[resurrected]

blogger's working again, thank you so much! i was really dying to blog yesterday... haha...

im going to val's house later... then at 10am, i will go to school, to meet geraldione n val there since val is having maths lesson. then we will go back to val's house. at 12pm, val, geraldine n i will go for the space challenge announcement.

mrs stephen told the class to do their homework on thursday morning. well, i hvnt touched any homework, which is of course bad! i will of course do it somewhere later. n we might still go for the challenge announcement. hope we make it for the cca relay. haha =]

last night was a weird night for me. i mean, i was really panicking when jianeng didnt come online because i needed the marketing proposal template. then i was chatting with debby. at the same time listening to mcfly's room on the third floor. i was smiling away, for no reason. just smiling... debby tght i was high, or something happy happened yesterday. well, nothing happy yesterday. n i was still a idiot smiling... i dont even know if i was smiling because im happy. probably entertaining myself, being a clown for myself or im just a psycho. 9 more minutes for me to bathe n get everything ready. can make it lar...

i will be really busy today, with all the running abt and cheering later on, if we make it back to toa payoh stadium.

That i gotta keep my feet on the ground

the song is really stuck in my head. i want the mcfly album, room on the third floor. i cant find the all about you mp3 on the net, difficult to find. or maybe im just stupid and someone can find it easily.

Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds

maybe this was the song that made me act weirdly last night. gah... i dont know.. i like the tune of the song, and the lyrics are really funny too. all in all, the song's nice. mcfly's al about you is also nice, but then its too short, nice songs shouldnt be short. ok, i really need to go... i want to get there before julienne, since velda is going to the mrt station to fetch her royal highness, haha and i will be meeting velda at the back gate. ok, i only have two minutes, AHHHH cant make it.. ok bye! GO GREEN HOUSE!!!!!!!

Room On The Third Floor - Mcfly

Room on the third floor
Not what we asked for
I'm not tired enough to sleep
One bed is broken,
Next room is smoking,
Air conditioning's stuck on heat.
Outside it's raining,
Hear the guest upstairs complaining bout the room that's got the TV too loud,
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground

Wake up early
Round 7:30
Housekeeping knocking on my door
Do not disturb sign
The back of her mind
I must've left it on the floor
(Yeah)

My eyes are hurting
The cheap nylon curtains
Let the sunlight creep in through from the clouds

Cos at times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground

Na na na na
Na na na naaaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa

'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
'Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground

Na na na na
Na na na naaa
Na na na na
Na na na naaa

'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
'Cos its times like these remind me
(Times like these remind me)
Cos its times like these remind me
That I gotta keep my feet on the ground

[tragedy]

so much for tuesday, yeah? the crisis.... is not over... i will be expecting more.

thanks julienne for being such a happy person, haha...

im half dead now.... yea i really am... i lost half my life in 30 minutes... what m i gonna do to help??? im a real mess. having this mixture of emotions and thoughts... sigh.....

I watched the walls around me crumble
But its not like I won't build them up again

i just dont know what to do with myself. do i hate myself? am i really causing so much pain? am i a jinx? for all the happened? all these questions are killing me. im left in suspense... after so much that happened, it was just amazing how things turned out the way they are now. just how fast it happened... each day, a new problem surfaces... i face them everyday, but im starting to realise how long it takes me. im currently emotionally unstable...

Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

[symptons]

im dying here. looking for a team name is tiring. u heard me, TIRING. i wanted the team name zephyr, since it sounds nice, but the rest didnt like it, ah wells...

zephyr means a gentle breeze. i made a link. a gentle breeze gives a light feeling. cause if you imagine this gentle breeze across your face, you will have this light feeling, and you will somehow feel relieved, probably happy. but val n debby said it makes us sound weak and geraldine doesnt like the name... awww... i like the name... ad its like so nice... credits to yeehui for suggesting that name. haha i bullied yeehui today, again. haha, ts just so funny... but she wudnt get angry or anything. n its really fun playing around with her... haha

yeehui: i dont want botbies please.... it sounds so wrong... haha

grouped with val, geraldine, julienne n velda for njrc. and something amazing happened today, actually two amazing things happened. i was really happy, and it really made my day. but searching for the team name sure brought me down. im really tired now. trying to finish up mrs stephen's hw and art.... have to do this constrain mind map. and believe me, im brain dead now. cant think. probably lack of food... since i didnt finish my food at macs, cause i suddenly lost my appetite when i was eating, dont know why. dont know if debby is gonna come after me, sorry, but i just lost my appetite... haha...

