[the sky]

bad things happened... i shant say anything, but it is really bad. i suddenly wanted to cry. i had this very depressing thing inside me. although it is slowly starting to fade away now, i'm still worried...

i'm suddenly "obsessed" with guang liang and pin guan's songs... not obsessed, but just like a lot. they have good vocals and although their songs are like i dont know how long ago, they still sound pretty good. too bad they split up... although they look like homosexuals (actually not), they sounded great together... so its too bad they splited up 5 years ago... maybe there'll be a chance they'll reconcile and start singing together, again. well i hope they do... but they still sound as good een after they splitted up. 5 years ago... my chinese sucked, so i was reading the chinese newspaper, and i think i misread it, because i thought one of them died, so end of the two. haha okay, that was really stupid....

it was a real funny day today. mrs stephen was going through all the silly grammar mistakes we made in our essay and it was simply amusing. i think the whole class had loads of fun even when mrs stephen was lecturing us for our horrible writing and terrible grammar. then after school, when sharlene told mrs wong about her basketball being confiscated by ms teo because a 2/9er threw the ball down the building and almost hit the security guard, and her stolen money. sigh... thieves of st. gabs, stop stealing! so mrs wong was taklign about how she kept her money... (haha mrs wong, now we know where you keep some of your money) there were only a bunch of us there, some waiting for chen lao shi to come in for the oral, while the rest were waiting for sharlene. mrs wong was going on about spoilt children these days, and we pretty much enjoyed it, and laughing at her really cute jokes and comments. she was talkig and laughing with us for half an hour. haha. i think its a really nice day.

speaking of oral, i think i'm just gonna flunk it..... it was rather difficult and although i did prepare for it, i think i'm just gonna die. the tension was getting the best of me and i screwed up.

as you have noticed, i changed the tagboard... because tagboard.com keeps malfunctioning. i changed it and i miss my previous tag board... it seems to be working now... it probably doesnt like me.... haha

did i mention my mum eing in a bad mood nowadays? okay... so she is... blasting at my brother and i once in a while. shes still nicer to my brother, but that doesnt mean anything to me, so i try not to pay any attention to it neither do i do anything when she screams.

[no photos :(]

didnt get a photo of delle in a skirt, but she looked nice. quoting from !"£$%^&*!: 'eye candy' haha she looked pretty in a skirt. it was a pity we didnt get a photo of her, she seems pretty happy with that.

my posts are getting more and more boring... the inspiration i need to blog, is on holiday, for i dont know how long.

drama night was pretty interesting. although i didnt really enjoy sitting there in a skirt, but at least i enjoyed the show the extra sound effects were rather disturbing and amusing. flower of the desert was pretty okay, although there was too much talking. the preformance put up by the eldds during the ij heartbeat was slightly better, but both were also good. the guitar ensemble was great too. good job people and congrats.

i'm gonna crash now, very tired. slept at 3am last night, and its already 15 mins to 1am. good night.

[-]

drama night tomorrow. when i suddenly wanted to go. haha. not looking forward to dressing up either... haha.. gah.. but i'm still gonna go.

desperate housewives on ch 5 now. so theres desperate housewives on ch 5 at 1am. great.... hmmm watched that episode already.. its the second episode....

i have to do the advertisement project by tonight and theres the art project. i dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. although i very much want to.

-----------------------

getting sick of this layout, no time to change it though...

this entire week seems like a rather happy and enjoyable week. i'm in a better mood now...

or maybe it hasnt..

ah well, can't do anything about it. good night

[wonderwall]

too tired to do anything now... since i slept at 2am last night, to finish the geog presentation... it's pobably on of my most tedious jobs ever... and it isnt graded... gah... so i still did it, it seems pretty okay... although i think the last few slides were a little weird... the definition on geothermal energy used up 7 slides. the uses of geothermal energy, advantage, disadvantages and facts only needed one slide each. crappy? but i think it should be very summarized and not so wordy.

the number of times i have been dozing off in class is decreasing, which is a good sign. i did doze off today. but i didnt yesterday... and despite my decreasing number of hours of sleep, i managed to keep awake for almost the entire day.

i'm very disturbed by some things that some people said and some people's actions. its probably just another one of my imaginations. since THE day is closing in, i'm starting to lose that wanna-be-happy spirit. and i'm starting to feel even worse. not only extreme exhaustion, but the pressure is disturbing. its affecting me in a way or another that it makes it so difficult to concentrate, even when i'm talking to people, i start to drift off somewhere else when i'm not supposed to.

i'm dead tired. my eyelids are starting to fall... and i might end up sleeping on the table with oasis' wonderwall playing through the night.i need something to keep me awake... well there was once when i was studying for the geog exam when i started to yawn and put my head down... and fell asleep on the geog book. slept like that for a few hours and no one woke me up. luckily for me, its at home, not in school.

i get why they told us to go talk to them about !@#$%^&*()!@#$. well i know because i think we lacked that as well. probably other stuff as well. its just so different isnt it? we're bad enough, didnt really need another worse. and it might have been our fault, well most of us... for slacking. sigh

i thought of last year's sec 1 selection camp. it was really fun. i try not to forget every single detail. i rememeber emily hiding the corks in the cans and made us search for it, telling us it was thrown all over the place. if i'm not wrong, it was carmen and phoenix videotaping right? haha well, i try to keep it to myself then.

i better stop here, too tired. i still have a lot of work to do. so i better go finish it before my energy runs out and i'm be nothing but a like a flat battery. good night and bye.

[bad day]

weird things have been happening. maybe it's because for me, being a weirdo, normal is weird to me. haha and i think what i eat for dinner is also weird enough, although it still tasted okay. to val, it's very weird, but to me, it isnt all weird.

i have to finish my geog presentation tonight. start and finish tonight... not that i'm not getting any help from my team members, i am getting links and research... i'll probably let them do the oral stuff tomorrow. haha

besides doing the presentation... the english project is also giving my a headache... and i think i barely touched the science project... damn... gotta start on all these. finish it asap. i need a lot of sleep now... very very little sleep for me nowadays... and i tend to wake up at 5am and go back to sleep. i dont even know how i can wake up that early. i'll probably sleep like a pig after the exams. 20 hours a day. too much sleep can kill too. haha

basically, i have no idea what to blog, as though i just dont know HOW to blog after what? 3 days? doesnt make sense right?

i was playing gunbound during the weekend, and my rank was upgraded from double-wood to the stone hammer, which is good, because i have free avatar for being upgraded. a space marine suit and helmet. and i bought a kendo suit for 18 000 gold which will only last 7 days. that was the avatar i bought. i want that vampire coffin thing. but if i want it to last forever, it'll cost 30 000 gold... i only have 15 000++. not easy to earn gp either... for an amateur like me, who didnt even get the ss thing until denise explained it to me, i'll probably earn only 6gp each battle, on the losing side.

my mum was watching national geographic that day, about baby pandas... they're really adorable and i wished i had one at home, its so cute and for some reason, its helpless squeak is just appealing to the ears. i'm morbid. or maybe i find it too adorable that even its helpless squeaks are also nice, to me. see? i told you i was weird (as though no one knew... right) piglets are adorable... and mag doesnt know there are pigs at the zoo. haha deprived child. dont worry, i'm even more deprived. thanks.

Angels Or Devils - Dishwalla

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

Still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

[angels or devils]

we were typing the cme essay in the com lab 3. it was supposed to be about a hero in the school community. so mag was so eager to know who it was. i threatened to stuff the piece of paper in my mouth... but i didnt.. haha. so then i was typing good stuff for the essay when she decided to take over and this is what she wrote. the words in bold are actually what i typed:

she often helps me and she will try to eat my food. The last time, she took my money and told me to
buy hi-chew for her!!! She also took my watch and set it one hour
early so that I would be early the next time we arranged to meet. She
is so considerate! She always try to help me whenever I need help.
Some time ago, she taught me how to do my maths and I was so tired
that she did it for me! I got full marks for my homework! But I failed
my test. She told me that she will give me tuition for free! Wow! She
is so nice!! I really appreciate all she has done for me. NO other
girl would be able to teach me so patiently and take all my money to
buy hi-chew! I respect her for having the courage to extort money from
me as I think that no one else has that kind of courage.
She has a lot of enthusiasm and she often dances around to wake me up
when I am sleeping.

