hey i'm back....

Tuesday, 23 November 2004
CONGRATS IJ FOR WINNING THE DIRECTOR'S AWARD!!! haha, u all did really well... haha, evryone's sleeping now... n i'm still awake...

i missed most of csi last night... sigh... coz i fell asleep halfway thru n awoke at the end of the show... sigh... i missed a good show indeed... ha, i was so darn tired, dunno y... haha, n in the afternoon, i was actually reading to keep awake... but then i fell asleep for juz that few seconds, and awoke to find delle, savina, mel hong n grace yow's friend, joanna i tink(sry if i'm wrong) staring at me, smiling and laughin at me. fine... they said i looked comical when i was sleeping... sighz....

so i guess i really didnt show any emotions...

Wednesday, 24 November 2004
so it was a real boring day for me...

i did a tarot reading today... well it was true during the first one. but it wasnt when it came to the second one. ok, i had to totally agree with what i was reading...

argh my bro didnt do well for psle n he doesnt really seem to care... n my dad is juz gonna kill me, i dun like tokin to him... u may say that i'm not grateful, but i dun care if u r really gonna say that... he called n i answered the fone. first question

Dad:briana, how were ur brother's results? good or bad?
Briana: erm i dun know, ask him urself
(shoved the fone to bro)

i know that was utterly rude, but that was the first thing that came out of my mouth... n i'm sry for that. well he's gonna kill me for that coz he'll say that i dun care abt my bro n thats y i dun know how he did. if i told him my bro did well, he's gonna say that i'm lying, which i m, if i were to tell him that. n finally if i told him bad, he'll say that i didnt teach my bro n guide him... well, if i'willing to teach sumone who doesnt wish to learn, wat can i do? especially my brother. so that clearly showed that he dislikes me a lot n i dun care coz i've been living like that for the past few years... u may think that i'm being an idiot, but i dun really care what u say, coz i've got sick of evrything

have u ever felt vry left out? well, i did, it wasnt a really nice feeling, of course... my old friends... they seem to be drifting away frm me... further n further away... i guess friendships dun last forever yeah? even sum like to say "friends forever"... i dun seem to realize what is gg on arnd me. i m so useless... n i only found out days ago that i'm left alone, i have to answer for evryting, coz evrything's has been thrown at me, i juz cant do it, kay? i know that i'm the only hope n all, but i juz cant do it. im a disappointment but i have to do my best, i still need to hang on... not only do i feel hurt, i feel depressed, not able to answer to my mistakes...

i'm back!!! went swimming earlier.... haha, i still remember how to swim... well thats lame, nvm.

i finally succeeded in uploading the stupid song onto my blog... lalala... argh... i'm gg mad, but i'm so glad i finally did it!!! woohoo!! after countless attempts... i finally did it... after days of searching, yay... actually it has only been 3 days, no big deal... but i m so happy...

i'm back...

argh i say weird stuff whenever i post... especially when i'm juz beginning...

these few days, i've been online till 3+ or 4+ n even 5+ n wake up at abt 1pm... so useless...

"what the heck is ur problem??? do u tink by doing that, everything's solved? huh? y do u have to do that? what u're giving up now, u'll never be able to retrieve it again" i juz wanna tell this particular person.... coz i cant stand what he/she is doing...

i'm getting grouchy again... i'm so mad at myself... i detest myself. my incapability caused so much problems. i hate wat i'm doin. i didnt want that to happen, but y did it have to? it's my fault.

i'm starting to wry abt the email thing... i'm beginning to have doubts. m i being paranoid? i dun noe... i juz have this feeling, may b paranoia, but i juz have doubts abt wats gonna happen later. u may say i've got no trust in myself if u noe wat i'm tokin abt.

ok so my fate wil b decided on tueday... i'm dead by then... if i really die. pls cum to my funeral...