im starting to love my njrc team... because of the amazing things that happened. haha... and im really tired liao... shall do my work... its past midnight... i m definitely gonna doze off while doing my homework... haha, ok, good night

went for that youth thing gloria invited me to.. haha its was really fun n funny. the game part was really funny, laughed my head off... anyway, had a great time...

i m a very troubled person... very... i think as my days go by, my problems get worse..

im lazy to do anything. argh, my stupid keyboard is disobeying me...

played an entire day of kingdom hearts yesterday... and realised that after playing it for a while, it isnt so difficult. chip and dale are really adorable... haha, and abu (aladding's pet monkey) from aladdin looked funny but cute in the game. i just love kingdom hearts. im starting to love squaresoft for creating kingdom hearts for disney freaks like me, wahaha. not only do i love squaresoft for making kingdom hearts. i love squaresoft for making final fantasy. squaresoft is the best, THE BEST! squaresoft just provides such great animations and the effects are splendid! the part where sora summons simba... OMIGOSH its like really nice, with all the bright lights and all. and the really nice contrast of colours. if you watched final fantasy: the spirits within, you'll know right the effects and all, but kingdom hearts is better, BETTER!!!

debby n i have sent an email to axn, complaining abt not showing the last ep and all.... they would better respond to the feeback we gave, since we made ourselves sound really angry. haha...

this was the first yellowcard song i heard in my life, on nickelodeon, then i started listening to their music.

Way Away - Yellowcard

I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
There's nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words)
This is how it feels to not believe

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything

[ROBOTS]

yesterday's movie was really funny... and i cut my hair again... now i actually look worse... haha, i will have to wear a paper bag on my head on monday then. wwe initially had lunch at pastamania, only had 4 slices of pizza and i couldnt eat another one, maybe because i had to help the sec 1s finish their ice lemon tea... maybe not, i only had half the cup to drink.. and crystal bites her straw, haha. i also have that bad habit though... after the movie, i was walking towards the mrt station with jane, geraldine n donna. but then donna n i had to go to the toilet so we went back to cine. on the way out, we bumped into olivia, she was doing some donation thing i think, probably cip. anyway, i was broke and donna bought that thing olivia was selling for $1. so we went all the way to cine and then to heeren since donna said she wanted to take a walk there. we went into 77th street and bumped into delle, savie, val, velda, diana, emily and mel hong there. they were taking neoprints... crystal n noel were browsing this shop nearby. donna went to get her ear sticks while i hanged around the neoprints machine, to watch them take their neoprints, cause i thought it would be rather amusing. so i got "dragged" in as well, i didnt intend to since i as broke already, but still i went in. blah blah, the fun part is editing the neoprints, i love that sweat drop i added on savie, haha that one was really cute. we separated after leaving the heeren. val, velda, donna n i headed back to tp, n donna was gonna accompany me to go cut my hair. val n velda decided to tag along. they left after a while... so i had this weird hairstyle n i dont really like it. haha...

---------------------------------------------------------
[sweetest suicide]

someone lost his/her life this morning. yeah... someone from the block across the street, which is directly opposite my block, jumped down n died. block 158... its quite scary... the body landed on the second floor, near the lift, in the open of course. there were police cars around and the policemen were gettin neighbours to identify the body. it was obviously a suicide right? its really tempting u know... haha... ah well, i gtg liao, spiderman on axn. i dont know why i bother watching it, when i watched it many times, haha, heck, just feel like watching it. tata!

[pretence]

i have lost my senses...

today's meeting was a little... erm... draggy... the fact that everyone isnt happy with the groups and blah... is like... i think tat we should all be flexible and stop being fussy. ok maybe its not fussy, i think that... i dont know...

was late for sch today, overslept of course. after all that commotion last night. so then i made it for the second period since first preiod was plr... so yeah... i stepped in class, and said "clare, book me now", so she was giving me that wth look. i said "im late." so actually no one knew i was late... which is quite amusing. so then if i didnt tell clare, she wouldnt book me. haha, anyway she did book me since i told her honestly i was late. then esti tght i had a problem and sherry said i was forcing clare to book me. i m not... if she didnt want to book me, im fine... so jess said she had to check my bag, but clare was like "haiyah forget it lar" and so my bag was not checked and yeah...

