[no photos :(]

didnt get a photo of delle in a skirt, but she looked nice. quoting from !"£$%^&*!: 'eye candy' haha she looked pretty in a skirt. it was a pity we didnt get a photo of her, she seems pretty happy with that.

my posts are getting more and more boring... the inspiration i need to blog, is on holiday, for i dont know how long.

drama night was pretty interesting. although i didnt really enjoy sitting there in a skirt, but at least i enjoyed the show the extra sound effects were rather disturbing and amusing. flower of the desert was pretty okay, although there was too much talking. the preformance put up by the eldds during the ij heartbeat was slightly better, but both were also good. the guitar ensemble was great too. good job people and congrats.

i'm gonna crash now, very tired. slept at 3am last night, and its already 15 mins to 1am. good night.

[-]

drama night tomorrow. when i suddenly wanted to go. haha. not looking forward to dressing up either... haha.. gah.. but i'm still gonna go.

desperate housewives on ch 5 now. so theres desperate housewives on ch 5 at 1am. great.... hmmm watched that episode already.. its the second episode....

i have to do the advertisement project by tonight and theres the art project. i dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. although i very much want to.

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getting sick of this layout, no time to change it though...

this entire week seems like a rather happy and enjoyable week. i'm in a better mood now...

or maybe it hasnt..

ah well, can't do anything about it. good night

[wonderwall]

too tired to do anything now... since i slept at 2am last night, to finish the geog presentation... it's pobably on of my most tedious jobs ever... and it isnt graded... gah... so i still did it, it seems pretty okay... although i think the last few slides were a little weird... the definition on geothermal energy used up 7 slides. the uses of geothermal energy, advantage, disadvantages and facts only needed one slide each. crappy? but i think it should be very summarized and not so wordy.

the number of times i have been dozing off in class is decreasing, which is a good sign. i did doze off today. but i didnt yesterday... and despite my decreasing number of hours of sleep, i managed to keep awake for almost the entire day.

i'm very disturbed by some things that some people said and some people's actions. its probably just another one of my imaginations. since THE day is closing in, i'm starting to lose that wanna-be-happy spirit. and i'm starting to feel even worse. not only extreme exhaustion, but the pressure is disturbing. its affecting me in a way or another that it makes it so difficult to concentrate, even when i'm talking to people, i start to drift off somewhere else when i'm not supposed to.

i'm dead tired. my eyelids are starting to fall... and i might end up sleeping on the table with oasis' wonderwall playing through the night.i need something to keep me awake... well there was once when i was studying for the geog exam when i started to yawn and put my head down... and fell asleep on the geog book. slept like that for a few hours and no one woke me up. luckily for me, its at home, not in school.

i get why they told us to go talk to them about !@#$%^&*()!@#$. well i know because i think we lacked that as well. probably other stuff as well. its just so different isnt it? we're bad enough, didnt really need another worse. and it might have been our fault, well most of us... for slacking. sigh

i thought of last year's sec 1 selection camp. it was really fun. i try not to forget every single detail. i rememeber emily hiding the corks in the cans and made us search for it, telling us it was thrown all over the place. if i'm not wrong, it was carmen and phoenix videotaping right? haha well, i try to keep it to myself then.

i better stop here, too tired. i still have a lot of work to do. so i better go finish it before my energy runs out and i'm be nothing but a like a flat battery. good night and bye.

[bad day]

weird things have been happening. maybe it's because for me, being a weirdo, normal is weird to me. haha and i think what i eat for dinner is also weird enough, although it still tasted okay. to val, it's very weird, but to me, it isnt all weird.

i have to finish my geog presentation tonight. start and finish tonight... not that i'm not getting any help from my team members, i am getting links and research... i'll probably let them do the oral stuff tomorrow. haha

besides doing the presentation... the english project is also giving my a headache... and i think i barely touched the science project... damn... gotta start on all these. finish it asap. i need a lot of sleep now... very very little sleep for me nowadays... and i tend to wake up at 5am and go back to sleep. i dont even know how i can wake up that early. i'll probably sleep like a pig after the exams. 20 hours a day. too much sleep can kill too. haha

basically, i have no idea what to blog, as though i just dont know HOW to blog after what? 3 days? doesnt make sense right?

