[the insensitive remarks.]
today was a bad day....
i felt really alone in class today luh.
i started to think and reflect upon my past words and actions. i felt really guilty.... if you were to ask me what i did or said, i honestly cant think of what, but i felt guilty nonetheless. i started to cry on the inside and i felt like i was bleeding inside. i was just extremely sad today. and since i didnt have anyone to talk to today, i felt even worse... sigh
at the end of the day, i heard something damn horrendous and humiliating... i was so sad i cried when i got home. i didnt want to go to school tomorrow because of that. i just didnt think that they would take the joke even further, so far it's really too far. i started to cry as i walked out of school and i cried even more when i got home. the things they said were really insensitive....
i got really upset cause seriously, what they said made things and made me look damn ugly... not outlook but yeah. although it's totally and absolutely untrue, it still reflected very badly and i was crying for an hour because of that. after cooling down, jamming my brains on GH3, and talking to sarah, i felt better... and soon after, i was kinda like my happy self again. i decided i shall go to school happy tomorrow.
i know i've been emoing so often that people are prolly starting to get sick of me... sometimes i get so scared when i confide in people cause i emo so much i'm so afraid they'll start to take flight because of my emoness. then when i keep it in, i feel even more miserable.... i feel so afraid to show my weaknesses but i still do, which seriously sucks.
i hope tomorrow will be a better day. i'm better now... less crying and i guess you can say i've almost gotten over it.
mind you lar, i'm not emoing cause of relationships and such, i have other problems...
i guess the whole class could tell i was in the emo mode, i guess thats why no one wanted to talk to me. this is what i mean by people evading me or taking flight cause of my emoness. SIGH.
i said sorry many times today... and each time i said sorry, i was gonna cry. i did, and all that was left was nothing but an unspeakable sense of guilt. it made me really really sad and lonely today. my mood was really down in the pits today and it sunk so much deeper when i found out about that something which made me cried real bad.
it made me feel like i couldnt trust anyone else and i seriously wanted to quit. it was indeed a lousy day today.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
[thanks for the memories.]
haha good morning? i kinda just woke up...
was on the phone with sarah for 2 hours last night... from 1+ to about 330. it was really a joy talking to her cause we had so many things in common and we had the same sentiments about many things. at least i know there's someone else who totally and completely knows how i feel in class.
however, it doesnt mean that these problems wont vanish. i want to find a way to solve them. talking it to them would brew more trouble and i'm not thinking too much cause sarah agrees. i really wonder what can be done...
sigh, why?
i really really really miss my PAE class, 1S17. we were always so together. wherever we went, we were a class. all the retarded jokes we cracked in class. the names we gave each other (policewoman, lao da, etc.).. i really miss you 1S17. haha not to forget the SY and YS, as well as the wenhui concert that goes on everyday. times when we pon classes together... haha i miss all of that... although it's all gone, but i'll always remember the times. 1S17 was prolly the reason why i really didnt mind staying in srjc and they made me smile every single day, almost every minute of the day. i was even willing to go to school despite being terribly ill, for them and to enjoy their company.
really thank wenhui, lijuan, jon, mok, jerome, ek, fong wai, aldrich, greg, kelvin, steph, zenda and mel for being such wonderful friends up to now... although zenda and fong wai left for sajc, aldrich, ek, steph, lijuan and kelvin for poly, i wont forget the times we spent together... during PAE and during the first 2 weeks of JAE. they made the start of my jc life a pleasant one.
i love you guys
haha good morning? i kinda just woke up...
was on the phone with sarah for 2 hours last night... from 1+ to about 330. it was really a joy talking to her cause we had so many things in common and we had the same sentiments about many things. at least i know there's someone else who totally and completely knows how i feel in class.
however, it doesnt mean that these problems wont vanish. i want to find a way to solve them. talking it to them would brew more trouble and i'm not thinking too much cause sarah agrees. i really wonder what can be done...
sigh, why?
i really really really miss my PAE class, 1S17. we were always so together. wherever we went, we were a class. all the retarded jokes we cracked in class. the names we gave each other (policewoman, lao da, etc.).. i really miss you 1S17. haha not to forget the SY and YS, as well as the wenhui concert that goes on everyday. times when we pon classes together... haha i miss all of that... although it's all gone, but i'll always remember the times. 1S17 was prolly the reason why i really didnt mind staying in srjc and they made me smile every single day, almost every minute of the day. i was even willing to go to school despite being terribly ill, for them and to enjoy their company.
really thank wenhui, lijuan, jon, mok, jerome, ek, fong wai, aldrich, greg, kelvin, steph, zenda and mel for being such wonderful friends up to now... although zenda and fong wai left for sajc, aldrich, ek, steph, lijuan and kelvin for poly, i wont forget the times we spent together... during PAE and during the first 2 weeks of JAE. they made the start of my jc life a pleasant one.
i love you guys
Saturday, April 26, 2008
friday
this was some video i took in class during our one hour half break.
went to the bowling alley 2 hours after class ended. played like 3 games and spent an hour at the arcade before rushing to get the birthday cake with tak kin. turned out we were like 1 hour late... max, aaron, greg, michelle, weitong and jac were waiting for an hour. PAISEH!
the class dinner was fun and filling. had a lot of pizza... and the cake fight was fun, just that all of us were still in sch u. messed up the place and well, we attempted to clear it up but the staff told us it was okay. apologies to heartland mall's pizza hut!
after dinner and all, we headed downstairs. since tak kin was being an ass at pizza hut earlier, smashing cake into most of our faces, the rest of the class had a plan to have our revenge on him. sarah and i left two cakes with michelle and jac. greg and max ran after tak kin with some cake and well they chased him all the way to kovan hub lar.... they failed but attempt number 2 was more successful. zixiang came from behind. haha. max then managed to chase him again and pinned him down, screaming for greg to help. greg, marcus and zixiang then ran over to help. i ran over too, carrying lots of cake. we smashed it in tak kin's face! when we walked back to heartland mall, there was even more. haha the girls put cake in his face, on his shirt and IN his shirt. lol it was hilarious... then he ran around smashing cake in OUR faces once again. lol bugger lar.
max got taupoked after that and it was damn funny lar...
zixiang being a joker again LOL. stole weitong's bag and carrying it on his back, with his own on the front.
sarah the birthday girl
hahaha the mess... the ground outside heartland mall is damn dirty
the nice birthday gift for sarah. it's a black A2 placard with our photos all pasted on the front and messages on the back. sarah was gonna cry when she saw this.