i didnt really fall asleep today, except once for 10 seconds during science, and i think that i shouldnt have fallen asleep since mrs tay was explaining the parts and functions of the heart. i then realised how difficult bio is... i cant remember the parts now... but i know whats left and right, which is quite useless... yeah, its not in the textbook and so its really useless... and i fell asleep quite a few times during lit, haha, i was rejuvenated wehn ms chye was telling us a story back when she was in sec 2, which was a little gross... she said we were all morbid, gah... thats us i guess... haha, i dont really care actually... she was telling us abt this girl in her level, different class, who was playing hide and seek during recess. so they werent suppose to run arnd the walkways coz the doors were metal and with a glass pane. so they were running and blah that girl knocked one of thedoors, well not really knock. but because the friend in front of her opened the main door, and that girl was trying to block the door with her arms, so the door stopped, but the glass pane shattered. the glass pieces sliced the girl's arm. but the blood didnt splurt out like when u slice someone's throat, and the blood splurts out because of the major artery. it was dripping instead, profusely... that girl didnt cry, she was in shock. ms chye was in shock too. the two to three girls in the front row who were watching broke down and started crying. so that girl saw her friends crying n she started to cry too... on of them of course went to tell th teacher and they tried bandaging the wound to stop the bleeding... it was not a small cut, it was serious. but the girl came back the next day, smiling, which is quite scary... so ms chye and her friend ended up being the ones mopping up all the blood, which is quite funny...

earlier when i was at macs with liz. savie, delle, debby, stef, suhui, denise and donna came and savie looked really happy, which was good. haha, then stef was staring in my direction so i realised she was staring at the big screen, so i turned back to see what was on, ok just macs stuff. so delle n savie were looking at me, esp savie, she looked really funny lar... then i was really malu... so i hid unfder the table, covered my face, while i had liz telling me to quickly eat. so i was trying to finish my nuggets n i told liz "do u want me to choke on these?" so she was like "ok, just eat quickly" then i begged her to eat the last nugget since she was urging me to leave. so i did, n they were still staring at me, making funny faces, savie was smiling... gah.... what for? sheesh... haha

i want to die.... gosh, im really crap nowwwww..... really crap. home alone once again, blasting music in my ears to be happier, forget my problems... listening to only one song unfortunately, my other songs are a little depressing... ah wells i need to send my english stuff to mrs stephen via email... cant wait for the movie tomorrow... i think its gonna be really nice :)

this is the happy yappy song im currently listening to this song =D

All Star - Smash Mouth

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Chorus:]
Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The waters getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire how about yours
That's the way I like it and I never get bored

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rule and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Repeat Chorus]

[metamorphosis]

very very deprived of sleep. lasted three days with... 11 hours of sleep? sheesh, i need some sleep.

i think i sleepwalked today, which is kinda freaky. i fell asleep wihile doing my english homework on the computer, then i was on the chair, so fell asleep, flat on the table. then i slept for 3 hours or so. i didnt even know my bro came home. so when i awoke, i found myself on the sofa outside. so i asked my bro where i was when he came hom. he said the room. n i was walking out of the room, for some funny reason. he didnt care, of course. i dont have any memory of me walking out of the room. i guessed i wasted 3 hours sleeping like a log. im starting to have sleeping disorders, which is scary as well... actually i dont know if i have sleeping disorders, but it seems like so. just like what happened last night. i fell asleep on the table, in front of the computer at 2am, very sure i fell asleep on the table. but this morning, i was on my bed. its scary, very scary.

today, was a not-so-good day, maybe worse. beside the fact that i was struggling to keep awake during maths, coz mrs wong was teaching us something important, now i dont know how to do three freaking maths questions because of that. i figured she would catch me sleeping, coz i was like slapping myself sill, trying to keep awake. so she said "my dear briana, are you very tired?" n i was like "erm yeah..." then she said "dont stay up too late at night, sleep early". celine jiang, next to me was also dozing off, and i was trying to keep her awake, coz she was suppose to keep me awake. well, we struggled till the end of course...

after school, it was a rather hard time for me, since the three kept putting me in a spot, n i ended up stuck. yall want me to change back, but the thing is, your impression of the old me is cheerful, i dont know if u're really right abt that. because i need to change, but yall are urging me to change back... he only thing i know is, i'm different from what i was last year, things really changed for me. it was a great damage inflicted on me.

to the three/four/five: im sorry, really am. i dont know how to tell u guys.... coz its just difficult... i know my attitude these days was very bad, i am trying to find a way out. i want to tell yall, but i just cant... im terribly sorry...

my home's a mess, not literally. but i have more problems as the days pass... i hope i can handle them... n i can see that i cant... i just feel like screaming it out, crying it out, im just not worthy... im sorry everyone... just sorry...

scream my lungs out

my mum is sinking into depression... because of me... what am i gonna do?

i am having a very hard time looking for myself... its a mix of emotions.... anger, unhappiness, regret, guilt... im tired, really tired... i will be waiting for the day i can finally be free. a long sleep, lasting for eternity...