it's titled mag's crap. haha it was supposed to irritate me so that i would tell her who my hero was. apparently i sent it to my inbox when i sent my essay. she was so thrilled when this whole paragraph was a whole chunk of more than 200 words. and she was really funny today... she's probably thinkin of r****** now... haha during geog, we were going through the chapter on water. so there was this photo or water rationing and she told me when she was in P2, her friend told her there was no water somewhere near mag's house. so mag called home during recess and told her maid to fill pails and pails of water. haha that was so cute... but her maid didnt do that. there was still water when she got home. the thought of it now really tickles me. haha i guess it was really fun... went out for lunch with liz, mag and matilda. they just made my day. and with the free entertainment from mag's lameness, i think i'm quite a happy person now... haha. okay... i better stop giggling or else my mum will start to stare at me as though something happened and i lost my sanity for no special reason.

ms ratulangi really freaked out during cme today. she said we changed a lot since last year. khym was pulling the tape out of the correction tape for fun and when ms ratulangi saw that, she was really puzzled and shocked. so she asked, "are yall like stressed? you are laughing hysterically and last year, when i taught you, you were all still sane." haha she's really cute. and then she said, "and now, this lyn li said that if you laugh for 20mins non-stop, you will get six packs" that made us roar with laughter and she was rather pissed when we made our way to the com lab 3 because we were making so much noise.

it was even weirder after school. mag was calling liz a lesbian for i dont know why either and liz was calling mag a pig because she called her a lesbian. and i finally told her who i was writing about in my cme essay. she seems satisfied. haha

health and wealth day tomorrow. going to school to support the sec 3s. haha and i guess it'll probably be quite fun... and i'm gonna miss that 5 episodes of LOST back-to-back tomorrow. after waiting 7 days for it. because i have to finish my geog and english project tomorrow. and then i'll probably do the class noticeboard alone tomorrow. ah well. haha i guess i can try to handle it.

yesterday's racial harmony was okay... only two people in my class wore costumes. haha didnt i say i was gonna scare people off? haha and then i was lying in the basketball court with denise for about 2 hours, admiring the clouds and talking. we were trying to make out the shapes of the clouds and it was pretty fun. staring up at the sky can be fun and at the same time, makes you feel happy, as though all your problems were washed away miraculously. and its as if you were trying to take a peek at heaven... but i think the sky was sufficient. it was so blue and beautiful.

ah well i should go do my english homework now. and then start researching for my projects. bye and good night. i had a pretty bad day the day before and yesterday and i'm pretty addicted to this song now haha... okay good night!

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Stand in the line just ahead of the law
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

[the darkness]

have you read the newspaper? the article on the essay done by the rjc student? it's on the second last page of the straits times. read it. it's a good essay. a very sad one though.

maybe it isnt their fault. a half of me wants to forget everything that happened, but the other half wouldnt want me to let go. although the word "emotions" seem like a pretty word. even if i didnt know what it meant, it looks pretty. but this word is so dangerous and so harmful. it consumes my mind. maybe by tomorrow. i'll just be a piece of rotting wood (aka junk) sitting in the back of the classroom, staring at nothing. my brain's eaten up. whats in my head is nothing but air.

or maybe i'm just having a wild imagination. whats inside me now is as empty as the black hole. the black hole inside me probably sucked everything and whats left is this cold and deep darkness.

-------------------------------

that was just me trying to let it out. dont take it seriously. take it as crap. take it as briana crapping. that'll probably make her happier. thanks.

i have a lotof work to do. but with this state of mind now, i'll probably do it later when i'm watching csi. by then, i'll probably feel better than now. i will try to get over it first.

gunbound isnt working... my brother can play it on his account. but i cant. it's really unfair... so i'm gonna try to figure it out first.

--------------------------------

it hurt real badly... now it doesnt. whats left is a bruise. it will start to hurt again... i know

--------------------------------

"When will you be home?" she asks
As we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

[fly away]

my monitor blanked out 9 days ago. yea because something was loose inside. had to hit, bang, whatever to the monitor till it worked. we did that until we really damaged it real bad. so we have a new monitor yesterday. LCD screen. one thing i tend to dislike such screens is because i have a tendency of touching the screen, especially when it's dusty or something. then i have to like sweep off the dust and all. so i have to start kicking the habit of touching the screen.

well a lot happened in like 9 days. maybe too much happened, or maybe too much is supposed to happen in a mere 9 days? basically its racial harmony this thursday. and i'm not gonna wear what i wore last year. i looked like clare's child. haha, well blame it on myself for wearing something that made me look like a child and clare wore something so mature. haha well then i was with her for the entire day. well... she's gonna wear a PINK kimono and clogs this thursday. she bought them from japan. haha well pink is disgusting, but i guess it's pretty cool if it's for a kimono. i still prefer blue though. since pink is japan's national colour, i guess it's okay for a kimono to be pink. haha what am i saying? of course it's okay. as for me... i might start scaring people. argh... and i think delle knows what i'm gonna wear... that is if she still remembers our conversation months ago... probably 5 months ago.. haha maybe she doesnt, then i think its better if she doesnt know haha.

in my entire class of 39, it seems like 5 out of 39 are not gonna be wearing school uniform. okay, then those wearing traditional costumes are definitely gonna "stand out"... probably in an embarrassing way. haha i sure hope more people will not wear the school uniform this thursday. haha but cant help it if they're so determined to not wear a traditional costume. well, i think i better go... i seriously have no idea what to blog about, although i said many things happened. maybe i'll have the slightest idea of what to blog about. for now, i think i dont. haha ah well. okay... bye. and i dont know what's wrong with my tag board, i'll probably change it... i think... haha that is if i wanna part with the current one. haha weirdo!

[catharsis, somnolent = just this two.]

gillian's leaving tomorrow. sigh... we're gonna miss her. not sure when she'll be back. although i didnt really talk to her very often, but it was really great knowing her. i feel rather bad not really saying a proper goodbye to her... sigh.

i was listening to where i belong by tanya chua, and i started to really really notice the lyrics. i guess i was just an idiot back then, and i still am, except i just really noticed the lyrics carefully. it's really great. although it's one of the national day songs, it's nice. and in the recent years, the national day theme songs are just as nice. haha.

maybe it's just me worrying too much that i'm so tired. i want to sleep, of course i dont have enough sleep. i think i need at least 10-15 hours of sleep now. i'm in this somnolent state. argh.

i have been thinking about all that has sort of happened his year, and have probably compared it with everything last year. i have many unanswered questions that need accurate answers because the later i figure it out, the worse it'll become. thats probably what will happen if i'm slow.

i was chatting with debby about names earlier and my name meant something about strong willed. that is if i do possess that "strong will"

i learnt a new word today. its "catharsis", learnt it from the vocab worksheet mrs stephen gave us. and i guess thats probably what most people need, including me. i need to find a way in order to be able to do that. i'm just trying to improve now... step by step. i'm trying hard. maybe to also wipe the guilt off my stupid face, and stop being in a daze most of the time. i might not be able to stop the dazed face, but maybe try to do less of that? i dont know. i dont know whats best for myself, nor the people around me. i probably, and desperately need a brainwash to forget everything. all the pain and the worry. wouldnt it be better if i just forgot everything, just like that. poof. and everything gone, not leaving any trace of the past. i'll probably forget who i am but its okay. i'm okay.

i'm really okay.

they'll be off to osaka soon. hope they have fun there. rather than worry too much about this and that.

if i told you everything, will you understand? will you understand what i mean? maybe not... i doubt it. although i very much would like you to understand, but i cannot beliee that you will be able to get what i mean. you changed. maybe change is good. but now, to me it's bad. my impression of you keeps changing. for one moment its good, then the next moment it isnt, then again, its good. it just keeps switching around...

i shall go sleep now... before i start having hallucinations like the keyboard being the pillow or something. okay just joking, i dont think that will ever happen... right?

----------------------------------

where do i belong? it's nowhere.

