all. part three is gonna be released this thursday. the finale. wow.

well i gtg soon... i'm late. yeah bye. maybe i'll update my blog again later, when i get home. bye.

[the familiar stranger]

exams are over. much better now, at least i dont want to focus so much on it now. and i dont wanna brood over it since its over and no point regretting now. so i'm thankful for being able to get over it.

i almost forgot i even had a blog. although it has only been three days, i have forgotten about this blog. oh the irony.

i'm slacked now. feel like sleeping. haha but i realised i have so much to do since matilda and liz were talking about the end of the world today due to the numerous natural disasters. they're right. it is gonna be the end of the world. live life to the fullest.

liz came over to watch the twins effect earlier. she said it was a bad ending... tyeah true. since edison chen, being a vampire, decides to be a vampire slayer. actually thats killing his own kind. but the way they put, saying he's a sentimental vampire and all, i have nothing else to say. since he doesnt want to kill humans and suck their blood, might as well kill something else... erm, that sounds totally wrong. hm.. well whatever it is, they should at least tell us what happened later... of maybe continue the story in the twins effect 2, but they had to come up with a totally new story that will definitely not interest anyone. maybe that was a little too far, but it did turn out okay~

emotionless now, like a cold-blooded mammal. geez... maybe its the boredom. i'm taking everything for granted. i'm an ingrate. HAHA.

[the twins effect]

i think maths was okay. it seemed okay. i dont know if i'll do well. it's getting from bad to worse.

did i mention my sudden obsession with that chinese movie "the twins effect"? haha okay maybe its cantonese. nvm... as long as i understand it. haha. its a cool movie. and edison chen is playing the good vampire, who would rather starve to death than suck human blood. he's the royal prince vampire, kazaf. his father, the royal king vampire will send blood in bottles to him. apprently the bottles look like wine. then his coffin bed has a plasma screen tv and blue lights. hmmm... haha. so i read reviews and reviews and some who wrote them said it was lousy and disappointing. haha i dont see whats so disappointing. i think that the story is fine, the effects are good. well thats my opinion. the twins effect 2 was the real disappointment. no link to the first one. but i did enjoy it at least. yeah, it was comical, but a little off. haha. the twins effect was the thrilling one. its not scary, well to me, but the vampires do look kinda real. thats why i said the effects were good. even the sword used for slaying vampires was cool. its like a pocket sword. the blade just shoots out like that. haha.

cant wait tillthursday when i'm finally free from the exams. i feel as though i have taken the exams for a year, or rather the exams are everyday for a year. kinda sick of the feeling. well it'll be the last this thursday, then i can finally break free from them for a while.

i'm still have that temptation to go buy the vcd. but i wanna save the money for the movie and i dont want to be watching it through the night during the exams. i'm listening to chinese music to fight the temptation. geez...

was watching a promise for tomorrow last night. although it's a little cliched, but it didnt turn out very badly, at least the story was a little more interesting. it reminded me of many things. yeah. well, i try not to think about it yeah?

argh i shall stop blogging and study. maybe i feel much better studying. bye.

[backflip]

i'm gonna fail chinese. paper two was crazy. i think i hardly understood the passage. frankly speaking, i dont really like the new format. i rather stick to the old format. i think i still prefer studying for the handbook. haiyah never mind... i just think differently.

that prince who turns into a frog show is really addictive. i'm hooked on it. it's like a must-watch and i'm so disgusted. i walked the entire toa payoh central, went to practically all the vcd shops in tp central. none of the shops are selling the three parts as a whole set. even if they do, i have to wait another 4 months. yeah. so each part, cost almost $30, actually it's $29.90, so its equivalent to $30. so i guess even if i walk the entire Singapore, it'll still be the same. maybe they changed their policy (???) haiyah i dont know. there are only 7 discs in each box, which is even more pissing. i can pay $28.40 for one since i was like a total idiot who signed up for the ts vip thing. okay, so it was free then, and i will have a 5% discount. but it's still so expensive. i'll have to save for another 1 moth and 1 week. oh that is if i save half my allowance each week. if its the whole allowance, maybe 3 weeks. gah... then again it shouldnt be so expensive, since it's on channel u now, and i think that viewers would just watch it on tv rather than buy the vcd. see no buusiness for them right? so cut the price. hur... and THE SHOW ISNT STUPID. surprisingly, geraldine, who always likes to insult my love for taiwanese drama, loves this show. its just that she cant watch it due to exams. never mind, i'm starting to notice some people around me, who seem to dislike taiwanese drama start to love this show. haha well, it's nice, funny and it will amuse you again and again. its like on your mind all the time. well for me, it was during the geog exam. i know i shouldnt be thinking about it, but i still did. geez... maybe i'll buy it online, then again, i'm afraid of getting cheated. haha

my dad said he owed me a present. since p6. i dont recall. i have short term memory. so i'm stuck between a notebook or an ipod, or maybe i should ask him to buy my vcd for me. gah... i'll make up my mind, dont worry... hehe =D

----------------------

Anytime You Need A Friend - The Beu Sisters

La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa

When you're sad
When your feeling low
When you're hurt, and don't know where to go
Think of me [think of me ]
There I'll be
Anytime you need a friend

When you're down
And your luck runs out
Or if you're in trouble or in doubt
It's okay [it's okay]
Turn my way
Anytime you need a friend

(Chorus)
When you're scared, I will stay with you
When you feel you've fallen, I'll lift you
When your heart breaks, I'll ease your aches
Whatever it takes, I'm there
Anytime you need a friend