Breathe In - Lucie Silvas

I feel like I'm dragging you down a one way street
I don't know which ways up
All I ask of you is to stay on your feet
That should be enough
If we stand around it could pass us by
We could give up now, and never even try

[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life

I just want something real I can hold onto
I believe its near
Life's too short to know the truth
Maybe it's already hear
We could throw ourselves into the fire
We could give up now and never even try

[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tommorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
And breathe in life.

[Bridge]
We're chasing something we've dreamed of
(is not always out of reach)
It's never far away from us
('cause I believe that)

[Chorus]
To breathe in life and breathe out
Like tomorrow is today
Breathe in life and breathe out
It's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Breathe in life and breathe out
Ooh, ooh, no, yeah, yeah yeah
Breathe in life and breathe out
And it's not so long to wait
Breathe in life and breathe out
Wipe the dust from your sweet smile
An breathe in life
Ooh, ohh, no, oh, ooh ohh
And breathe in life
Ooh, oh
And breathe in life.

[deprived of sleep]

im very deprived of sleep now... two days with 6 hours of sleep. its 3.30am now, not intending to sleep, because who knows if i will oversleep or whatever, and so im gonna fight thru. i am gonna doze of soon, but im still trying to hold on... im damn sleepy now, very sure i'll fall asleep during the debate, or i'll just faint, haiyah, dont know and dont want to bother i guess... if mrs stephen didnt have to give so much homework, i think i might be sleeping soundly now. look at what else i've still gotta finish:

-1 critical analysis
-1 commentary
-1 text map

it may seem short, but its a lot of work, kay... i want to sleep... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[the end]

changed the ffx layout to this one because i was starting to dislike the ffx one. haha...

frs rocked. we won three awards, nice. we did well, everyone did! we did our very best, very proud of yall!

just how exactly am i gonna understand these people... really... for one moment they were friendly, the next moment they arent, or is it just me? i dont know if im just thinking too far or what. will they ever understand?

im trying my best to help, really am... whatever i do, is useless. i will keep trying to help them. i have words thrown at me, and im willing to take these words in, even though i knew it was gonna hurt me, really hurt me. i just wish that by doing so, i can finally help them in any way.

im like a useless piece of crap. im so darn useless i cant do anything right. i promised someone i have to be happier. i have to keep that promise, but with my current state of mind... argh, im really useless...

make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

will i be able to help myself stand up again? i can, but what is constraining me?

staring out with a heavy heart
remember the times i left with that same heavy heart.

if i have been rude these days, im sorry, i dont mean to hurt anyone. i really dont....

i dont mean it......

i want to help those around me whenever they needed help....

i have so much to say, but i just have this sense of insecurity and my refusal to pour everything out...

its here....


bought kingdom hearts. its fun but then its difficult, haha bought it coz debby described it as if it was really nice on her blog. so i did buy it in the end. its quite cool. with squaresoft and disney together. disney has all the disney characters of course, with the movies, alladin, sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast snow white and so on... then squaresoft included ff7, ff8 and ff10. it was really interesting to see all the young ff characters, like wakka, tidus, squall, selphie, yuffie and aeris. well they are the few i have seen so far. i know there is cloud of ff7 in the later part of the story... my bro is enjoying the game, to my surprise. i didnt think he would actually enjoy a game with disney characters in it. he's playing it now. goofy is a loser, haha, but then he's also funny because he's blur. kingdom hearts is fun sand a really nice game but it is difficult when tose huge monsters come out of nowhere.


i might be leaving ij, i dont want to of course. i hope i dont...



:(


Scar - Missy Higgins


He left a card, a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note
That said "use these down to your bones"
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him
I thought "this one knows better than I do"


A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit


And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?


So the next one came with a bag of treats, she smelled like sugar and
spoke like the sea
And she told me don't trust them, trust me
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one, looked at my insides clicking
her tongue and said
"This will all have to come undone"


A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit


And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?