Where I Belong - Tanya Chua

Morning comes around and I
Can't wait to see my sunny island
In its glorious greenery, whether rain or shine, it's still beautiful
Bright lights shine on the streets at night
Guiding me closer to home
To a place where I'll be safe and warm, where I belong

Friends and families by my side
Seeing me through as I grow and learn
Everyday's experience, bitter sweet or sour
They're still wonderful
As they become precious memories
They'll be kept close to my heart
And no matter where I am I will always know, where I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

[sigh.]

i'm sorry, terribly sorry.

only in the mood to really listen to ballads. i think rap, pop, rock is gonna give me heart attacks. i'm exhausted. its only the second week. yes, and the remaining 8 weeks seem like eternity.

i had this and that to worry about. i feel as though i am throwing everything on my shoulders, struggling to keep up, to stand up with the right posture. i'm constantly trying very hard to. it's difficult, yea?

i feel as though i have so much to blog, to say. but then whenever i come to this page, i realised i can't express in anyway, be it speech or words. this eternity is starting to terrorize me.

i'm just dog-tired. if i can find an energy booster, then good.

i need to talk to someone. but i dont know how to. it seems so difficult, i'm so used to how i handle my problems and now the change is just difficult. i'll still try. i must do all i can to sweep away my unhappiness.

come one briana, just take a broom, easily sweep away your emotions

easy? no... but i'll still give it my best shot.

go to bed now...

the eternity... good night

[online no more]

i havent been online for like 2days and i think i have started to hate the internet. yea i'm starting to fear something or someone on the internet. i had no choice today but to use it because i desperately need to finish my science campo homework. ARGH.

cantonese drama isnt so bad. i have been watching this drama serial from a video tape which my mum rents and i was just enjoying its silliness. haha weird me. but anyway its just so funny i was already laughing my head off and i kept rewinding and playing it over and over again.

argh. i still have so much homework which i find impossible to finish. i've cleared maths. which is just as surprising if my mountain of homework just miraculously vanishes. haha, i can tell my sarcasm is starting to eat this blog.

and i havent had social interaction for i dont know... 2days? i was sleeping like a pig yesterday. it was fatigue. i could be falling asleep anywhere now, which is just as bad if i didnt finish my homework.

oh and there comes my egoism. now both my egoism and my sarcasm are eating my blog. so i have to prepare the fork and spoon, salt and pepper. hah whatever. i'm on the verge of insanity as you can see. because i can tell myself. i dont know what nonsense i'm spouting or whatsoever. ignore me =]

i have made friends with sloth. amazing eh? haha i'm... weird. ah well. i like my weirdness :D

[break these chains]

was really tired today. youth day was quite fun. i enjoed the eating and the disco thing was a little comical. but it was okay.

was really fun having lunch with glory, su hui and denise. they're damn funny.

the reflection today really made me open my eyes even wider. sigh... okay i just had this really disgusting feeling for no special reason. maybe it is regret.

--------------------

i'm worried. i'm worried you might do something. something no worth it at all. if you continue hurting yourself, it is definitely gonna be worse. so i you think what you're doing will make the world a better place, i doubt so.

i'm such a big hypocrite...

--------------------

i'm sorry mag... i know it was really unfair to you. but i have to also help them too... i'm sorry. well i hope you arent too upset about it anymore. if you wanna scold me, erm then go ahead. =]

[Initial D - withdrawal symptoms]

okay not really suffering from withdrawal symptoms but carmen and i were chattering about it on the way home, we were probably irritating people around. haha.

accomplished quite a little today, proud of you val! haha. and i have loads of homework. my homework notebook which is A5, has 3/4 of the page full of english homework. and then history is just taking us that small space. maths shouldnt be much of a problem right? then there's the science camp homework and finally the science investigative project. i'll start today, so that i dont have to worry so much later.

----------------------------------

it's actually so easy to commit the mistake and it's so difficult to admit it. it takes guts.

i'm sorry i said all those stuff, i'm sorry it gave you a shock and then hurt you. sigh.

----------------------------------

it really hurts to see someone in pain. especially that someone is just a someone you really care about, and wished her all the best. it hurts a lot right? yup... i know. and besides all that, the helplessness is making it worse. sit back and watch? i can't but i am. because i realised it doesnt make much of a difference even if i did do something. trying so hard, to do everything. why? personal reasons. i try to be there all the time. but it doesnt really mean anything, being there. maybe its just a precaution. i'll take it as a precaution then. just in case anything happens, i can be that spare tire. although i'm just sick and tired myself, i guess i'll do my best to make things better okay? if you dont like my face, then i'm fine too, i'll just not be there. i'll just step aside, i dont want to make you worse by being a thorn in your flesh. i dont mind it if you think i'm annoying, or whether you despise me, but i'll just do what i can. i will pray hard for you. and i will not get mad.

maybe you'll prefer it if i just step aside right? then i will, i dont want to cause any displeasure so that you can be much happier and i think i'll just be as happy seeing you happy. and i'm really not mad. i'm typing every word calmly. yes i am. thanks =]

----------------------------------

i guess that will probably make me feel better... but ironically, i'm not feeling any better now. maybe i will later.

mrs stephen said something about lizards being furry. haha, that really tickled me. she said when we are stressed, we can touch lizards and it will help de-stress. okay.... weird. so anyway i'm not gonna do that. haha.

youth day tomorrow. just gonna wear some tshirt and berms. i'm not gonna care anymore. and i'm gonna sleep soon, after clearing the mess in my room. haiyoh... nvm... good night then

[lost inside]

i tried the mood analysis test thing on delle's blog and this is what i've got:

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. You are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

-haha i am tired... but i'll go to sleep after i blog. similar problems... maybe not, because yeah... the present problems are too difficult, even a calculator won't be able to help me... haha okay the calculator was unnecessary. start laughing sarcastically... =]

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.

-haha my life IS boring. cant expect much.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.

-haha... not getting my fair share? i dont get the term. but i'm pretty deprived now... deprived of mostly everything. haha. i understand what "but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are" means. haha. and i'm probably that jinx. my presence has caused so much trouble. it'll take an eon to figure it out...

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

-okay... half true, half false. geez... but i hope everyone will live in harmony although i'm also that someone who is the stupid idiot.

haha many thanks to colourgenics.com and delle for the mood analysis test. it's 90% true. 5% almost true and the last 5% complete lies. haha okay... it's a little too far... but what i mean is that the last 5% isnt true. well that was sure fun. and i'm a jinx. with really bad luck, so i advise you to stay as far as possible from me if possible or else you'll suffer because of me. its probably karma for all i care.

------------------------

finally finished the chinese project. slept at 2am last night. was super tired this morning but i didnt fall asleep during class today... well ms chye wasnt here for lit and the relief teacher said we could sleep if we wanted. so i took my english text map out to finish, and i think i was too tired and brain-dead to carry on that i fell asleep on the text map for 30 mins, from 11.30am to 12pm. with the noise from the class, i still managed to sleep for 30 mins. so i'm exhausted now and i'm going to sleep after this post.

youth day this friday, and i think im just gonna wear berms and a school tshirt. well mag's gonna have trouble looking for something to wear on friday. they dont allow school u right? so haha mag you'll either have to wear your jeans or your... pyjamas, like how celine suggested. haha.

my brother's tutor really cant find the initial d 2nd and 3rd stage. he said he'll try his very best to look for it at home. haha, actually he wanted to lend me the 4th stage first, but i'll probably just give up half way since i dont get a single thing if i dont watch the 2nd and 3rd stage. and my brother bought the initial d ps2 game. i'll probably start playing it after the exams. he was playing it today and it seemed fun. the drifting was cool. initial d is about drifting. so it has to be cool.

survived the last three days of school, and i fell asleep during chinese on the first day of school. these are the consequences of watching resident evil at night when i decided to sleep at 9.30pm. i'm such an idiot and i cant keep promises, hate me now. but resident evil was okay... although the ending was a little weird. i dont get it at all. well i sort of do. well, its only the first week and i'm sleeping at what? 12am, 11pm, 2am?!?! well i will go sleep now. or else i'll continue to doze off tomorrow at lit if ms chye does come tomorrow.

ah well... i hope i'll just stop sneezing and stop freezing. because i think it's just getting worse...

[final trace of innocence]

feeling a little moody now. yea... but i'll get over it. let's see how long...

sigh... i really do hope there arent anymore lying and hypocrisy.

this is not a mistake
it's the dawn of a new day

i'm afraid
this could get ugly
and I might leave here alone

i'm disappointed. in myself. utterly disappointed in myself. i'm sorry. i didnt do what i could. i wanted to help, but i didnt know how to. now its worse... sigh.

----------------------

i'm not only demoralised now, i'm also really mad at the same time. because i dont understand how unimportant they have made themselves seem. sometimes i'm just pissed off with what they are doing. sigh.

End of Me - Marion Raven

Hey
Stay with me
As I'm getting naked
Stripped down to the bone

Hey
I'm afraid
This could get ugly
And I might leave here alone

This is not a mistake
It's the dawn of a new day
Anything goes from now

This is the last of illusions
This is the final trace of innocence
If I'm caught in the middle
I know it will be the end of me

Hey
Talk to me
Don't play me with your silence
Whisper it in my mouth

Cause this is not about hate
It's the start of a new way
Anything goes from now

This is the last of illusions
This is the final trace of innocence
If I'm caught in the middle
I know it will be the end of me

This is not a mistake
It's the dawn of a new day
Hey, this is not a mistake
Stay with me

Hey
Stay with me
As I'm getting naked

This is the last of illusions
This is the final trace of innocence
If I'm caught in the middle
I know it will be the end of me
The end of me

Yeah...

