[everybody knows.]

hahaha maybe it's much safer now

[i'm not angry.]

only when it's happy, i'll write.

damn i'm retarded. damn i'm useless.

my arms are aching a lot. i dont know why. but it's making me feel really weak.

i feel like i lost it, lost the ability to do something i used to be so good at. i'm still trying, and i havent stopped.

but i just get disappointed over and over again. what used to work doesnt seem to now. and i keep trying to shake it off.

sometimes i'm afraid you'll forget
sometimes i'm scared it'll be gone, just like that

i'll paint myself a perfect picture in my mind.

are you really happy?

[words that don't fit like they did.]

i chanced upon something interesting. but it's more sweet than interesting. kinda reminded me of a lot of things, got my mind off a lot of things. HAHA i'm happy for her, my dear friend.

and i'm right here, thinking about the stupid things i did. all the weird things that happened. what should i say or do to make it any better? roar. i wish wish wish wish wish i knew.

i'm feeling a little lost now. cause i really dont know what to say, or do. i dont know what i'm not doing and maybe what i'm doing.

a million thoughts, a million scenarios running through my mind, i dont know what i should say.

cause i lost my footing.

i should just stop blogging, go sleep and forget everything, haha.

GOOOOOOD NIGHT!

and i'm afraid of being alone.
_________________________________________________

and i just wanted to listen to this song again



Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
(Was it something I did?)
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

stop being such a crazy woman lar.

[your eyes shine like pretty lights.]

ever since the school year started, things have been looking quite bad. maybe for now i'm trying hard to ignore and tell myself it'll all be over, and things will definitely be better. not everything is bad. but sometimes, i just get confused, dont know what to feel.

i think i've been so much more noisy this year. oh gosh, briana, shut up lol.

lectures have been quite boring, especially econs and chem. math and physics are pretty okay for me, since i'm filling up a lot of blanks from last year. gp can get a bit sian, but well, still surviving. oh we watched this video on north korea 2 days ago during our 2 hours gp tutorial. super interesting and enriching. learnt a lot and there was a lot of reflection after which.

to think, up to today, there are still areas in the world who live in communism and north korea has had a lot of stuff going on. i wonder how they'll pull through this economic crisis.

been studying more than i did last year and completed a lot of work. trigonometry is still a bit foggy to me, lol.

parents' night on friday and i had to usher. spent an hour plus at the carpark repeating "good evening, welcome to srjc. the reception for the JC1 parents' night is that way" over and over again to every parent walking past me. man it was tiring. lol my group disappeared after the first 45 mins to slack at the gallery. man the numbers were pretty big. twice the number of parents that came last year!

haha i haven's been online for MANY DAYS. one reason is because i'm damn freaking lazy to. i've been coming home at like 10pm every night and i'm dead tired when i'm home. so i ko at like 11 plus, or 12.

bumped into deborah on wednesday at the bowling alley when i finally went back to bowling after my toe got better. hahaha the 4/8 gathering is nearing.

this week was quite bad. sigh, stuff happened and i didnt take them too well, and i regretted after that.

so what if people are leaving. li an said friendship is like a bus ride. people from anywhere board and alight this bus, and we're constantly moving. yeah she's right. i just didnt expect my close friends to drift off like that. you know, sometimes i think it's something wrong with me. if it really is, i just really hope one of you would tell me straight in the face.

i love my sofa. lol.