I think I realized just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?


And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
Could you leave me with a scar?

not in a very good mood today... just felt really useless. still thinking really hard about what she said. i m really stuck. i do not wish to drag anyone in anymore. i think its enough.

wrote chinese essay abt some happy thing. well, i wrote abt how music springs life n it brought me back to both good n bad memories. it really does, thats why music means a lot to me. i cant live without music. thats not really true. i just sort of recorded the song in my head, n all sorts of songs, both chinese n english, they just echo in my head, just like that. they're ususally the depressing n sad ones lar... haha, none of the happy n jumpy songs i know never come to me. not never, but rare, very very rare.

came back to an empty house, again... i think i got used to it...

i feel really constrained now... its like im running out of air n it feels like i cant breathe. this is bad. i start falling ill. n my appetite just gets worse day by day. i start to stare blankly into space more often. i mean i do that, but it has been more often fo some funny reason. i become more worried n exhausted. i need to get out, im trying hard to...

i feel like a total loser. yeah i really do. its just that whatever she said last night. it just wants to make me cry. n i've cried a few times this morning. it just shows how immature i can get.


i know yesterday's post got a little boring, i was intending to elaborate on what we actually did for cip, but then i suddenly didnt wanna do it. well, yesterday, we did the manna store. i was grouped with mag, liz n this other poly guy by the name of melvin, but we dont even talk to him, haha. so we went to the first block n after that, waited for more than 45 mins for the van to return. it was quite boring, so mag, liz n i were playing at the playground with a couple of kids. the younger, who is a girl, is sooo adorable, haha, liz was trying to get her attention of course. n she can actually swing just like that. like she'll hold on to it n swing. it was so cute n she actually hung on for quite long. then the other boy, was climbing up n down. they were really cute. then after they left. the three of us sat there for a while and went back to the void deck when the other two guys were chatting, and started our own conversation. and i had to speak in cantonese coz there was this elderly who only understood cantonese n liz n mag were like huh? n i was struggling with the language, haha, luckily that melvin guy came n he sort of cleared things up i guess, not really lar. when we got back at ymca, gloria, matilda, eunice n julienne were already there. geraldine left. so gloria was telling the three of us that there was this boy who hugged eunice frm the back, and eunice was getting worked up because gloria told us. so we all teased eunice n said she looked like a mother, haha. then we had a little debrief. they brought us to the toyu library i love the toys, they're quite cool. haha most were sewn by japanese n chinese housewives. those sewn by the japanese mothers were really nice. well, they are good at stuff like these after all. the japanese are like all rounders. my uncle, who is a japanese, can cook really well. he prepared all the food for the sashimi party two years back. n he made noodles n cooked them himself, it was really good. haha... so then we went back to tp n had lunch at kfc n bumped into the sec 3s there. they were really red n tired. then we walked back to the interchange n i went to the library frm there. after that, i went home.


mrs stephen called me today. it was rather scary, i think. i was doing my dnt homework n she suddenly called me to ask me to tell the entire class to bring newspaper 2mrw. i mean i would expect a teenager's voice, but instead i heard this really low voice n i sort of got a shock. haha, typical me...


went to visit my grandma today, she seemed rather happy to see me, n im happy to see her too! haha... then i spent more than half an hour sleeping there on the chair. i keep falling asleep there, maybe too exhausted. left at arnd 7.30pm to eat. ate jap food n bought jay chou cd, im quite slow. listening to it now. but after biuying a few stuff, went home.


i was totally tortured this morning. thanks to my mum who PURPOSELY kicked the drawer n i had to fix it... it wouldnt budge, fixed in the end. n i was about to losing my temper just trying to fix it. then she turned the house upside down n that was one of the reasons i cried a few times.


i was told to change my mindset... i agree i should. my home is like a prison cell. my life is controlled by my mum, n it isnt easy for me to get out. she does whatever she wants to me, n i cant get out. i cant i cant, i keep saying that. i agree im being a terrible person by saying that. she's right, but will i ever be able to actually do according towhat she says? will i actually finally become someone who is really laughing everyday? will i become someone with strong will? briana is suppose to mean someone with strong will. will i be someone who can stand out on my own, be the real me? will i ever be able to tell whats real to me? is it the carefree life i hoped to live or the pain i experienced for so long? so long i will actually start to get used to. i dont even know what the heck im doing. i have so many questions waiting for me to answer them myself. do i need time to think? do, but how long? a lifetime? tick tock tick tock, time is running out....