[withdrawal symptoms?]

sigh... today's the last day. and im not like julienne, i havent finished my homework. i'm gonna forget about chinese, forget about science. i have to finish maths... welll maybe i'll do the science camp project. then there's english. i finished the grammar worksheet, the compre, but not the articles and the summary. i seriously need to get back to work after i finish this really boring post.

i am already so tired doing my homework. but my brother, is playing games all the time. okay... what's even weirder is the fact that i didnt even see him do his homework. either he doesnt have homework, or he just cant be bothered. well there must be homework, so i guess he cant be bothered. he seems all happy. really wonder if he really cares. sigh.

i'm supposed to pass gretchen's message to the entire class via sms now... but i'm like afraid i send it to the wrong person. it's... weird. but anyway, i'll try not to make any mistakes.

i dont know if i can really go to school tomorrow. i'm not feeling all well. maybe its exhaustion. so i'm going to bed at 9.30pm tonight. i have to wear jacket when i go to bed, and i still feel really cold. my mum thinks i'm running a temperature. well i told her no, and im not. but i think i'm going too soon. well maybe i'm just prone to falling ill. yea... maybe its just exhaustion. i hope its only that... maybe because of exhaustion, i didnt feel too well after dinner on friday. sigh.

briana, get well soon! =]

i wanna wtch initial d again. probably suffering withdrawal symptoms... haha... my brother's tutor might take forever to lend the dvd ahah. he did when he wanted to lend me the first stage, but that was before i watched 1st stage, now that i have watched it, i'm of course craving for more right? haha

[initial d - great movie!]

initial d was a great movie. i enjoyed the races. hehe. well it was cool lar... and the movie was so funny, well suhui was laughing away in the back. haha and that scratch and win thing i got after buying the hot dog set... haha, we won a lollipop. i gave it to suhui. well the movie was good but it was pretty sad jay chou (takumi) didnt even give his girlfriend (natsuki) a chance to explain. it just ended with him witnessing his girlfriend stepping out of another guy's car, after the really big race, which he won of course. then she chased after him. and on the way home, he was crying. when he got home, his father was about to celebrate with him, with sushi and sake. but then he was like all moody so he threw the keys at the table and stomped to his room. the father was really funny too. so it all ended with him driving off to somewhere. well i sort of expected it to end there. but i did pray it wont just end there. his father is the best man, he can act really well. and he was really funny. haha. his best friend is even worse... always talking crap.... and he said stuff like "god was once man, but because god couldnt do some things man could do, and therefore, he is god" or something like that. then he started kissing takumi's hand because takumi defeated a GTR with an AE86... well it is amazing. because the AE86 is already 10 years old, but the GTR is new. so the GTR is supposed to be better than the AE86. well its still gross to do that.

lost my wallet... very upsetting because a lot of stuff were in there, including the movie tickets. so we talked to the manager and he said he would let us sit there if no one is sitting there. well we thought that if whoever who took me wallet, see the tickets inside and come for the movie, we could confront him/her. but then he/she didnt come so yea... i feel really guilty... losing the 6 tickets. costing $48. and then i felt guilty throughout the movie. but i still did have fun and enjoyed it. so i guess yea... but i feel very guilty now... my ts vip card was in there. my ezlink card, tapz card, $10++ and neoprints were in there and it vanished... well thanks to my careless ness. i hope that someone will return it... sigh... sorry...

i caught a spider in a container when i saw it on my computer... i'm gonna release it later. probably at pasir ris or maybe here.

my brother's tutor didnt bring the initial d anime, 2nd and 3rd stage today... he said he cant find it and told his housekeeper to help him find it haha.

jay chou's previous album, ye hui mei is actually not bad, too bad i didnt buy it.

[Initial D, TODAY]

today's thursday, the 23th.

we're gonna watch initial d in a 7 hours and 45 minutes. haha, the late night one. well i dont know if it can be consider as the late night show, but we're watching at 7.30pm at lido. i just got out of bed... was watching tv, chatting and playing games with denise and doing my homework all at the same time last night, till like 3am. i think its gonna be like a habit... before school reopens. so i finally learnt how to play minesweeper. haiyah, its just that i never really knew how to play it. everytime i try, i just click anywhere and lose. haha. i dont play with my brains. but i did last night, after denise taught me how to play minesweeper. sigh.... and shes graduating this year... all the sec 4s are...

the neighbours are probably annoyed with me... because i play music till 3am, loud enough for the room to hear me. and i play the same song over and over again without realising it. well the silence will just kill me. and in p6, when i stay up late, the television will be switched on, so at least i wont be so frightened by the silence. i'm just not comfortable with it. there must be at least the sound of the wind, so that i can stop being so paranoid. if its alone at home, at night, even with the the noise coming from the air-con, i'm still a little paranoid, because i heard weird stuff outside my room. for some reason, there will be this weird sound as though someone knocked into one of the furniture, or the furniture was moved. when i open the door and look out, i see no one. and it happens when i'm the only one awake at night.

i just realised the initial d sld at ts... they only sell the fourth stage if i were to buy the dvd, but the entire set if i bought vcd. and then, the vcds dont have english subs, they have chinese subs. although i understand it when i watch taiwanese dramas, because they're not speaking in japanese. but i never really tried, japanese and chinese subs, and i dont wanna try. so i'll still search. and they have what buy 2 anime get one free. there are 3 volumes of the fourth stage. $12.90 each. so if i were to buy 2 volumes, i get 1 free. but if i use the vip card, i dont know if its still possible for me to buy 2 get 1 free. gah.

my brother is scolding me for changing the songs. whatever... super sickening... gah whatever... he logged out of my account first, bleagh... whatever, im trying not to care. haha

[haircut]

cut my hair at kimage, and it didnt go too bad... their sink for washing customers' hair is so cool... its like a cabinet or smething.

you wanna wash your hair? OPEN!

its so cool... and then the water doesnt spill if you close it. but its really ex there. lucky for me, because my auntie had the coupon, so i only cut my hair for $15. a normal haircut can cost $31.50. its extortion! and rebonding can cost $200++, ok i didnt know it would be this expensive... and highlighting is $100++, and i wanted to highlight my hair when i'm older. my mum just said i cant highlight my hair when i'm older, like 20. what? i'm still a kid by then? still need to ask for your permission to highlight my hair? hmmm whatever, i'm still gonna do it. but its kimage so everything is ex... but even if its at a normal salon, its still gonna be $200++ and $100++, gah... i wanna highlight it... and my auntie said it'll be cheaper for people with short hair. and i think highlights for short hair are nicer. haha we'll see then.

i was telling my auntie on the way home that i want a job so that i can buy the stuff i want. so she said i can earn by being a babysitte. babysit my cousin. okay... so she said she'll ask my mum and then see how lar. i'm not good with kids. but i'll probably get $20 a day lar... well thats better than nothing. and i still dont get why my mum doesnt allow me to work outside. haha

[jay chou? huh?]

so i did call eng wah this morning, but they dont know and their reason is "oh, because the movie isnt released yet" ok... so i asked them if there were english subs for chinese movies and she said "erm, yes, there should be for chinese movies", so she THINKS there are. okay... so then i asked my brother's tutor, and he said there are, well he thinks there are. he's bringing the 2nd stage and 3rd stage on friday. haha so happy. well he forgot to bring it on sunday... and he didnt bring it today. never mind... friday... i can wait... i can, right? haha.

doing english homework now and the grammar worksheets are a little difficult, i never thought editing could be this difficult. its weird. but anyway i've completed that section.

my brother's tutor said there was the gala red carpet thingy for initial d at lido last night. he could go but he didnt go. and he said the cast were here and stuff... he didnt go because he said all the screaming fans would be scary, well i think so too. haha, and he said the people there have to dress properly, no berms and stuff... haha i wanted to go down to lido yesterday to ask if there were subs, but i didnt, haha. and he was joking around, saying if we did anything wrong, the camera crew there will tape that down, and we die. haha well thats a little extreme... right? but anyway, the gala thingy was only for those who had some special ticket for that, haha he had the ticket but he didnt go... so he said something about returning the tickets or something, cant remember but i cant be bothered liao... its like i dont know what time, and i would rather be doing my horrid homework... haha. he thinks girls are starting to like initial d (anime) because of jay chou, so now jay chou is like promoting initial d? haha i watched the anime before the movie though... so i'm not watching it because of jay chou... why does almost everyone think its the jay chou and edison chen that certain people are watching initial d. well yea, thats also quite true, but not all true. maybe its because its jay chou's first movie and stuff. it is his first movie... right? haha whatever... but i'm not gonna miss the movie thats all.