i was playing gunbound during the weekend, and my rank was upgraded from double-wood to the stone hammer, which is good, because i have free avatar for being upgraded. a space marine suit and helmet. and i bought a kendo suit for 18 000 gold which will only last 7 days. that was the avatar i bought. i want that vampire coffin thing. but if i want it to last forever, it'll cost 30 000 gold... i only have 15 000++. not easy to earn gp either... for an amateur like me, who didnt even get the ss thing until denise explained it to me, i'll probably earn only 6gp each battle, on the losing side.

my mum was watching national geographic that day, about baby pandas... they're really adorable and i wished i had one at home, its so cute and for some reason, its helpless squeak is just appealing to the ears. i'm morbid. or maybe i find it too adorable that even its helpless squeaks are also nice, to me. see? i told you i was weird (as though no one knew... right) piglets are adorable... and mag doesnt know there are pigs at the zoo. haha deprived child. dont worry, i'm even more deprived. thanks.

Angels Or Devils - Dishwalla

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

Still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

[angels or devils]

we were typing the cme essay in the com lab 3. it was supposed to be about a hero in the school community. so mag was so eager to know who it was. i threatened to stuff the piece of paper in my mouth... but i didnt.. haha. so then i was typing good stuff for the essay when she decided to take over and this is what she wrote. the words in bold are actually what i typed:

she often helps me and she will try to eat my food. The last time, she took my money and told me to
buy hi-chew for her!!! She also took my watch and set it one hour
early so that I would be early the next time we arranged to meet. She
is so considerate! She always try to help me whenever I need help.
Some time ago, she taught me how to do my maths and I was so tired
that she did it for me! I got full marks for my homework! But I failed
my test. She told me that she will give me tuition for free! Wow! She
is so nice!! I really appreciate all she has done for me. NO other
girl would be able to teach me so patiently and take all my money to
buy hi-chew! I respect her for having the courage to extort money from
me as I think that no one else has that kind of courage.
She has a lot of enthusiasm and she often dances around to wake me up
when I am sleeping.

it's titled mag's crap. haha it was supposed to irritate me so that i would tell her who my hero was. apparently i sent it to my inbox when i sent my essay. she was so thrilled when this whole paragraph was a whole chunk of more than 200 words. and she was really funny today... she's probably thinkin of r****** now... haha during geog, we were going through the chapter on water. so there was this photo or water rationing and she told me when she was in P2, her friend told her there was no water somewhere near mag's house. so mag called home during recess and told her maid to fill pails and pails of water. haha that was so cute... but her maid didnt do that. there was still water when she got home. the thought of it now really tickles me. haha i guess it was really fun... went out for lunch with liz, mag and matilda. they just made my day. and with the free entertainment from mag's lameness, i think i'm quite a happy person now... haha. okay... i better stop giggling or else my mum will start to stare at me as though something happened and i lost my sanity for no special reason.

ms ratulangi really freaked out during cme today. she said we changed a lot since last year. khym was pulling the tape out of the correction tape for fun and when ms ratulangi saw that, she was really puzzled and shocked. so she asked, "are yall like stressed? you are laughing hysterically and last year, when i taught you, you were all still sane." haha she's really cute. and then she said, "and now, this lyn li said that if you laugh for 20mins non-stop, you will get six packs" that made us roar with laughter and she was rather pissed when we made our way to the com lab 3 because we were making so much noise.

it was even weirder after school. mag was calling liz a lesbian for i dont know why either and liz was calling mag a pig because she called her a lesbian. and i finally told her who i was writing about in my cme essay. she seems satisfied. haha

health and wealth day tomorrow. going to school to support the sec 3s. haha and i guess it'll probably be quite fun... and i'm gonna miss that 5 episodes of LOST back-to-back tomorrow. after waiting 7 days for it. because i have to finish my geog and english project tomorrow. and then i'll probably do the class noticeboard alone tomorrow. ah well. haha i guess i can try to handle it.

yesterday's racial harmony was okay... only two people in my class wore costumes. haha didnt i say i was gonna scare people off? haha and then i was lying in the basketball court with denise for about 2 hours, admiring the clouds and talking. we were trying to make out the shapes of the clouds and it was pretty fun. staring up at the sky can be fun and at the same time, makes you feel happy, as though all your problems were washed away miraculously. and its as if you were trying to take a peek at heaven... but i think the sky was sufficient. it was so blue and beautiful.

ah well i should go do my english homework now. and then start researching for my projects. bye and good night. i had a pretty bad day the day before and yesterday and i'm pretty addicted to this song now haha... okay good night!

