[i would rather not know then not being able to do anything except sit and watch]
im very tired. very. sheesh... i dont know how long more i have to hang on before i finally fade away. conflicts here and there. miscommunications here and there too. i just want to do something, to clear it. to at least clear a little. sigh... i cant stand myself not being able to do anything, only sit and watch.
sometimes, people cant just think of anything else but themselves. if only they looked at things not only from their perspective, then i guess its world peace. there is this big problem which is pissing everyone off but then these people refuse to do anything about it, they think that they shouldnt do anything just because no one else is doing it. i think that these people serious need to get a life.
i feel like giving these people a smack in the face to wake them up. no point complaining about it. do something. isnt it better than complaining? if it isnt, go get a life. no one will forgive you if you dont put in the least effort in saving the situation.
geez... im trying to keep calm. actually, im pretty calm now. im in the right state of mind to blog, havent lost my sanity, yet. yes, yet. which means i might lose it tomorrow for all i know. haha. sense the sarcasm?
having a mild headache. chinese listening compre exam tomorrow. i better go sleep, good night.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
[it feels like everything is out to make me lose control]
lose control? my temper? is it because my tolerance gauge is running low?
today was a horrible day, besides falling asleep once in a while, the mess 3/5 left us... was really.... we cleaned up for 1/2, sweeping the floor, removing the noticeboard bg for them, put the chairs on the tables, making the classroom look cleaner. but then when we went to 3/5, we were so shocked... i dont know 1/2 cleaned up the classroom for 3/5. so we have to spend time cleaning up again
sigh...
lose control? my temper? is it because my tolerance gauge is running low?
today was a horrible day, besides falling asleep once in a while, the mess 3/5 left us... was really.... we cleaned up for 1/2, sweeping the floor, removing the noticeboard bg for them, put the chairs on the tables, making the classroom look cleaner. but then when we went to 3/5, we were so shocked... i dont know 1/2 cleaned up the classroom for 3/5. so we have to spend time cleaning up again
sigh...
Thursday, April 21, 2005
[disguise]
the netball finals were fun today. we won the champion for both c n b division. haha cool! and i fell asleep because i was too exhausted and its not because i was bored. and we beat SSS, woohoo!!! so nice... =]
chinese songs are ringing in my head every second. haha... im obsessed, i think. im still suffering frm my withdrawal symptoms, i think. i was watching love at dolphin bay on channel u last night, and when it came to the end of the show, i was like "o ok... good, the next episode's tomorrow, haha" instead of "Oh my gosh!!! its tomorrow... no no i cant wait liao, must watch the next episode" and i take the vcd out to watch, probably because i sort of knew what was gg on next? haha... but i still love the show. =] and 100% senorita is my next target. i wont forget abt dolphin bay of course, since it is like one of my faves now, except i try not to think abt the last episode, since its so saddening. but then 100% senorita costs a bomb please! its $59.90, and after the discount frm my vip card, i'll have to pay $56.90 but its still too much for me... nvm... i shall save.... SAVE... hmmm.... i feel like sacrificing one week's allowance and then go buy the vcd the next week.... i shall starve, for my vcd, now thats... psycho. haha, i might not even succeed, but then, with determination, i can make it possible right? hehe...
we're moving back to st gabs!!! woohoo!!! i shall look back now... 3rd jan, first day of school, when we were sort of enjoying ourselves in st gabs and we suddenly had to move, that was really sad. then january was coming to an end when mrs seah said we will be moving back at the end of february. so we waited... and in the end, we still couldnt go back, because the girl's fractured leg was still fractured, all that happiness for nothing. so then march came, no news, and finally april. mid april, when everyone started talking about no being able to go back. complaining and whining, complaining and whining, until today, when we received the news about being able to go back! rejoice!!! we were sort of getting fed up with the school always changing our classroom. last year we moved a level up, and this year its frm a block to another. but its better now... since we're finally back.
was having great fun during science today, when we had that group activity on digestions in animals. so since our little pieces of papers with the names of the organs on were flying around, i put them under the book and when the piece of paper with the name "rectum" was like "missing", jess was like "o no, we lost our rectum" haha we all burst out laughing because she said that... quite sick. we found that piece of paper and while we were colouring the paper with colour pens, gretchen coloured the pancreas orange. i told gretchen "eeyer, an ornage pancreas is quite gross" so then we started laughing again because our organs had weird colours. i coloured the gullet green. jess coloured the small intestine dark green, i coloured the ileum blue. jaime coloured the large intestine purple so it all looked funny. haha... and the video about the food going down the gullet really grossed everyone out, esp when u are looking at a really human being swallowing the food with the x-ray scan. you can see the food slide down the gullet which was quite scary.
my mum was really mad at mediacorp because when she was watching the ch 8 and the ch u news, they made a mistake in their language. the same mistake, its like a really small mistake, and she had to send an email to mediacorp and told them "i truly hope this matter will be taken to very serious consideration" i think she was just blowing up the matter, which was of course unnecessary. so then i didnt say anything as well... why is it a must to take it to VERY SERIOUS consideration?
was reading the letter thing we all did during the arc chalet. then it sort of struck me... like i dont know what happened as well, but i feel different inside me. is that good? then the messages were really nice... its not as if i never read it before, but then everytime i read it, it sort of gave me a nice feeling. =]
im gonna sleep slightly early since i realised i could even fall asleep at the netball match with all that screaming and cheering. i could sleep at 10pm, but then my mum was writing that email before i blogged, so i guess i hve blogged enough. want to blog somme more but then i am really sleepy now... deprived... is the right word. ok good night!
the netball finals were fun today. we won the champion for both c n b division. haha cool! and i fell asleep because i was too exhausted and its not because i was bored. and we beat SSS, woohoo!!! so nice... =]
chinese songs are ringing in my head every second. haha... im obsessed, i think. im still suffering frm my withdrawal symptoms, i think. i was watching love at dolphin bay on channel u last night, and when it came to the end of the show, i was like "o ok... good, the next episode's tomorrow, haha" instead of "Oh my gosh!!! its tomorrow... no no i cant wait liao, must watch the next episode" and i take the vcd out to watch, probably because i sort of knew what was gg on next? haha... but i still love the show. =] and 100% senorita is my next target. i wont forget abt dolphin bay of course, since it is like one of my faves now, except i try not to think abt the last episode, since its so saddening. but then 100% senorita costs a bomb please! its $59.90, and after the discount frm my vip card, i'll have to pay $56.90 but its still too much for me... nvm... i shall save.... SAVE... hmmm.... i feel like sacrificing one week's allowance and then go buy the vcd the next week.... i shall starve, for my vcd, now thats... psycho. haha, i might not even succeed, but then, with determination, i can make it possible right? hehe...
we're moving back to st gabs!!! woohoo!!! i shall look back now... 3rd jan, first day of school, when we were sort of enjoying ourselves in st gabs and we suddenly had to move, that was really sad. then january was coming to an end when mrs seah said we will be moving back at the end of february. so we waited... and in the end, we still couldnt go back, because the girl's fractured leg was still fractured, all that happiness for nothing. so then march came, no news, and finally april. mid april, when everyone started talking about no being able to go back. complaining and whining, complaining and whining, until today, when we received the news about being able to go back! rejoice!!! we were sort of getting fed up with the school always changing our classroom. last year we moved a level up, and this year its frm a block to another. but its better now... since we're finally back.
was having great fun during science today, when we had that group activity on digestions in animals. so since our little pieces of papers with the names of the organs on were flying around, i put them under the book and when the piece of paper with the name "rectum" was like "missing", jess was like "o no, we lost our rectum" haha we all burst out laughing because she said that... quite sick. we found that piece of paper and while we were colouring the paper with colour pens, gretchen coloured the pancreas orange. i told gretchen "eeyer, an ornage pancreas is quite gross" so then we started laughing again because our organs had weird colours. i coloured the gullet green. jess coloured the small intestine dark green, i coloured the ileum blue. jaime coloured the large intestine purple so it all looked funny. haha... and the video about the food going down the gullet really grossed everyone out, esp when u are looking at a really human being swallowing the food with the x-ray scan. you can see the food slide down the gullet which was quite scary.
my mum was really mad at mediacorp because when she was watching the ch 8 and the ch u news, they made a mistake in their language. the same mistake, its like a really small mistake, and she had to send an email to mediacorp and told them "i truly hope this matter will be taken to very serious consideration" i think she was just blowing up the matter, which was of course unnecessary. so then i didnt say anything as well... why is it a must to take it to VERY SERIOUS consideration?
was reading the letter thing we all did during the arc chalet. then it sort of struck me... like i dont know what happened as well, but i feel different inside me. is that good? then the messages were really nice... its not as if i never read it before, but then everytime i read it, it sort of gave me a nice feeling. =]
im gonna sleep slightly early since i realised i could even fall asleep at the netball match with all that screaming and cheering. i could sleep at 10pm, but then my mum was writing that email before i blogged, so i guess i hve blogged enough. want to blog somme more but then i am really sleepy now... deprived... is the right word. ok good night!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
i have decided to start on a new taiwanese drama after the exams, after *****. 100% senorita, qian jin bai fen bai. i heard of it last year. so when i read abt it on the net, i tght it was quite interesting. i downloaded clips of the show today, they're actually not bad... so then i was more keen on getting the show after the exams. and maybe liz n matilda are gonna b interested because that guy is one of the main characters. haha, shall not go into further detail. i have realised my taiwanese drama craze once again... but the last time i had this craze, was when i was p6. then, the shows werent that nice... not as good as the shows now. serious, im making a comparision and i realised the more complicating the story is, the better. and there are better actors and actresses now. but then the new taiwanese dramas either have 5566 as their main or some funny funny band, and i dont like it... mvp was nice. westside story was ok... but the they're not as good as 100% senorita and at the dolphin bay.
basically there isnt much of a diff btween the cast of love at dolphin bay and the cast of 100% senorita. 100% senorita isnt as sad as love at dolphin bay. its more of a tragedy, when a pair or twin sisters are separated at birth. then things are complicated. the twin who grew up to be a really successful businesswoman, was pushed off he cliff in a car by this guy, bi de. then she was rescued but she has lost her face. so the guy who saved her was a plastic surgeon, he made her face to look like his daughter. then the other twin, became the businesswoman, for i dont know how. theres more, but then i dont know how to put it, i hvnt even watched it... and i will be... soon... next month...
gah... i gtg good night... this post is all abt taiwanese drama, and its quite crappy... geez...
basically there isnt much of a diff btween the cast of love at dolphin bay and the cast of 100% senorita. 100% senorita isnt as sad as love at dolphin bay. its more of a tragedy, when a pair or twin sisters are separated at birth. then things are complicated. the twin who grew up to be a really successful businesswoman, was pushed off he cliff in a car by this guy, bi de. then she was rescued but she has lost her face. so the guy who saved her was a plastic surgeon, he made her face to look like his daughter. then the other twin, became the businesswoman, for i dont know how. theres more, but then i dont know how to put it, i hvnt even watched it... and i will be... soon... next month...
gah... i gtg good night... this post is all abt taiwanese drama, and its quite crappy... geez...
Monday, April 18, 2005
[i don't want to know]
how slow-witted can i actually be? why didnt i even realise that song didnt sound original... haha what a brainless git.
watched an entire weekend of love at dolphin bay. i borrowed money from my mum last friday to buy it. and i finished it in three days. incredible, how i can finish a 1278 minute drama in three days. haha actually its longer than 1278 minutes, i hvnt calculated the seconds. quite amazing... haha i didnt sleep a wink on saturday night, just sat there, watch and watch. i mean, at the end of an episode, they will show a few scenes of the next episode, then i will be really eager to go on to the next episode. so i couldnt stop watching. by the time i finished watching, i regretted a little, for not savouring it slowly... but then again, i was really eager to watch the next disc, watch and watch.. haha. but the reason why i regretted not savouring it slowly is because when i finished watching the entire thing, i felt as though something is missing in my life, when i told SOME people today, they said it was love or a bf. what shit? kabish! no way man... its not that, probably not enough dolphin bay for me. geez.... then again... i wished they made it longer, cause the show ended like that, without what happened to tianbian and zeya a few years after they got back together again. so im quite upset over THAT. haha, u may think im really bo liao, but then yeah... i dont know why im like that either. maybe withdrawal symptoms... haha i ever thought of whether i would suffer from that. and sort of knew i wouldnt suffer from that in my entire life. but i guess not.. i ont know if this is the first time, doesnt feel lik it, come to think of it. haha... still trying to cure that sypmtom, guess its unlikely for me to get over it so soon. it'll probably take me months... or a year?
after downloading the love at dolphin bay soundtrack from the net, i realised how well ambrose hsu can sing... haha im gonna get the album. and angela zhang's as well... haha, why is it that im suddenly listening to chinese music again? it has been years, 3 years since i listened to this much chinese songs. 3 years ago, i listened to all sorts of chinese songs, haha, i think u didnt know that. but yeah, because of listening to chinese songs, my chinese was like the second subject after maths. then i suddenly stopped listening to chinese, or maybe just seldom, very very seldom, then rarely. i have this feeling i will only be listening to a limited number of chinese songs... hmmm... shall not continue
the whole story is sad. from the first episode, right to the last, there are at least 5 scenes of crying. in every episode, and i mean EVERY, there is definitely someone crying. i can tell this story is really very sad... and its quite touching. whoever who watches it will be left with a great impression. liz and matilda said it was cliche, haha quite. and the guy int that ugly, just because his hair looks weird... haha its quite fine to me, n i guess his forehead has that funny "M" shape, because its the genes... haha. liz, matilda n donna came to my house after pft to watch vcd with me. liz and matilda commented on their looks more than the show, the story. haha they were commenting on how chio/pretty this girl is. how cute this guy is, and how ugly how this guy is. haha o man, its the first time i've ever seen them like that... serious... but then again, it was really amusing...
shall leave a chinese song in this post, and another in the next... hmmm.... haha.. my apologies to those who detests chinese songs. and this song is nice... dont say it isnt, haha jk... apparently the lyrics are... well its the taiwanese version, so some people, esp those who dont watch taiwanese dramas that often, will not understand the chinese characters
i think she hates me, but then again, i cant do anything right? now we walk past each other without a hello, when there was suppose to be one. geez... i will think of something...
something is wrong with CJ today, she sat in class really quietly, then walked to the hall for assembly like a living corpse. i dont know what happened to her... she doesnt seem okay...
CJ, i do hope you're okay? are you?
-Love At The Dolphin Bay, Ending Theme - Angela Zhang (this one is the real one, the other one is a fake, gah....)