downloaded more jay chou songs last night. and i think i should have bought the previous album as well, its not bad... although you have no idea what on earth he is singing, but its still not bad. yea... he mumbles, like thats his forte or whatsoever. haha. piao yi... doesnt really make much of a sense, it means drift, translated, but the first line is like "i pick up my pen and write in my diary". haha weird. well thats only first line. haha heck, i think the last part of the song is funky. then theres qing tian (sunny day). its a sad song. with a happy name, weird again. but its a nice song. i like it. i actually thought its probably sunshine after rain, haha maybe not. everything is so sad and makes jay chou seem clingy... ah well.. shall stop for now. because i have to continue with my horrid homework... i'm gonna cut my hair later. its growing... haha

[initial d subs]

was intending to go to school today to return some stuff. then i was just outside the school gate, when i saw carmen, donna, phoenix and see kei. they were going for lunch so i went with them. ate salmon terriyaki, nice. haha so we hung around tp for a few hours(that was not supposed to happen) and lost track of time. so i decided not to go back to school and asked them to return the stuff for me.

haha we will be watching initial d at lido! whee.... haha apparently, there isnt initial d at cine on thursday. so i called up lido, eng wah, gv just to ask if there were english subs. none of them were open. but there are english subs in the trailer so i assume there are in the movie. i'm calling tomorrow to check again.

since the chinese project only required me to do one festival, i did the jap new year. haha... its a lot. to translate. wish me good luck. being a translator is tough.

[japanese history]

i have just finished the research for my chinese project. festivals of other races besides the chinese. so i chose the japanese and its really cool. because their history is really enriching and really interesting. they have all those customs and traditions and they're pretty interesting. i think i'm having a little fun readng all the stuff about the japanese festivals and that helps me with my project. i'm glad they allowed japanese festivals. and its a pity the edo period lasted for 267 years... from 1600 - 1867. when kenshin was 15. whoa, that was a pretty long period and i guess a lot of bad things happened furing the edo period.

all i have to do now is translate it... and its gonna be a pain, especially when i have to look for the chinese translations for the japanese words. wish me good luck. i like the japanese names though... and the kids in the kimonos in the photos are really cute because they are so small and the kimono looks so big for them haha.

i plan to finish my maths homework by tomorrow. my chinese homework by thursday. maybe after initial d, i will like chinese even more and might just be able to finish the project in a jiffy. the i'll finish science by friday. and english by wednesday. speaking of english, the remedial tomorrow is cancelled, everyone is celebrating! haha... less homework :) less stress. so happy when gretch told me.

i love the japanese history... although they didnt include the japanese occupation because they didnt want their descendants to know the bad stuff they did, according to mrs siow. but its really cool studying their history... maybe studying another country's history might just be better rather than know about the japanese occupation and then studying it over and over again. well i'm not saying its boring. its fun but then maybe have some japanese history, like their traditions and stuff can be quite cool... well thats my opinion, no need to be taken seriously. haha especially for anime freaks like me, i guess it'll be a little more interesting... thats me... haha

[exodus]

my mother flared at me for something i didnt do at all.... o great... i suspect my brother did it, because he did so many times. whatever it is. i woke up this morning, bathed and went straight to school. nothing to prove at all. what the heck, this is what a i get after i come home from school? i have been really frustrated today. and now this. this is really crappy. want me to jump off the building and die? then life will be so much easier for you. you scold me for my attitude, then watch yours as well, its because of your stinking attitude that i'm like this as well. i really wonder whether everything started with me, whether its my fault or is it your stupid and irritating attitude.

i really feel like screaming, throw things around. i tried to be nice, to keep calm.

-------------------------------------

after all that ranting, i think i feel much better now. it looks ugly... that one paragraph and a line looks hideous...

3 more days to Initial D, well thats something worth looking forward to, and it cheered me up a little just thinking about it, haha. well, i dont care if the takumi fujiwara was jay chou or not, i just wanna watch the movie. well edison looks cool with the new hair, haha it is a nice colour. but takeshi nakazato (shawn yue) looks weird. anyway i just can't wait, although i am now, haha.

english remedial tomorrow. well i'm not looking forward to it. sigh. ok mrs stephen is a good teacher, yeah, pushing us to our limits so that we can make use of our potential and stuff but its scary... and i doubt i have that potential anyway... haha its true, i dont have it. haha.

i feel as though besides the music playing from the computer, everything im hearing is simply noise.

my stuffed frog and rabbit
smile and comfort me

yea my stuffed toys cheer me up. although i dont tell them anything in particular, its as if when they smile or they don't have an expression OR they don't have a mouth, i seem to feel much more relaxed and less frustrated, less stressed and less depressed. haha call me weird or whatever, but to me i guess thats one way of cheering myself up.

i have been so vexed over **** and over my homework, i have forgotten to sleep and eat, which sounds pretty bad. i havent eaten for the day today. i havent been able to sleep well and that caused me to fall ill. i'm getting worse and soon, i will spread the disease. i'll probably be the most irritating person in class tomorrow with my sneezing ang coughing. i just feel my brain sizzling. i keep having that nowadays. llike my brain is melting and i have this sizzling feeling in my head. as iff my brain is turning into goo. ewww... or maybe its internal bleeding? but how is it possible for me to have this sizzling feeling in my head? well thats a possibility.

- internal bleeding
- brain turning into goo
- brain melting like ice cream
- half my brain vanishing

well thats all i can think for now, until i have thought of other possibilities. then if its really serious, i'll probably get admitted into the hospital, lie there, rot and die. yeah... then i'll make a list of items i want at my funeral, ok that was a joke, but i really hope that at my funeral, i can listen to all the songs i like, especially those really sad songs. fly away by corrinne may is nice. its really sad too. haha ok enough with all the really not nice stuff. i need to figure out why i'm getting goo instead of knowledge into this empty head of mine. ah well. shall go eat now. its 8.30pm.

Exodus - Evanescence

My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams
20 bucks should get me through the week
Never said a word of discontentment
Fought it a thousand times but now
I'm leaving home

[CHORUS:]
Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong

Two months pass by and it's getting cold
I know I'm not lost
I am just alone
But I won't cry
I won't give up
I can't go back now
Waking up is knowing who you really are

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Show me the shadow where true meaning lies
So much more dismay in empty eyes

[mr. and mrs. smith]

the farewell party was okay... we soaked our feet in the pool, haha so nice. then we went to novita's room! her hippo is so cute and her dog (toy) is so cute!!! i've never seen debby hug a stuff toy like that before... she was so cute when she was hugging that yellow hippo. wonder if she did that to the big big dog we gave her for her birthday haha. but anyway, i did have fun with the seniors and all... but then i was the only one from the sec 2 batch... matilda came down, to talk to stef... about other stuff, but she left anyway, so i felt so extra and awkward. haha no surprise, well better start to master the art of adapting quickly. o yeah... speaking of the art of so-and-so. i think i have mastered the art of not sleeping for at least a night and not dozing off in the day. well now i'm sick... a cold and my stomach isnt feeling too well either. but i did have fun earlier... it was a pity we didnt really talk to the seniors... but talked among ourselves instead... sigh. and it seems like it's really screwed, real badly. i really do hope we'll all be able to revive what was dead together. and stay like that. sigh.

i guess everything is screwed, but then we still have to find a way to solve whatever problems we have and just start to get along fine... i've gained a little more knowledge today i guess. i've got something more to reflect now. although it's gonna make me all sad again, i guess its good to always reflect.

now my brother and my mother's boyfriend's son (joel) are lying on the floor, eating korean noodles and talking to this girl over the phone. scary... well, i can hear everything because its on the loudspeaker and the entire room can hear what she's saying... and she just called my brother cute... ?!?! gah he isnt.... and his materialis and egoism is just beyond incredible. so he has to tell me at least 5 times a day that he's cute, cool, and shuai. haha i think he is just the opposite. and then i dont quite understand his schoolmates. they seem weird... yeah.. they laugh at stuff that arent really that funny... like... erm in monster-in-law, the guy was using the middle finger and they found that funny. weird people... and i thought ij girls were weird enough, we have finally met our match. haha.

watched mr and mrs smith at lido... again. yea, but i didnt get to catch the initial d trailer. and i bought $61.50 worth of books at sunny bookshop. so happy. haha. anyway, there was again that large poster right across and it really tempted me... joel was with us and he was "insulting" initial d. i wanted to whack him! haha but i didnt. i got that batman begins cap and its pretty cool. and the movie was ultra cool! its like they kept that secret from each other for 5-6 years. and it was uite funny. when jane smith and john smith start to fight, as in physically, i think i was the only one in the theatre giggling away. haha. but anyway. im sorry denise that i didnt watch with you. but i will drag you along to watch initial d! haha... and besides since both of us havent watched madagascar, we can go watch together! haha. btw way the trailer is just half as cool as the movie.

http://www.mrandmrssmithmovie.com

so i didnt spend $8 for nothing. haha.