La, la, la, la, laa
La, la, la, la, laa

All our lives
Anywhere we are (Anywhere we are)
Just reach out, I'll never be too far
Come what may
There I'll stay
Anytime you need a friend

(Chorus)
When you're scared, I will stay with you
When you feel you've fallen, I'll lift you
When your heart breaks, I'll ease your aches
Whatever it takes, I'm in (Whatever it takes)
Anytime you need a friend

Oh, oh, oh
When you need a friend
Come what may
There I'll stay
Now until the very end
Anytime, anytime you need a friend

La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime
La, la, la, la, laa
Whatever it takes
La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime
I'll be there
La, la, la, la, laa
Anytime you need a friend

[because of you]

english exam tomorrow. pray i'll make it.

mrs stephen said some nice stuff at the end of the lesson. said she was leaving ij. all the good teachers leaving. sigh... well it's quite sad to see her leave. she was a really good teacher actually, lthough she'll give us tons of homework and scolds us often.

when i was running to the hall for assembly and back from the hall, i think i pulled my thigh muscle because it hurts when i stand up. my right leg has all sorts of weird problems. i can run up the staircase and sudddenly feel this sharp pain in my knee as though it was dislocated or something. haha ah well, i'll just admit that my bones are super fragile and they can break into a million tiny pieces. ahhh...

i think i'll just fail all my exams. yeah including english. then i'll be retained because i failed all my subjects. wow!

oh and not to forget the mess in the classroom. we will not be able to take the exam if we dont clean it up and i'm pretty sure mrs wong was serious. haha of course she is. ah well, i doubt i'll mae it to school on time to help with the clean up, considering my late wake-ups every morning. haha, i'm not saying i'm not helping.

[it won't leave me alone]

after over 10 hours of sleep, i'm still feeling very tired.

i'll try not to mind it. i'll try not to listen to it. yeah i shall tell myself again and again if it happens. the best i can do now is to shut up and listen. i'm not gonna care about what they say, do, whatever. just to keep myself away from all that, i'm ont going to do anything. i don't care if they expect something. i'll tell you in advance. forget it =]

[embrace reality]

exams next week. too tired. very tired. my deprival of sleep is just getting worse.

the past 2 days have been hell. either i have been slacking or something. watching tv, no motivation to study. i still have this little motivation in me now, so i'll probably revise maths, science and geog. then compile all the compo notes and stuff. there are so many of them i can hardly keep track of what we've done.

i speaking in chinese... must be the taiwanese drama influence or something. almost whatever i say is coming out in chinese words. gee... is that bad?

haha i started watching taiwanese dramas when i was p4 or 5. it's amazing how it can still keep up till now, considering how fickle i am. but it's not surprising it comes and go whenever it wants to.

my dolphin bay vcd set is ruined. after it's nice travel around my circle of friends. it has finally broke down and died. yeap, jess said when she tried watching the vcd, it just died. cant function, which is obvious bad news. gah.... that's kinda sad you know... it came out of my ang pao money. so be guilty... those who borowed... haha kidding... i'll probably save up and buy another one to replace the old one... but that will be after buying the other taiwanese dramas i want. haha. who knows if i'll even replace it. i think at the rate of buying and watching, buying and watcing. and even loaning it to other people. i may even consider opening my own taiwanese drama rental and purchase store, at home. yeah... quite sad huh? haha

ah well, shall go study now. good luck for the exams. i dont know when will be the next time i'll blog again, maybe tomorrow. haha... or maybe not. i'll try not to even touch the computer. tata. good luck for the exams!

[paper]

today seemed short, so did our fun.

watched red shoes to celebrate the closure of njrc. i can tell you it's freaky... i never watched a horror movie at the cinema... i'm already freaking out at home, let only the cinema right. was sitting next to mr tan and geraldine. mr tan seemed really calm and was laughing at stef quek. i was clinging onto geraldine.... tugging on her jacket. fortunately, her jacket was big enough to hide two heads. then halfway through the movie, geraldine touched stef's head, which kinda gave her a scare, but didnt make her scream. stef was sitting directly in front of geraldine. carmen said stef managed to prolong her scream which was really funny and val and julienne were freaking out as usual... haha. lunch was kinda cool, when savina, matilda and i finished the entire container of cheese. matilda was licking the cheese off the spoon which was kinda disgusting... haha. many thanks to stef for suggesting red shoes, and all of us had to watch it...... i wanted very much to watch the sound of thunder though... but red shoes was kinda okay i guess... the story was a little freaky, like how the wife stuck the heel of the stiletto into the husband's and boyfriend's eye. it really... disgusting...

still had fun... we then went to the lego shop at taka. there were those fake swords and masks and savina looked funny wearing the masks. val and i were like deprived children playing with the large lego pieces which was meant for the little kids to play. went to kino after lego. matilda and i were browsing through the japanese dictionaries since she needed one. other than the fascinating dictionaries, there were many jap books on jap festivals and speeches which were just as interesting... probably much more interesting than our textbooks. japan seems to have a festival every single day. there isnt today, but there was yest and there will be tomorrow. the japanese dictionaries had really cool definitions (hmmm?) and there were cds included. they are better than english dictionaries because they seem more interesting, despite the fact that it was a dictionary.

i shall do an essay tonight... tata for now.