-I Don't Want To Know - Chen Wei
-Side - Ambrose Hsu
how slow-witted can i actually be? why didnt i even realise that song didnt sound original... haha what a brainless git.
watched an entire weekend of love at dolphin bay. i borrowed money from my mum last friday to buy it. and i finished it in three days. incredible, how i can finish a 1278 minute drama in three days. haha actually its longer than 1278 minutes, i hvnt calculated the seconds. quite amazing... haha i didnt sleep a wink on saturday night, just sat there, watch and watch. i mean, at the end of an episode, they will show a few scenes of the next episode, then i will be really eager to go on to the next episode. so i couldnt stop watching. by the time i finished watching, i regretted a little, for not savouring it slowly... but then again, i was really eager to watch the next disc, watch and watch.. haha. but the reason why i regretted not savouring it slowly is because when i finished watching the entire thing, i felt as though something is missing in my life, when i told SOME people today, they said it was love or a bf. what shit? kabish! no way man... its not that, probably not enough dolphin bay for me. geez.... then again... i wished they made it longer, cause the show ended like that, without what happened to tianbian and zeya a few years after they got back together again. so im quite upset over THAT. haha, u may think im really bo liao, but then yeah... i dont know why im like that either. maybe withdrawal symptoms... haha i ever thought of whether i would suffer from that. and sort of knew i wouldnt suffer from that in my entire life. but i guess not.. i ont know if this is the first time, doesnt feel lik it, come to think of it. haha... still trying to cure that sypmtom, guess its unlikely for me to get over it so soon. it'll probably take me months... or a year?
after downloading the love at dolphin bay soundtrack from the net, i realised how well ambrose hsu can sing... haha im gonna get the album. and angela zhang's as well... haha, why is it that im suddenly listening to chinese music again? it has been years, 3 years since i listened to this much chinese songs. 3 years ago, i listened to all sorts of chinese songs, haha, i think u didnt know that. but yeah, because of listening to chinese songs, my chinese was like the second subject after maths. then i suddenly stopped listening to chinese, or maybe just seldom, very very seldom, then rarely. i have this feeling i will only be listening to a limited number of chinese songs... hmmm... shall not continue
the whole story is sad. from the first episode, right to the last, there are at least 5 scenes of crying. in every episode, and i mean EVERY, there is definitely someone crying. i can tell this story is really very sad... and its quite touching. whoever who watches it will be left with a great impression. liz and matilda said it was cliche, haha quite. and the guy int that ugly, just because his hair looks weird... haha its quite fine to me, n i guess his forehead has that funny "M" shape, because its the genes... haha. liz, matilda n donna came to my house after pft to watch vcd with me. liz and matilda commented on their looks more than the show, the story. haha they were commenting on how chio/pretty this girl is. how cute this guy is, and how ugly how this guy is. haha o man, its the first time i've ever seen them like that... serious... but then again, it was really amusing...
shall leave a chinese song in this post, and another in the next... hmmm.... haha.. my apologies to those who detests chinese songs. and this song is nice... dont say it isnt, haha jk... apparently the lyrics are... well its the taiwanese version, so some people, esp those who dont watch taiwanese dramas that often, will not understand the chinese characters
i think she hates me, but then again, i cant do anything right? now we walk past each other without a hello, when there was suppose to be one. geez... i will think of something...
something is wrong with CJ today, she sat in class really quietly, then walked to the hall for assembly like a living corpse. i dont know what happened to her... she doesnt seem okay...
CJ, i do hope you're okay? are you?
-Love At The Dolphin Bay, Ending Theme - Angela Zhang (this one is the real one, the other one is a fake, gah....)
-I Don't Want To Know - Chen Wei
-Side - Ambrose Hsu
Thursday, April 14, 2005
[long journey]
so i didnt stay up all night last night, after realising i would not be able to hang on up to 1.45am, and it was already 1.30am. so i decided to draw the stuff on to the A2 paper and go to sleep. so now, im really gonna stay up the entire night. still as sick as a dog. terrible... and i was trying to keep awake during english. was really awake during maths, even though i still felt really lethargic. then we spoke to mrs wong and she gave us some really useful advice.
i enjoyed myself chatting with sharlene, yiping, dan and clare after school today, in class. when everyone's gone, its more fun to chat actually. so we spent more than an hour csitting there and chatting. at the same time eating and eating the stuff i brought, haha. we talked about so many stuff, and when yiping finally freaked out because her tuition starts at 3.30pm and it was already 2.45pm, we all left and i went home with dan.
tomorrow's the thrash out, im gonna thrash all i want and i do hope no one thrash talks, yeah that was super duper lame. but i really hope that this thrashing out will actually help you know, like really help. ince there were so many backstabbing and gossip, it is finally time to thrash it all out. sharlene's under a lot of stress because of some class issues and she isnt in the class comm, i salute her. she cares and i find that really nice and good.
actually, mrs wong is right abt me being partly at fault for what happened for the international friendship day contest. it was my fault... for being too nice and soft-hearted, dont know how to say no. haha, yeah... the thing is, i dont know how to. i just dont know how to say a straight no without feeling the least guilty.
my brother was being an idiot when he came home. because i was using water colours for the colour scheme for art, he can over and topple the container of water. ok... so my other three coluour schemes were wet, my homework was wet and what's worse? my phone was just next to the container and it was completely wet, so then he started apologizing in a tone as if he knew it wasnt his fault. he purposely hit hard on the container, he even made that weird sound effect. so my phone was wet. fortunately, it was wet on the inside but what will happen if the water seep in? he'll buy a new phone for m? so then when my mum found out, she started TELLING (not scolding) my brother to stop doing that. but then he was like "what did i do? i did nothing wrong at all. why blame me?" and he wasnt gonna admit it. he even said he does that to any container he sees, even if its empty. i felt like boxing him. he was clearly finding an excuse to get out of it and push the blame to me. like what did i even do? i had to clean up. my stuff were soaked. what an idiot and insensitive idiot.
i look really scary now, cause i have this pair of bloodshot eyes that can scare the wits out of anyone. haha, i just remembered that, insufficient can kill and at the same time too much sleep can too, kill. i think if i wanted to die because of sleep, i will go with too much sleep. i was really tired at like 7pm, but after a shower, i was all energetic, i think i shall go take a shower every time i feel like im gonna fall off the chair. ok what i predict next would probably be a headache or dizziness. haha... maybe im exaggerating.
im drifting further and further away... further than i ever thought i would actually be. dan asked me today, "nana, who is your best friend?" and that was when i realised... i didnt really have a best friend. or maybe i didnt have any real friends except afew, because the rest were sort of using me all along, like a spare tyre. after so long, it finally hit me, right? they told me i was wrong, yeah i admit i am. but then do they see me trying? or is it because im trying too hard that they find me a pest and decided to take revenge? seriously... i dont know what they are thinking and what they want. in the end, i dont know how the heck im suppose to talk to them and i end up sort of being blamed for it right? im not mad you know, i really am not, just confused by what has happened. am i not doing my best? please tell me, so that i will know what to do. dont keep me in suspense. it seems that they just find me irrtating and want me off their backs. and by the time they wanna tell me, that'll be like a little too late?
blah... i really feel like a total idiot okay? because i spend all my time thinking of a solution, but then because they dont do anything to make things better, its putting me in a spot. i get stuck then wouldnt it get worse? they might be waiting for me, but then have they thought that i am too, waiting for them? im fulfilling their wishes by trying to talk to them, but it doesnt seem like its working. yeah. then why wait any longer? is it wrong to reflect?
do i sound really angry, i think i do, but actually im not. okay if this sounds wrong to you, please send me off for anger management, thanks =]
There You'll Be - Faith Hill
When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
[Repeat chorus]
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
[Repeat chorus]
so i didnt stay up all night last night, after realising i would not be able to hang on up to 1.45am, and it was already 1.30am. so i decided to draw the stuff on to the A2 paper and go to sleep. so now, im really gonna stay up the entire night. still as sick as a dog. terrible... and i was trying to keep awake during english. was really awake during maths, even though i still felt really lethargic. then we spoke to mrs wong and she gave us some really useful advice.
i enjoyed myself chatting with sharlene, yiping, dan and clare after school today, in class. when everyone's gone, its more fun to chat actually. so we spent more than an hour csitting there and chatting. at the same time eating and eating the stuff i brought, haha. we talked about so many stuff, and when yiping finally freaked out because her tuition starts at 3.30pm and it was already 2.45pm, we all left and i went home with dan.
tomorrow's the thrash out, im gonna thrash all i want and i do hope no one thrash talks, yeah that was super duper lame. but i really hope that this thrashing out will actually help you know, like really help. ince there were so many backstabbing and gossip, it is finally time to thrash it all out. sharlene's under a lot of stress because of some class issues and she isnt in the class comm, i salute her. she cares and i find that really nice and good.
actually, mrs wong is right abt me being partly at fault for what happened for the international friendship day contest. it was my fault... for being too nice and soft-hearted, dont know how to say no. haha, yeah... the thing is, i dont know how to. i just dont know how to say a straight no without feeling the least guilty.
my brother was being an idiot when he came home. because i was using water colours for the colour scheme for art, he can over and topple the container of water. ok... so my other three coluour schemes were wet, my homework was wet and what's worse? my phone was just next to the container and it was completely wet, so then he started apologizing in a tone as if he knew it wasnt his fault. he purposely hit hard on the container, he even made that weird sound effect. so my phone was wet. fortunately, it was wet on the inside but what will happen if the water seep in? he'll buy a new phone for m? so then when my mum found out, she started TELLING (not scolding) my brother to stop doing that. but then he was like "what did i do? i did nothing wrong at all. why blame me?" and he wasnt gonna admit it. he even said he does that to any container he sees, even if its empty. i felt like boxing him. he was clearly finding an excuse to get out of it and push the blame to me. like what did i even do? i had to clean up. my stuff were soaked. what an idiot and insensitive idiot.
i look really scary now, cause i have this pair of bloodshot eyes that can scare the wits out of anyone. haha, i just remembered that, insufficient can kill and at the same time too much sleep can too, kill. i think if i wanted to die because of sleep, i will go with too much sleep. i was really tired at like 7pm, but after a shower, i was all energetic, i think i shall go take a shower every time i feel like im gonna fall off the chair. ok what i predict next would probably be a headache or dizziness. haha... maybe im exaggerating.
im drifting further and further away... further than i ever thought i would actually be. dan asked me today, "nana, who is your best friend?" and that was when i realised... i didnt really have a best friend. or maybe i didnt have any real friends except afew, because the rest were sort of using me all along, like a spare tyre. after so long, it finally hit me, right? they told me i was wrong, yeah i admit i am. but then do they see me trying? or is it because im trying too hard that they find me a pest and decided to take revenge? seriously... i dont know what they are thinking and what they want. in the end, i dont know how the heck im suppose to talk to them and i end up sort of being blamed for it right? im not mad you know, i really am not, just confused by what has happened. am i not doing my best? please tell me, so that i will know what to do. dont keep me in suspense. it seems that they just find me irrtating and want me off their backs. and by the time they wanna tell me, that'll be like a little too late?
blah... i really feel like a total idiot okay? because i spend all my time thinking of a solution, but then because they dont do anything to make things better, its putting me in a spot. i get stuck then wouldnt it get worse? they might be waiting for me, but then have they thought that i am too, waiting for them? im fulfilling their wishes by trying to talk to them, but it doesnt seem like its working. yeah. then why wait any longer? is it wrong to reflect?
do i sound really angry, i think i do, but actually im not. okay if this sounds wrong to you, please send me off for anger management, thanks =]
There You'll Be - Faith Hill
When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me
[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
[Repeat chorus]
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
[Repeat chorus]
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
[a mixture of guilt, unhappiness, exhaustion, and many other emotions and feelings]
i still have to finish my art and english. english is tiring... so is art.
sick at the moment, down with a terminal disease, yeah.. im exaggerating. i have been sneezing and sneezing... feeling super lethargic and feverish. i had a slight fever before i came to school. now i still have... my nose is all red, and my face is red. i look really tired and yes, i am exhausted. just ironed a whole pile of clothes and starting on my homework. the clothes came first because i didnt iron them last night because of the chinese ca. so i am also doing half my brother's chores. i scalded my right hand while ironing the clothes. it still hurts, im waiting for it to like not hurt anymore so that i can carry on doing my work really quickly. cant believe i was so careless to even scald my hand, quite retarded. i dont know if i can still go to school tomorrow... i cant sleep tonight. i have decided to sacrifice sleep and do my work, even if it takes the entire night...
love a dolphin bay is a great tawainese drama. its on channel u, at 7.30pm, from wednesday to friday. its really nice.. i like the story. even though its suppose to be really drama-mama, but then its still quite nice. im gonna buy the vcd. its $29.90, i'll buy it with my allowance next week. since i have the member priveledge, i'll only have to pay $28.40, hehe, not bad... its like after watching one episode, u're really eager to watch the next one. and slowly, u'll be addicted to the show. i cant watch it now, even if i bought the vcd, i have to study, mug my life away. so no "love at dolphin bay" for me. quite sad, but then after the exams, i have to concentrate on *****, since its right after the exams. so i'll watch it only during the holidays. this song is a chinese song, the show's ending theme.
Love at Dolphin Bay's Ending Theme - Angela Zhang
things have really been bad for me these few days. my brother thinks im always picking on him so he starts his vulgarity attack on me and then blah blah...
-----------------------------------
Intuitive Thinkers (aka peace-keepers, so very wrong...):
-believes that life and learning are personal experiences.
-tunes into feelings and attitudes around them
-learns from others in a friendly, cooperative way
-uses their imagination to make learning real
-responds easily to friendly people
-asks for personal opinions from others before deciding
-"reads into" what is said
-is unpredictable and spontaneous
-is ruled by emotions and feeling; wears heart on sleeve; volunteers feelings easily
-likes personal attention from a teacher
-can get easily discouraged by a teacher's criticism
-draws upon past feelings when deciding, and looks seriously at past consequences
-does well in tests where she has oppurtuinity to explain in her own words
-adjusts easily to changes in routines
-learns from others by watching and talking informally
-explains knowledge through stories, metaphors and personal experiences
-prefers reading interpretations of ideas rather than the ideas themselves
-can have may projects in the works at once; goes back and forth between projects
-is not affected by a messy work space
-may have difficulty with objective tests
-gets bored with details and "busy work"
-likes to learn about human nature; work with people
there are so many more characteristics but too many to list out... apparently, im an intuitive thinker. intuitive thinkers turn out to be really emotional people, and im one of the intuitive thinkers... some of the characteristics are true, some are not. the thing abt doing well in tests that has the oppurtuinity to explain in my own words, very wrong. likes personal attention from a teacher, very very wrong. easily discouraged by teachers' criticism, that, i dont know... but as far as i know... intuitive thinkers are the ones that cry a lot too. and cannot accept criticism, now that is mking us sound really petty... who says i cant? i can... right? haiyoh both mag n geraldine are a mix of literal thinkers, ituitive thinkers and theoretical thinkers. that is suppose to be very good, they're all-rounders.