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Stand in the line just ahead of the law
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

[the darkness]

have you read the newspaper? the article on the essay done by the rjc student? it's on the second last page of the straits times. read it. it's a good essay. a very sad one though.

maybe it isnt their fault. a half of me wants to forget everything that happened, but the other half wouldnt want me to let go. although the word "emotions" seem like a pretty word. even if i didnt know what it meant, it looks pretty. but this word is so dangerous and so harmful. it consumes my mind. maybe by tomorrow. i'll just be a piece of rotting wood (aka junk) sitting in the back of the classroom, staring at nothing. my brain's eaten up. whats in my head is nothing but air.

or maybe i'm just having a wild imagination. whats inside me now is as empty as the black hole. the black hole inside me probably sucked everything and whats left is this cold and deep darkness.

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that was just me trying to let it out. dont take it seriously. take it as crap. take it as briana crapping. that'll probably make her happier. thanks.

i have a lotof work to do. but with this state of mind now, i'll probably do it later when i'm watching csi. by then, i'll probably feel better than now. i will try to get over it first.

gunbound isnt working... my brother can play it on his account. but i cant. it's really unfair... so i'm gonna try to figure it out first.

--------------------------------

it hurt real badly... now it doesnt. whats left is a bruise. it will start to hurt again... i know

--------------------------------

"When will you be home?" she asks
As we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

[fly away]

my monitor blanked out 9 days ago. yea because something was loose inside. had to hit, bang, whatever to the monitor till it worked. we did that until we really damaged it real bad. so we have a new monitor yesterday. LCD screen. one thing i tend to dislike such screens is because i have a tendency of touching the screen, especially when it's dusty or something. then i have to like sweep off the dust and all. so i have to start kicking the habit of touching the screen.

well a lot happened in like 9 days. maybe too much happened, or maybe too much is supposed to happen in a mere 9 days? basically its racial harmony this thursday. and i'm not gonna wear what i wore last year. i looked like clare's child. haha, well blame it on myself for wearing something that made me look like a child and clare wore something so mature. haha well then i was with her for the entire day. well... she's gonna wear a PINK kimono and clogs this thursday. she bought them from japan. haha well pink is disgusting, but i guess it's pretty cool if it's for a kimono. i still prefer blue though. since pink is japan's national colour, i guess it's okay for a kimono to be pink. haha what am i saying? of course it's okay. as for me... i might start scaring people. argh... and i think delle knows what i'm gonna wear... that is if she still remembers our conversation months ago... probably 5 months ago.. haha maybe she doesnt, then i think its better if she doesnt know haha.

in my entire class of 39, it seems like 5 out of 39 are not gonna be wearing school uniform. okay, then those wearing traditional costumes are definitely gonna "stand out"... probably in an embarrassing way. haha i sure hope more people will not wear the school uniform this thursday. haha but cant help it if they're so determined to not wear a traditional costume. well, i think i better go... i seriously have no idea what to blog about, although i said many things happened. maybe i'll have the slightest idea of what to blog about. for now, i think i dont. haha ah well. okay... bye. and i dont know what's wrong with my tag board, i'll probably change it... i think... haha that is if i wanna part with the current one. haha weirdo!

[catharsis, somnolent = just this two.]

gillian's leaving tomorrow. sigh... we're gonna miss her. not sure when she'll be back. although i didnt really talk to her very often, but it was really great knowing her. i feel rather bad not really saying a proper goodbye to her... sigh.

i was listening to where i belong by tanya chua, and i started to really really notice the lyrics. i guess i was just an idiot back then, and i still am, except i just really noticed the lyrics carefully. it's really great. although it's one of the national day songs, it's nice. and in the recent years, the national day theme songs are just as nice. haha.

maybe it's just me worrying too much that i'm so tired. i want to sleep, of course i dont have enough sleep. i think i need at least 10-15 hours of sleep now. i'm in this somnolent state. argh.

i have been thinking about all that has sort of happened his year, and have probably compared it with everything last year. i have many unanswered questions that need accurate answers because the later i figure it out, the worse it'll become. thats probably what will happen if i'm slow.