[wed-fri, 7.30pm, channel u]

last day of the week. this week felt like a thousand years. i'm finally getting my long waited sleep. or maybe not. i'll be returning to school tomorrow morning at 8am to finish my video project. it's kinda boring, up till the toilet part and the mask. i'm just gonna include the embarrassing bloopers, i'm not in it, thankfully. since ms koh was really nice to extend the dateline until monday, i shall make full use of the 3 and a half hours tomorrow to finish the video and export it, but i doubt it can export in time. it's still rendering in school, at this very moment. i'm just compiling all the music files i have in my computer, so that i will have a wider range of music to choose from instead of searching for it on the internet when i get to school tomorrow. this will be the last project before i begin my mugging for the finals. i dont feel motivated though... now i dont. but i sort of did a little earlier today. i'm gonna force myself to do two essays this weekend. or maybe more. i'm just really tired now. very very tired. i still have to go to jessica's house to deliver the dolphin bay vcd to her... forgot how to get there. back home again and going to somerset.

that show, "prince who turns into a frog" is on channel u, every wed-fri, at 7.30pm. haha it has a weird storyline. another taiwanese drama serial. haha, i still enjoy it. taiwanese dramas are very stereotypical. there is always someone who dies of leukemia or loses his or her memory. well this story is about this guy who loses his memory after a car accident on his way to his engagement, then a girl takes him home to prevent the police from finding her. well that means she knocked him down right? haha i dont know, the synopsis claims she did. haha i dont know what happens. havent watched it yet. only watched the first two episodes (yest and today) but it's quite funny and i think this show is not bad. i want to buy the vcd. but only volume 1 is available.. so i shall be patient and wait for the entire set to be sold. at the same time, i shall start saving for it. hehe. it's probably as good as 100% senorita. well, watch it if you want. :)

for now, i shall pack up my room, because it is in this big mess and i'll just die if it gets worse. ah well, good bye. good night. it's a full moon tonight.. anyone noticed? haha it's okay.

[the giant plug >> savina]

okay finishing science project now... sigh... very sick of doing presentations till late at night. do you know how much i want to sleep? i dont like sleeping in class, i really dont... i miss out on so much and right till the end, i dont know anything. i pretty much fail everything right? i dont enjoy it... really.. i dont. who would want to anyway... i'm completely destroying myself with all these. i dont like staying up late at night, finishing what's undone. i dont enjoy it, not at all. i really need to sleep. i need it and i want it. i get scolded for looking tired all the time... but i cant help it, i just cant. if they were never concerned, then fine, i'm on my own now.

i... really... need... sleep...

and it isnt funny.

i'll probably sleep at 3am tonight. but who cares?! i dont think anyone would care even if i fail my exams due to my lack of sleep and thus, resulting in my slumber in class. it's only the third day of school. really... and i really need to sleep. i dont care, i want to sleep. but just because i'm trying to save some people's skin that i give up the a basic necessity, that is sleep, other than food. i need sleep too you know? i feel tired 95% of my time. i just envy those who can sleep all they want, but i cant! it's not that i want to do this to myself, but i dont have a choice!

you know what? forget it, i doubt they're even thankful for it right?

[precious memories]

it's finally over. yea. njrc, over. thats 2nd year, gone. shocked to learn that my team won an award. hmm we screwed up... yeah, sorry to say it, but i think we actually did. maybe it's thanks to julienne's embarrassing moments when she tripped that totally amused the judges.

we're probably waiting another ???? months for the next one. and as far as i know, i have to really give it my all for the next one. we'll make better choices next year? i think we're gonna be losing a big part of us. sigh.

well, although it seemed like everything's over, last year's experience seems so close. somehow difficult to let go yeah? but i'm still glad we clinched quite a number this year. it's pretty cool though. the awards that we won... best programming, best journal, best presentation, best learning experience, and best booth. i'm proud of ij. =]

round 1 was a lucky one. if that guy's rcx didnt malfunction, he probably beat me flat. well, lost at round two. it's okay, learn from it then.

i dread school. hmm couldnt finish my homework. that was expected i guess, considering the fact that i'm really slow and stuff.. dont even know why i'm in 2/3... i don't belong there.

lit drama thing tomorrow. everything was done today. probably because we forgot about it and we have been doing things like that for two years yeah? maybe thi time, we'll be 2nd last.

it was amazing how i could stay awake today, when i went to bed at 3am. well, that doesnt matter, was almost late for school. made it in time... that was lucky. and i sort of forgot it was the first day today.

i still wanna go on about njrc... haha for some reason, i have nothing to say... except weebot was really adorable. haha.. although it looked inda weird, it was still adorable. the cactus looked constrained but it was also adorable. haha. the thought of it tickles me. and val and irvin's conversation was hilarious. haha well i still laugh at it until now. i can still picture him saying that. haha, ah well. njrc was really enriching... really... gained lots of experience and learnt a lot. well, all the best for njrc 2006!

ah well, now i have a science project and video in my hands. they're really heavy. and if i dont finish it tonight, i'm gonna faint tomorrow. i'm really tired... today. i slept for 14-15 hours on saturday night, but it does not make up for the amount of sleep i have lost so far. exams are closing in and i'm already on the verge of dying due to lack of sleep. i'm not that hyper, as you can tell. okay.. i have a compre, maths hw, chinese... hmm...

i think i'll try not to make it obvious... not at all. i think trying harder will work even better, really... if i can stop looking so dejected most of the time. good night.

wish me god luck!

briana: briana, good luck!