watched 5 hours of samurai x n im still craving for more. haha. n the drawings of kenshin debby did were damn nice... phweet! i think im almost near the end of the shimabara arc. just that kenshin is blind.... BLIND!!!! which is kinda sad. n then there was this girl, magdaria, who is shougu's(guy who blinded kenshin) sister. she has some disease, like her mother. haiyoh, i think the story sort of became a little boring after shishio died.


changed the song again. i need a new layout too. the new song is "its gonna rain". 4th ending theme of the rurouni kenshin series. haha.


delle really gave me a wake up call. i think shes damn right. but how am i suppose to overcome it. i keep telling myself i cant. i dont know how to describe it... no...


It's Gonna Rain - Samurai X 4th Ending Song


Ashidori mo karukushite chao chao
Torumono mo toriaezu chao chao
Raion ga unaru mitai no raimei ga
Taisan wo unagashite iru
Dou naru no?
Sou...mou sugu ame


Dai kirai ame nanka chao chao
Mou sukoshi itai noni
Kaikan ga kaisan ni kawaru shunkan wo
Raion ga isogaseta no wa
Meihaku No! Meiwaku
It's gonna rain!


Ame wa mou aribai wo kesu no?
Kare wa mou wasurete shimau no?
Futari wa mou korekiri ni naru no?
Subete wa ame no seitte koto ni shite okou


Kare kara no renraku wa Nothing Nothing
Ame ni yoru kyoukun mo Nothing Nothing
Kanjou mo igirisu no tenki mitai ni
Utsurigi dattara totemo
Raku nanoni...gyaku na no
It's gonna rain!


Ame ga netsu wo yomigaeraseta
Kare mo futo watashi wo omoidashita
Futari wa ima koko ni michibikareta
Subete wa ame no sei, uun, okage na no


Ame wa hito wo yondari keshitari
Dare yori mo tegowai majishan ne
Futari wa itsumo damasarete bakari
Subete wa ame de hajimarun deshou...


It's gonna rain!

everyday, coming home to an empty house. regardless of how late i go home, even when i reach home at 9.30pm, there wouldnt be anyone at home. it seems different. it was always my grandma at home, either taking a nap, reading the newspapers, or watching tv. but now its like a dark and empty house. i was always the last to get home, but now im the first. it just seems different... my grandma, she has lived with me my entire life. but its just that it seems pretty weird regardless how late i get home, im always the first home.


had steak today, for dinner, at home. my mum isnt gonna go to work 2mrw, but i dun really care either. then started on my homework. n my mum screamed at me, just for something which is not entirely my fault. ah well, i dun get her anyway. she vents her anger on me whenever she feels like too. so i have nth to say, considering the fact that when i was as young as 3, my filipino maid would hit me, on the back of my neck. but i dun think thats the reason why i have such a bad posture. i dun know either. i just know she would use those wire hanger, n hit me on the back of my neck of the back. well, she left 3 years later. she was a biased against me, for i do not know why either. she was just really nice to my brother, but i get the nasty side of her. ah well, it was a not-so-good childhood, but i cant do anything abt it anyway. i dun even know what i did to enable her to do that to me. or maybe she just doesnt like me, haha i dont know myself either...


when my mum told me to wash all the knives and all, coz she tght that i havent washed them properly, well i got really frustrated coz sh was screaming n screaming at me, ever since she got home. so then the knives i was supposed to wash were used for sutting steak, so i guess they were pretty sharp. i tght of just using one of the knives and slit my wrist or something. haha, i was only bearing that tght. but anyway, i didnt do so n im safe n sound. haha


i think im having some sort of short term memory loss. i left my emc with suhui today coz she needed to use it. but then when i left sch, i forgot to ask her for it. so then i called n called, trembling at the same time. when i didnt manage to get thru, i decided to go back to sch, but i could see them walking out of sch, so i waited outside sch, n went home frm there.


im having a mild headache now so i think i have to stop here. ok, good night n tata! =]


Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) - Nine Days


This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES


Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Now I can be so insincere
Makin her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearin the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose


Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say


This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES


Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this
Every day and all day
Now how did we wind up this way
Watchin our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearin the clothes or the soles that we choose
Now how do we get there today
When we're walkin too far for the price of our shoes


Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say


This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES


:guitar solo:


Well your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say


This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her


This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her


This is the story of a - girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she SMILES
Oh when she SMI-ILES!