[Initial D, PG, not M18;happiness]

so i did say i'll post tonight right? but its past 12am.. i am tired...

finished the 1st stage of initial d. well that took me long enough... so i can finally go on with 2nd stage... and then 3rd stage. and im gonna buy the 4th stage. if i dont watch, i will be slightly blur when i watch the movie. and my mother proved it to me it was pg. haha its not obvious.. she was looking at the movie schedules pages and apparently, the heading for the initial d schedule was "INITIAL D(MANDARIN)(PG)" okay... so i'm sure its in chinese. but then i'm still a little confused... what on earth did that m mean? i sure hope it doesnt mean anything. and i found the initial d theme song... by jay chou... well that wasnt surprising. i heard the song in the trailer and yeah... actually chinese rap is better than english rap, although i dont really fancy it. and i dont like techno. its all ove the initial d anime... hmmm never mind... at least the car engines were more appealing to my ears. haha i'm weird. but anyway i decided to watch it next thursday... so it all fits. i suddenly wanted to watch initial d, after borrowing the dvd from my brother's tutor for quite a while... before the exams. actually he was the one who lent it to me, because he noticed the rurouni kenshin dvds and wanted to introduce initial d to me, its just that i didnt find the time to watch it. when i did, the movie's is gonna be released next thursday. and i was dozing off in bus 88 on the way home from class chalet when i first watched the trailer on tv mobile. it woke me up for a minute or two before i dozed off again. haha.

can't wait for initial d. and i'm watching mr an mrs smith tomorrow... and theres the farewell party for steph song tomorrow! haha i cant believe i'm going out tomorrow, and i'm still having a pretty bad cold. i was sneezing away yesterday (wednesday) when i was watching monster-in-law. i'll probably do the same tomorrow. haha, i'm such a loser. okay i was surfing around the eng wah website and i am sure initial d is PG, yay! happiness. i shouldnt be so addicted to it now... because when i start thinking about it, i'm gonna be disappointed for no reason and then sad. well i have this problem. i start to get addicted to something and i can't do without it. yeah it happened so many times. it happened at least 5 times this year. scary... i'm scary. and now the movie's gonna be released next thursday, i just cant get the trailer out of my head. this is bad, and its like i'm addicted to drugs or something. haha.

i know the temperature today was okay... but i felt as though i stepped into a refrigerator or something... maybe it's the cold. and i think i should go sleep to get some rest. i'm gonna bug my brother's tutor about the 2nd stage tomorrow, since he's coming tomorrow. haha joking. maybe not bug but admit its really cool and i love initial d =] good night!

[Initial D, M18? PG?]

i was trying to sleep last night... and yea i was tired, but i sort of forgotten what sleep was and how to go to sleep. i must be having some disorder. a sleeping disorder. i think i sleepwalk, now i forgotten how to sleep. but i did go to sleep after lying there for at least 15mins thinking... haha and i slept for 14 hours... my mother started calling my handphone because i didnt answer the house phone because i was like a pig. haha. so i awoke at 4pm. well... i guess im still a little deprived of sleep. people are supposed to get 8 hours of sleep everyday. and i only had 14 for three days. i was supposed to have 24 hours of sleep... ok... haha. i think im pretty okay... not really tired. except i had weird dreams again. and i was really weird in those dreams. shant talk about it. it really scares me.

so actually my mother called me just to tell me "i checked the website. initial d is pg, not m18" well im not sure about it and i told her sleepily "i'm gonna call to check" so she really checked the website... well i really do hope its pg.... so im checking it out now. hehe.

since i was sleeping for the entire morning, the entire afternoon. so theres nothing to post till night. haha bye!

[Initial D/Rurouni Kenshin/Monster-In-Law(?)]

was watching monster-in-law with my mum and her bf.. well i didnt wanna watch that movie actually, but i still did in the end. it was okay... quite funny and a little psychotic haha.

just finished watching the rurouni kenshin ovas... haha i only watched 4 episodes.. but i think thats all. its really a sad past, haha. and tomoe died. that was a really sad part. the entire story is just sad. yea... but i still liked it. and zl had to remind me that kenshin died... of cancer. oh fine.. after watching tomoe for i dont know how long, i almost forgot how kaoru looked like. well now i do... but i think tomoe was slightly better than kaoru. but i'm starting to think the ovas were better than the series... for some reason. maybe because i watched the series more than once and i only started watching the ovas today. but i keep thinking there are more than 4 episodes. i downloaded 6, but the last 2 arent working... and kenshin looks better in the ovas, maybe because his hair was nicer... haha ah well, and he was more dao, so that made him look cooler as a 15 year-old. and tomoe was his wife? well shes was 18 i think... oh no... i just realised im watching the prequel... this is ova 1, and theres an ova 2, which is a sequel of what happened after the series. i read the review for ova 2. kaoru and kenshin both contracted an incurable disease (cancer?) and they were married with a child named kenji, haha cute. but anyway... i dont know what the people in the 19th century were thinking... after all, this anime is fictional... it is, right?

i think initial d the movie is m18... gah... because i was watching monster-in-law at lido and mind you, i have never been there before. call me deprived or whatever... but there was this big screen there with the ads and trailers. then i was standing there watching the big screen and there it was, the initial d trailer, sweet! haha so it looks better off the net, but i couldnt hear anything, thats too bad, i think the song by jay chou used for the trailer is not bad. it really goes with the movie and everything. so there is always the name of the movie and the release date at the top right hand corner right? and there was this (m) next to "INITIAL D" so i was "ahhh" ok i didnt screamed but was shocked... because m might mean m18. so i was bugging my mum about whether it was m18, she was watching the trailer with me because she bought the food and was already chasing me to the theatre but i was like stuck to the screen, haha so she said there might be some bad language in it and thats why its m18... because so far, i only know its full of bad language and no other stuff.. you should know what i mean. but samurai x seems to have that... hurhur shant continue... but anyway, there was this huge poster in shaw centre like the ij gratefulness banner in school. then the ushers were wearing initial d tshirts.... haha tempting... and posters of it were everywhere, including that large poster in shaw centre... that was like the first thing i saw the moment i stepped in.... i want to watch initial d!!!! but what if its really m18??? im gonna get the vcd. i will WAIT for it... but who knows my mum might just buy the inoriginal one ahem. even if she did buy it, i'll still wait for the original, the quality will be far better... haha, and when the vcd's out, i'm gonna get my hands on it... RAHHHHHH

it didnt really turn out as a nightmare today... but i am stll worried... gah.........

im gonna stay home tomorrow... i havent slept a wink in 2 days and 2 nights. ok 3 days 2 nights. and i didnt feel tired during the movie earlier... well i'm a little tired now... so im gonna sleep soon and start on my homework soon... because mag seems to be my homework reminder now... she starts mentioning homework everywhere, on her blog, in conversations... well i dont blame her... so its good to have someone remind you once in a while... its different from my parents... because parents just ask us a thousand times a day "have you done your homework?" and i guess that is just the reason why people are irritated, because parents ask the same question over and over again. well, my parents are divorced... and both of my parents dont start asking about my homework. neither do they ask me whether i studied for my exams or test. so it isnt that bad... except the thought of homework is sickening, but still its for our own good... oh man...

ok i'm starting to doze off... i keep doing that, i doze off anytime, in any situation, maybe not any, but most of the time, 98%... thats bad... i dont actually have the habit of dozing off but i just seem to pick it up =] ah well, good night and bye-bye! no lyrics today, too tired to look for nice songs... haha

[Initial D movie trailer]

after watching the initial d trailer a million times, i still think its super cool, and i really cant wait for the movie!!! haha

denise and i went to mos and sat there for more than an hour talking about ghost stories and horror movies. then we went to the arcade at entertainment centre. we spent $10 on that really dumb game and i didnt get a chance to play initial d because there were so many people playing that and i didnt wanna wait so i gave it a miss, but we had fun, haha. i just realised ts is selling all our stages of the initial d anime. omg... if i buy the vcd, it'll be $101.60 for all four stages. if i bought the dvds, it'll probably cost $154.80? omg.... and im still on first stage. im really slow... and the first time i had seen the initial d movie trailer was on bus 88 on the way back from the class chalet. i think i was watching a different trailer from the one i am watching from the initial d movie website. i hardly watch channel 8 now... so the chance of me seeing the trailer on tv again might be.... ah nvm.

tomorrow might just be a nightmare for me. well, its up to us now julienne! haha cheer up... i'm pretty tired myself... good luck briana.