=]

[all that i've got]

i hate my existence. yeah i just do.

i just suck at everything. i'll probably fail my streaming year for all i care.

oh great, now this blog is for me to vent my frustrations on? argh.

its tomorrow. time to look back. sad though. but thats that.

havent slep for a night, and although i'm very sleepy and tired, and really hope i am sleeping on the bed right now, i cant seem to sleep. some kind of mentality. it's almost sunrise and i'll be gone from here until i dont know when either. havent started on my homework... okay... fine i did like one maths paper earlier. earlier like 5am. but it's horrible. my handwriting was all weird and all over the place. not the sleepy one, but the kind i use when i scribble or doodle. so i may not even understand what the heck i'm writing like ten years later or something.

gonna go off ina very short while. still have other stuff to do. after the holidays, there come the exams, i think it's really... erm... very tough to catch up now right? well shall still try. i'm gonna bring my homework with me now. i cant find my panadol. gah... and i need it, because i'm having this terrible headache now.

gah. okay gtg, bye, enjoy yourself. =]

All That I've Got - The Used

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got

[goodbye]

i'm gonna be away from here for quite a while. don't miss me =]

joking

anyway, i think if they let me into the truth like much earlier, then it wouldnt be so ugly now. then i could get over it or something sooner. it really does hurt now. ouch.

i hate my existence. because it has caused much pain and misery to people i don't even know. maybe they knew of my existence like how i knew of theirs, but maybe they never knew my name. i don't, though...

i didn't want to know the truth, at all. and seriously speaking, it was unnecessary. it was really uneccesary, and i'll feel much better never knowing it. i'm the last to know, right? well, that doesnt matter. as long as i don't know about anything that happened like 15 years ago or something.

i'm wishing for a brainwashing machine for christmas of something. haha, look at how cowardly i am now. running away not wanting to face it. haha, HAHA, go ahead and laugh, because i'll not hear it.

i'll keep it all in here, all of it.

[hypocrite]

i don't know whether people ever thought before speaking. or maybe taking advantage of their weaknesses seemed like an oh-so-great thing, whether they felt great after doing so. that why some people are at a loss after realising they shouldnt have done so right froim the beginning. then again, maybe it didn't seem too bad, or at least thats what they thought. doubt so... you'll know when its your turn.

i was wondering if i ever did the right thing. okay, even if i DID think it was right, did it ever made sense to me? it was never right, right? it was very wrong. okay, so i'm really negative about everything, although i try my best not to. it doesnt really work, does it? or maybe it can't be seen at all, no matter how hard you try. yeah sure, but... did it ever crossed my mind? like whether it really went too wrong for it to even pick up again.

see, get what i mean? i may not even understand what this means in future, or maybe i will. did it make any sense? was it worth it? is it worth trusting? i don't know, the situation flips like nothing. it keeps flipping, and i keep trying to adapt. when i finally adapted to it, it flips again. i can never catch up, can i?

it's hard, to talk. i dont know if i ever tried. or maybe when i've decided to, it's too late, right? yeah, it's teenage angst. i want to get over it. i don't think what they said really made sense. it did at first, but later, it didn't. because are they ever gonna put it into actions? or are they just empty vessels? i wonder if the problem lies with me. if it does, please tell me.

you probably didn't understand a word i've said so far, right? but the thing is, i can't tolerate all this thrash about everything. everything does suck, when actually i've tried looking at life in a much more cheerier way. i did try. but i've bottled up inside for too long. i don't know how to tell someone, i don't know if i could really rely on someone. i don't want what i said to hurt anyone, in any way. they don't take it seriously, do they? they probably think it's just another form of entertainment, then kick it aside once they're bored. well, did they ever think? or they did, but don't care at all.

i know when i leave this phase of life, i'll mis it, because it will be a mark in life, reminding me of all the happy and sad stuff. the rotten feelings and the pressure that has been stuck in my throat all this while.

you know what? forget it, i don't think people actually understood, and you know what? i'm too tired to care about it anymore. I GIVE UP!

[sigh]

im sorry. i know i cant sayanything now. sorry wouldnt help, at all. i know. but i still want to say that i'm sorry.

i dont know what say now.the more i think about it, the fear of losing something is growing, constantly growing. i want to tell you, but how to? nono, i'm too afraid to.

i'm afraid of you.

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

[Chorus]

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

[Chorus without last line]

[Chorus]

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

[magdalene lim]

mag was super hyper when we were playing air hockey at cine earlier... we (stef, mag, melissa, matilda, liz, donna and i) watched bewitched instead of charlie and the chocolate factory, because charlie was sold out... it was a good movie.. super funny.. i was practically roaring with laughter when jack wyatt was speaking gibberish... it was simply amusing... the movie was pretty cool. but i still wanna watch charlie.

i lost my phone after the movie... went back to look for it, and i would have considered myself lucky... found it under the seat... must have dropped out of my pocket...

we went to the arcade after that... melissa were playing the daytona racers.. and i almost beat her... we were like colliding with each other at the last leg of the race... and we complete the race stuck together... then played house of the dead 2 with her... she was screaming away.. and i couldnt shoot properly.. game over in the first chapter... then played air hockey with them.. mag started to get really excited and kept screaming and laughing.. she definitely tickled all of us...

i think i had enough fun today... and should start on my homework... 5 critical analysis, 1 essay outline and maths... not so bad... so shall start now...

mag told me she hated me in sec 1... haha, i was really notorious in primary school... believe me... and erm dont dao them... yea... hmmm.. am not gonna put the whole story here, since my blog is already so boring it will put you to sleep. never mind... liz thought i was terrible too... so haha nothing to say.

[how long?]

how long till we all learn? sigh...

i'm also starting to feel like killing someone...

i let so many people down... i'm sorry...