-----------------------------------
haiyoh.. i relly dont know if its really my problem? whether it is my fault or whether the whole problem lies with me. why is it that no matter how hard i try, they will still think that way? am i not trying hard enough/ or am i trying too hard that they find me really annoying? if im really annoying, then please tell me, tell me im damn annoying and i need to get off your backs. thank you... because if yall are gonna go on about me being a real bug and im going too far, please tell me. because i really need to know. i really dont want to be irritating anyone. so please do me a favour and tell me. it applies to anyone... if you find me irritating, annoying you and u're sick of me, please tell me, thanks. because i might feel less hurt like this, thank you.
Journey - Angela Zhang (Love at Dolphin Bay)
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you ... to you
i still have to finish my art and english. english is tiring... so is art.
sick at the moment, down with a terminal disease, yeah.. im exaggerating. i have been sneezing and sneezing... feeling super lethargic and feverish. i had a slight fever before i came to school. now i still have... my nose is all red, and my face is red. i look really tired and yes, i am exhausted. just ironed a whole pile of clothes and starting on my homework. the clothes came first because i didnt iron them last night because of the chinese ca. so i am also doing half my brother's chores. i scalded my right hand while ironing the clothes. it still hurts, im waiting for it to like not hurt anymore so that i can carry on doing my work really quickly. cant believe i was so careless to even scald my hand, quite retarded. i dont know if i can still go to school tomorrow... i cant sleep tonight. i have decided to sacrifice sleep and do my work, even if it takes the entire night...
love a dolphin bay is a great tawainese drama. its on channel u, at 7.30pm, from wednesday to friday. its really nice.. i like the story. even though its suppose to be really drama-mama, but then its still quite nice. im gonna buy the vcd. its $29.90, i'll buy it with my allowance next week. since i have the member priveledge, i'll only have to pay $28.40, hehe, not bad... its like after watching one episode, u're really eager to watch the next one. and slowly, u'll be addicted to the show. i cant watch it now, even if i bought the vcd, i have to study, mug my life away. so no "love at dolphin bay" for me. quite sad, but then after the exams, i have to concentrate on *****, since its right after the exams. so i'll watch it only during the holidays. this song is a chinese song, the show's ending theme.
Love at Dolphin Bay's Ending Theme - Angela Zhang
things have really been bad for me these few days. my brother thinks im always picking on him so he starts his vulgarity attack on me and then blah blah...
-----------------------------------
Intuitive Thinkers (aka peace-keepers, so very wrong...):
-believes that life and learning are personal experiences.
-tunes into feelings and attitudes around them
-learns from others in a friendly, cooperative way
-uses their imagination to make learning real
-responds easily to friendly people
-asks for personal opinions from others before deciding
-"reads into" what is said
-is unpredictable and spontaneous
-is ruled by emotions and feeling; wears heart on sleeve; volunteers feelings easily
-likes personal attention from a teacher
-can get easily discouraged by a teacher's criticism
-draws upon past feelings when deciding, and looks seriously at past consequences
-does well in tests where she has oppurtuinity to explain in her own words
-adjusts easily to changes in routines
-learns from others by watching and talking informally
-explains knowledge through stories, metaphors and personal experiences
-prefers reading interpretations of ideas rather than the ideas themselves
-can have may projects in the works at once; goes back and forth between projects
-is not affected by a messy work space
-may have difficulty with objective tests
-gets bored with details and "busy work"
-likes to learn about human nature; work with people
there are so many more characteristics but too many to list out... apparently, im an intuitive thinker. intuitive thinkers turn out to be really emotional people, and im one of the intuitive thinkers... some of the characteristics are true, some are not. the thing abt doing well in tests that has the oppurtuinity to explain in my own words, very wrong. likes personal attention from a teacher, very very wrong. easily discouraged by teachers' criticism, that, i dont know... but as far as i know... intuitive thinkers are the ones that cry a lot too. and cannot accept criticism, now that is mking us sound really petty... who says i cant? i can... right? haiyoh both mag n geraldine are a mix of literal thinkers, ituitive thinkers and theoretical thinkers. that is suppose to be very good, they're all-rounders.
-----------------------------------
haiyoh.. i relly dont know if its really my problem? whether it is my fault or whether the whole problem lies with me. why is it that no matter how hard i try, they will still think that way? am i not trying hard enough/ or am i trying too hard that they find me really annoying? if im really annoying, then please tell me, tell me im damn annoying and i need to get off your backs. thank you... because if yall are gonna go on about me being a real bug and im going too far, please tell me. because i really need to know. i really dont want to be irritating anyone. so please do me a favour and tell me. it applies to anyone... if you find me irritating, annoying you and u're sick of me, please tell me, thanks. because i might feel less hurt like this, thank you.
Journey - Angela Zhang (Love at Dolphin Bay)
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you ... to you
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
[fear]
im really sorry if i was really screamy and scary today... its just that... i dont know how to tell yall... im really sorry...
i think i have just scared 2/3 out of their wits. yeah...
*** *** called today... she sounded really bad so i tried consoling her. well, i dont know whats her situation now, bt i d hope she's ok... after i was told sars abt what i told *** ***, she was like "wow, nana, im amazed" because i told *** *** something sars never thought i would say... and she said "nana, u've matured a lot" haha sars... im not mature since i only started philosophing to *** ***. the way you put it... its really amusing lar...
i was really fed up today after school. and when my 4 year old cousin came over in the affternoon, i was like all happy again, cause i havent seen her for quite a while and shes like a little sister to me... but then, i didnt really play with her, since i had to study for the chinese ca tomorrow. we were only told the ca is tomorrow, so the entire class is frantically trying to memorize everything. then we have to do our maths homework, english homework, art homework, preparations for lit class test and chinese ca tomorrow. it would be quite impossible to finish it... and if istay up really late, i dont know if im gonna oversleep... so i dont wanna be late for school either. the chinese ca is really sucking the life out of me now. im in a situation in which im stuck in between. val, i hope you understand why i couldnt go today... i'm really sorry, i know it is important, but then the ca is as important... i'm really sorry... i know you were very pissed off with geraldine n i today... but then i didnt want it to happen, until we only found out the ca is tomorrow. im really really sorry...
i know i was really worked up today, esp on the way home, with cherlynn. im sorry cherlynn, u had to tolerate my nonsense... im really sorry i have just let you down... just like what sars said, i can console others, but then i dont know how to console myself. how to encourage myself.
im feeling a little out of place now... after talking to *** ***, i had this urge to go and talk to (no name). because what i have heard from *** *** was a really very sad story. i just wished i could go there and box those people, for i find them really irritating and idiotic. i cant stand them, even though i dont know them, but i just cant stand their annoying attitude. geez... im starting to overreact again.
-----------------------------
my grandma fell again, in her room. i almost cried when i knew she fell again... cause i was really afraid something worse might happen. im not prepared for it... i really m not. i can oly worry abt one thing. that is not to let her fall again. now she has another bruise on the same cheek and its more swollen... im really very worried i can die on the spot now.
Holiday - Green Day
Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name
Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side
Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, A plastic bag on a monument
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
"The representative from California has the floor"
Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
This is our lives on holiday
---------------------------
i need a break too... thank you. -THE END-
im really sorry if i was really screamy and scary today... its just that... i dont know how to tell yall... im really sorry...
i think i have just scared 2/3 out of their wits. yeah...
*** *** called today... she sounded really bad so i tried consoling her. well, i dont know whats her situation now, bt i d hope she's ok... after i was told sars abt what i told *** ***, she was like "wow, nana, im amazed" because i told *** *** something sars never thought i would say... and she said "nana, u've matured a lot" haha sars... im not mature since i only started philosophing to *** ***. the way you put it... its really amusing lar...
i was really fed up today after school. and when my 4 year old cousin came over in the affternoon, i was like all happy again, cause i havent seen her for quite a while and shes like a little sister to me... but then, i didnt really play with her, since i had to study for the chinese ca tomorrow. we were only told the ca is tomorrow, so the entire class is frantically trying to memorize everything. then we have to do our maths homework, english homework, art homework, preparations for lit class test and chinese ca tomorrow. it would be quite impossible to finish it... and if istay up really late, i dont know if im gonna oversleep... so i dont wanna be late for school either. the chinese ca is really sucking the life out of me now. im in a situation in which im stuck in between. val, i hope you understand why i couldnt go today... i'm really sorry, i know it is important, but then the ca is as important... i'm really sorry... i know you were very pissed off with geraldine n i today... but then i didnt want it to happen, until we only found out the ca is tomorrow. im really really sorry...
i know i was really worked up today, esp on the way home, with cherlynn. im sorry cherlynn, u had to tolerate my nonsense... im really sorry i have just let you down... just like what sars said, i can console others, but then i dont know how to console myself. how to encourage myself.
im feeling a little out of place now... after talking to *** ***, i had this urge to go and talk to (no name). because what i have heard from *** *** was a really very sad story. i just wished i could go there and box those people, for i find them really irritating and idiotic. i cant stand them, even though i dont know them, but i just cant stand their annoying attitude. geez... im starting to overreact again.
-----------------------------
my grandma fell again, in her room. i almost cried when i knew she fell again... cause i was really afraid something worse might happen. im not prepared for it... i really m not. i can oly worry abt one thing. that is not to let her fall again. now she has another bruise on the same cheek and its more swollen... im really very worried i can die on the spot now.
Holiday - Green Day
Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name
Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side
Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, A plastic bag on a monument
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday
"The representative from California has the floor"
Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
This is our lives on holiday
---------------------------
i need a break too... thank you. -THE END-
Monday, April 11, 2005
[you and i collide]
i was told of something really shocking today during english, when we were going thru the vocab worksheet, and one of them was an article about fiends on friendster. then danielle, and some people was starting to tell mrs stephen about what happened last week on friendster, something about someone announcing something horrible online, to everyone. then i decided what was up on friendster when i got home. i just didnt believe that a group of girls can hate someone so much they do such things on the net. its just really shocking. i think anyone who have read it will just stare right at the screen, like me.
i was at macs earlier, with debby. the i saw my brother, with a friend, he was really rude and irritating, as usual. but i cant do anything right? but anyway, that friend came up to my house as well. actually, i dont care much since he is beyond my control. im not a elder sister to him. to him, im just another bug and he can crush me whenever he wants.
today didnt really turn out to be a nightmare i think. all i can say is cheryl was kawaii on stage if you look at her right from the back. haha, what really tickled me was the fact that the front of the kimono was really colourful, but if you looked at the back, its really white... and plain. haha... we didnt win in the end, and someone is rather happy about it... hmmm... im okay. haha im really not gonna spill what i have heard here.
----------------------------
what's going on? things seem to be really blur to me... im serious... i never thought she would do that, or maybe i did, initially. sigh... i wished i could really do something to help, but then i dont know what i can exactly do to help... i think and think, spending the entire day, deep in thought and i will never find the answer to my question.
i want my own room, and i hope i get my own room soon... the living room is fine as long as im kept away from him! my mum just entered the room and my brother said "welcome to nicholas' and briana's room" then i said "i want my own room". my mum left the room and my brother said "welcome to micholas and his dog's room". well its pretty obvious im the DOG and im HIS DOG. that means he's calling me a female dog, aka, a b****. am i correct? you know what? i envy debby a lot, i really do...
my brother is scolding me vulgarities now, all the vulgarities he can think of... well, like i said, he can crush me anytime he wants. so im trying to distract myself by listening to really nice and vulgarity-free songs. but then i swear its not helping. i really feel like letting it all out now. silent tears.... i just hope less of these silent tears will ever exist in my pathetic life. just when i have picked up a little courage, i fall again, lost it. then finding it again will take me another eternity.
he's instigating a fight now, what am i doing? im silently crying on my own. i dont think i can really find that light, i feel it fading away, into the darkness. no matter how deep the darkness is, there will always be that light within it. i just missed that light. im falling far deeper into the darkness, deeper than that light, n i cant climb again.
help... i cant scream, i cant shout, i can only wimper. "help..." i really need it, i have really lost that courage. the courage to help myself up and to make the decision. each time i fall, i fall really deep, so deep no one can find me. i have insensitive people around me, and there is definitely one next to me now. cry, cry, cry. all i can do in sink into my sorrows. but then i definitely see someone enjoying the show featuring me, crying. i can see that someone laughing, smiling, joyfully. i just hope i can get over it and pick up that courage once again, ignoring my phobia of falling again. i fall, cut myself real deep, then die off... slowly... a slow and painful death.
Collide - Howie Day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
i was told of something really shocking today during english, when we were going thru the vocab worksheet, and one of them was an article about fiends on friendster. then danielle, and some people was starting to tell mrs stephen about what happened last week on friendster, something about someone announcing something horrible online, to everyone. then i decided what was up on friendster when i got home. i just didnt believe that a group of girls can hate someone so much they do such things on the net. its just really shocking. i think anyone who have read it will just stare right at the screen, like me.
i was at macs earlier, with debby. the i saw my brother, with a friend, he was really rude and irritating, as usual. but i cant do anything right? but anyway, that friend came up to my house as well. actually, i dont care much since he is beyond my control. im not a elder sister to him. to him, im just another bug and he can crush me whenever he wants.
today didnt really turn out to be a nightmare i think. all i can say is cheryl was kawaii on stage if you look at her right from the back. haha, what really tickled me was the fact that the front of the kimono was really colourful, but if you looked at the back, its really white... and plain. haha... we didnt win in the end, and someone is rather happy about it... hmmm... im okay. haha im really not gonna spill what i have heard here.
----------------------------
what's going on? things seem to be really blur to me... im serious... i never thought she would do that, or maybe i did, initially. sigh... i wished i could really do something to help, but then i dont know what i can exactly do to help... i think and think, spending the entire day, deep in thought and i will never find the answer to my question.
i want my own room, and i hope i get my own room soon... the living room is fine as long as im kept away from him! my mum just entered the room and my brother said "welcome to nicholas' and briana's room" then i said "i want my own room". my mum left the room and my brother said "welcome to micholas and his dog's room". well its pretty obvious im the DOG and im HIS DOG. that means he's calling me a female dog, aka, a b****. am i correct? you know what? i envy debby a lot, i really do...
my brother is scolding me vulgarities now, all the vulgarities he can think of... well, like i said, he can crush me anytime he wants. so im trying to distract myself by listening to really nice and vulgarity-free songs. but then i swear its not helping. i really feel like letting it all out now. silent tears.... i just hope less of these silent tears will ever exist in my pathetic life. just when i have picked up a little courage, i fall again, lost it. then finding it again will take me another eternity.
he's instigating a fight now, what am i doing? im silently crying on my own. i dont think i can really find that light, i feel it fading away, into the darkness. no matter how deep the darkness is, there will always be that light within it. i just missed that light. im falling far deeper into the darkness, deeper than that light, n i cant climb again.
help... i cant scream, i cant shout, i can only wimper. "help..." i really need it, i have really lost that courage. the courage to help myself up and to make the decision. each time i fall, i fall really deep, so deep no one can find me. i have insensitive people around me, and there is definitely one next to me now. cry, cry, cry. all i can do in sink into my sorrows. but then i definitely see someone enjoying the show featuring me, crying. i can see that someone laughing, smiling, joyfully. i just hope i can get over it and pick up that courage once again, ignoring my phobia of falling again. i fall, cut myself real deep, then die off... slowly... a slow and painful death.