But still I swore to hide the pain
When I turn by back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer

i wanna die

so its so late, n i still cant sleep!!!! argh, its 5.20AM!!! blah...

i've been listening to the song, 1000 words, for 10 hrs, over and over again... and i'm not sick of it... but it helps me think... bcoz of the lyrics... and o yar, this was the song yuna as singing at the concert and the projections of lenne and shuyin... if u read my long-winded post, or u play ffx2, u'll know. this song cums directly frm the game, wif the thunder and the gunshots. its juz the video without the images, juz the music/sounds. i wanna thank charissa for sending it to me... heehee

so met replied to my mum's email. i'm staying... but i still have doubts... dun noe y i keep thinking sumting bad is gonna happen but i'm still worried over sumting...

after reading sum pple's blogs,i start to worry, a lot... i get worried easily... i dun know y. but ever since that very day, i'm getting more worried evry single day... its like all bottled up inside me n i cant do anything abt it, sigh... n sumtimes i cry... or feel like crying, or tears juz well up in my eyes... i dun noe, i juz feel so sad, especially when i listen to 1000 words or watch the video... i start to tear for sum reason. i dun noe... y? m i really that weak??? sigh... i need to stop worrying, but can i really stop? memories juz suddenly i dun noe, come into me, reminding me of the past, when i dun want to think of the past. evrything's now cramped in my head, making me feel worse. argh, i really need brainwashing

ok so i did change the song again.... its 1000 words, sung by yuna n lenne... its frm the final fantasy x-2 game. n i can tell u the jap version doesnt sound as good as the english version... heehee, for those hu cant hear it.... pls tell me n i'm sry... but i dun noe y i can hear... weird.

went to make ezlink card wif liz today... intended to go down to buona vista, but we went down to yishun instead. then we realized they ran out of cards. so we went to sembawang instead... but when we got there, we realized liz needed either her birth cert or passport bsides her foto n $$. haha, so we had no choice but to go down to liz's home to get it. haha, in total, we took 5 trains n 2 buses. haha, then we went to sch.... man almost got discovered by met, not discovered, but i dun noe, i'm afraid of him... i guess u noe y... but anyway, he went to st raph n liz n i left at 6.15pm b4 he came baq... i wud say diana was scaring me, telling me met was cuming up... blah, fine...

here r the lyrics if u can hear the song, which i doubt... i still dun noe y it cant b heard... sry...

1000 words - Yuna and Lenne, Characters of Final Fantasy X-2

I know that your hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me,
Your words are like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily...

I acted so distant then,
Didnt say goodbye before you left
But i was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
You fought too easily
'Save your tears, cause I'll come back'
I could hear that you whipsered as you walked through that door
But still I swore to hide the pain
When I turn by back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if i cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart?
But now I'm not afraid to say
Whats in my heart...

Cause a thousand words
Called out through the ages
They'll fly to you,
Even though I can't see
I know they're reaching you...
Suspended on Silver Wings...

Oh a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will craddle you
Even although your weary
They seem far away...
They'll hold you forever...

Oh a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
And carry you home
And back into my arms...
Suspended on Silver Wings...
On silver wings!

And a thousand words
Called out through the ages
The greater good
Ignore all the lonely
Heres to all the happy days
They'll hold you FOREVER...

Oh...A thousand words...

hey, so i changed the skin.... tell me if its ugly... coz liz said its horrible... nvm, anyway thats tidus n yuna, go ahead n guess hus yuna n hus tidus, for all i care.

today was another boring day. my bro's friend spent the entire day here... playing ps2... while i did nth but play internet games... how boring. i think i only spent my evryday life playing computer games... n studying for maths ca... sigh... i have no motivation to study. n i hvnt done the choreography for stef quek, sry!!! haiz... i'm rotting at home till i see fungi growing on me, yuck, nvm, 4get wat i juz said... haiz... i feel so guilty coz liz wans to go to sch but my fone either conks out, or i juz cant go out... sad...

went out to have dinner at marche yesterday... i cant believe my appetite's getting frm bad to worse. i barely ate anything. i juz had sum rosti with a chicken sausage, a root beer n mushroom soup... i took hell long to eat the rosti. usually i wud go for a rosti, root beer, mushroom soup, sashimi, dessert... but i didnt, i was hungry but i didnt feel vry gd... i felt so sick so i had to pass the dessert n the sashimi... sigh... but i went to HMV. n thanx to my mum, who has suprisingly brightened up my day.... haha, she bought the simple plan cd!! woohoo!!! so happy, she juz bought it for me coz she bought that ps2 magazine for my bro... she tinks its fair to me, but i dun really care if she bought the cd for me or not... i can actually buy it myself, i didnt need to be jealous of one magazine... i guess she still thinks i'm childish, which i still m... sigh..

i watched like two movies in a day... watched princess diaries 2. i find the movie pretty short n there was a lie. princess mia said she has never been in love before, but that is so not true... wat abt michael? i guess evryone forgot abt princess diaries 1??? i watched it millions of times. then the incredibles are so funny, muz watch... even though i watched only the last part but yeah... n mean girls, its so bitchy n slutty, yuck i decided to hate it...