[fireworks]

the countdown last night was great! the fireworks lasted 15 mins... got home at 2am and went to bed at 3am.

i have "forgotten" about this blog ever since i created the 6 ixora blog.. haha. i'm sorry blog. the response is wow... everyone is posting and tagging so quickly it will be difficult to catch up if you didnt go there every day.

national day today... i'm not gonna miss the ndp again... after missing it 3 years in a row...and i rented legally blonde yesterday. watched it earlier and its pretty weird and funny. i only watched the ending last year so i dont know anything about it. but now i do... its a good movie, except for the pink and furry stuff... gross...


besides being deprived of food... because i didnt eat today and last night, i'm pretty slacked now... and having another headache... another annoying headache. i dont like panadol. i think i had one few years back, and i didnt like it. well after all, i'm not suppose to like it.

celine is telling me about harry potter and the goblet of fire being pg-13... okay.....

shall start work... soon... after i return the vcd i rented... okay... shall stop here, since i realised i suddenly have nothing to blog... hmmmm weird...

[utopia]

came back home 20 minutes ago. had fun but really tired now...

haha teachers can actually be quite interesting when they arent teaching... i thinki its such an enjoyment listening to them joke among themselves. i laugh non-stop when i'm really nervous or afraid of something.... its true, so darn true...

mr ng and ms yap were really funny... i think i could laugh till i drop dead. delle was so calm while i was like an idiot laughing.... silently... haha.

honours day was really fun. i'm trying to get over the embarrassment when carmen pulled my belt and it broke in front of so many people... its really disturbing.... i'm pretty okay now... its just that it is really embarrasing to have your belt pulled out LIKE THAT. clare finally knows how to tie a tie... haha and shes not too bad... so i can retire from the job of doing the tie for her... haha. jessica's mother was there too, and she still remembers the rabbit sweet thing last year... haha... clare and danielle were really weird and for clare, who gets excited easily... i think it was a better idea if i didnt tell her, haha.

my mum made me eat that guilinggao when i got home... it's really bitter without the syrup but i think its still pretty okay. i hated it when i first tasted it. they were giving that away like a few years ago, when my mum brough my brother and i to that navy exhibition. i had to admit the exhibition was super cool, and i got to shoot, with a gun! i think it was shot gun, but there werent bullets, only pellets. haha. they were like exhibits of tanks and a helicopter. i dont remmber every detail so vividly, but i kinda remember what roughly happened. i'm eating it now... and i'm trying to eat it with more syrup, so that i dont get that bitter taste.

6 ixora 2003 blog is finally up. really happy... i created it last night, or rather the night before. its a real plain layout, but it's simple and nice. orange background and a black marble.

i think i better go sleep now... cip tomorrow and i think i should go sleep before i'm really down with a fever... having a bad flu now... constantly sneezing and coughing today. with headaches too... i'm really fatigued now... just too tired.... if i have the time tomorrow, i'm gonna have a good breakfast at macs before i leave for cip. but i doubt i'll have that kind of time. ah well... good night and bye!

[the sky]

bad things happened... i shant say anything, but it is really bad. i suddenly wanted to cry. i had this very depressing thing inside me. although it is slowly starting to fade away now, i'm still worried...

i'm suddenly "obsessed" with guang liang and pin guan's songs... not obsessed, but just like a lot. they have good vocals and although their songs are like i dont know how long ago, they still sound pretty good. too bad they split up... although they look like homosexuals (actually not), they sounded great together... so its too bad they splited up 5 years ago... maybe there'll be a chance they'll reconcile and start singing together, again. well i hope they do... but they still sound as good een after they splitted up. 5 years ago... my chinese sucked, so i was reading the chinese newspaper, and i think i misread it, because i thought one of them died, so end of the two. haha okay, that was really stupid....

it was a real funny day today. mrs stephen was going through all the silly grammar mistakes we made in our essay and it was simply amusing. i think the whole class had loads of fun even when mrs stephen was lecturing us for our horrible writing and terrible grammar. then after school, when sharlene told mrs wong about her basketball being confiscated by ms teo because a 2/9er threw the ball down the building and almost hit the security guard, and her stolen money. sigh... thieves of st. gabs, stop stealing! so mrs wong was taklign about how she kept her money... (haha mrs wong, now we know where you keep some of your money) there were only a bunch of us there, some waiting for chen lao shi to come in for the oral, while the rest were waiting for sharlene. mrs wong was going on about spoilt children these days, and we pretty much enjoyed it, and laughing at her really cute jokes and comments. she was talkig and laughing with us for half an hour. haha. i think its a really nice day.

speaking of oral, i think i'm just gonna flunk it..... it was rather difficult and although i did prepare for it, i think i'm just gonna die. the tension was getting the best of me and i screwed up.

as you have noticed, i changed the tagboard... because tagboard.com keeps malfunctioning. i changed it and i miss my previous tag board... it seems to be working now... it probably doesnt like me.... haha

did i mention my mum eing in a bad mood nowadays? okay... so she is... blasting at my brother and i once in a while. shes still nicer to my brother, but that doesnt mean anything to me, so i try not to pay any attention to it neither do i do anything when she screams.

[no photos :(]

didnt get a photo of delle in a skirt, but she looked nice. quoting from !"£$%^&*!: 'eye candy' haha she looked pretty in a skirt. it was a pity we didnt get a photo of her, she seems pretty happy with that.

my posts are getting more and more boring... the inspiration i need to blog, is on holiday, for i dont know how long.

drama night was pretty interesting. although i didnt really enjoy sitting there in a skirt, but at least i enjoyed the show the extra sound effects were rather disturbing and amusing. flower of the desert was pretty okay, although there was too much talking. the preformance put up by the eldds during the ij heartbeat was slightly better, but both were also good. the guitar ensemble was great too. good job people and congrats.

i'm gonna crash now, very tired. slept at 3am last night, and its already 15 mins to 1am. good night.