Collide - Howie Day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
Sunday, April 10, 2005
i'm such a big fat loser... i feel really useless... besides being someone who is constantly losing brain cells, i cant even accomplish a simple task. maybe, im not even fit to be a leader after all...
i personally think that this is very screwed. i dont know if THEY will think the same way as well, but as far as i know, it might not work out at all. tomorrow, might just turn out to be a nightmare, in reality. i just hope its a nightmare, nightmare, and when i awake, it'll just be fine. i still dont know what im gonna do if the entire thing flops tomorrow... will they hate us? will they...?
she was right... very right, what she said yesterday, was right. i thought about it once, i knew it was right, but im quite shocked because it was she who said it.
if only turn back time, then maybe things wouldnt have to go this way. then again, its not up to me. now its whether THEY understand the situation.
im at loss... i keep thinking about what will happen in the future, forgetting the past, the present. im losing my sanity, and maybe when i've completely lost it, you may not even wanna acknowledge me, haha.
im really tired... very tired, i really have to start to learn, learn how to handle my problems, probably on my own, because i dont want to burden anyone, i will try to to solve my own problems.
today, i've learnt something from playing kingdom hearts, that is
no matter how deep the darkness is, there will always be that light within it
strong words, but then will that light be visible to me? what will happen if i cant find it? will i give up and sink into the darness, or will i fall into a deep sleep, a sleep that will last for a very long time...
she leaves with a heavy heart
everytime she turns and walk away...
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...
Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
i personally think that this is very screwed. i dont know if THEY will think the same way as well, but as far as i know, it might not work out at all. tomorrow, might just turn out to be a nightmare, in reality. i just hope its a nightmare, nightmare, and when i awake, it'll just be fine. i still dont know what im gonna do if the entire thing flops tomorrow... will they hate us? will they...?
she was right... very right, what she said yesterday, was right. i thought about it once, i knew it was right, but im quite shocked because it was she who said it.
if only turn back time, then maybe things wouldnt have to go this way. then again, its not up to me. now its whether THEY understand the situation.
im at loss... i keep thinking about what will happen in the future, forgetting the past, the present. im losing my sanity, and maybe when i've completely lost it, you may not even wanna acknowledge me, haha.
im really tired... very tired, i really have to start to learn, learn how to handle my problems, probably on my own, because i dont want to burden anyone, i will try to to solve my own problems.
today, i've learnt something from playing kingdom hearts, that is
no matter how deep the darkness is, there will always be that light within it
strong words, but then will that light be visible to me? what will happen if i cant find it? will i give up and sink into the darness, or will i fall into a deep sleep, a sleep that will last for a very long time...
she leaves with a heavy heart
everytime she turns and walk away...
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough
You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...
Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Friday, April 08, 2005
[collision]
the gathering was fun fun fun!!! not only did denise, val n i went around scaring people, we + carmen, played this 5 legged race... we had a lot of fun!!! and we ate a lot... and the drinks ran out before the food did. there was a huge tub of beehoon left, so we packed them in plastic bags and took some home. i brought two packets home. just ate one, shall eat the other one tomorrow... cleaning up was quite fun too! haha... diana n delle were soaking their hands in the ice water, haha then their hands were numb and cold after a while... well, that was too obvious right? geez.... anyway, i really enjoyed myself, a lot... haha... that sort of made me forget my troubles and be happy for that 2-3 hours.
---------------------------
i'll be going to lynette's house tomorrow, to make the kimono for international friendship day, on monday's assembly. frankly speaking... i dont know what im gonna do abt this now... im at a loss... lynette put michelle n i in charge. dont know if im gonna succeed into winning for the class... since lynette has the desire to win. so im working twice as hard to prioritise everything neatly. we had an easy country and it shouldnt be that difficult to make a kimono, but then because we are dragging, its just more difficult every minute. the message written on the class whiteboard... i just cant seem to forget those words. it sort of made me feel worse... the class hates me, hates the class comm... because of our defiance and irresponsibility. i need to fix this, really fix this. if the next contest, example, the recycling competition, is gonna be last minute work, i really dont know how things are gonna turn out... ok 2/3, lets start collecting cans and newspapers, lets do our best, even if we dont win, okay?
--------------------------
my grandma fell last night, and she woke my mum at 4am to clean up the blood. i need the courage, the strength to face anything if what i think will happen happens. i need to stand up on my own two feet and help the peopel around me, because i know what will happen. the courage to face my problems. to not cry and weep. to face the problems bravely. i really need that courage now... please, grant my wish, thank you.
the courage to fix this mess
the courage to carry on
no matter the setbacks
the courage to face myself
to encourage myself
the courage to do things i never did
the courage to overcome my self-denial
all i can do...
is to only...
smile....
Because You Lived - Jesse McCartney
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killing time
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live
Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live, I live
the gathering was fun fun fun!!! not only did denise, val n i went around scaring people, we + carmen, played this 5 legged race... we had a lot of fun!!! and we ate a lot... and the drinks ran out before the food did. there was a huge tub of beehoon left, so we packed them in plastic bags and took some home. i brought two packets home. just ate one, shall eat the other one tomorrow... cleaning up was quite fun too! haha... diana n delle were soaking their hands in the ice water, haha then their hands were numb and cold after a while... well, that was too obvious right? geez.... anyway, i really enjoyed myself, a lot... haha... that sort of made me forget my troubles and be happy for that 2-3 hours.
---------------------------
i'll be going to lynette's house tomorrow, to make the kimono for international friendship day, on monday's assembly. frankly speaking... i dont know what im gonna do abt this now... im at a loss... lynette put michelle n i in charge. dont know if im gonna succeed into winning for the class... since lynette has the desire to win. so im working twice as hard to prioritise everything neatly. we had an easy country and it shouldnt be that difficult to make a kimono, but then because we are dragging, its just more difficult every minute. the message written on the class whiteboard... i just cant seem to forget those words. it sort of made me feel worse... the class hates me, hates the class comm... because of our defiance and irresponsibility. i need to fix this, really fix this. if the next contest, example, the recycling competition, is gonna be last minute work, i really dont know how things are gonna turn out... ok 2/3, lets start collecting cans and newspapers, lets do our best, even if we dont win, okay?
--------------------------
my grandma fell last night, and she woke my mum at 4am to clean up the blood. i need the courage, the strength to face anything if what i think will happen happens. i need to stand up on my own two feet and help the peopel around me, because i know what will happen. the courage to face my problems. to not cry and weep. to face the problems bravely. i really need that courage now... please, grant my wish, thank you.
the courage to fix this mess
the courage to carry on
no matter the setbacks
the courage to face myself
to encourage myself
the courage to do things i never did
the courage to overcome my self-denial
all i can do...
is to only...
smile....
Because You Lived - Jesse McCartney
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killing time
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live
Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live, I live
Thursday, April 07, 2005
[delusive]
i hvnt started on my hw, yeah...... cause i have spent my entire time since i came home, making phone calls.... and trying to keep myself from worrying...
its next monday, everyone will hate me tomorrow.
im really tired, too tired...
the tension and the anxiety is wearing me out... i hvnt ironed my clothes, and i dont really have enough energy to iron the clothes, esp my pinafore. i might just..... my hand... yeah... i'll probably wear a short pinafore tomorrow.
want to blog, but dont want to write certain stuff... is probably my fear thats haunting me... well not probably, it clearly is...
every part of my body hurts, my arms, legs, back, etc. each time i move, it just hurts...
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...
i hvnt started on my hw, yeah...... cause i have spent my entire time since i came home, making phone calls.... and trying to keep myself from worrying...
its next monday, everyone will hate me tomorrow.
im really tired, too tired...
the tension and the anxiety is wearing me out... i hvnt ironed my clothes, and i dont really have enough energy to iron the clothes, esp my pinafore. i might just..... my hand... yeah... i'll probably wear a short pinafore tomorrow.
want to blog, but dont want to write certain stuff... is probably my fear thats haunting me... well not probably, it clearly is...
every part of my body hurts, my arms, legs, back, etc. each time i move, it just hurts...
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
[when will my reflection show who I am inside?]
had pft today. only needed one more pull up to make it to A. and my shuttle run made me strain my muscle, and im lamer than gloria, according to gloria. my sit ups were okay... kept an A. standing broad jump was an A as well. sit n reach was disastrous. im inflexible now... geez... i have a B for shuttle run because of a mere 0.28 seconds. wasted! then i had to like walk really slowly and limp. i had to hop over bags in the arc rm... now thats weird... well at least to me. so i've got a gold so far.. i better not get a D for 2.4 or i'll drop dead on the spot. now my leg is like gretchen's butt, she sprained her butt muscle while doing splits. i strained my right thigh muscle, wonder if it'll be okay tomorrow, i can walk a little faster now. if its not ok tomorrow, i wonder what mrs nicholas will say.. she'll probably say "another accident-prone, like gretchen" well that day, i was running for pe, and i almost fainted because i had a terrible headache, struggling of course.. but didnt finish 15 rounds in the end.
so i didnt really have a great day... fell asleep during ep, celine jiang tried waking me up by nudging me, but then it didnt work. clare tried that really disgusting thing elizabeth hates when eunice does it but again, it didnt work. so geraldine hit me on the head, n it worked... haha... i was realy tired, for i do not know why either... sometimes i worry until i fall asleep, unintentionally. i just worry all day long... about this n that, abt my problems and how im gonna solve them, i just kee staring into space like that, n i will just drop on the table, just like that.
that geraldine arh.... never pay for the notebook and went to watch a movie with lynette n co. after pft, there was cca for goodness sake... dont do that again. oops i left the notebooks in school, im gonna die when everyone asked me why i dont have it yet... die die die.........
my brother is accusing me of taking his candy, why would i want to take his candy? he said "see, why is it wide open?" then i said "how m i suppose to know? maybe that boyfriend of yours who was here earlier decided to take a peek inside n at the same time, snuck some" but he still insisted i took it... he thiniks im that childish to take candy. CANDY leh!!! its only sweet stuff with sugar n glucose inside... not as if i cant buy my own right? geez... he wil always think i will steal his stuff... why would i anyway? will it do me any good? sheesh...
i still have to iron all the clothes later with my injured leg... since i dont have any other size 41 pinafore available... i only have two. dont bother asking me to buy another one, i dun have the time to do that... well, actually i do, but then im too lazy to buy it at the moment... i'll probably buy it SOON....soon... so im not suppose to iron the clothes since its suppose to be my brother's job, btu im doing it for the sake of my pinafore, i dont want to go to school with a really short pinafore, i'll look.......... funny.... i might as well iron all the clothes instead of just my pinafore because my brother might start saying im so selfish or whatsoever. he likes to set me up, well which brother doesnt want to set his own sister up right? haiyoh, i just realised there are a lot of clothes... i might spent the entire week except thursday ironing clothes... well, not really a problem to me, i dont ttrust my brother to iron my uniform, they will turn out disgusting... cause its not even neat. so if you see my pinafore untidy, u should know who ironed it yeah?
i dont know why my brother looks so idle all the time, because when he gets home, he's either in front of the tv, in front of the computer, playing gunbound, or playing the ps2. he doesnt seem to have any work to do... at all... even tuition homework. when i was sec 1, i was busy with only homework, dont even have the time to watch tv. but now he's slacking and i dont see him doing any work at all... and anyway... he's now the last one to get home. i used to be the las to get home. probably because i dont hang around in school anymore... n i was adviced not to anyway, ah wells.. so i dont know what he's doing... he seems so free, always playing...
im really tired.... i have been trying to juggle schoolwork, **** ************, friends, housework and all... sigh....
Reflection - Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
had pft today. only needed one more pull up to make it to A. and my shuttle run made me strain my muscle, and im lamer than gloria, according to gloria. my sit ups were okay... kept an A. standing broad jump was an A as well. sit n reach was disastrous. im inflexible now... geez... i have a B for shuttle run because of a mere 0.28 seconds. wasted! then i had to like walk really slowly and limp. i had to hop over bags in the arc rm... now thats weird... well at least to me. so i've got a gold so far.. i better not get a D for 2.4 or i'll drop dead on the spot. now my leg is like gretchen's butt, she sprained her butt muscle while doing splits. i strained my right thigh muscle, wonder if it'll be okay tomorrow, i can walk a little faster now. if its not ok tomorrow, i wonder what mrs nicholas will say.. she'll probably say "another accident-prone, like gretchen" well that day, i was running for pe, and i almost fainted because i had a terrible headache, struggling of course.. but didnt finish 15 rounds in the end.
so i didnt really have a great day... fell asleep during ep, celine jiang tried waking me up by nudging me, but then it didnt work. clare tried that really disgusting thing elizabeth hates when eunice does it but again, it didnt work. so geraldine hit me on the head, n it worked... haha... i was realy tired, for i do not know why either... sometimes i worry until i fall asleep, unintentionally. i just worry all day long... about this n that, abt my problems and how im gonna solve them, i just kee staring into space like that, n i will just drop on the table, just like that.
that geraldine arh.... never pay for the notebook and went to watch a movie with lynette n co. after pft, there was cca for goodness sake... dont do that again. oops i left the notebooks in school, im gonna die when everyone asked me why i dont have it yet... die die die.........
my brother is accusing me of taking his candy, why would i want to take his candy? he said "see, why is it wide open?" then i said "how m i suppose to know? maybe that boyfriend of yours who was here earlier decided to take a peek inside n at the same time, snuck some" but he still insisted i took it... he thiniks im that childish to take candy. CANDY leh!!! its only sweet stuff with sugar n glucose inside... not as if i cant buy my own right? geez... he wil always think i will steal his stuff... why would i anyway? will it do me any good? sheesh...
i still have to iron all the clothes later with my injured leg... since i dont have any other size 41 pinafore available... i only have two. dont bother asking me to buy another one, i dun have the time to do that... well, actually i do, but then im too lazy to buy it at the moment... i'll probably buy it SOON....soon... so im not suppose to iron the clothes since its suppose to be my brother's job, btu im doing it for the sake of my pinafore, i dont want to go to school with a really short pinafore, i'll look.......... funny.... i might as well iron all the clothes instead of just my pinafore because my brother might start saying im so selfish or whatsoever. he likes to set me up, well which brother doesnt want to set his own sister up right? haiyoh, i just realised there are a lot of clothes... i might spent the entire week except thursday ironing clothes... well, not really a problem to me, i dont ttrust my brother to iron my uniform, they will turn out disgusting... cause its not even neat. so if you see my pinafore untidy, u should know who ironed it yeah?
i dont know why my brother looks so idle all the time, because when he gets home, he's either in front of the tv, in front of the computer, playing gunbound, or playing the ps2. he doesnt seem to have any work to do... at all... even tuition homework. when i was sec 1, i was busy with only homework, dont even have the time to watch tv. but now he's slacking and i dont see him doing any work at all... and anyway... he's now the last one to get home. i used to be the las to get home. probably because i dont hang around in school anymore... n i was adviced not to anyway, ah wells.. so i dont know what he's doing... he seems so free, always playing...
im really tired.... i have been trying to juggle schoolwork, **** ************, friends, housework and all... sigh....