ok, i'm so bored i'm gonna die... pls give ur comments on the blog's skin n the music... i noe the song on my blog is so dull n all, but nvm, juz comment... i'll juz take the comment regardless of whether its gd or bad. okies thanx....

i wanna write another intro abt ffx2 but i tink no one like me wud read it. after all, i m weird, too weird, weirder than anyone i suppose...

haha so here it goes... if u dun wanna read it, go ahead n ignore this or close this window, coz i'm only doin this to kill my boredom n to read it to also kill my boredom... haha...

so far i played, i realized lenne is so called i dunno, a girl who lived 1000 yrs ago b4 the machina war that somehow destroyed Zarnarkand, even though pple still live in Zarnarkand. so she was the girl with long hair in my display pic. she looks exactly like yuna n her lover, shuyin, who looks exactly like tidus also lived 1000 yrs ago, i know this is stupid, but nvm... so lenne was a famous songstress in Zarnarkand, she was too a summoner like yuna. so when yuna held that concert at the thunder plains to bring Spira together bcoz of this fight btween the Youth League n New Yevon... i was almost in tears, even though it was juz a game. yuna sang the song lenne sang, she practically changed into lenne, with long hair and all. then there was a projection, above the airship coz the stage was the deck of the airship. then evryone was yuna's concert. the projections showed shuyin trying to use vegnagun to save lenne, coz lenne was gonna risk her live to save the pple of zarnarkand during the machina war, so shuyin wud do anything to save lenne, even touching a very destructive machina, vegnagun. so previously, i mentioned yuna's dream, when yuna n tidus was running frm the guards.... it was wat happened 1000 yrs ago... lenne n shuyin died young. yuna was singin lenne's feelings during the concert n when the song ended, she was in tears n fell to the ground. Actually the song ended when Shuyin n Lenne died at that vry moment. so yuna told rikku n paine abt how she felt when she sang the song, she said lenne wanted to say the three most important words when she was on the ground with shuyin, abt to die off. but shuyin never heard it. i tink u know wat the three words are, its the three words which couples use... nvm, so yuna met shuyin in the farplane, that one is too complicated for me to explain, shall explain sum other time... i think u mite b gg "hur..." if u're reading this coz its gonna b a long story... nvm. so shuyin tght yuna was lenne, as yuna was wearing the songstress dress sphere which she used in battles, n this dress sphere is exactly the same as the dress lenne was wearing(refer to disply pic) n yuna tght shuyin was tidus... but then she realized it wasnt tidus n shuyin said he was shuyin. so then shuyin suddenly transformed into baralai, the leader of new yevon, that i dun noe y... but the leaders of the youth league, new yevon n al bhed were missing. gippal was the leader of the al bhed, nooj was the leader of the youth league n baralai was the leader of new yevon. even though youth league n new yevon were at loggerheads, gippal, nooj n baralai used to be best friends n they were in the crimson squad, with paine. but the crimson squad no longer existed bcoz of an accident, so paine, gippal, nooj n baralai were the only survivors... the three of them were crusaders. the three were missing to go look for vegnagun to destroy it, n Spira was in a mess due to the disappearance of the three leaders. now yuna knew where they were, in the farplane, she was supposed to keep it a secret. so she didnt tell anyone else bsides the gullwings n LeBlanc(villan). ok i better stop it now... one small incident required a thousand words... haha ok, gtg, toodles!

so i'm back, i'm sure no one bothered to read the previous post, coz it was simply too long.... but nvm... i dun mind lar. its up to u if u wanna read it.


today was nth but a boring day. i completed chapter 3 n on chapter 4 liao. defeated last fiend and all... then i juz stayed indoors....


who wants to go to zanarkland wif me? its free.... i'm living in my own world.... no need to remind me. i know that myself. i lost the will to carry on wif wat i'm doin now. i can c evrythin moving a step further...


i c evrything black n white... i'm juz in this empty house. where there's nth gg on n i cant escape. its so cold inside.... then i hear a scream, the scream of terror. i dun noe wat on earth is gg on. i'm locked up. juz like a bird in a cage...

harloe!!! hehe so i changed the song.... yar i noe its one of those songs wif no lyrics..... delle hates it... haha, sry delle!!! i got this frm the final fantasy website. heehee...