[-]

drama night tomorrow. when i suddenly wanted to go. haha. not looking forward to dressing up either... haha.. gah.. but i'm still gonna go.

desperate housewives on ch 5 now. so theres desperate housewives on ch 5 at 1am. great.... hmmm watched that episode already.. its the second episode....

i have to do the advertisement project by tonight and theres the art project. i dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. although i very much want to.

-----------------------

getting sick of this layout, no time to change it though...

this entire week seems like a rather happy and enjoyable week. i'm in a better mood now...

or maybe it hasnt..

ah well, can't do anything about it. good night

[wonderwall]

too tired to do anything now... since i slept at 2am last night, to finish the geog presentation... it's pobably on of my most tedious jobs ever... and it isnt graded... gah... so i still did it, it seems pretty okay... although i think the last few slides were a little weird... the definition on geothermal energy used up 7 slides. the uses of geothermal energy, advantage, disadvantages and facts only needed one slide each. crappy? but i think it should be very summarized and not so wordy.

the number of times i have been dozing off in class is decreasing, which is a good sign. i did doze off today. but i didnt yesterday... and despite my decreasing number of hours of sleep, i managed to keep awake for almost the entire day.

i'm very disturbed by some things that some people said and some people's actions. its probably just another one of my imaginations. since THE day is closing in, i'm starting to lose that wanna-be-happy spirit. and i'm starting to feel even worse. not only extreme exhaustion, but the pressure is disturbing. its affecting me in a way or another that it makes it so difficult to concentrate, even when i'm talking to people, i start to drift off somewhere else when i'm not supposed to.

i'm dead tired. my eyelids are starting to fall... and i might end up sleeping on the table with oasis' wonderwall playing through the night.i need something to keep me awake... well there was once when i was studying for the geog exam when i started to yawn and put my head down... and fell asleep on the geog book. slept like that for a few hours and no one woke me up. luckily for me, its at home, not in school.

i get why they told us to go talk to them about !@#$%^&*()!@#$. well i know because i think we lacked that as well. probably other stuff as well. its just so different isnt it? we're bad enough, didnt really need another worse. and it might have been our fault, well most of us... for slacking. sigh

i thought of last year's sec 1 selection camp. it was really fun. i try not to forget every single detail. i rememeber emily hiding the corks in the cans and made us search for it, telling us it was thrown all over the place. if i'm not wrong, it was carmen and phoenix videotaping right? haha well, i try to keep it to myself then.

i better stop here, too tired. i still have a lot of work to do. so i better go finish it before my energy runs out and i'm be nothing but a like a flat battery. good night and bye.

[bad day]

weird things have been happening. maybe it's because for me, being a weirdo, normal is weird to me. haha and i think what i eat for dinner is also weird enough, although it still tasted okay. to val, it's very weird, but to me, it isnt all weird.

i have to finish my geog presentation tonight. start and finish tonight... not that i'm not getting any help from my team members, i am getting links and research... i'll probably let them do the oral stuff tomorrow. haha

besides doing the presentation... the english project is also giving my a headache... and i think i barely touched the science project... damn... gotta start on all these. finish it asap. i need a lot of sleep now... very very little sleep for me nowadays... and i tend to wake up at 5am and go back to sleep. i dont even know how i can wake up that early. i'll probably sleep like a pig after the exams. 20 hours a day. too much sleep can kill too. haha

basically, i have no idea what to blog, as though i just dont know HOW to blog after what? 3 days? doesnt make sense right?

i was playing gunbound during the weekend, and my rank was upgraded from double-wood to the stone hammer, which is good, because i have free avatar for being upgraded. a space marine suit and helmet. and i bought a kendo suit for 18 000 gold which will only last 7 days. that was the avatar i bought. i want that vampire coffin thing. but if i want it to last forever, it'll cost 30 000 gold... i only have 15 000++. not easy to earn gp either... for an amateur like me, who didnt even get the ss thing until denise explained it to me, i'll probably earn only 6gp each battle, on the losing side.

my mum was watching national geographic that day, about baby pandas... they're really adorable and i wished i had one at home, its so cute and for some reason, its helpless squeak is just appealing to the ears. i'm morbid. or maybe i find it too adorable that even its helpless squeaks are also nice, to me. see? i told you i was weird (as though no one knew... right) piglets are adorable... and mag doesnt know there are pigs at the zoo. haha deprived child. dont worry, i'm even more deprived. thanks.

Angels Or Devils - Dishwalla

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

Still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

[angels or devils]

we were typing the cme essay in the com lab 3. it was supposed to be about a hero in the school community. so mag was so eager to know who it was. i threatened to stuff the piece of paper in my mouth... but i didnt.. haha. so then i was typing good stuff for the essay when she decided to take over and this is what she wrote. the words in bold are actually what i typed:

she often helps me and she will try to eat my food. The last time, she took my money and told me to
buy hi-chew for her!!! She also took my watch and set it one hour
early so that I would be early the next time we arranged to meet. She
is so considerate! She always try to help me whenever I need help.
Some time ago, she taught me how to do my maths and I was so tired
that she did it for me! I got full marks for my homework! But I failed
my test. She told me that she will give me tuition for free! Wow! She
is so nice!! I really appreciate all she has done for me. NO other
girl would be able to teach me so patiently and take all my money to
buy hi-chew! I respect her for having the courage to extort money from
me as I think that no one else has that kind of courage.
She has a lot of enthusiasm and she often dances around to wake me up
when I am sleeping.