-------------------------
last night, i felt really....
because of what happened, i felt really really sad and that useless feeling came back again. i cried a little today thinking about it...
am i really that bad?
is this the end?
this was some video i took in class during our one hour half break.
went to the bowling alley 2 hours after class ended. played like 3 games and spent an hour at the arcade before rushing to get the birthday cake with tak kin. turned out we were like 1 hour late... max, aaron, greg, michelle, weitong and jac were waiting for an hour. PAISEH!
the class dinner was fun and filling. had a lot of pizza... and the cake fight was fun, just that all of us were still in sch u. messed up the place and well, we attempted to clear it up but the staff told us it was okay. apologies to heartland mall's pizza hut!
after dinner and all, we headed downstairs. since tak kin was being an ass at pizza hut earlier, smashing cake into most of our faces, the rest of the class had a plan to have our revenge on him. sarah and i left two cakes with michelle and jac. greg and max ran after tak kin with some cake and well they chased him all the way to kovan hub lar.... they failed but attempt number 2 was more successful. zixiang came from behind. haha. max then managed to chase him again and pinned him down, screaming for greg to help. greg, marcus and zixiang then ran over to help. i ran over too, carrying lots of cake. we smashed it in tak kin's face! when we walked back to heartland mall, there was even more. haha the girls put cake in his face, on his shirt and IN his shirt. lol it was hilarious... then he ran around smashing cake in OUR faces once again. lol bugger lar.
max got taupoked after that and it was damn funny lar...
zixiang being a joker again LOL. stole weitong's bag and carrying it on his back, with his own on the front.
sarah the birthday girl
hahaha the mess... the ground outside heartland mall is damn dirty
the nice birthday gift for sarah. it's a black A2 placard with our photos all pasted on the front and messages on the back. sarah was gonna cry when she saw this.
-------------------------
last night, i felt really....
because of what happened, i felt really really sad and that useless feeling came back again. i cried a little today thinking about it...
am i really that bad?
is this the end?
[the little things we forget.]
i just woke up.
turned out i fell asleep on my table last night at 12+ and i woke up on my bed this morning at 620. i thought i was late for school. haha.
shall prolly update on friday later.... i'm in the just-woke-up mood.
i felt really..... last night. just a little ticked off by a particular someone. then i just rested my head on the table, thought about a lot of things, and i guess i fell asleep thinking. haha silly.
i just woke up.
turned out i fell asleep on my table last night at 12+ and i woke up on my bed this morning at 620. i thought i was late for school. haha.
shall prolly update on friday later.... i'm in the just-woke-up mood.
i felt really..... last night. just a little ticked off by a particular someone. then i just rested my head on the table, thought about a lot of things, and i guess i fell asleep thinking. haha silly.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
[happy birthday.]
been ages since i've blogged lol. and yes i finally changed my blogskin... i used the bleach skin since end of sec 2 LOL.
been super busy and tired these few days. things have been happening too, sigh. been rather stressed and not being able to smile. sigh sigh. i need to smile more... boon hao likes to tease me about how tired i look. he said i'm on drugs every night LOL
today was gerri's bday. havent seen the equalites in a month. after school, i rushed to novena square to meet them. we had dinner at fish and co. it was DAMN EX but it's still worth it. had dessert at TCC, where we hung around for half an hour, took a few photos and left. haha. it was quite fun, shared a lot of jokes and experiences in school. rjc guys playing pokemon, thats new.
took photos with zong, mag and gerri only... didnt take any with liz and mat LOL.
econs test was okay and not okay... screwed up my last qn sigh.
tomorrow 1S24 outing! we're gonna celebrate sarah's birthday too, haha woo!
nice tiramisu
zong ling =D
liz living up to her name as THE BIRD. matilda, i dont know what she's doing haha
the birthday girl, geraldine. come to think of it, we've been classmates for 4 years.
magdalene =D
the equalites (without savina D:)
been ages since i've blogged lol. and yes i finally changed my blogskin... i used the bleach skin since end of sec 2 LOL.
been super busy and tired these few days. things have been happening too, sigh. been rather stressed and not being able to smile. sigh sigh. i need to smile more... boon hao likes to tease me about how tired i look. he said i'm on drugs every night LOL
today was gerri's bday. havent seen the equalites in a month. after school, i rushed to novena square to meet them. we had dinner at fish and co. it was DAMN EX but it's still worth it. had dessert at TCC, where we hung around for half an hour, took a few photos and left. haha. it was quite fun, shared a lot of jokes and experiences in school. rjc guys playing pokemon, thats new.
took photos with zong, mag and gerri only... didnt take any with liz and mat LOL.
econs test was okay and not okay... screwed up my last qn sigh.
tomorrow 1S24 outing! we're gonna celebrate sarah's birthday too, haha woo!
nice tiramisu
zong ling =D
liz living up to her name as THE BIRD. matilda, i dont know what she's doing haha
the birthday girl, geraldine. come to think of it, we've been classmates for 4 years.
magdalene =D
the equalites (without savina D:)