i was chatting with debby about names earlier and my name meant something about strong willed. that is if i do possess that "strong will"

i learnt a new word today. its "catharsis", learnt it from the vocab worksheet mrs stephen gave us. and i guess thats probably what most people need, including me. i need to find a way in order to be able to do that. i'm just trying to improve now... step by step. i'm trying hard. maybe to also wipe the guilt off my stupid face, and stop being in a daze most of the time. i might not be able to stop the dazed face, but maybe try to do less of that? i dont know. i dont know whats best for myself, nor the people around me. i probably, and desperately need a brainwash to forget everything. all the pain and the worry. wouldnt it be better if i just forgot everything, just like that. poof. and everything gone, not leaving any trace of the past. i'll probably forget who i am but its okay. i'm okay.

i'm really okay.

they'll be off to osaka soon. hope they have fun there. rather than worry too much about this and that.

if i told you everything, will you understand? will you understand what i mean? maybe not... i doubt it. although i very much would like you to understand, but i cannot beliee that you will be able to get what i mean. you changed. maybe change is good. but now, to me it's bad. my impression of you keeps changing. for one moment its good, then the next moment it isnt, then again, its good. it just keeps switching around...

i shall go sleep now... before i start having hallucinations like the keyboard being the pillow or something. okay just joking, i dont think that will ever happen... right?

----------------------------------

where do i belong? it's nowhere.

Where I Belong - Tanya Chua

Morning comes around and I
Can't wait to see my sunny island
In its glorious greenery, whether rain or shine, it's still beautiful
Bright lights shine on the streets at night
Guiding me closer to home
To a place where I'll be safe and warm, where I belong

Friends and families by my side
Seeing me through as I grow and learn
Everyday's experience, bitter sweet or sour
They're still wonderful
As they become precious memories
They'll be kept close to my heart
And no matter where I am I will always know, where I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

[sigh.]

i'm sorry, terribly sorry.

only in the mood to really listen to ballads. i think rap, pop, rock is gonna give me heart attacks. i'm exhausted. its only the second week. yes, and the remaining 8 weeks seem like eternity.

i had this and that to worry about. i feel as though i am throwing everything on my shoulders, struggling to keep up, to stand up with the right posture. i'm constantly trying very hard to. it's difficult, yea?

i feel as though i have so much to blog, to say. but then whenever i come to this page, i realised i can't express in anyway, be it speech or words. this eternity is starting to terrorize me.

i'm just dog-tired. if i can find an energy booster, then good.

i need to talk to someone. but i dont know how to. it seems so difficult, i'm so used to how i handle my problems and now the change is just difficult. i'll still try. i must do all i can to sweep away my unhappiness.

come one briana, just take a broom, easily sweep away your emotions

easy? no... but i'll still give it my best shot.

go to bed now...

the eternity... good night

[online no more]

i havent been online for like 2days and i think i have started to hate the internet. yea i'm starting to fear something or someone on the internet. i had no choice today but to use it because i desperately need to finish my science campo homework. ARGH.

cantonese drama isnt so bad. i have been watching this drama serial from a video tape which my mum rents and i was just enjoying its silliness. haha weird me. but anyway its just so funny i was already laughing my head off and i kept rewinding and playing it over and over again.

argh. i still have so much homework which i find impossible to finish. i've cleared maths. which is just as surprising if my mountain of homework just miraculously vanishes. haha, i can tell my sarcasm is starting to eat this blog.

and i havent had social interaction for i dont know... 2days? i was sleeping like a pig yesterday. it was fatigue. i could be falling asleep anywhere now, which is just as bad if i didnt finish my homework.

oh and there comes my egoism. now both my egoism and my sarcasm are eating my blog. so i have to prepare the fork and spoon, salt and pepper. hah whatever. i'm on the verge of insanity as you can see. because i can tell myself. i dont know what nonsense i'm spouting or whatsoever. ignore me =]

i have made friends with sloth. amazing eh? haha i'm... weird. ah well. i like my weirdness :D

[break these chains]

was really tired today. youth day was quite fun. i enjoed the eating and the disco thing was a little comical. but it was okay.

was really fun having lunch with glory, su hui and denise. they're damn funny.

the reflection today really made me open my eyes even wider. sigh... okay i just had this really disgusting feeling for no special reason. maybe it is regret.

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i'm worried. i'm worried you might do something. something no worth it at all. if you continue hurting yourself, it is definitely gonna be worse. so i you think what you're doing will make the world a better place, i doubt so.

i'm such a big hypocrite...

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i'm sorry mag... i know it was really unfair to you. but i have to also help them too... i'm sorry. well i hope you arent too upset about it anymore. if you wanna scold me, erm then go ahead. =]