it's titled mag's crap. haha it was supposed to irritate me so that i would tell her who my hero was. apparently i sent it to my inbox when i sent my essay. she was so thrilled when this whole paragraph was a whole chunk of more than 200 words. and she was really funny today... she's probably thinkin of r****** now... haha during geog, we were going through the chapter on water. so there was this photo or water rationing and she told me when she was in P2, her friend told her there was no water somewhere near mag's house. so mag called home during recess and told her maid to fill pails and pails of water. haha that was so cute... but her maid didnt do that. there was still water when she got home. the thought of it now really tickles me. haha i guess it was really fun... went out for lunch with liz, mag and matilda. they just made my day. and with the free entertainment from mag's lameness, i think i'm quite a happy person now... haha. okay... i better stop giggling or else my mum will start to stare at me as though something happened and i lost my sanity for no special reason.

ms ratulangi really freaked out during cme today. she said we changed a lot since last year. khym was pulling the tape out of the correction tape for fun and when ms ratulangi saw that, she was really puzzled and shocked. so she asked, "are yall like stressed? you are laughing hysterically and last year, when i taught you, you were all still sane." haha she's really cute. and then she said, "and now, this lyn li said that if you laugh for 20mins non-stop, you will get six packs" that made us roar with laughter and she was rather pissed when we made our way to the com lab 3 because we were making so much noise.

it was even weirder after school. mag was calling liz a lesbian for i dont know why either and liz was calling mag a pig because she called her a lesbian. and i finally told her who i was writing about in my cme essay. she seems satisfied. haha

health and wealth day tomorrow. going to school to support the sec 3s. haha and i guess it'll probably be quite fun... and i'm gonna miss that 5 episodes of LOST back-to-back tomorrow. after waiting 7 days for it. because i have to finish my geog and english project tomorrow. and then i'll probably do the class noticeboard alone tomorrow. ah well. haha i guess i can try to handle it.

yesterday's racial harmony was okay... only two people in my class wore costumes. haha didnt i say i was gonna scare people off? haha and then i was lying in the basketball court with denise for about 2 hours, admiring the clouds and talking. we were trying to make out the shapes of the clouds and it was pretty fun. staring up at the sky can be fun and at the same time, makes you feel happy, as though all your problems were washed away miraculously. and its as if you were trying to take a peek at heaven... but i think the sky was sufficient. it was so blue and beautiful.

ah well i should go do my english homework now. and then start researching for my projects. bye and good night. i had a pretty bad day the day before and yesterday and i'm pretty addicted to this song now haha... okay good night!

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Stand in the line just ahead of the law
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

[the darkness]

have you read the newspaper? the article on the essay done by the rjc student? it's on the second last page of the straits times. read it. it's a good essay. a very sad one though.

maybe it isnt their fault. a half of me wants to forget everything that happened, but the other half wouldnt want me to let go. although the word "emotions" seem like a pretty word. even if i didnt know what it meant, it looks pretty. but this word is so dangerous and so harmful. it consumes my mind. maybe by tomorrow. i'll just be a piece of rotting wood (aka junk) sitting in the back of the classroom, staring at nothing. my brain's eaten up. whats in my head is nothing but air.

or maybe i'm just having a wild imagination. whats inside me now is as empty as the black hole. the black hole inside me probably sucked everything and whats left is this cold and deep darkness.

-------------------------------

that was just me trying to let it out. dont take it seriously. take it as crap. take it as briana crapping. that'll probably make her happier. thanks.

i have a lotof work to do. but with this state of mind now, i'll probably do it later when i'm watching csi. by then, i'll probably feel better than now. i will try to get over it first.

gunbound isnt working... my brother can play it on his account. but i cant. it's really unfair... so i'm gonna try to figure it out first.

--------------------------------

it hurt real badly... now it doesnt. whats left is a bruise. it will start to hurt again... i know

--------------------------------

"When will you be home?" she asks
As we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

[fly away]

my monitor blanked out 9 days ago. yea because something was loose inside. had to hit, bang, whatever to the monitor till it worked. we did that until we really damaged it real bad. so we have a new monitor yesterday. LCD screen. one thing i tend to dislike such screens is because i have a tendency of touching the screen, especially when it's dusty or something. then i have to like sweep off the dust and all. so i have to start kicking the habit of touching the screen.

well a lot happened in like 9 days. maybe too much happened, or maybe too much is supposed to happen in a mere 9 days? basically its racial harmony this thursday. and i'm not gonna wear what i wore last year. i looked like clare's child. haha, well blame it on myself for wearing something that made me look like a child and clare wore something so mature. haha well then i was with her for the entire day. well... she's gonna wear a PINK kimono and clogs this thursday. she bought them from japan. haha well pink is disgusting, but i guess it's pretty cool if it's for a kimono. i still prefer blue though. since pink is japan's national colour, i guess it's okay for a kimono to be pink. haha what am i saying? of course it's okay. as for me... i might start scaring people. argh... and i think delle knows what i'm gonna wear... that is if she still remembers our conversation months ago... probably 5 months ago.. haha maybe she doesnt, then i think its better if she doesnt know haha.

in my entire class of 39, it seems like 5 out of 39 are not gonna be wearing school uniform. okay, then those wearing traditional costumes are definitely gonna "stand out"... probably in an embarrassing way. haha i sure hope more people will not wear the school uniform this thursday. haha but cant help it if they're so determined to not wear a traditional costume. well, i think i better go... i seriously have no idea what to blog about, although i said many things happened. maybe i'll have the slightest idea of what to blog about. for now, i think i dont. haha ah well. okay... bye. and i dont know what's wrong with my tag board, i'll probably change it... i think... haha that is if i wanna part with the current one. haha weirdo!