so i spent the entire day playing ps2... playing final fantasy X-2.... but i oso like final fantasy X :) its still sad yuna hasnt found tidus.... i dun noe wat happened in final fantasy x coz i only started at X-2 but i think yuna wasnt really as strong as she is now.... blah.... i guess sum pple r gonna get all bored coz i'm only tokin abt final fantasy n nth else? blah, if u dun wanna read, den its completely fine... :) yeaps, shall continue coz i guess pple like me wud wanna read it... on second thought i dun tink anyone wans to read it.... hehe nvm...


anyway, was really hvin a hard time defeating the first aeon i came across... name, bahamut. it was really difficult... first attempt last nite, at 1am. then i was in shock coz it was humungous,n i lost, of course... but actually, for me, i wud try n try again until i defeat it... but i was in shock as it was my first time cumin across an aeon n it was beeeeg... i juz sat there, shakin in fear, n i really meant it.... i was literally shakin in fear... my shakin hand switched off the ps2 n switched off the lights.... i took sum time to sleep... ok not sum time but i went to sleep almost instant coz i was dead beat when i woke up at 5.30am this morning to go down to downtown east... so the next morning, i was reverted back to myself, no more shakin n all... coz bahamut seemed real to me even though its juz a game n i dun have a huge tv in my room, n i was the only one in the bedroom. my bro went over to my mum's rm, so it was rather freaky... considering the times i hear things when i'm alone at home.... now my bro's sleeping like a pig, n i'm so tempted to play again... yup, so i attempted again today.... still losing, so i decided to train, but there were only two fiends(monsters, creatures or watever u wanna call it...) so it wasnt really vry effective..... but i made it frm level 21 to level 36. so i intended to train till yuna, rikku n paine make it to level 75. then my bro came home n wanted to play... so i gave in.... then he started playing final fantasy, my file. then he wanted to try to defeat bahamut, but i doubt he wud win, coz he only played for a day n stopped playing until today. so i left him to play as i was certain he wud lose, terribly... so i went to grab a bite.... after a while, he shouted frm the room "i defeated it!!! jie jie, i defeated it!!!" so i went in2 the rm, thinkin it was a trick, then i saw the experience points page n was surprised... he actually defeated it durin his first attempt, when i cudnt after countless attempts. so he saved for me n copied the file... so now he has his own. i cant believe he defeated it n he hardly played the game!!! when i play it like all the time!!!! argh.... i felt like a loser.... so he continued playing... i had to tell him where to go coz i was familiar wif the places n all... he played only for a while n he got sick of it!!!! how can he get sick of final fantasy?!?!


then i took over frm there, my file lar. defeated two aeons... no fair, how cum the second n third is soooo much easier than the first one?!?! so i only had one aeon left at D'jose temple... so i guess i stopped playing frm there coz it was 8pm n i was watching kiss of the dragon... n i left the ps2 on, on the mission page. then it was 9pm, so i switched off the ps2... haha, was enjoying the champion so much i almost forgot to eat!!! so i did, blah blah,blah... i guess i really talked too much eh? pity yuna.... coz she lost her memory, i tink? well there was this guy who looked like tidus in this sphere n yuna found him so familiar... she tinks its tidus but then thinks its sum1 hu resembles tidus. then in her dream, she dreams of tidus n her running frm the guards of Bevelle n there end up where the vegnagun is, the vegnagun is a destructive machina(machine) which is too destructive n no one is too touch it. so yuna n tidus were running n running till it was a dead end, rite in front of the vegnagun... then the guards caught up n yuna was looking at tidus n tidus was looking at yuna, then a tear trickled down yuna's cheek n the guards starting shooting n the two fell to the ground, yuna looked at tidus n then it was the end... so i guess tidus was either still in bevelle or in danger bcoz of vegnagun, coz in another sphere which yuna found, "tidus" was talking to vegnagun, seeking for help...