Reflection - Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Monday, April 04, 2005
[deprival + hopelessness]
im really thankful my computer is working now... but i havent checked my files, if they're still there, which i doubt so. my computer was attacked by viruses which is bad. that means my computer will have to be reformatted, therefore leaving my documents empty and my desktop like a blank space with a funny looking wallpaper. there goes all my photoshop brushes. i managed to rescue 10% of my files. the other 90% is gonna perish along with robolab, photoshop, sims, msn and global operations. geez... global operations is a really fun game. something like counterstrike but i still dun get why cs is THAT popular... half life is scary. fglobal operations is very fun. i just enjoy taking a m-16 and shooting pple. then using the first aid kit to heal myself. hehe... my computer is gonna be brainwashed and im still quite unhappy.... :(
thanks to julienne who has answered myprayers due to my deprival of music... not really lar... im crapping lar... but because she lent me that mcfly cd, im gonna burn it and i'll be happier... at least... haha it doesnt have mcfly's all about you, but with five colours in her hair, obviously, that girl and room on the third floor, it isnt that bad... and the other songs are really nice too... lydia asked me last year if she should buy the maroon 5 cd or the mcfly cd. i told her the maroon 5 cd, should have told her the mcfly. i dont know what she bought in the end...
the challenge announcement last week... lasted for only twenty minutes, and we waited for 2 hours...... maybe not 2 hours but 1 and a half. since they allowed us to enter at 3.30pm. and we had free admission in, so we were quite fascinated by the new exhibitions there too...
-----------------------
im doubting myself now. maybe the whole problem lies with my incapability. yeah i actually think it does. so im blaming no one but myself... geez... im acually smiling away, no matter how terrible i feel inside which kinda scares people away, esp debby i think... well yeah, its terrible inside, because i dont understand. they leave me so many clues and they expect me to find out. firstly, my stupidity can be one of the reasons why i havent figured it out, even until now. secondly, u people are leaving clues that are so vague, or maybe its cause im such an idiot and cant even tell if those clues were that obvious. if leaving me in suspense lke that, purposely dropping clues behind you for me to pick them up is really that fun, then i guess it isnt. im actually getting more puzzled, fed up and finally feeling worse.
it just changed so much. the difference between 2004 and 2005, even though its only april, i see a really big difference. a REALLY REALLY BIG DIFFERENCE. i dont know if its cause im such an annoying little rat, or is it because my profession now and in the future is pissing people off. then again, these words are probably coming out of me because of my anger and frustration inside. the memories are living in me. and the memories themselves, are living in me. i cant seem to forget eerything that happen, regardless of whether they're good or bad. now, i didnt say that out of pique. in fact im really sad to say that i repeat this to myself every single day. propably 10 000 times a day, thats not exaggerating. maybe a little but i just know its a lot. living in my own memories... at the same time, losing them as well. so that means that i have been trying to reclaim them but not very successful... geez... its getting to me, something i hated as much.... which of course isnt good...
just do me a favour? stop being such a big fat liar, thank you.
That Girl - Mcfly
Went out with the guys
And before my eyes
There was this girl and she looked
So fine
And she blew my mind
And I wish that she was mine
And I said hey wait up coz I'm off
To speak to her
And my friends said
You'll never get her (etc...)
But I didn't care
Coz I loved her long blond hair
And love was in the air
And she looked at me
And the rest was history
Dude you're being silly coz you're never
Gonna get that girl
And you're never gonna get that girl
We spoke for hours
Took off my trousers
Spent the day laughing in the sun
And we had fun
And my friends they all
Looked stunned
Dude she's amazing and I can't believe
You got that girl
And my friends said
She amazing (etc...)
It gave me more street cred
I dug the book she read
How can I forget
That she rocks my world
More than any other girl
Dude she's amazing and I can't believe
You got that girl
And I can't believe you got that girl
She looked incredible
Just turned 17
I guess my friends were right
She's outta my league
So what am I to do
She too good to be true
But three days later
Went round to see her
But she was with another guy
And I said fine
But I'll never ask her why
And since then loneliness has been
A friend of mine
And my friends say
Such a pity (etc...)
I let her slip away
They tell me everyday
That it will be OK
Coz she rocked my world
More that any other girl
Dude it's such a pity and I'm sorry that
You lost that girl
----------------------
hmmmmm it sounds weird... cause it was sort of recorded live
im really thankful my computer is working now... but i havent checked my files, if they're still there, which i doubt so. my computer was attacked by viruses which is bad. that means my computer will have to be reformatted, therefore leaving my documents empty and my desktop like a blank space with a funny looking wallpaper. there goes all my photoshop brushes. i managed to rescue 10% of my files. the other 90% is gonna perish along with robolab, photoshop, sims, msn and global operations. geez... global operations is a really fun game. something like counterstrike but i still dun get why cs is THAT popular... half life is scary. fglobal operations is very fun. i just enjoy taking a m-16 and shooting pple. then using the first aid kit to heal myself. hehe... my computer is gonna be brainwashed and im still quite unhappy.... :(
thanks to julienne who has answered myprayers due to my deprival of music... not really lar... im crapping lar... but because she lent me that mcfly cd, im gonna burn it and i'll be happier... at least... haha it doesnt have mcfly's all about you, but with five colours in her hair, obviously, that girl and room on the third floor, it isnt that bad... and the other songs are really nice too... lydia asked me last year if she should buy the maroon 5 cd or the mcfly cd. i told her the maroon 5 cd, should have told her the mcfly. i dont know what she bought in the end...
the challenge announcement last week... lasted for only twenty minutes, and we waited for 2 hours...... maybe not 2 hours but 1 and a half. since they allowed us to enter at 3.30pm. and we had free admission in, so we were quite fascinated by the new exhibitions there too...
-----------------------
im doubting myself now. maybe the whole problem lies with my incapability. yeah i actually think it does. so im blaming no one but myself... geez... im acually smiling away, no matter how terrible i feel inside which kinda scares people away, esp debby i think... well yeah, its terrible inside, because i dont understand. they leave me so many clues and they expect me to find out. firstly, my stupidity can be one of the reasons why i havent figured it out, even until now. secondly, u people are leaving clues that are so vague, or maybe its cause im such an idiot and cant even tell if those clues were that obvious. if leaving me in suspense lke that, purposely dropping clues behind you for me to pick them up is really that fun, then i guess it isnt. im actually getting more puzzled, fed up and finally feeling worse.
it just changed so much. the difference between 2004 and 2005, even though its only april, i see a really big difference. a REALLY REALLY BIG DIFFERENCE. i dont know if its cause im such an annoying little rat, or is it because my profession now and in the future is pissing people off. then again, these words are probably coming out of me because of my anger and frustration inside. the memories are living in me. and the memories themselves, are living in me. i cant seem to forget eerything that happen, regardless of whether they're good or bad. now, i didnt say that out of pique. in fact im really sad to say that i repeat this to myself every single day. propably 10 000 times a day, thats not exaggerating. maybe a little but i just know its a lot. living in my own memories... at the same time, losing them as well. so that means that i have been trying to reclaim them but not very successful... geez... its getting to me, something i hated as much.... which of course isnt good...
just do me a favour? stop being such a big fat liar, thank you.
That Girl - Mcfly
Went out with the guys
And before my eyes
There was this girl and she looked
So fine
And she blew my mind
And I wish that she was mine
And I said hey wait up coz I'm off
To speak to her
And my friends said
You'll never get her (etc...)
But I didn't care
Coz I loved her long blond hair
And love was in the air
And she looked at me
And the rest was history
Dude you're being silly coz you're never
Gonna get that girl
And you're never gonna get that girl
We spoke for hours
Took off my trousers
Spent the day laughing in the sun
And we had fun
And my friends they all
Looked stunned
Dude she's amazing and I can't believe
You got that girl
And my friends said
She amazing (etc...)
It gave me more street cred
I dug the book she read
How can I forget
That she rocks my world
More than any other girl
Dude she's amazing and I can't believe
You got that girl
And I can't believe you got that girl
She looked incredible
Just turned 17
I guess my friends were right
She's outta my league
So what am I to do
She too good to be true
But three days later
Went round to see her
But she was with another guy
And I said fine
But I'll never ask her why
And since then loneliness has been
A friend of mine
And my friends say
Such a pity (etc...)
I let her slip away
They tell me everyday
That it will be OK
Coz she rocked my world
More that any other girl
Dude it's such a pity and I'm sorry that
You lost that girl
----------------------
hmmmmm it sounds weird... cause it was sort of recorded live
Thursday, March 31, 2005
[resurrected]
blogger's working again, thank you so much! i was really dying to blog yesterday... haha...
im going to val's house later... then at 10am, i will go to school, to meet geraldione n val there since val is having maths lesson. then we will go back to val's house. at 12pm, val, geraldine n i will go for the space challenge announcement.
mrs stephen told the class to do their homework on thursday morning. well, i hvnt touched any homework, which is of course bad! i will of course do it somewhere later. n we might still go for the challenge announcement. hope we make it for the cca relay. haha =]
last night was a weird night for me. i mean, i was really panicking when jianeng didnt come online because i needed the marketing proposal template. then i was chatting with debby. at the same time listening to mcfly's room on the third floor. i was smiling away, for no reason. just smiling... debby tght i was high, or something happy happened yesterday. well, nothing happy yesterday. n i was still a idiot smiling... i dont even know if i was smiling because im happy. probably entertaining myself, being a clown for myself or im just a psycho. 9 more minutes for me to bathe n get everything ready. can make it lar...
i will be really busy today, with all the running abt and cheering later on, if we make it back to toa payoh stadium.
That i gotta keep my feet on the ground
the song is really stuck in my head. i want the mcfly album, room on the third floor. i cant find the all about you mp3 on the net, difficult to find. or maybe im just stupid and someone can find it easily.
Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds
maybe this was the song that made me act weirdly last night. gah... i dont know.. i like the tune of the song, and the lyrics are really funny too. all in all, the song's nice. mcfly's al about you is also nice, but then its too short, nice songs shouldnt be short. ok, i really need to go... i want to get there before julienne, since velda is going to the mrt station to fetch her royal highness, haha and i will be meeting velda at the back gate. ok, i only have two minutes, AHHHH cant make it.. ok bye! GO GREEN HOUSE!!!!!!!
Room On The Third Floor - Mcfly
Room on the third floor
Not what we asked for
I'm not tired enough to sleep
One bed is broken,
Next room is smoking,
Air conditioning's stuck on heat.
Outside it's raining,
Hear the guest upstairs complaining bout the room that's got the TV too loud,
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Wake up early
Round 7:30
Housekeeping knocking on my door
Do not disturb sign
The back of her mind
I must've left it on the floor
(Yeah)
My eyes are hurting
The cheap nylon curtains
Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds
Cos at times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Na na na na
Na na na naaaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
blogger's working again, thank you so much! i was really dying to blog yesterday... haha...
im going to val's house later... then at 10am, i will go to school, to meet geraldione n val there since val is having maths lesson. then we will go back to val's house. at 12pm, val, geraldine n i will go for the space challenge announcement.
mrs stephen told the class to do their homework on thursday morning. well, i hvnt touched any homework, which is of course bad! i will of course do it somewhere later. n we might still go for the challenge announcement. hope we make it for the cca relay. haha =]
last night was a weird night for me. i mean, i was really panicking when jianeng didnt come online because i needed the marketing proposal template. then i was chatting with debby. at the same time listening to mcfly's room on the third floor. i was smiling away, for no reason. just smiling... debby tght i was high, or something happy happened yesterday. well, nothing happy yesterday. n i was still a idiot smiling... i dont even know if i was smiling because im happy. probably entertaining myself, being a clown for myself or im just a psycho. 9 more minutes for me to bathe n get everything ready. can make it lar...
i will be really busy today, with all the running abt and cheering later on, if we make it back to toa payoh stadium.
That i gotta keep my feet on the ground
the song is really stuck in my head. i want the mcfly album, room on the third floor. i cant find the all about you mp3 on the net, difficult to find. or maybe im just stupid and someone can find it easily.
Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds
maybe this was the song that made me act weirdly last night. gah... i dont know.. i like the tune of the song, and the lyrics are really funny too. all in all, the song's nice. mcfly's al about you is also nice, but then its too short, nice songs shouldnt be short. ok, i really need to go... i want to get there before julienne, since velda is going to the mrt station to fetch her royal highness, haha and i will be meeting velda at the back gate. ok, i only have two minutes, AHHHH cant make it.. ok bye! GO GREEN HOUSE!!!!!!!
Room On The Third Floor - Mcfly
Room on the third floor
Not what we asked for
I'm not tired enough to sleep
One bed is broken,
Next room is smoking,
Air conditioning's stuck on heat.
Outside it's raining,
Hear the guest upstairs complaining bout the room that's got the TV too loud,
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Wake up early
Round 7:30
Housekeeping knocking on my door
Do not disturb sign
The back of her mind
I must've left it on the floor
(Yeah)
My eyes are hurting
The cheap nylon curtains
Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds
Cos at times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Na na na na
Na na na naaaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa
'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
[tragedy]
so much for tuesday, yeah? the crisis.... is not over... i will be expecting more.
thanks julienne for being such a happy person, haha...
im half dead now.... yea i really am... i lost half my life in 30 minutes... what m i gonna do to help??? im a real mess. having this mixture of emotions and thoughts... sigh.....