[catharsis, somnolent = just this two.]

gillian's leaving tomorrow. sigh... we're gonna miss her. not sure when she'll be back. although i didnt really talk to her very often, but it was really great knowing her. i feel rather bad not really saying a proper goodbye to her... sigh.

i was listening to where i belong by tanya chua, and i started to really really notice the lyrics. i guess i was just an idiot back then, and i still am, except i just really noticed the lyrics carefully. it's really great. although it's one of the national day songs, it's nice. and in the recent years, the national day theme songs are just as nice. haha.

maybe it's just me worrying too much that i'm so tired. i want to sleep, of course i dont have enough sleep. i think i need at least 10-15 hours of sleep now. i'm in this somnolent state. argh.

i have been thinking about all that has sort of happened his year, and have probably compared it with everything last year. i have many unanswered questions that need accurate answers because the later i figure it out, the worse it'll become. thats probably what will happen if i'm slow.

i was chatting with debby about names earlier and my name meant something about strong willed. that is if i do possess that "strong will"

i learnt a new word today. its "catharsis", learnt it from the vocab worksheet mrs stephen gave us. and i guess thats probably what most people need, including me. i need to find a way in order to be able to do that. i'm just trying to improve now... step by step. i'm trying hard. maybe to also wipe the guilt off my stupid face, and stop being in a daze most of the time. i might not be able to stop the dazed face, but maybe try to do less of that? i dont know. i dont know whats best for myself, nor the people around me. i probably, and desperately need a brainwash to forget everything. all the pain and the worry. wouldnt it be better if i just forgot everything, just like that. poof. and everything gone, not leaving any trace of the past. i'll probably forget who i am but its okay. i'm okay.

i'm really okay.

they'll be off to osaka soon. hope they have fun there. rather than worry too much about this and that.

if i told you everything, will you understand? will you understand what i mean? maybe not... i doubt it. although i very much would like you to understand, but i cannot beliee that you will be able to get what i mean. you changed. maybe change is good. but now, to me it's bad. my impression of you keeps changing. for one moment its good, then the next moment it isnt, then again, its good. it just keeps switching around...

i shall go sleep now... before i start having hallucinations like the keyboard being the pillow or something. okay just joking, i dont think that will ever happen... right?

----------------------------------

where do i belong? it's nowhere.

Where I Belong - Tanya Chua

Morning comes around and I
Can't wait to see my sunny island
In its glorious greenery, whether rain or shine, it's still beautiful
Bright lights shine on the streets at night
Guiding me closer to home
To a place where I'll be safe and warm, where I belong

Friends and families by my side
Seeing me through as I grow and learn
Everyday's experience, bitter sweet or sour
They're still wonderful
As they become precious memories
They'll be kept close to my heart
And no matter where I am I will always know, where I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

[sigh.]

i'm sorry, terribly sorry.

only in the mood to really listen to ballads. i think rap, pop, rock is gonna give me heart attacks. i'm exhausted. its only the second week. yes, and the remaining 8 weeks seem like eternity.

i had this and that to worry about. i feel as though i am throwing everything on my shoulders, struggling to keep up, to stand up with the right posture. i'm constantly trying very hard to. it's difficult, yea?

i feel as though i have so much to blog, to say. but then whenever i come to this page, i realised i can't express in anyway, be it speech or words. this eternity is starting to terrorize me.

i'm just dog-tired. if i can find an energy booster, then good.

i need to talk to someone. but i dont know how to. it seems so difficult, i'm so used to how i handle my problems and now the change is just difficult. i'll still try. i must do all i can to sweep away my unhappiness.

come one briana, just take a broom, easily sweep away your emotions

easy? no... but i'll still give it my best shot.

go to bed now...

the eternity... good night

[online no more]

i havent been online for like 2days and i think i have started to hate the internet. yea i'm starting to fear something or someone on the internet. i had no choice today but to use it because i desperately need to finish my science campo homework. ARGH.

cantonese drama isnt so bad. i have been watching this drama serial from a video tape which my mum rents and i was just enjoying its silliness. haha weird me. but anyway its just so funny i was already laughing my head off and i kept rewinding and playing it over and over again.

argh. i still have so much homework which i find impossible to finish. i've cleared maths. which is just as surprising if my mountain of homework just miraculously vanishes. haha, i can tell my sarcasm is starting to eat this blog.

and i havent had social interaction for i dont know... 2days? i was sleeping like a pig yesterday. it was fatigue. i could be falling asleep anywhere now, which is just as bad if i didnt finish my homework.

oh and there comes my egoism. now both my egoism and my sarcasm are eating my blog. so i have to prepare the fork and spoon, salt and pepper. hah whatever. i'm on the verge of insanity as you can see. because i can tell myself. i dont know what nonsense i'm spouting or whatsoever. ignore me =]

i have made friends with sloth. amazing eh? haha i'm... weird. ah well. i like my weirdness :D

[break these chains]

was really tired today. youth day was quite fun. i enjoed the eating and the disco thing was a little comical. but it was okay.

was really fun having lunch with glory, su hui and denise. they're damn funny.

the reflection today really made me open my eyes even wider. sigh... okay i just had this really disgusting feeling for no special reason. maybe it is regret.

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i'm worried. i'm worried you might do something. something no worth it at all. if you continue hurting yourself, it is definitely gonna be worse. so i you think what you're doing will make the world a better place, i doubt so.

i'm such a big hypocrite...

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i'm sorry mag... i know it was really unfair to you. but i have to also help them too... i'm sorry. well i hope you arent too upset about it anymore. if you wanna scold me, erm then go ahead. =]