Kiss From A Rose - Seal

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
You, became the light on the dark side of me
Love remains, a drug that's the high and not the pill
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can't be seen?

Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

There is so much a man can tell you
So much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
Baby, To me, you're like a growing
Addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can't be seen?

Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

I've been kissed by a rose on the grey
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey
And if I should fall, will it all go away?

There is so much a man can tell you
So much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
Baby, To me, you're like a growing
Addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can't be seen?

Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

Yes, I compare you a kiss from a rose...

[irritants]

im irritated now. very very irritated. the thought of homework and **** really kills me and it can also give me nightmares. i have a little of that motivation now. but then i am also in a confusion. everything is lingering in my mind because it hasnt tortured me enough. i might be suffering from amnesia as well, due to the lack of enough vitamins and sleep, okay that doesnt make sense. but if i start forgetting who you are, please forgive me.

im trying my very best to suppress my irritation and anger. im trying my very best to keep cool, to keep calm. i'm very tired... but i wanna throw something. i'm mentally unstable. i'm heating up, soon down with a fever...

[Initial D]

was watching initial D last night till late late late. its really cool. and i cant wait for the initial d movie. its in chinese/cantonese i think... but i think i would prefer it like that rather in english. dont know why. and i have this weird feeling when i watch initial d. it feels as though im in that fantasy. and i dont eally like it... its making me lose my motivation to work. but its really cool. driving for 5 years since 13 and unknownwingly learns how to drift. thanks to my brother's tutor who lent me the dvd. 10 more days to the release of the movie. cant wait cant wait. the movie is probably the summary of the entire anime, or maybe not. im slow man. still in the first half... the initial d movie website is pretty cool too. and i think they picked the right characters for the movie.

life cannot be anymore duller now... no one at home now. dont know where everyone is... my mum is suppose to be on leave... she's probably at the airport. my brother isnt home too, probably having canoeing training. and where's my grandma? i dont know... maybe out with her friends o something. so im gonna spend the entire day, doing stuff that might just be more productive than now... i feel like junk now. i lost the motivation to do anything. i dont even know what i want to donow. i dont want to slack. i dont want to do anything. neither do i want to do nothing. i'm... weird... very very weird. maybe what i really want now is to get out of this situation of nothingness now. and yea i dont know how to... only a miracle will help now. hmmm i should stop that too haha.

[3 for $1!!!!!]

the jumble sale at ymca today was really fun and we raised lots of money, yay! i was helping at the book stall, then the toys stall and lastly, the women clothes stall. it was quite fun selling books. and i want that entire set of history reference books on world war II. its a complete set of 10 books costing $5 each book and $40 for the entire set. i was really broke so i couldnt buy it. sigh... then i bought toys and a book. the clothes were a little dusty, but because there were so many clothes , it accumulates. haha, emily couldnt stop sneezing. then lunch was pretty yummy too, haha. i really had fun today.

i feel like im really racing against time now. i have spent 4 minutes blogging so far. and everything done by wednesday. after wednesday, i can lift that heavy load off my mind temporarily. sigh... i feel like im going solo now. everyone is not in town. so many people going to bangkok and hong kong. maybe its fun there... haha im not going anywhere... but i really wanna go to east coast asap. i think i sort of missed the beach there. i spent about 4 years of my life there. well, when i was younger, i always have this fixed schedule. everyday during the weekdays, at 4pm, my maid will bring m brother and i down to the playground. and every weekend, i will go to the beach. so it was really upsetting when i had to move to toa payoh because i was like attached to east coast. but now, im attached to toa payoh... haha dont know why...

i think i really need to catch up on my sleep. i didnt sleep enough during the chalet, only a few hours for a few days. then i still havent slept much after the chalet until now. and finally, now, i can't sleep. speaking of sleeping, i think i was sleepwalking last night... i think only. because i either fell asleep on the table, the bed of went out to sleep on the sofa. but when i awoke this morning, i found myself on the sofa. so... i think i was sleepwalking. well its scary. at least im not as bad as my brother.. he once opened the gate while sleepwalking and fortunately, my mother realised. yea...

my msn space thingy is gone. i dont know why but when i signed into msn earlier, msn plus was just gone, vanished. so i downloaded it again, but its gone. i cant remember the url, so i cant do anything about it.

i try not to think about it. i will not think about it. i will not think about it. i better stop trying so hard, because i really regret it now, but i cant stop. everytime someone falls, i fall along with them.

i can't seem to break free

its amazing how quick someone's attitude can change. i might just be one of those people. sigh.

Sympathy - Goo Goo Dolls

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy stranger than your sympathy

[sorry]

the class chalet was fun, even though there were only 14 people or so.

gretchen, geraldine and i went to escape theme park in the morning together. the haunted house was really scaring the wits out of me. i think i just freaked out after taking the first step through the door. besides, i had this phobia... so it was really a bad idea... haha. then we went to wild wild wet. we tried searching for michelle and cherlynn there but we didnt since the place was huge. so we were queing for the waterworks when we saw them with kimberly, and we had so much fun together. we were floating on the shiok river, hanging on to each other. then theres the tsunami pool, when we were "drowning" and trying to swim in there. there was the u-lah lar where everyone sat together in this large float and down we went, we went for it so many times to try get the yellow float, haha. there was the samsung slide up, that was the coolest... we had to slide down from at least 30m or higher and then slide up and down, up and down. geraldine sort of overcame her fear and i had the courage to slide all the way down, which was of course really scary. but with the help of that stupid lifeguard, who was laughing and making fun of us, made us less afraid i guess, he was also the one who helped geraldine. i think the three of us really had a great time together and i think that it really helped bonded us really well, although there were only 6 of us. haha. we were so typical ij and it was really fun.

and the three of us spent more than 2 hours in the arcade. they made me play the para para machine that i had this really bad muscle-ache the next day, and now. i did very badly of course, wasting so much money. gretchen, charissa, danielle and i were bowling at the bowling alley on the first day, or rather the first night. we played two games, which cost $35.20, and yes, it was only the four of us playing only two games. i was second for first game and first for second game. it was like a real tough competition with dan, but then again, we werent really competing. gretchen and charissa were really getting bored with the ball in the gutter so they rolled their ball into the gutter on purpose. gretchen's ball got stuck so she tried getting another ball to push it out, but it didnt work so when dan was playing with the ball in the gutter, her ball hit gretchen's ball and went in the other direction. charissa saved the day in the end. haha.

not to forget i was really lame the moment i opened my eyes in the morning on the second day. i started telling them what happened at night when i went over to the other room to watch constantine with priscilla's friends because they took gretchen's dvd player and i was actually sandwiched in between gretchen and dawn on the bed. so i went over to wait for them to finish watching the movie so i could bring the dvd player back and it was difficult looking for another place to sleep, but i still climbed up the bed and tried to squeeze in there without dawn and gretchen waking up. i succeeded. and it was 5am already. i had like 3 hours of sleep, and when i awoke, we spent more than an hour cracking lame jokes and telling stories.

i didnt expect to have this much fun, really. with that number of people. but i did have fun, that was the most important of course. the fun we had at wild wild wet really served the whole purpose of this chalet.

downloading the new gunbound now. i have no idea why i can access the website now. but anyway i did.

i feel like a total loser and a lagger. yes i do, there are others who are so far ahead, beyond my reach and i'm still a sitting duck.

this is simply why im just trying to close every door now, okay. because people do things without thinking. especially things that just completely crush people. they do things that crush people without realising it. and people just dont care. then again, they do not realise how much the people around them care, but go on doing anything and practically everything that harms. argh.

i'm sorry.

[sigh.]

in a few hours, i won't be here. yes, like mag, im gonna vanish into thin air. ok... lame... haha its the 2/3 class chalet. well i wouldnt exactly call it a CLASS chalet, but i'll still call it a chalet, because it is after all, a CHALET. for those not going without a valid reason, but a lame excuse like "oh, i cant go because i dont wanna go, it'll be boring", well its up to you if you wanna think that way, because im not gonna care about you anymore. thank you. i think my two days of rambling is just sufficient. or maybe something like "oh... because i have something on" and when i ask why, "oh... ermm" and then hesitation.... "oh i just cant". okay... i'm just gonna believe you and forget it.

i can feel my brain turning into goo, remember that? haha

corrinne may is a good singer, a good songwriter. haha i realized i have nothing to say. haha good night!