I watched the walls around me crumble
But its not like I won't build them up again
i just dont know what to do with myself. do i hate myself? am i really causing so much pain? am i a jinx? for all the happened? all these questions are killing me. im left in suspense... after so much that happened, it was just amazing how things turned out the way they are now. just how fast it happened... each day, a new problem surfaces... i face them everyday, but im starting to realise how long it takes me. im currently emotionally unstable...
Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7
Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you
so much for tuesday, yeah? the crisis.... is not over... i will be expecting more.
thanks julienne for being such a happy person, haha...
im half dead now.... yea i really am... i lost half my life in 30 minutes... what m i gonna do to help??? im a real mess. having this mixture of emotions and thoughts... sigh.....
I watched the walls around me crumble
But its not like I won't build them up again
i just dont know what to do with myself. do i hate myself? am i really causing so much pain? am i a jinx? for all the happened? all these questions are killing me. im left in suspense... after so much that happened, it was just amazing how things turned out the way they are now. just how fast it happened... each day, a new problem surfaces... i face them everyday, but im starting to realise how long it takes me. im currently emotionally unstable...
Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7
Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you
Monday, March 28, 2005
[symptons]
im dying here. looking for a team name is tiring. u heard me, TIRING. i wanted the team name zephyr, since it sounds nice, but the rest didnt like it, ah wells...
zephyr means a gentle breeze. i made a link. a gentle breeze gives a light feeling. cause if you imagine this gentle breeze across your face, you will have this light feeling, and you will somehow feel relieved, probably happy. but val n debby said it makes us sound weak and geraldine doesnt like the name... awww... i like the name... ad its like so nice... credits to yeehui for suggesting that name. haha i bullied yeehui today, again. haha, ts just so funny... but she wudnt get angry or anything. n its really fun playing around with her... haha
yeehui: i dont want botbies please.... it sounds so wrong... haha
grouped with val, geraldine, julienne n velda for njrc. and something amazing happened today, actually two amazing things happened. i was really happy, and it really made my day. but searching for the team name sure brought me down. im really tired now. trying to finish up mrs stephen's hw and art.... have to do this constrain mind map. and believe me, im brain dead now. cant think. probably lack of food... since i didnt finish my food at macs, cause i suddenly lost my appetite when i was eating, dont know why. dont know if debby is gonna come after me, sorry, but i just lost my appetite... haha...
im starting to love my njrc team... because of the amazing things that happened. haha... and im really tired liao... shall do my work... its past midnight... i m definitely gonna doze off while doing my homework... haha, ok, good night
im dying here. looking for a team name is tiring. u heard me, TIRING. i wanted the team name zephyr, since it sounds nice, but the rest didnt like it, ah wells...
zephyr means a gentle breeze. i made a link. a gentle breeze gives a light feeling. cause if you imagine this gentle breeze across your face, you will have this light feeling, and you will somehow feel relieved, probably happy. but val n debby said it makes us sound weak and geraldine doesnt like the name... awww... i like the name... ad its like so nice... credits to yeehui for suggesting that name. haha i bullied yeehui today, again. haha, ts just so funny... but she wudnt get angry or anything. n its really fun playing around with her... haha
yeehui: i dont want botbies please.... it sounds so wrong... haha
grouped with val, geraldine, julienne n velda for njrc. and something amazing happened today, actually two amazing things happened. i was really happy, and it really made my day. but searching for the team name sure brought me down. im really tired now. trying to finish up mrs stephen's hw and art.... have to do this constrain mind map. and believe me, im brain dead now. cant think. probably lack of food... since i didnt finish my food at macs, cause i suddenly lost my appetite when i was eating, dont know why. dont know if debby is gonna come after me, sorry, but i just lost my appetite... haha...
im starting to love my njrc team... because of the amazing things that happened. haha... and im really tired liao... shall do my work... its past midnight... i m definitely gonna doze off while doing my homework... haha, ok, good night
Saturday, March 26, 2005
went for that youth thing gloria invited me to.. haha its was really fun n funny. the game part was really funny, laughed my head off... anyway, had a great time...
i m a very troubled person... very... i think as my days go by, my problems get worse..
im lazy to do anything. argh, my stupid keyboard is disobeying me...
played an entire day of kingdom hearts yesterday... and realised that after playing it for a while, it isnt so difficult. chip and dale are really adorable... haha, and abu (aladding's pet monkey) from aladdin looked funny but cute in the game. i just love kingdom hearts. im starting to love squaresoft for creating kingdom hearts for disney freaks like me, wahaha. not only do i love squaresoft for making kingdom hearts. i love squaresoft for making final fantasy. squaresoft is the best, THE BEST! squaresoft just provides such great animations and the effects are splendid! the part where sora summons simba... OMIGOSH its like really nice, with all the bright lights and all. and the really nice contrast of colours. if you watched final fantasy: the spirits within, you'll know right the effects and all, but kingdom hearts is better, BETTER!!!
debby n i have sent an email to axn, complaining abt not showing the last ep and all.... they would better respond to the feeback we gave, since we made ourselves sound really angry. haha...
this was the first yellowcard song i heard in my life, on nickelodeon, then i started listening to their music.
Way Away - Yellowcard
I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
There's nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
i m a very troubled person... very... i think as my days go by, my problems get worse..
im lazy to do anything. argh, my stupid keyboard is disobeying me...
played an entire day of kingdom hearts yesterday... and realised that after playing it for a while, it isnt so difficult. chip and dale are really adorable... haha, and abu (aladding's pet monkey) from aladdin looked funny but cute in the game. i just love kingdom hearts. im starting to love squaresoft for creating kingdom hearts for disney freaks like me, wahaha. not only do i love squaresoft for making kingdom hearts. i love squaresoft for making final fantasy. squaresoft is the best, THE BEST! squaresoft just provides such great animations and the effects are splendid! the part where sora summons simba... OMIGOSH its like really nice, with all the bright lights and all. and the really nice contrast of colours. if you watched final fantasy: the spirits within, you'll know right the effects and all, but kingdom hearts is better, BETTER!!!
debby n i have sent an email to axn, complaining abt not showing the last ep and all.... they would better respond to the feeback we gave, since we made ourselves sound really angry. haha...
this was the first yellowcard song i heard in my life, on nickelodeon, then i started listening to their music.
Way Away - Yellowcard
I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
There's nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Friday, March 25, 2005
[ROBOTS]
yesterday's movie was really funny... and i cut my hair again... now i actually look worse... haha, i will have to wear a paper bag on my head on monday then. wwe initially had lunch at pastamania, only had 4 slices of pizza and i couldnt eat another one, maybe because i had to help the sec 1s finish their ice lemon tea... maybe not, i only had half the cup to drink.. and crystal bites her straw, haha. i also have that bad habit though... after the movie, i was walking towards the mrt station with jane, geraldine n donna. but then donna n i had to go to the toilet so we went back to cine. on the way out, we bumped into olivia, she was doing some donation thing i think, probably cip. anyway, i was broke and donna bought that thing olivia was selling for $1. so we went all the way to cine and then to heeren since donna said she wanted to take a walk there. we went into 77th street and bumped into delle, savie, val, velda, diana, emily and mel hong there. they were taking neoprints... crystal n noel were browsing this shop nearby. donna went to get her ear sticks while i hanged around the neoprints machine, to watch them take their neoprints, cause i thought it would be rather amusing. so i got "dragged" in as well, i didnt intend to since i as broke already, but still i went in. blah blah, the fun part is editing the neoprints, i love that sweat drop i added on savie, haha that one was really cute. we separated after leaving the heeren. val, velda, donna n i headed back to tp, n donna was gonna accompany me to go cut my hair. val n velda decided to tag along. they left after a while... so i had this weird hairstyle n i dont really like it. haha...
---------------------------------------------------------
[sweetest suicide]
someone lost his/her life this morning. yeah... someone from the block across the street, which is directly opposite my block, jumped down n died. block 158... its quite scary... the body landed on the second floor, near the lift, in the open of course. there were police cars around and the policemen were gettin neighbours to identify the body. it was obviously a suicide right? its really tempting u know... haha... ah well, i gtg liao, spiderman on axn. i dont know why i bother watching it, when i watched it many times, haha, heck, just feel like watching it. tata!
yesterday's movie was really funny... and i cut my hair again... now i actually look worse... haha, i will have to wear a paper bag on my head on monday then. wwe initially had lunch at pastamania, only had 4 slices of pizza and i couldnt eat another one, maybe because i had to help the sec 1s finish their ice lemon tea... maybe not, i only had half the cup to drink.. and crystal bites her straw, haha. i also have that bad habit though... after the movie, i was walking towards the mrt station with jane, geraldine n donna. but then donna n i had to go to the toilet so we went back to cine. on the way out, we bumped into olivia, she was doing some donation thing i think, probably cip. anyway, i was broke and donna bought that thing olivia was selling for $1. so we went all the way to cine and then to heeren since donna said she wanted to take a walk there. we went into 77th street and bumped into delle, savie, val, velda, diana, emily and mel hong there. they were taking neoprints... crystal n noel were browsing this shop nearby. donna went to get her ear sticks while i hanged around the neoprints machine, to watch them take their neoprints, cause i thought it would be rather amusing. so i got "dragged" in as well, i didnt intend to since i as broke already, but still i went in. blah blah, the fun part is editing the neoprints, i love that sweat drop i added on savie, haha that one was really cute. we separated after leaving the heeren. val, velda, donna n i headed back to tp, n donna was gonna accompany me to go cut my hair. val n velda decided to tag along. they left after a while... so i had this weird hairstyle n i dont really like it. haha...
---------------------------------------------------------
[sweetest suicide]
someone lost his/her life this morning. yeah... someone from the block across the street, which is directly opposite my block, jumped down n died. block 158... its quite scary... the body landed on the second floor, near the lift, in the open of course. there were police cars around and the policemen were gettin neighbours to identify the body. it was obviously a suicide right? its really tempting u know... haha... ah well, i gtg liao, spiderman on axn. i dont know why i bother watching it, when i watched it many times, haha, heck, just feel like watching it. tata!
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
[pretence]
i have lost my senses...
today's meeting was a little... erm... draggy... the fact that everyone isnt happy with the groups and blah... is like... i think tat we should all be flexible and stop being fussy. ok maybe its not fussy, i think that... i dont know...
was late for sch today, overslept of course. after all that commotion last night. so then i made it for the second period since first preiod was plr... so yeah... i stepped in class, and said "clare, book me now", so she was giving me that wth look. i said "im late." so actually no one knew i was late... which is quite amusing. so then if i didnt tell clare, she wouldnt book me. haha, anyway she did book me since i told her honestly i was late. then esti tght i had a problem and sherry said i was forcing clare to book me. i m not... if she didnt want to book me, im fine... so jess said she had to check my bag, but clare was like "haiyah forget it lar" and so my bag was not checked and yeah...
i didnt really fall asleep today, except once for 10 seconds during science, and i think that i shouldnt have fallen asleep since mrs tay was explaining the parts and functions of the heart. i then realised how difficult bio is... i cant remember the parts now... but i know whats left and right, which is quite useless... yeah, its not in the textbook and so its really useless... and i fell asleep quite a few times during lit, haha, i was rejuvenated wehn ms chye was telling us a story back when she was in sec 2, which was a little gross... she said we were all morbid, gah... thats us i guess... haha, i dont really care actually... she was telling us abt this girl in her level, different class, who was playing hide and seek during recess. so they werent suppose to run arnd the walkways coz the doors were metal and with a glass pane. so they were running and blah that girl knocked one of thedoors, well not really knock. but because the friend in front of her opened the main door, and that girl was trying to block the door with her arms, so the door stopped, but the glass pane shattered. the glass pieces sliced the girl's arm. but the blood didnt splurt out like when u slice someone's throat, and the blood splurts out because of the major artery. it was dripping instead, profusely... that girl didnt cry, she was in shock. ms chye was in shock too. the two to three girls in the front row who were watching broke down and started crying. so that girl saw her friends crying n she started to cry too... on of them of course went to tell th teacher and they tried bandaging the wound to stop the bleeding... it was not a small cut, it was serious. but the girl came back the next day, smiling, which is quite scary... so ms chye and her friend ended up being the ones mopping up all the blood, which is quite funny...
earlier when i was at macs with liz. savie, delle, debby, stef, suhui, denise and donna came and savie looked really happy, which was good. haha, then stef was staring in my direction so i realised she was staring at the big screen, so i turned back to see what was on, ok just macs stuff. so delle n savie were looking at me, esp savie, she looked really funny lar... then i was really malu... so i hid unfder the table, covered my face, while i had liz telling me to quickly eat. so i was trying to finish my nuggets n i told liz "do u want me to choke on these?" so she was like "ok, just eat quickly" then i begged her to eat the last nugget since she was urging me to leave. so i did, n they were still staring at me, making funny faces, savie was smiling... gah.... what for? sheesh... haha
i want to die.... gosh, im really crap nowwwww..... really crap. home alone once again, blasting music in my ears to be happier, forget my problems... listening to only one song unfortunately, my other songs are a little depressing... ah wells i need to send my english stuff to mrs stephen via email... cant wait for the movie tomorrow... i think its gonna be really nice :)
this is the happy yappy song im currently listening to this song =D
All Star - Smash Mouth
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Chorus:]
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The waters getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire how about yours
That's the way I like it and I never get bored
[Repeat Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Repeat Chorus]
i have lost my senses...
today's meeting was a little... erm... draggy... the fact that everyone isnt happy with the groups and blah... is like... i think tat we should all be flexible and stop being fussy. ok maybe its not fussy, i think that... i dont know...
was late for sch today, overslept of course. after all that commotion last night. so then i made it for the second period since first preiod was plr... so yeah... i stepped in class, and said "clare, book me now", so she was giving me that wth look. i said "im late." so actually no one knew i was late... which is quite amusing. so then if i didnt tell clare, she wouldnt book me. haha, anyway she did book me since i told her honestly i was late. then esti tght i had a problem and sherry said i was forcing clare to book me. i m not... if she didnt want to book me, im fine... so jess said she had to check my bag, but clare was like "haiyah forget it lar" and so my bag was not checked and yeah...