sigh i said so much but i hvnt said what a sphere was n evrything. yuna used to be a summoner who defeated Sin n brought the eternal calm to Spira(the world which yuna lives in)... hehe i like the name spira coz it sounds like my team name "spiral". the diff - juz the "L". yeaps.... so she defeated Sin n was a high summoner whose birthplace is Bevelle n she grew up in Besaid Island. ok all that crap abt her being a summoner is all in final fantasy x n not final fantasy x-2... i'm only playing final fantasy x-2. she met tidus then they sumhow were together blah blah... then two yrs later, where i started playing, she left besaid island n bcame a sphere hunter. spheres are like videos or movies which there are recorded... they are glowing balls n cum in bright colours like pink, red, blue, yellow... so yuna joined the gullwings, a group of pple who are sphere hunters... the gullwings consist of Brother (the leader), Buddy, Shinra, Rikku, Paine n Yuna. Rikku, Paine n yuna are the 3 who hunt the spheres, while the other 3 do other stuff in the airship. rikku n yuna were already in final fantasy x, with lulu, another summoner, who is yuna's guardian living in Besaid Island with her husband, Wakka. she is a cold person n doesnt talk much... n is oso pregnant now, she is not a summoner now. paine is a copy of her, except she is a sphere hunter n not a summoner but are still gd friends with yuna n rikku. since the day tidus n yuna were shot by the guards, yuna never saw tidus except the sphere. but she is still unsure of whether it is tidus of is juz a resemblance of him. so i guess that hurt ur eyes too much yeah? reading so much... i wun be adding any lyrics coz it'll be so long!!! ok gtg, its 12.42am liao... carrie chong's late nite show in on now, so gtg, coz i dun wanna hurt ur eyes frm all that reading, yeah? ok, so there u go, a SMALL intro of final fantasy x n final fantasy x-2, heehee, ok gd nite n tata!! :)

ok, so here i m in downtown east, using the internet at this site kiosk, i wud juz like to say that i hate this keyboard, even though its luk so darn cool... its so stiff and i dun like it... so i am 2 hrs earlier than gloria told me to cum. i was suppose to be here at 10am... but wat can i do? so i'm standing here, updating my blog... blah, i'm gonna grab sumtin to eat at macs... the potato salad i had earlier isnt vry filling.... so tata! :)

sigh.... there goes another day...


i'm gonna miss 2004...


well, i might get over it in a while...


so much, n i really mean so much happened in a year, haiyoh... its so darn boring at home... but even if i go to sch, i cant do anything coz i'll be like diana, stoning in the arc rm... haiz...


for the entire morning ever since i was online, i have been fixing the spiral blog. it seems like i cant bear to delete it but i have to if i dun really have a choice. now no one's gg there n i'm tokin to myself, m i juz mad or m i gg bonkers?


i've learnt that final fantasy is simply too difficult.... sigh... but i still like the game. =D newae, was playing the ps 2 game yesterday till i got tired of it... how can i even get tired of final fantasy?


haiz, got nth to write lar...


1985 - Bowling for Soup


Woohoohoo
Woohoohoo


Debbie just hit the wall
she never had it all
one Prozac a day
husbands a CPA
her dreams went out the door
when she turned twenty four
only been with one man
what happen to her plan?


She was gonna be an actress
she was gonna be a star
she was gonna shake her ass
on the hood of white snake's car
her yellow SUV is now the enemy
looks at her average life
and nothing has been alright since


Bruce Springstein, Madonna
way before Nirvana
there was U2 and Blondie
and music still on MTV
her two kids in high school
they tell her that she's uncool
cuz she's still preoccupied
with 19, 19, 1985


Woohoohoo
(1985)
Woohoohoo


She's seen all the classics
she knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
even Saint Elmo's Fire
she rocked out to wham
not a big Limp Bizkit fan
thought she'd get a hand
on a member of Duran Duran


Where's the mini-skirt made of snake skin
and who's the other guy that's singing in Van Halen
when did reality become T.V.
what ever happen to sitcoms, game shows
(on the radio was)


Bruce Springstein, Madonna
way before Nirvana
there was U2 and Blondie
and music still on MTV
her two kids in high school
they tell her that she's uncool
cuz she's still preoccupied
with 19, 19, 1985


Woohoohoo


She hates time make it stop
when did Motley Crew become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop
Stop!
And bring back


Bruce Springstein, Madonna
way before Nirvana
there was U2 and Blondie
and music still on MTV
her two kids in high school
they tell her that she's uncool
cuz she's still preoccupied
with 1985


Woohoohoo


Bruce Springstein, Madonna
way before Nirvana
there was U2 and Blondie
and music still on MTV (woohoohoo)
her two kids in high school
they tell her that she's uncool
cuz she's still preoccupied
with 19, 19, 1985

i keep thinking abt that particular day... the day we watched cellular b4 we left the classrms... sumhow dat has been stuck on my mind for so long i cant even get rid of it... how did things turn out this way... whatever you said... its still up here, every word... i juz wished i hvnt gone over and asked questions... even though its off already, but i still feel guilty... why did things turn out like this...? i tght it was already over... sunshine after rain. but no. it turned out worse... i'm juz too weak to go face it.