[leave right now]

you know what? im very pissed, about to explode. yes i am. but i will keep calm, keep calm.

it has drained all of my energy now. yes it has. i dont want anymore smses on i cant go, and questions on the things i have said a million times. i dont want anymore phone calls about it. i dont want them anymore! I DON'T WANT THEM!

the fact that im really irritated, annoyed, sick and tired, and really pissed off, i am really mad why i even have to give in to them. why did i have to do as they say, to do this for them when i already know i am causing trouble myself, putting myself at risk. im sick and tired. when i took on this job, i knew this would have happened. why did i even do it then? why am i too stupid to take on this? when will i ever learn? my pain, all of your pleasure. they never understood. they never did and will never understand. they dont even appreciate it in the first place right?

i wished i was on a holiday, away from things here to somewhere else further. like the people in town now. i really need that break, now.

my happy friend isnt here today... ah well

Everything In It's Time - Corrinne May (Written by Corrinne May)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

[heaven knows i'm falling]

to liz and matilda: heyhey! if you're reading this anywhere anytime, i want to wish the both of you all the best! and have fun in bangkok. like mag said, she might even go there to support both of you! haha

------------------------------

just when i look at things as they were good, it starts to turn bad. i would like to lock myself up for a change. really...

now that one of our duplex halets are gonna be rented out to priscilla's sister, i feel really guilty. but then we were left with no choice. so again, i will post about this on the class blog and everyone will hate me even more. i need a disguise to hide all these, the frustraion, the pain. its draining my energy now. im soon on my knees. then everything blacks out.

its the way i looked at it. how much it changed, and how quick it changed. 2/3 is fickle, thats all, only one word. FICKLE. i'm really tired trying to save everything and i feel all these are worthless. then next, i will have to also settle 2/3's financial problems. i know i have to settle my own problems on my own, im not suppose to drag anyone down with me, but i will drag this blog down. im sorry blog. i can only express it here. how mad i am, how exhausted i am. so much to do, for only a small class comm member. sigh... i tried so hard for a year, now im trying hard to stop trying so hard, but i cant help it. it's like a habit no, an irritable habit. a habit so difficult to kick.

again, im trying so hard to be a much more cheerful person, to look more on the bright side. am i failing? i can tell..

im a bad leader, admit it briana, you are not bad leader, you're the worst. worst that ever existed. i should stop it. stop it. stop everything that happen, i dont care what they will say, just stop everything. i want to go somewhere far away, far away from all these. but that is running away. i know i fight my own problems, i dont leave them to others to fight them with me or for me. even though im about to breathe my last breath, i dont care.

it was never meant to go this way, but it did anyway. i cant do anything about it except watch.

Save Me - Corrinne May (Written by Corrine May)

I drift I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a rollercoaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who I am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that I
Was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh 'cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before I met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought I had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

[my pain, your pleasure]

so the chalet's back on... but then im still at a loss. im always like that! thats is one of the reasons why i find myself so irritating. i never understood anything, never got things done. so me being at a loss now is just something usual. sigh... its like everything is running out of time and im still like a sitting duck. sigh... whatever it is... i really hope i will start having less sms-es and calls about his until monday..

i feel like a total idiot. okay i really do now. i better stop the rambling. i am already getting on my own nerves.

if # understood what % meant, world peace. but then # doesnt know how % fell, thus making % feel -. this - feeling is really hurting to %. # gets to do whatever # want/s or whatever # like/s.

[day 02]

today was a really fun day. i really liked the fish farm, even though it looked like it was about to fall apart, but it was pretty cool. there were jellyfishes, aka squishies, there. there were pufferfishes, catfishes, horseshoe crabs and many more. there was this species that could shoot water. so actually, that person so of lke put a food (fish) on the edge of the plank right across the pond and the fishes will shoot the food and it will drop into the water and the other fishes will scramble for it too. it was really cool and we bought so much cuttlefish and gum there. i bought this bottle of chili for my grandma, prawn crackers and cuttlefish.

lunch was really cute. we didnt touch the prawns. i didnt think anyone would wanna eat the prawns. we liked the veggies much more than the prawns and other dishes. and beatrice's camera was "haunted" since she tried to take a photo of geraldine across the table and it was really clear to everyone there were people hanging around behind geraldine, but there were no one. then her camera made all of us looked funny, like my group photo with dan and shar. dan and shar looked like white wings, with me in between, and that really funny yellow round thing above my head, which looked like a halo, made me look like angel, it was rather scary lar... and it still made us look funny because our faces were stretched. haha

i didnt know there were even species of pineapples until today. there is the smallest pineapple in the world, which is about 7cm in height, but its an ornamental plant. and there are weird looking pineapples which looked mutated but cute, haha

i am very tired now. had like about 4hours of sleep for two days. im really tired, like i said, its amazing how i can hang on till now. but of course, hte 4hours excluding the moment when i was sleeping on the bus in malaysia and stuff. celine even took a picture of me sleeping, how scary...

everybody's going CRAZY

[dancing on the kitchen tiles]

im like going to die now... maybe my eye balls will pop out for all i care. i'm super tired. didnt sleep last night. fell asleep while making the rocket for science camp and fell asleep when doing the evaluation form. geez... can sleep anywhere huh? i pretty much enjoyed the leaf bookmark more than the rocket, even though i cant help but admit it was super cool, to see something made of only plastic fly like a thousand feet into the sky... okay, it was exaggerated, but it was really cool to see something fly so high and so far away. my group was the slakiest. lynette and priscilla sat around whenever they could. but i brought the rocket home. it was cool launching the rocket.

the leaf bookmark was the most interesting, even though it cant fly 1000 feet into the sky. we boiled the leaves into a really concentrated. dont know what it was. consisted of sodium hydroxide, sodium carbonate and water. what is it anyay?

sodium hydroxide + sodium carbonate + water -> ????????

never mind... but it removed all the tissues except the xylem tissues of the leaves, then we had to use painting brushes to remove the lamina and what was left were just the xylem tubes and all you have is like the skeleton of the leaf, pretty cool, then we dipped it in a bleaching solution and finally painting it or rather dyed it of different colours and hung them to dry. mine was really ugly since i was in a rush and didnt care about the colours. just made use of a few colours and thats all. what was difficult about this was the prevention of holes in the leaf, mine had a few, which made me horribly upset, okay exaggerating again, but i got over it, haha.

second and last day of science camp tomorrow, we are going to jb! haha so fun. i really wonder how my phone is gonna work there. now that my mum said it wouldnt work because she didnt apply the auto-roam for me and geraldine said something about being able to survive with or without it when out of town.

so... according to the itinerary, we're going to the floating fish farm... haha cool, so many fishes! haha so cute. actually not all fishes are cute. im pretty freaked out by those huge fishes in the tanks at on of the restaurants at united square, let alone eat with them... i cant eat with them, because their size, although ten times smaller than i am, is really scary to me, and intimidates me, as though its gonna come after me, thats on my mind when im eating at that restaurant, haha. but i like the cute small ones. guppies die so easily, lost count of the number of guppies i reared. it was amazing how esti's guppies could even breed, when mine cant even surviv two weeks at my home. after the fish farm, 2 hour lunch... really wonder what we're eating man, since its gonna take us that long... haha no lar... oh then theres the pineapple research centre. cool, pineapples! haha that doesnt mean anything actually and is not suppose to mean anything haha. we'll be going to an oil palm plantation. ok that is like totally new so it's probably gonna be as fun. then we'll be visiting a rubber plantation and "be enlightened on the growing and tapping of rubbe trees" haha that is straight from the booklet.

something is finally done to "promote" the class chalet and i hope this "promotion" will sort of work. next week, and we have only a mere 3 days left. im starting to worry, this is bad, this catastrophe has sucked most of my life and has left me a quarter dead, and mind you, thats close to dead and worse than half dead. sigh...

okay enough blogging, i try not to work tonight. i need that sleep. i can feel myself slowly morphing into a nocturnal animal haha. new speces. nocturnal humans, or probably a much more interesting name =]

------------------------------------------------

Give Unto Me - Evanscence

I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

------------------------------------------------

another night of pondering huh? maybe... if # would stop doing that to herself, if % stopped pointing fingers at herself, maybe i didnt need to be so worried for everything and mostly everyone. sigh...