i didnt really fall asleep today, except once for 10 seconds during science, and i think that i shouldnt have fallen asleep since mrs tay was explaining the parts and functions of the heart. i then realised how difficult bio is... i cant remember the parts now... but i know whats left and right, which is quite useless... yeah, its not in the textbook and so its really useless... and i fell asleep quite a few times during lit, haha, i was rejuvenated wehn ms chye was telling us a story back when she was in sec 2, which was a little gross... she said we were all morbid, gah... thats us i guess... haha, i dont really care actually... she was telling us abt this girl in her level, different class, who was playing hide and seek during recess. so they werent suppose to run arnd the walkways coz the doors were metal and with a glass pane. so they were running and blah that girl knocked one of thedoors, well not really knock. but because the friend in front of her opened the main door, and that girl was trying to block the door with her arms, so the door stopped, but the glass pane shattered. the glass pieces sliced the girl's arm. but the blood didnt splurt out like when u slice someone's throat, and the blood splurts out because of the major artery. it was dripping instead, profusely... that girl didnt cry, she was in shock. ms chye was in shock too. the two to three girls in the front row who were watching broke down and started crying. so that girl saw her friends crying n she started to cry too... on of them of course went to tell th teacher and they tried bandaging the wound to stop the bleeding... it was not a small cut, it was serious. but the girl came back the next day, smiling, which is quite scary... so ms chye and her friend ended up being the ones mopping up all the blood, which is quite funny...
earlier when i was at macs with liz. savie, delle, debby, stef, suhui, denise and donna came and savie looked really happy, which was good. haha, then stef was staring in my direction so i realised she was staring at the big screen, so i turned back to see what was on, ok just macs stuff. so delle n savie were looking at me, esp savie, she looked really funny lar... then i was really malu... so i hid unfder the table, covered my face, while i had liz telling me to quickly eat. so i was trying to finish my nuggets n i told liz "do u want me to choke on these?" so she was like "ok, just eat quickly" then i begged her to eat the last nugget since she was urging me to leave. so i did, n they were still staring at me, making funny faces, savie was smiling... gah.... what for? sheesh... haha
i want to die.... gosh, im really crap nowwwww..... really crap. home alone once again, blasting music in my ears to be happier, forget my problems... listening to only one song unfortunately, my other songs are a little depressing... ah wells i need to send my english stuff to mrs stephen via email... cant wait for the movie tomorrow... i think its gonna be really nice :)
this is the happy yappy song im currently listening to this song =D
All Star - Smash Mouth
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Chorus:]
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The waters getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire how about yours
That's the way I like it and I never get bored
[Repeat Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Repeat Chorus]
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
[metamorphosis]
very very deprived of sleep. lasted three days with... 11 hours of sleep? sheesh, i need some sleep.
i think i sleepwalked today, which is kinda freaky. i fell asleep wihile doing my english homework on the computer, then i was on the chair, so fell asleep, flat on the table. then i slept for 3 hours or so. i didnt even know my bro came home. so when i awoke, i found myself on the sofa outside. so i asked my bro where i was when he came hom. he said the room. n i was walking out of the room, for some funny reason. he didnt care, of course. i dont have any memory of me walking out of the room. i guessed i wasted 3 hours sleeping like a log. im starting to have sleeping disorders, which is scary as well... actually i dont know if i have sleeping disorders, but it seems like so. just like what happened last night. i fell asleep on the table, in front of the computer at 2am, very sure i fell asleep on the table. but this morning, i was on my bed. its scary, very scary.
today, was a not-so-good day, maybe worse. beside the fact that i was struggling to keep awake during maths, coz mrs wong was teaching us something important, now i dont know how to do three freaking maths questions because of that. i figured she would catch me sleeping, coz i was like slapping myself sill, trying to keep awake. so she said "my dear briana, are you very tired?" n i was like "erm yeah..." then she said "dont stay up too late at night, sleep early". celine jiang, next to me was also dozing off, and i was trying to keep her awake, coz she was suppose to keep me awake. well, we struggled till the end of course...
after school, it was a rather hard time for me, since the three kept putting me in a spot, n i ended up stuck. yall want me to change back, but the thing is, your impression of the old me is cheerful, i dont know if u're really right abt that. because i need to change, but yall are urging me to change back... he only thing i know is, i'm different from what i was last year, things really changed for me. it was a great damage inflicted on me.
to the three/four/five: im sorry, really am. i dont know how to tell u guys.... coz its just difficult... i know my attitude these days was very bad, i am trying to find a way out. i want to tell yall, but i just cant... im terribly sorry...
my home's a mess, not literally. but i have more problems as the days pass... i hope i can handle them... n i can see that i cant... i just feel like screaming it out, crying it out, im just not worthy... im sorry everyone... just sorry...
scream my lungs out
my mum is sinking into depression... because of me... what am i gonna do?
i am having a very hard time looking for myself... its a mix of emotions.... anger, unhappiness, regret, guilt... im tired, really tired... i will be waiting for the day i can finally be free. a long sleep, lasting for eternity...
Breathe In - Lucie Silvas
I feel like I'm dragging you down a one way street
I don't know which ways up
All I ask of you is to stay on your feet
That should be enough
If we stand around it could pass us by
We could give up now, and never even try
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
I just want something real I can hold onto
I believe its near
Life's too short to know the truth
Maybe it's already hear
We could throw ourselves into the fire
We could give up now and never even try
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tommorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
And breathe in life.
[Bridge]
We're chasing something we've dreamed of
(is not always out of reach)
It's never far away from us
('cause I believe that)
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Breathe in life and breathe out
Ooh, ooh, no, yeah, yeah yeah
Breathe in life and breathe out
And it's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Ooh, ohh, no, oh, ooh ohh
And breathe in life
Ooh, oh
And breathe in life.
very very deprived of sleep. lasted three days with... 11 hours of sleep? sheesh, i need some sleep.
i think i sleepwalked today, which is kinda freaky. i fell asleep wihile doing my english homework on the computer, then i was on the chair, so fell asleep, flat on the table. then i slept for 3 hours or so. i didnt even know my bro came home. so when i awoke, i found myself on the sofa outside. so i asked my bro where i was when he came hom. he said the room. n i was walking out of the room, for some funny reason. he didnt care, of course. i dont have any memory of me walking out of the room. i guessed i wasted 3 hours sleeping like a log. im starting to have sleeping disorders, which is scary as well... actually i dont know if i have sleeping disorders, but it seems like so. just like what happened last night. i fell asleep on the table, in front of the computer at 2am, very sure i fell asleep on the table. but this morning, i was on my bed. its scary, very scary.
today, was a not-so-good day, maybe worse. beside the fact that i was struggling to keep awake during maths, coz mrs wong was teaching us something important, now i dont know how to do three freaking maths questions because of that. i figured she would catch me sleeping, coz i was like slapping myself sill, trying to keep awake. so she said "my dear briana, are you very tired?" n i was like "erm yeah..." then she said "dont stay up too late at night, sleep early". celine jiang, next to me was also dozing off, and i was trying to keep her awake, coz she was suppose to keep me awake. well, we struggled till the end of course...
after school, it was a rather hard time for me, since the three kept putting me in a spot, n i ended up stuck. yall want me to change back, but the thing is, your impression of the old me is cheerful, i dont know if u're really right abt that. because i need to change, but yall are urging me to change back... he only thing i know is, i'm different from what i was last year, things really changed for me. it was a great damage inflicted on me.
to the three/four/five: im sorry, really am. i dont know how to tell u guys.... coz its just difficult... i know my attitude these days was very bad, i am trying to find a way out. i want to tell yall, but i just cant... im terribly sorry...
my home's a mess, not literally. but i have more problems as the days pass... i hope i can handle them... n i can see that i cant... i just feel like screaming it out, crying it out, im just not worthy... im sorry everyone... just sorry...
scream my lungs out
my mum is sinking into depression... because of me... what am i gonna do?
i am having a very hard time looking for myself... its a mix of emotions.... anger, unhappiness, regret, guilt... im tired, really tired... i will be waiting for the day i can finally be free. a long sleep, lasting for eternity...
Breathe In - Lucie Silvas
I feel like I'm dragging you down a one way street
I don't know which ways up
All I ask of you is to stay on your feet
That should be enough
If we stand around it could pass us by
We could give up now, and never even try
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
I just want something real I can hold onto
I believe its near
Life's too short to know the truth
Maybe it's already hear
We could throw ourselves into the fire
We could give up now and never even try
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tommorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
And breathe in life.
[Bridge]
We're chasing something we've dreamed of
(is not always out of reach)
It's never far away from us
('cause I believe that)
[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Breathe in life and breathe out
Ooh, ooh, no, yeah, yeah yeah
Breathe in life and breathe out
And it's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Ooh, ohh, no, oh, ooh ohh
And breathe in life
Ooh, oh
And breathe in life.
Monday, March 21, 2005
[deprived of sleep]
im very deprived of sleep now... two days with 6 hours of sleep. its 3.30am now, not intending to sleep, because who knows if i will oversleep or whatever, and so im gonna fight thru. i am gonna doze of soon, but im still trying to hold on... im damn sleepy now, very sure i'll fall asleep during the debate, or i'll just faint, haiyah, dont know and dont want to bother i guess... if mrs stephen didnt have to give so much homework, i think i might be sleeping soundly now. look at what else i've still gotta finish:
-1 critical analysis
-1 commentary
-1 text map
it may seem short, but its a lot of work, kay... i want to sleep... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
im very deprived of sleep now... two days with 6 hours of sleep. its 3.30am now, not intending to sleep, because who knows if i will oversleep or whatever, and so im gonna fight thru. i am gonna doze of soon, but im still trying to hold on... im damn sleepy now, very sure i'll fall asleep during the debate, or i'll just faint, haiyah, dont know and dont want to bother i guess... if mrs stephen didnt have to give so much homework, i think i might be sleeping soundly now. look at what else i've still gotta finish:
-1 critical analysis
-1 commentary
-1 text map
it may seem short, but its a lot of work, kay... i want to sleep... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, March 18, 2005
[the end]
changed the ffx layout to this one because i was starting to dislike the ffx one. haha...
frs rocked. we won three awards, nice. we did well, everyone did! we did our very best, very proud of yall!
just how exactly am i gonna understand these people... really... for one moment they were friendly, the next moment they arent, or is it just me? i dont know if im just thinking too far or what. will they ever understand?
im trying my best to help, really am... whatever i do, is useless. i will keep trying to help them. i have words thrown at me, and im willing to take these words in, even though i knew it was gonna hurt me, really hurt me. i just wish that by doing so, i can finally help them in any way.
im like a useless piece of crap. im so darn useless i cant do anything right. i promised someone i have to be happier. i have to keep that promise, but with my current state of mind... argh, im really useless...
make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
will i be able to help myself stand up again? i can, but what is constraining me?
staring out with a heavy heart
remember the times i left with that same heavy heart.
if i have been rude these days, im sorry, i dont mean to hurt anyone. i really dont....
i dont mean it......
i want to help those around me whenever they needed help....
i have so much to say, but i just have this sense of insecurity and my refusal to pour everything out...
changed the ffx layout to this one because i was starting to dislike the ffx one. haha...
frs rocked. we won three awards, nice. we did well, everyone did! we did our very best, very proud of yall!
just how exactly am i gonna understand these people... really... for one moment they were friendly, the next moment they arent, or is it just me? i dont know if im just thinking too far or what. will they ever understand?
im trying my best to help, really am... whatever i do, is useless. i will keep trying to help them. i have words thrown at me, and im willing to take these words in, even though i knew it was gonna hurt me, really hurt me. i just wish that by doing so, i can finally help them in any way.
im like a useless piece of crap. im so darn useless i cant do anything right. i promised someone i have to be happier. i have to keep that promise, but with my current state of mind... argh, im really useless...
make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
will i be able to help myself stand up again? i can, but what is constraining me?
staring out with a heavy heart
remember the times i left with that same heavy heart.
if i have been rude these days, im sorry, i dont mean to hurt anyone. i really dont....
i dont mean it......
i want to help those around me whenever they needed help....
i have so much to say, but i just have this sense of insecurity and my refusal to pour everything out...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
its here....
bought kingdom hearts. its fun but then its difficult, haha bought it coz debby described it as if it was really nice on her blog. so i did buy it in the end. its quite cool. with squaresoft and disney together. disney has all the disney characters of course, with the movies, alladin, sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast snow white and so on... then squaresoft included ff7, ff8 and ff10. it was really interesting to see all the young ff characters, like wakka, tidus, squall, selphie, yuffie and aeris. well they are the few i have seen so far. i know there is cloud of ff7 in the later part of the story... my bro is enjoying the game, to my surprise. i didnt think he would actually enjoy a game with disney characters in it. he's playing it now. goofy is a loser, haha, but then he's also funny because he's blur. kingdom hearts is fun sand a really nice game but it is difficult when tose huge monsters come out of nowhere.
i might be leaving ij, i dont want to of course. i hope i dont...
:(
Scar - Missy Higgins
He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
So the next one came with a bag of treats, she smelled like sugar and
spoke like the sea
And she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one, looked at my insides clicking
her tongue and said
"This will all have to come undone"
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?
bought kingdom hearts. its fun but then its difficult, haha bought it coz debby described it as if it was really nice on her blog. so i did buy it in the end. its quite cool. with squaresoft and disney together. disney has all the disney characters of course, with the movies, alladin, sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast snow white and so on... then squaresoft included ff7, ff8 and ff10. it was really interesting to see all the young ff characters, like wakka, tidus, squall, selphie, yuffie and aeris. well they are the few i have seen so far. i know there is cloud of ff7 in the later part of the story... my bro is enjoying the game, to my surprise. i didnt think he would actually enjoy a game with disney characters in it. he's playing it now. goofy is a loser, haha, but then he's also funny because he's blur. kingdom hearts is fun sand a really nice game but it is difficult when tose huge monsters come out of nowhere.
i might be leaving ij, i dont want to of course. i hope i dont...
:(
Scar - Missy Higgins
He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
So the next one came with a bag of treats, she smelled like sugar and
spoke like the sea
And she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one, looked at my insides clicking
her tongue and said
"This will all have to come undone"
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?
Monday, March 07, 2005
not in a very good mood today... just felt really useless. still thinking really hard about what she said. i m really stuck. i do not wish to drag anyone in anymore. i think its enough.
wrote chinese essay abt some happy thing. well, i wrote abt how music springs life n it brought me back to both good n bad memories. it really does, thats why music means a lot to me. i cant live without music. thats not really true. i just sort of recorded the song in my head, n all sorts of songs, both chinese n english, they just echo in my head, just like that. they're ususally the depressing n sad ones lar... haha, none of the happy n jumpy songs i know never come to me. not never, but rare, very very rare.
came back to an empty house, again... i think i got used to it...
i feel really constrained now... its like im running out of air n it feels like i cant breathe. this is bad. i start falling ill. n my appetite just gets worse day by day. i start to stare blankly into space more often. i mean i do that, but it has been more often fo some funny reason. i become more worried n exhausted. i need to get out, im trying hard to...
wrote chinese essay abt some happy thing. well, i wrote abt how music springs life n it brought me back to both good n bad memories. it really does, thats why music means a lot to me. i cant live without music. thats not really true. i just sort of recorded the song in my head, n all sorts of songs, both chinese n english, they just echo in my head, just like that. they're ususally the depressing n sad ones lar... haha, none of the happy n jumpy songs i know never come to me. not never, but rare, very very rare.
came back to an empty house, again... i think i got used to it...
i feel really constrained now... its like im running out of air n it feels like i cant breathe. this is bad. i start falling ill. n my appetite just gets worse day by day. i start to stare blankly into space more often. i mean i do that, but it has been more often fo some funny reason. i become more worried n exhausted. i need to get out, im trying hard to...
Sunday, March 06, 2005
i feel like a total loser. yeah i really do. its just that whatever she said last night. it just wants to make me cry. n i've cried a few times this morning. it just shows how immature i can get.
i know yesterday's post got a little boring, i was intending to elaborate on what we actually did for cip, but then i suddenly didnt wanna do it. well, yesterday, we did the manna store. i was grouped with mag, liz n this other poly guy by the name of melvin, but we dont even talk to him, haha. so we went to the first block n after that, waited for more than 45 mins for the van to return. it was quite boring, so mag, liz n i were playing at the playground with a couple of kids. the younger, who is a girl, is sooo adorable, haha, liz was trying to get her attention of course. n she can actually swing just like that. like she'll hold on to it n swing. it was so cute n she actually hung on for quite long. then the other boy, was climbing up n down. they were really cute. then after they left. the three of us sat there for a while and went back to the void deck when the other two guys were chatting, and started our own conversation. and i had to speak in cantonese coz there was this elderly who only understood cantonese n liz n mag were like huh? n i was struggling with the language, haha, luckily that melvin guy came n he sort of cleared things up i guess, not really lar. when we got back at ymca, gloria, matilda, eunice n julienne were already there. geraldine left. so gloria was telling the three of us that there was this boy who hugged eunice frm the back, and eunice was getting worked up because gloria told us. so we all teased eunice n said she looked like a mother, haha. then we had a little debrief. they brought us to the toyu library i love the toys, they're quite cool. haha most were sewn by japanese n chinese housewives. those sewn by the japanese mothers were really nice. well, they are good at stuff like these after all. the japanese are like all rounders. my uncle, who is a japanese, can cook really well. he prepared all the food for the sashimi party two years back. n he made noodles n cooked them himself, it was really good. haha... so then we went back to tp n had lunch at kfc n bumped into the sec 3s there. they were really red n tired. then we walked back to the interchange n i went to the library frm there. after that, i went home.
mrs stephen called me today. it was rather scary, i think. i was doing my dnt homework n she suddenly called me to ask me to tell the entire class to bring newspaper 2mrw. i mean i would expect a teenager's voice, but instead i heard this really low voice n i sort of got a shock. haha, typical me...
went to visit my grandma today, she seemed rather happy to see me, n im happy to see her too! haha... then i spent more than half an hour sleeping there on the chair. i keep falling asleep there, maybe too exhausted. left at arnd 7.30pm to eat. ate jap food n bought jay chou cd, im quite slow. listening to it now. but after biuying a few stuff, went home.
i was totally tortured this morning. thanks to my mum who PURPOSELY kicked the drawer n i had to fix it... it wouldnt budge, fixed in the end. n i was about to losing my temper just trying to fix it. then she turned the house upside down n that was one of the reasons i cried a few times.
i was told to change my mindset... i agree i should. my home is like a prison cell. my life is controlled by my mum, n it isnt easy for me to get out. she does whatever she wants to me, n i cant get out. i cant i cant, i keep saying that. i agree im being a terrible person by saying that. she's right, but will i ever be able to actually do according towhat she says? will i actually finally become someone who is really laughing everyday? will i become someone with strong will? briana is suppose to mean someone with strong will. will i be someone who can stand out on my own, be the real me? will i ever be able to tell whats real to me? is it the carefree life i hoped to live or the pain i experienced for so long? so long i will actually start to get used to. i dont even know what the heck im doing. i have so many questions waiting for me to answer them myself. do i need time to think? do, but how long? a lifetime? tick tock tick tock, time is running out....
i know yesterday's post got a little boring, i was intending to elaborate on what we actually did for cip, but then i suddenly didnt wanna do it. well, yesterday, we did the manna store. i was grouped with mag, liz n this other poly guy by the name of melvin, but we dont even talk to him, haha. so we went to the first block n after that, waited for more than 45 mins for the van to return. it was quite boring, so mag, liz n i were playing at the playground with a couple of kids. the younger, who is a girl, is sooo adorable, haha, liz was trying to get her attention of course. n she can actually swing just like that. like she'll hold on to it n swing. it was so cute n she actually hung on for quite long. then the other boy, was climbing up n down. they were really cute. then after they left. the three of us sat there for a while and went back to the void deck when the other two guys were chatting, and started our own conversation. and i had to speak in cantonese coz there was this elderly who only understood cantonese n liz n mag were like huh? n i was struggling with the language, haha, luckily that melvin guy came n he sort of cleared things up i guess, not really lar. when we got back at ymca, gloria, matilda, eunice n julienne were already there. geraldine left. so gloria was telling the three of us that there was this boy who hugged eunice frm the back, and eunice was getting worked up because gloria told us. so we all teased eunice n said she looked like a mother, haha. then we had a little debrief. they brought us to the toyu library i love the toys, they're quite cool. haha most were sewn by japanese n chinese housewives. those sewn by the japanese mothers were really nice. well, they are good at stuff like these after all. the japanese are like all rounders. my uncle, who is a japanese, can cook really well. he prepared all the food for the sashimi party two years back. n he made noodles n cooked them himself, it was really good. haha... so then we went back to tp n had lunch at kfc n bumped into the sec 3s there. they were really red n tired. then we walked back to the interchange n i went to the library frm there. after that, i went home.
mrs stephen called me today. it was rather scary, i think. i was doing my dnt homework n she suddenly called me to ask me to tell the entire class to bring newspaper 2mrw. i mean i would expect a teenager's voice, but instead i heard this really low voice n i sort of got a shock. haha, typical me...
went to visit my grandma today, she seemed rather happy to see me, n im happy to see her too! haha... then i spent more than half an hour sleeping there on the chair. i keep falling asleep there, maybe too exhausted. left at arnd 7.30pm to eat. ate jap food n bought jay chou cd, im quite slow. listening to it now. but after biuying a few stuff, went home.
i was totally tortured this morning. thanks to my mum who PURPOSELY kicked the drawer n i had to fix it... it wouldnt budge, fixed in the end. n i was about to losing my temper just trying to fix it. then she turned the house upside down n that was one of the reasons i cried a few times.
i was told to change my mindset... i agree i should. my home is like a prison cell. my life is controlled by my mum, n it isnt easy for me to get out. she does whatever she wants to me, n i cant get out. i cant i cant, i keep saying that. i agree im being a terrible person by saying that. she's right, but will i ever be able to actually do according towhat she says? will i actually finally become someone who is really laughing everyday? will i become someone with strong will? briana is suppose to mean someone with strong will. will i be someone who can stand out on my own, be the real me? will i ever be able to tell whats real to me? is it the carefree life i hoped to live or the pain i experienced for so long? so long i will actually start to get used to. i dont even know what the heck im doing. i have so many questions waiting for me to answer them myself. do i need time to think? do, but how long? a lifetime? tick tock tick tock, time is running out....
Saturday, March 05, 2005
watched 5 hours of samurai x n im still craving for more. haha. n the drawings of kenshin debby did were damn nice... phweet! i think im almost near the end of the shimabara arc. just that kenshin is blind.... BLIND!!!! which is kinda sad. n then there was this girl, magdaria, who is shougu's(guy who blinded kenshin) sister. she has some disease, like her mother. haiyoh, i think the story sort of became a little boring after shishio died.
changed the song again. i need a new layout too. the new song is "its gonna rain". 4th ending theme of the rurouni kenshin series. haha.
delle really gave me a wake up call. i think shes damn right. but how am i suppose to overcome it. i keep telling myself i cant. i dont know how to describe it... no...
It's Gonna Rain - Samurai X 4th Ending Song
Ashidori mo karukushite chao chao
Torumono mo toriaezu chao chao
Raion ga unaru mitai no raimei ga
Taisan wo unagashite iru
Dou naru no?
Sou...mou sugu ame
Dai kirai ame nanka chao chao
Mou sukoshi itai noni
Kaikan ga kaisan ni kawaru shunkan wo
Raion ga isogaseta no wa
Meihaku No! Meiwaku
It's gonna rain!
Ame wa mou aribai wo kesu no?
Kare wa mou wasurete shimau no?
Futari wa mou korekiri ni naru no?
Subete wa ame no seitte koto ni shite okou
Kare kara no renraku wa Nothing Nothing
Ame ni yoru kyoukun mo Nothing Nothing
Kanjou mo igirisu no tenki mitai ni
Utsurigi dattara totemo
Raku nanoni...gyaku na no
It's gonna rain!
Ame ga netsu wo yomigaeraseta
Kare mo futo watashi wo omoidashita
Futari wa ima koko ni michibikareta
Subete wa ame no sei, uun, okage na no
Ame wa hito wo yondari keshitari
Dare yori mo tegowai majishan ne
Futari wa itsumo damasarete bakari
Subete wa ame de hajimarun deshou...
It's gonna rain!
changed the song again. i need a new layout too. the new song is "its gonna rain". 4th ending theme of the rurouni kenshin series. haha.
delle really gave me a wake up call. i think shes damn right. but how am i suppose to overcome it. i keep telling myself i cant. i dont know how to describe it... no...
It's Gonna Rain - Samurai X 4th Ending Song
Ashidori mo karukushite chao chao
Torumono mo toriaezu chao chao
Raion ga unaru mitai no raimei ga
Taisan wo unagashite iru
Dou naru no?
Sou...mou sugu ame
Dai kirai ame nanka chao chao
Mou sukoshi itai noni
Kaikan ga kaisan ni kawaru shunkan wo
Raion ga isogaseta no wa
Meihaku No! Meiwaku
It's gonna rain!
Ame wa mou aribai wo kesu no?
Kare wa mou wasurete shimau no?
Futari wa mou korekiri ni naru no?
Subete wa ame no seitte koto ni shite okou
Kare kara no renraku wa Nothing Nothing
Ame ni yoru kyoukun mo Nothing Nothing
Kanjou mo igirisu no tenki mitai ni
Utsurigi dattara totemo
Raku nanoni...gyaku na no
It's gonna rain!
Ame ga netsu wo yomigaeraseta
Kare mo futo watashi wo omoidashita
Futari wa ima koko ni michibikareta
Subete wa ame no sei, uun, okage na no
Ame wa hito wo yondari keshitari
Dare yori mo tegowai majishan ne
Futari wa itsumo damasarete bakari
Subete wa ame de hajimarun deshou...
It's gonna rain!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
everyday, coming home to an empty house. regardless of how late i go home, even when i reach home at 9.30pm, there wouldnt be anyone at home. it seems different. it was always my grandma at home, either taking a nap, reading the newspapers, or watching tv. but now its like a dark and empty house. i was always the last to get home, but now im the first. it just seems different... my grandma, she has lived with me my entire life. but its just that it seems pretty weird regardless how late i get home, im always the first home.
had steak today, for dinner, at home. my mum isnt gonna go to work 2mrw, but i dun really care either. then started on my homework. n my mum screamed at me, just for something which is not entirely my fault. ah well, i dun get her anyway. she vents her anger on me whenever she feels like too. so i have nth to say, considering the fact that when i was as young as 3, my filipino maid would hit me, on the back of my neck. but i dun think thats the reason why i have such a bad posture. i dun know either. i just know she would use those wire hanger, n hit me on the back of my neck of the back. well, she left 3 years later. she was a biased against me, for i do not know why either. she was just really nice to my brother, but i get the nasty side of her. ah well, it was a not-so-good childhood, but i cant do anything abt it anyway. i dun even know what i did to enable her to do that to me. or maybe she just doesnt like me, haha i dont know myself either...
when my mum told me to wash all the knives and all, coz she tght that i havent washed them properly, well i got really frustrated coz sh was screaming n screaming at me, ever since she got home. so then the knives i was supposed to wash were used for sutting steak, so i guess they were pretty sharp. i tght of just using one of the knives and slit my wrist or something. haha, i was only bearing that tght. but anyway, i didnt do so n im safe n sound. haha
i think im having some sort of short term memory loss. i left my emc with suhui today coz she needed to use it. but then when i left sch, i forgot to ask her for it. so then i called n called, trembling at the same time. when i didnt manage to get thru, i decided to go back to sch, but i could see them walking out of sch, so i waited outside sch, n went home frm there.
im having a mild headache now so i think i have to stop here. ok, good night n tata! =]
Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) - Nine Days
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Now I can be so insincere
Makin her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearin the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this
Every day and all day
Now how did we wind up this way
Watchin our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearin the clothes or the soles that we choose
Now how do we get there today
When we're walkin too far for the price of our shoes
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
:guitar solo:
Well your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a - girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Oh when she SMI-ILES!
had steak today, for dinner, at home. my mum isnt gonna go to work 2mrw, but i dun really care either. then started on my homework. n my mum screamed at me, just for something which is not entirely my fault. ah well, i dun get her anyway. she vents her anger on me whenever she feels like too. so i have nth to say, considering the fact that when i was as young as 3, my filipino maid would hit me, on the back of my neck. but i dun think thats the reason why i have such a bad posture. i dun know either. i just know she would use those wire hanger, n hit me on the back of my neck of the back. well, she left 3 years later. she was a biased against me, for i do not know why either. she was just really nice to my brother, but i get the nasty side of her. ah well, it was a not-so-good childhood, but i cant do anything abt it anyway. i dun even know what i did to enable her to do that to me. or maybe she just doesnt like me, haha i dont know myself either...
when my mum told me to wash all the knives and all, coz she tght that i havent washed them properly, well i got really frustrated coz sh was screaming n screaming at me, ever since she got home. so then the knives i was supposed to wash were used for sutting steak, so i guess they were pretty sharp. i tght of just using one of the knives and slit my wrist or something. haha, i was only bearing that tght. but anyway, i didnt do so n im safe n sound. haha
i think im having some sort of short term memory loss. i left my emc with suhui today coz she needed to use it. but then when i left sch, i forgot to ask her for it. so then i called n called, trembling at the same time. when i didnt manage to get thru, i decided to go back to sch, but i could see them walking out of sch, so i waited outside sch, n went home frm there.
im having a mild headache now so i think i have to stop here. ok, good night n tata! =]
Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) - Nine Days
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Now I can be so insincere
Makin her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearin the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this
Every day and all day
Now how did we wind up this way
Watchin our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearin the clothes or the soles that we choose
Now how do we get there today
When we're walkin too far for the price of our shoes
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
:guitar solo:
Well your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a - girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Oh when she SMI-ILES!